Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Kieran
Morning light filtered softly through the blinds, muted and pale. Berlin hadn’t quite woken up yet.
I turned my head carefully. Stefan was still asleep, so I took a moment to take in all the details I hadn’t allowed myself to linger on before.
The silver threaded through his beard matched the hair on his chest—not all of it, but enough.
There were faint creases at the corners of his eyes, the kind that spoke of time rather than age, of someone who had lived rather than simply existed.
His chest rose and fell in a slow, steady rhythm, grounding me.
And he said I was beautiful.
It wasn’t a word I’d ever considered using about a man. Some of the young things on Canal Street could’ve been described as pretty, but there was nothing delicate about Stefan.
What I saw now wasn’t what I’d first noticed at the airport.
Then, it had been the obvious things: his height, his composure, the way he carried himself like someone entirely at ease in his own skin. His confidence. All in all, a striking man.
Now I saw the details that lived underneath that.
The roughness in his beard where the grey caught the light differently. The softness at the edges of his mouth when he wasn’t holding it in that almost habitual half-smile. The way his hand rested loosely against me even in sleep, as if letting go wasn’t something that came naturally to him.
There was strength there, but not the kind that needed to prove itself.
That was what made it different. What made him different.
I let my gaze drift over him again, slower this time, not searching, not assessing, but simply seeing him. And for reasons I couldn’t quite explain, I didn’t want to look away.
Then his breathing changed.
I didn’t move. I just waited.
Stefan opened his eyes. “Good morning.” His voice was low, warm, and unguarded in a way I hadn’t heard before. He gazed at me with his usual steady focus, softened slightly by sleep. The morning light caught the silver in his hair.
His eyes met mine. “You’re staring at me.” It didn’t sound like an accusation, more like an observation.
I saw no reason to deny it. “Yes.”
He smiled. “And?”
“You look different.”
He arched his eyebrows. “Different from what?”
“From yesterday. From when we first met.”
“And now?”
I held his gaze. “Now I know what I’m looking at.”
Something shifted in the air between us.
“Is that a good thing?” he asked quietly.
“Yes,” I replied without hesitation.
Stefan studied me for a moment longer. “Good.”
I had to smile. That word again.
His hand was on my hip, not pulling me closer, but connecting us, a comforting weight.
Where we are feels good.
Where we might go next made my pulse race. There were things to discuss, important things, and for the first time, I felt ready to talk about them.
Stefan shifted his hand to my chest, his fingers brushing over the mat of hair, pulling gently on it, until at last he came to a halt over my heart.
He looked me in the eye. “We should talk for a moment.”
I swallowed. “Funny. I was about to say the same thing.”
He propped himself up, his head resting in his hand. “I get tested regularly, every three months.”
I blinked, not because of what he said but because of how naturally he’d said it.
“I’m on PrEP,” he added.
I jumped in before he could get any further. “I know what that is, before you ask.”
He nodded in obvious approval. “And my last results were clear.” He held my gaze as he spoke. He inclined his head towards his phone on the bedside table. “I can show you, if you want.”
For a second, I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t expected him to be so forthright, but I had to admit, I liked it.
“I… get routine physicals,” I said. “Everything’s always been fine.”
Stefan nodded once. “That’s good.” He paused. “I don’t usually use condoms, but I don’t assume that’s what you’ll want.” There was no pressure or expectation in his tone. Then he took my hand in his. “I want you to decide what you’re comfortable with.”
I took a moment to breathe.
“I don’t know what I’m doing yet,” I admitted. “Not really.”
This felt huge.
“That’s fine,” he said. “We go at your pace.”
I let out a breath, because that was exactly what I needed to hear. “And the rest of it?” I asked. “This… being open about it.”
He stilled. “It’s important. Not just for safety, but for trust. If you’re going to have sex with a guy, you should be able to talk about this without hesitation.”
I nodded slowly. “I’d like to get it right.” It felt like a good habit to get into.
“You will.” Stefan sounded so sure.
Sex with a guy.
The words sat oddly in my mind. They were so… neutral, so general, as if this were something interchangeable. Something that could happen with anyone.
But that wasn’t what this felt like, not to me.
When I thought about sex with a guy, there was only one man in that sentence. Only one face, one voice. A presence that had somehow, in the space of a few days, worked its way under my skin with unsettling ease.
A quiet thought followed, uninvited.
How many men has he had this conversation with?
How many have been where I am now, listening to the same calm certainty, the same careful honesty?
I didn’t like how quickly that thought made my chest tighten and my stomach clench.
I don’t want to be just another man in his bed.
I wanted to matter. I wanted to be more than temporary.
And while I would never have voiced that out loud, the feeling lingered, quiet, persistent, and impossible to ignore.
Stefan smiled. “Come here.”
I shifted closer, and he pulled me closer still, until I lay in the crook of his arm, snuggled against him, our heads sharing the same pillow.
Kissing him felt like the most natural thing in the world.
His fingers were at my nape, in my hair, on my back and shoulder, the kiss leisurely and tender, a connection that seemed perfect for a slow morning. I reached under the sheets, sliding my hand lower, lower, until my fingertips met the head of his cock that jerked into my touch.
I wrapped my hand around it, and he pushed up with his hips, a soft moan escaping him.
I didn’t stop kissing him as I worked his shaft with lingering tugs, feeling it harden with each passing second.
A heartbeat later, his fingers sought my morning wood, and we lay together, kissing and touching, low noises of pleasure filling the quiet of the room.
His fingers found my nipples, and he tweaked them, pulling low groans from me that I couldn’t hold back.
I kicked off the sheet and hooked my leg over his, tugging on his dick, deepening the kiss, rocking against him, gently humping his thigh.
His hands were all over me, stroking, caressing, teasing.
I kissed his shoulder, moving lower to flick his nipples with my tongue, loving the delicious catch in his breathing.
I shifted onto all fours and laid a trail of kisses down his torso, taking my time but making my destination obvious.
When I reached his cock, I didn’t hesitate.
I drew him into my mouth slowly, sensually.
Stefan unravelled in my hands, and pride swept through me.
I tilted my head as I sucked, looking into his eyes, needing to see him.
His hand was on my head, running his fingers through my hair, and suddenly he was reaching under me, fondling my cock, my balls, and I pushed my rigid dick through the funnel of his hand, chasing the sensation.
I moaned around his shaft, and he stilled me with his hand.
“On your back, baby.”
I stretched out beside him, and Stefan enclosed my cock in his warm mouth.
Oh my God.
The sensation was exquisite, and I curled my toes as he took me deep. I gasped when he swallowed me to the root, unable to lie still. I lost all track of time, and Stefan played me with all the skill of a master musician, coaxing sounds from me that I’d never heard leave my lips before.
Then he paused, pulling free to kiss me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close.
“That was incredible,” I said with a groan.
Stefan smiled. “Want to try something new?” And before I could reply with an eye-roll, he pushed my knees towards my chest, rolling my arse up off the mattress and stuffing a pillow under it. My heart pounded as he spread my cheeks with his fingers, kissing them, kissing my balls, my perineum, and—
Fuck.
That first pass of his tongue over my hole was electrifying.
The first time he pressed the tip of it inside me, I thought I was going to come on the spot.
Stefan licked, kissed, and sucked, and I trembled violently, wanting more.
“I think… you’ve just discovered… my favourite thing,” I managed to get out. Then I laughed, so hard that the bed shook.
Stefan paused, his mouth inches from my hole. “Now I have to know what went through your mind.”
“If I told you I was thinking about Hans and Julie Andrews, you wouldn’t understand.”
He blinked. “I think I’ve just unhinged your mind.
” Then he grinned. “Damn, I’m good.” He went right back to my hole, and my world narrowed to the feel of him fucking me with his tongue.
I was damn near folded in half, my knees around my ears, and I couldn’t get enough.
He rubbed his beard over my hole, through my crack, and fuck, that felt amazing.
Then he stopped once more, knelt at my arse, and looked at me with an intensity that sent shivers rippling through me.
“I want to be inside you, but this is your choice.”
I swallowed. “I…I want that too. And I’ve thought about what you said.” Another shudder of desire slid through me. “No condoms. I want to feel you, all of you, every second of it.”
Stefan nodded. “I’ll take it slow, okay?”
I managed a nod, my heart pounding.
Then he made it perfect by leaning over to kiss me, slow and sweet, and I cupped his head, deepening the connection, pouring all of me into it.