Chapter 18 Bill #2
It’s that sensation I get whenever she’s around. As happy as I was, I didn’t realize I was missing this, whatever you call it—doing everyday things with someone. Suddenly, it doesn’t feel so ordinary.
I finish the last of my wings and take a moment to gather all the trash back into the bag and then return the bag to the back seat. She leans back in the seat, her breath fogging the window. “So,” she says, her voice quieter now. “Why do you think you’re still in Mapleton?”
I hike my finger over my shoulder, pointing to the empty sack of wings we just devoured. “Did you not just eat those wings?”
She gives me a very-funny-but-give-me-the-truth look. “You and all your businesses have clearly outgrown this little town.”
I smile, but the question lingers in the back of my throat.
I can answer most things honestly, but this one is hard.
“I’ve certainly left for years and traveled.
I guess when I decided to start my own AHL team, nowhere else made sense.
I wanted a team filled with guys who had heart, and it led me back here… to home.”
There’s a soft beat of silence, where she studies me like she’s trying to truly understand what I just said.
Then I risk it. “Can I ask you something?”
She hesitates before saying, “Depends what it is.”
“It should be no secret by now that I like you.” I’m surprised by how easy it is for me to say this. “What do I have to do to be able to take you out in public?”
“I’m so sorry about this.” She chuckles softly. “I know Noah isn’t a little boy anymore, but I don’t want to risk anything unless I know it’s more than a casual thing.”
My chest tightens. It definitely is a sign of strength for her to choose not to date casually.
I’m guessing it got lonely at times. In an odd way, our paths mirror each other’s.
I dated casually, and that’s all I did. I haven’t had a single relationship that lasted more than a few dinners with plenty of beautiful women.
Never once did I want anything beyond that.
Until now.
Something about doing ordinary things with Ruth makes everything better.
That thought doesn’t give me anxiety in the way it would with all the other women I’ve known.
It actually puts me at ease. Maybe it’s because she’s treated me so differently, not wanting anyone to see that she's friends with me. All the other women always wanted elaborate dinners out so people could see us together. It felt like they wanted my money and status more than me. This feels so different. I need her to know that. Ruth’s watching me with an expression I’d diagnose as guarded.
I clear my throat. “Do you know something?” I don’t wait for her to reply. “You’re the only woman who’s treated me like a person and not a dollar sign in a very long time, but more than that, I like who I am when I’m with you. It’s hard to explain, but it just feels right.”
For a second, she doesn’t say anything, so I take a chance, as I’m ready to show her how much I mean these words.
I lean toward her.
Right as I get close enough to feel her breath on my face, she turns her head, just a little, but it breaks the moment.
My stomach wraps into a giant knot in the pit of my gut, and I stop, letting my breath fall between us and whisper, “What is it about me that is making you so guarded?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “It’s not you.
I know that’s the most cliché thing to ever say, but it’s so true.
You’ve been wonderful. So funny, kind, and thoughtful.
It’s just that it’s been Noah and me for so long.
Some of the years have been so painful as I struggled to heal, and I can’t do it again.
I’m terrified to let someone in because I can’t ever go through a heartbreak again.
It’s the reason they call it a heartbreak, because it broke me. ”
I open my mouth to argue that I understand how she feels but it’s worth it, but she keeps going. “And honestly, I’m still a little flabbergasted about why you want me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m deeply flattered, but you could have any—”
“Stop,” I say, as I dare to place my hand on her arm.
“Don’t do that. Don’t sell yourself short.
You’re smart. You’re strong. You’re hilarious.
You’re incredibly resourceful when you’re locked in a snack closet.
Maybe a little too tenacious when you want something, but it adds to the fun.
You love things, even when they are old and worn out, long after everyone else has given up on them. I could go on.”
She stares at me with wide eyes.
“I get that it’s hard to trust, but I think this time it’s going to be worth it. For the record, I’m not dating anyone else,” I say. “And I’m not going to disappear the second this gets inconvenient.”
She blinks again, a little glassy-eyed now. “What do you want from me?”
I hesitate, shifting in my seat. “I want what you feel comfortable giving, but if I’m being honest, I want to give this a real shot. Like one where we tell people we are dating. Sure, it’s fun sneaking around, but I want to give you more than that.”
Her gaze avoids my face as she seems to look past me out the side window. “I don’t know,” she admits after a while.
“Okay.” I nod, thinking of something I can do to get her to see I’m not playing a game. “Then how about this?” I take a breath as I come up with a plan on the spot. “Let’s take a weekend trip together. Just the two of us.”
Her head whips around so fast it’s almost comical. “What?”
“I’m serious. I understand you don’t want to risk the rumors and all, but let’s go somewhere where no one knows us, so we can go on proper dates. Then if you still aren’t sure about me, I won’t ask to take you in public again.”
“That’s crazy.”
“It’s not.”
She opens her mouth, probably to tell me I’ve lost it, but I steal her hand from her lap, holding it steady.
“Look, I’m not trying to pressure you. Everything will be on your terms and at your comfort level.
Clearly, we’ll have separate rooms. You don’t owe me anything.
I just want to spend time with you, where you aren’t so nervous about, you know… all the things.”
She stares at me, mouth open slightly.
“We can do whatever you want. We can shop at cheesy boutiques or play board games for all I care. Shoot, I’ll even let you win. I just want some time.”
“You’re insane.”
“Possibly.” A half-grin tugs at my lips. “But I’m hoping it’s very charming.”
She shakes her head, but the corner of her mouth betrays her, twitching like she’s fighting a smile. “This is insane.”
“Yep. You already said that much, and I already agreed.”
I stare into her eyes, finding a flicker of something in them. Unsure of what she's thinking, I stay quiet, and eventually she spits out, “Okay.”
I triple blink as I wait for my brain to catch up to my racing heartbeat. “Yeah?”
I’ve seen her casual nod so many times. This time it feels weighted. “Just one weekend.”
The tight knot in my stomach unravels in one glorious, spinning moment. “You won’t regret it,” I assure, my voice coming out with a bit of rasp as I try to be cool and hide how emotional I am.
Her eyes glint with a layer of something I can only describe as hope.
Swallowing hard, I vow to do everything in my power to earn her trust. “I hope not.” She glances around the car, like she’s about to get out, before she looks back over at me.
“I hate to cut this short, but I should be getting home, especially now that I have to plan to be gone this weekend.”
“For sure. We can take a photo another day. Maybe in the spring when the weather is nicer.” I was so distracted, I never noticed, the heat from the vents filled the car so full of hot air, the windows had fogged up all the way.
I crack a window and turn down the heat as I shift the vehicle into reverse, and slowly back out as the windows clear.
She’s quiet as I drive out of the snow-crusted field. After I pull onto the main road that heads back to town, I peer over at her. “Are you okay?”
I wait as her lips purse out. And then, softly, she says, “It’s been a long time since I did anything for me, and I’m looking forward to a vacation. I think it sounds amazing.”
“Good.” As we move closer to town, the radio cuts in with a loud cackle, and an 80’s beat fills the car. We both groan in unison. She has a knee-jerk reaction and turns the radio knob to off, as she blurts out, “I can’t listen to that.”
A chuckle fills my throat, and I can’t hold it back. It’s hard to explain the feeling inside of me. It’s easy to be with her. I tap the steering wheel as I steal another look at her, while keeping my eyes on the road. “I really like your coat.” The words are out before I realize I let them go.
Her nose scrunches as she gives me a side-eye. “My coat?”
“Yeah. It’s pink and I like it on you.”
Her cheeks flush, but she doesn’t look away. “Thank you. Pink is my favorite color.”
“That makes sense because you wear it a lot.”
I turn onto a familiar road, and she’s still peering at me when she says, “You’re not what I expected.”
My heart slams against my chest as it feels like she’s about to compliment me, but after she turned her head on that kiss, I’m feeling awfully vulnerable. “Good or bad?”
“I’m not entirely sure yet, but I have a feeling I’m getting closer to deciding.”
I grin. That feels like a win for now. I turn into the diner parking lot, where the streetlights cast a warm glow over us. The snow’s picked up, falling faster now, but she doesn’t move when I pull up next to her car.
“I’ll text you about the weekend?” I offer.
She nods. Her eyebrows bunch together, into what I now know is her thinking expression. “Okay.”
“Pack comfortable shoes,” I say, going for levity. “And your favorite board game.”
She rolls her eyes but then quickly latches her gaze back to mine. “There’s no way we’re going to play board games.”
“That sounds like you’re afraid of losing.”
She laughs as her hand slides to rest on the door handle, but she doesn’t open it. Instead, she says, “Thank you for the wings, and for… you know, not pushing.”
“I'm not in a rush.”
A glisten in her eyes tells me she’s processing that.
I keep one hand on the wheel, squeezing it tightly when she opens the door, and the frigid air rushes into the vehicle.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned tonight, it’s she’s a strong woman.
I’m not pushing anything. I can watch for signs she may want help, but she’s clearly fine.
She surprises me by leaning back in and dropping a kiss on my cheek.
It’s light, quick, and warm, but in the most innocent way, it steals my breath away.
“Goodnight,” she whispers as she backs out of the car and shuts her own door.
I wait, making sure her car starts and watch as she drives out of the parking lot. “I’m not in a rush.” I let out a breath, repeating the last thing I said to her, “Because I’m not going anywhere.”