Chapter Fourteen
MATT
He spent the night patrolling his territory, and though it settled part of him to know his pack was safe, it didn’t ease the sickness twisting in his gut. The betrayal on Jesse’s face when Matt had shoved him away haunted every minute of his long, cold night.
He returned to the house at sunup. Had to. He couldn’t let his pack go out into the world without him there. And so he drank mug after mug of coffee in the kitchen as his pack came and went, grabbing breakfast or coffee—or, in Dave’s case, fruit tea—before heading to their various destinations.
“Anything you notice, any strange feeling you get, even if there’s no reason for it, don’t ignore it. Let me know straightaway.” He said it to each of them.
He didn’t really think Jason or Tristan were at risk at the diner or at school—if he did, he’d never have let them go—but he couldn’t let them head out oblivious to the possible danger. Overconfidence was the fastest way to get killed.
Christian and Dave had headed out to finish yesterday’s task, and Bryce was the only one left. His eyes held concern as he glanced up from his cereal bowl to look at Matt. “You want me to stay home today?”
Matt shook his head. “No need. It’s still clear out there.”
Bryce was studying his face, doubtless trying to work out why, if so, Matt had the weight of the world on his shoulders. No way Matt was going to tell him.
“I’ll be back in the office tomorrow,” Matt said. “Just got a few loose ends to tidy up here.”
Something in him knew before he’d heard or scented anything.
He turned his head to confirm—Jesse was standing silently in the doorway.
He saw the effect of his words, the way Jesse’s head went back, but instead of flaring up indignantly, he was silent.
Like Matt had hit him somewhere he had no defenses.
Matt ran his tongue over his lower lip, knowing Bryce was sitting there watching them both, cataloging the way Jesse wasn’t looking at Matt and Matt was rigid as he stared at Jesse. At the fact neither of them was saying a word.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Bryce said at long last, putting his bowl in the dishwasher. “See you, Jesse,” he added, on his way past.
God only knew what Bryce had made of that little scene, but once the front door closed behind him, Matt didn’t give him another thought.
Jesse didn’t move, but he did at last speak. “I’m guessin’ I’m one of those loose ends needs tidying up.” The words were filled with contempt—and with hurt.
Matt didn’t know what to say. There was nothing that could make this right. He couldn’t undo kissing Jesse, and he sure as hell didn’t intend to undo walking away from him.
“Really?” Jesse’s voice was even raspier than usual, anger bleeding through. “You’re seriously not going to say a damn thing about what happened?”
Matt finally moved from where he’d been rooted to the floor. He crossed the kitchen to the coffee machine. If he had any more caffeine, he’d spend the rest of the day climbing the walls, but he needed to look as if he was doing something.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that last night.” He made himself glance over his shoulder. “Sorry.”
His apology didn’t mollify Jesse. If anything, he got madder, his eyes sparking with temper.
“That’s it? That’s all I get? Cause I gotta tell you, Urban—I don’t take too kindly to being kissed like you meant it, then shoved away like I don’t mean nothin’.”
Matt was staring at the coffee machine again. Maybe it was the fact he wasn’t looking at Jesse that enabled him to hear the quiver in that hard, tight voice. Like Jesse was all too used to being shoved away like he meant nothing.
Matt pivoted slowly, and looked at Jesse. He was rigid, his fists clenched, and Matt could hear his pulse pounding from across the room. Jesse was mad, no doubt about that, but it was like he was only just keeping control over himself.
And it was all Matt’s fault.
Suppressing a sigh, Matt dragged out a chair and sat down, expecting Jesse to follow suit. He didn’t.
“You seriously got nothing more to say?” Jesse demanded. “You didn’t even have the guts to look at me when saying it.”
Jesse was right. He deserved more. Matt aborted his instinctive move to rake his hand through his hair, knowing it would give away how disturbed he was.
Instead, he spoke, keeping his voice firm and cool, and not blowing this up into anything more than it was.
“I don’t do relationships. And you deserve better than someone who’ll wreck you. ”
Well, shit. He hadn’t meant to say that part out loud.
“Relationships?” Jesse’s contempt deepened. “I ain’t asking for forever, Matt—just to be treated like I’m a person.”
And then his attitude wobbled. The justified anger toppled away, leaving hurt blazing out through his eyes—and resignation, heavy and familiar, like he’d known all along he’d never be treated properly.
Fuck.
“Anyways, figured I should let you know I’m leavin’.” Jesse turned away and slipped silently up the hallway.
Frozen, Matt watched him go, his wolf twisting and turning and snarling in his need to follow his mate. This was what he wanted. This was what had to happen.
This was right. He had no other choice.
JESSE
He’d hardly slept last night, anger simmering inside him, though he wasn’t sure if he was madder at Matt or at himself. He’d stayed too long, relaxed too much.
But the minute he heard Matt’s words and realized he was nothing more than a loose end to Urban, his anger had found its target.
Maybe he shouldn’t let Matt know how mad he was, showing the man that he had the power to affect Jesse.
Maybe he should have just picked up his duffel and walked out without saying anything, keeping his pride intact.
But when he’d heard those words, seen the way Matt was simply going to carry on as if nothing had happened, his temper had roared out. He wouldn’t let Matt get away with acting like the kiss had meant nothing. Not when it had felt like it was changing Jesse’s world.
But he’d run into the brick wall that Matt Urban erected against the world, and the collision had hurt like hell. He was done. Getting out, getting his head back on straight and moving on with his life.
He snatched up his duffel from his room and headed for the front door.
With the part of him that was always on the alert, Jesse realized someone was coming up behind him, fast. His heart thudded as he reached for the door handle, needing to get to where there was space, where he couldn’t be trapped.
But a strong hand closed around the handle before he could grab it, preventing him from opening the door. Jesse’s heart rate hit overdrive as he flinched away from Matt.
“What the fuck?” he demanded, mad as hell to find it came out breathlessly. “Get out of my way.”
“I can’t—” Matt’s voice was raw.
Oh, fucking fantastic. It was last night all over again. Except this time, Matt wasn’t just avoiding his gaze—he was shaking, faint tremors running through him. Jesse didn’t know what the hell was going on, but Matt was clinging to his self-composure by his fingernails.
Jesse needed to leave, to get out of here. But his body wouldn’t move, like it had its own damn mind. Like the wolf inside him had made its decision without him. And that decision was Matt.
He rationalized it quickly. If Matt didn’t want to let him leave right now, he wouldn’t be able to fight his way past him. And maybe—maybe he’d finally get to find out what the hell was going on with Matt. Why he so obviously wanted him but kept pulling away.
He set his duffel down on the floor, forcing his muscles to relax, and Matt’s unforgiving grip on the handle slackened. But Matt wasn’t letting go, and he stood between Jesse and freedom. The silence lengthened, and Matt still wouldn’t look at him. There was something really wrong with him.
“What’s goin’ on, Matt?” he asked, keeping his voice soft because he was kind of scared of what might happen if he didn’t. If Matt might break. “You said you can’t, but that’s not exactly an explanation.”
Matt turned away, and Jesse thought he’d said too much as Matt walked toward his den. But then he glanced back over his shoulder, and Jesse realized he was expected to follow.