Chapter 27
27
Gem was lying on the bed with the curtains drawn when Belle and Laurie returned to their room after their chat on the beach. Belle was unsure if she was actually asleep or pretending, but either way she obviously didn’t want to talk. She was playing the victim, which should have annoyed the hell out of Belle, but she actually felt sorry for her having been burdened by a secret that must have been tearing her apart. Unless of course Gem hadn’t considered it to be a big deal to keep the secret at all?
Belle and Laurie tiptoed past her bed, grabbed towels and sunscreen and spent an hour in the pool making the most of the gentle heat of the evening. They showered, dressed, then strolled through Santa Eulalia and along the palm-fringed promenade to the marina which was packed with yachts and bustling with people eating and drinking in the bars and restaurants lining the waterfront.
Breakfast the next morning was a sullen affair with Gem finally joining them after having slept for fourteen hours straight. Belle noticed how puffy her eyes were behind her sunglasses as if she’d been crying. Never one for conflict, Laurie looked decidedly uncomfortable, while Gem, with deep frown lines and tight lips, was broadcasting ‘don’t you dare mess with me’ vibes.
Belle had never been so glad for the distraction of food, a breakfast of poached eggs and avocado on toast. Laurie tucked into her pancakes with wild Ibizan strawberries as eagerly as Belle did with hers, while Gem sipped her orange juice and picked at a morsel on her plate.
Eventually Belle put her knife and fork down and turned her focus to Gem. ‘Are we just going to pretend that yesterday never happened?’
Gem shrugged. ‘Works for me.’
‘Well, for me it doesn’t. We actually started to open up to each other so don’t go closing yourself off again.’
‘I opened up and now feel like shit. Not something I want to repeat today or any other day, quite frankly.’
They were at a table with a view towards the pool, blue and inviting in the morning sun. A whisper of a breeze wafted the white chiffon curtains around the closest double day bed. Guests were already radiating to the beanbag loungers to laze by the pool all morning. Belle would much rather be doing that than instigating this conversation.
‘The truth’s out in the open now about Dan, about Diego,’ she said. ‘So let’s talk; let’s figure stuff out.’
‘You want to compare notes about what Diego was like in the sack, huh?’
Belle sat back in her chair, Laurie’s wide-eyed look of shock echoing her own. ‘That is not what I meant and you know it. Why would you even suggest that? And why the hell are you so angry with me ?’
‘I’m not angry with you.’ Gem pushed her poached egg and smoked salmon around the plate with her fork. She’d barely had a mouthful, while Laurie had quickly resumed eating. ‘I’m jealous of you and angry with myself.’
‘Why on earth would you?—’
‘Be jealous of you? A million reasons, Belle. I’m jealous of your effortless beauty and how you manage to look just as beautiful the minute you get out of bed as well as when you’re made up to the nines; I’m jealous of how you’ve aced your career and worked hard to get where you are, particularly after such a shitty start in London. I’m jealous of that too, that you have this glamorous London life, which I so desperately wanted but ended up stuck in the backend of nowhere.’
‘My life in London has not always been glamorous.’
Gem reached out her hand but didn’t quite touch Belle. Her face softened as she looked at her. ‘I know it hasn’t been. You went through an awful time but you got through it and made something of yourself. That’s what I’m jealous of, and what I admire about you too. It’s not all negative feelings, I promise. It’s how I feel about myself that’s the real problem; constantly comparing myself to other people is torturous but I can’t help it. I have so many regrets for the many times I’ve messed up – they’re always in the background tormenting me.’ She wedged her sunglasses in her hair and turned to Laurie. ‘And to not leave you out, there’s a hell of a lot about your life I’m jealous of too. The perfect relationship that I would love to have. To have ever had. I’ve never been truly happy with someone. Yes, I’m sorry, but the honest truth is it makes me sad and bitter. That’s what my problem is and why I’m so flipping angry all the time.’
Gem shoved her sunglasses back on and folded her arms.
‘Do you feel better for that?’ Belle asked.
Gem gave a tepid smile. ‘I do actually, thanks for listening.’ She tied her hair into a messy bun and sighed. ‘Most of all I’m sorry for being a shitty friend. For not being honest with either of you. And for what I did to you, Belle.’
Belle placed her knife and fork neatly on her plate. ‘You need to stop blaming other people for your mistakes. Being jealous of us or anyone will only make you more miserable. Start looking at what you do have and how you can change things. Being open and saying sorry is a start.’
‘You’re right. I need to own my mistakes, particularly drunken ones of the past.’ Gem wiped her eyes beneath her sunglasses. ‘I’m just fed up and don’t want to think about anything. Can we please get away from here today, go somewhere peaceful. Somewhere that doesn’t remind me of ten years ago and that side of Ibiza.’
It was so unlike Gem to suggest the need for peace and quiet that Belle and Laurie immediately agreed.
After breakfast they packed a bag for the day and Belle drove them across the island to Port de Sant Miquel, a small resort on the quieter north coast. Although there were still plenty of people about, there was a different vibe than at Spirit, with more families than couples camped out beneath the cream umbrellas on the beach. It was a world away from their experience of San Antonio. Two large hotels were built into the cliffs to the right, the surrounding pine trees encroaching and softening the boxy lines, but it was the sheltered bay with its sloping beach and clear and shallow water that stole the show.
Gem seemed keen to get going, so they took the dirt path beyond a rustic-looking beach bar that led away from the resort and up into the trees towards the Torre des Molar, an eighteenth-century stone watchtower with views over the privately owned S’Illa des Bosc and the surrounding coastline.
They walked along the dusty stone path between the trees, the fresh pops of green in every direction a world away from the vibrant beach resorts. Gem led the way at quite a pace, making Belle wonder if she was attempting to pound away her worries. Belle hoped this was what Gem needed, because the sun on her shoulders along the sun-dappled path with only birdsong and the chatter of insects for company was soothing and beautiful.
It wasn’t far until they descended to Caló des Moltons, a small picturesque bay that could only be reached on foot. The sea, dappled turquoise and dark blue, was so inviting that they peeled off their trainers and socks by the shore and cooled their hot feet in the crystalline water. Laurie hooked her arm in Belle’s and Gem’s. They gazed out together, the water lapping their feet, united as they breathed in the summer air. Gem’s mood in particular had been uplifted by the fresh air, walk, sweeping views and peace of the quieter north. A day out somewhere that didn’t remind them of a holiday fuelled by alcohol, partying and men was exactly what they’d needed. Just the three of them, pretending to be the best friends they once were. Belle had hoped this time together would bring them closer. So far all it had done was reveal secrets and lies, and highlight disappointment and frustration. Whether they could rebuild their friendship, particularly hers and Gem’s, was a worry for another day.