Chapter 39
39
‘I am so going to miss this place,’ Gem said with a sigh as she closed the door to their poolside room behind her. She dragged her suitcase into the hallway and turned to Belle. ‘But I’m going to miss you more.’ She pulled her into a tight hug. ‘Thank you for everything, for being so understanding and for making me talk to him.’
The second Belle and Laurie had joined Gem at the seating area on Caleb’s terrace after she’d talked to Diego, she’d burst into tears as if she’d been bottling everything up all evening – or more likely for the last few years – and she finally felt able to release it.
‘He doesn’t hate me,’ she’d said, clutching a tissue. ‘He was shocked but he didn’t doubt me when I said Jack was his. He just held me and kissed me and told me it was all okay. I can’t even begin to tell you how that made me feel. Even if I don’t know what happens next or how we navigate our way, how I broach the subject with Dan, how I eventually tell Jack. Diego’s going to do a DNA test before I say anything so we have proof, then who knows.’ She’d shrugged. ‘We exchanged numbers and are going to keep in touch.’
Even if the future was still uncertain, Gem’s relief had been obvious. And now in the hallway at Spirit, happiness beamed from Gem as she let go of Belle.
‘You’re a good friend,’ Gem said softly. ‘And I’m going to try and be a better one.’
Laurie slid her arms around both of their waists. ‘Do you know how happy it makes me to see you two smiling at each other? And honestly, Belle, I’m so glad you made us do this and I’m unbelievably grateful to you – and Caleb,’ she said, squeezing Belle’s waist, ‘for putting us up somewhere so incredible. You’ve made me see things in a different way this week and to put things in perspective. I’ve realised the older I get the more disappointments there are, but there are plenty of good things too. I’ve been reading a book about the power of positivity. The defeatist attitude I had was not helpful. I’m trying to adjust my mindset. You and Gem were right about me living a little and not being so focused on fertility treatment. This week has gone a long way to doing that.’
Gem laughed. ‘Not that we were in any sort of position to give you advice about a positive mindset, let alone how you should tackle IVF.’
Laurie shook her head. ‘You absolutely were, because you were able to look at the situation with fresh eyes. I’m way too involved and invested. I’ve read far too many conflicting things about trying to get pregnant and I was in a complete muddle. I’ve been wound so tight, I could barely breathe let alone relax. A Spirit house cocktail with a salty breeze through my hair, dancing the night away at Ushua?a and eating pizza with my best friends on a terrace overlooking the Med, made all my worries seem insignificant. I’m going to hold on to that feeling when I get home, have a glass of wine when I feel like it and just try and enjoy life with Ade. Make the most of what we’ve got.’
‘A pretty successful week all round then,’ Gem said with a grin. ‘Now all that’s left is for Belle to take a chance with Caleb.’
Easier said than done , Belle thought but, as she hugged Gem and Laurie goodbye, she resolved to be brave and honest like Gem and positive and hopeful like Laurie. Who knew where that mindset would lead.
Returning to Ibiza had been the right decision: eye-opening, eventful and impactful. Each of them had needed to hear hard truths and learn to embrace the ups and downs of life as well as accept that although things didn’t necessarily work out the way they’d envisaged, it didn’t mean they’d failed. Changing, adapting and navigating a trickier path had made each of them the people they were today. Belle couldn’t have asked for more. She felt closer to Gem and Laurie than she had in ages, a reminder of a time when their friendship meant everything and they’d share their hopes, dreams, successes and disappointments without letting anything else get in the way: men, jealousy, their own insecurities or any sort of toxicity.
With the importance of their friendship brought back into focus, Belle phoned Hannah later that day.
‘Did I ever tell you how grateful I was for the way you supported and looked after me following my accident?’
Hannah laughed. ‘What on earth brought that up?’
‘I’ve been talking about the past a lot this last week, reliving that time – the first holiday to Ibiza and the hell that happened after.’
‘You were so unbelievably brave. Honestly, I would have left London and gone back home if it had been me. You stuck it out in pain, scared, worried about your job, how to pay the bills. The least I could do was be your friend.’
‘You were more than just a friend, Hannah. You were there for me every step of the way, going with me to appointments and listening when I needed to mouth off about my shitty boss. You encouraged me to stick up for myself when all I wanted to do was quit. Honestly, without you being my rock back then, I wouldn’t be where I am today.’
‘Well, you’ve done the same for me now, being my saviour by letting me stay here. I feel better than I have done in months, and Jake and I are actually managing to talk civilly to each other.’ There was a lightness to Hannah’s voice that Belle hadn’t heard in a long while.
‘Having your own space has obviously done you both good.’
‘Mmm, yes,’ Hannah said, suddenly sounding cagey. ‘Except he suggested I move back in on a trial basis…’
‘Why would you even consider that…? Oh wait, he wants you to move back in as together together?’
‘Yep, but there’s no way I’m going there, Belle. No way. He’s cheated once, how can I trust that he won’t do it again? I did too much for him when we were living together and I think he’s realising the grass isn’t always greener. He’s cheated, possibly regrets it now and wants his easy life with me back again.’
‘You are worth so much more. He didn’t deserve you back then, he certainly doesn’t now.’
‘No, I know. Because having space and time away from him has really made me see things clearly and I understand exactly what was wrong. It wasn’t me. The strain in our relationship and the breakdown was all his doing, so thank you, I am so completely done with him.’
It warmed Belle’s heart to hear her friend sound so positive and clear about what she wanted – or more to the point, what she didn’t want any more. It was only after they’d said goodbye that Hannah’s clarity made her consider her own wants and desires, not that they were quite so straightforward.
Over the following week, two private parties at Spirit and another outdoor movie night at Serenity kept Belle busy, so she didn’t see much of Caleb, and when she did have free time he didn’t seem to be around. Not that she was actively looking for him, and of course he was a busy guy, juggling a lot.
When the following weekend came and went, she did wonder if he’d gone to Maria’s for a family dinner. The stab of envy she felt took her by surprise and it was impossible not to wonder if he hadn’t thought to invite her, or worse – he hadn’t wanted to. The pragmatic side of her reasoned it was probably best to maintain their professionalism as work colleagues but she missed talking to him, she missed his slightly crooked smile and the way being around him made her feel, and she thought about him more times than she dared to admit.
Caleb knew he was purposefully avoiding Belle so he didn’t have to deal with his feelings, but that only led to guilt because his response to run away wasn’t fair on her. Of course, being genuinely busy with investment plans and organising meetings gave him an excuse, but he could easily make time for her if he chose to. Perhaps he was being cowardly, or maybe it was self-preservation to bury his confusion and troubled feelings. It was definitely a bad idea because it was making him stressed and miserable when time spent with Belle had the opposite effect.
‘Where is Belle?’ was Maria’s first question when he turned up for dinner that Sunday.
‘Oh, I wasn’t sure you’d want an extra person to feed this weekend,’ he replied lamely.
‘What are you talking about?’ she scolded. ‘Belle is always welcome.’ She shook her head and tutted. ‘Bring her next weekend, sí .’ It wasn’t a question.
Caleb escaped from beneath her glare into the garden and found a quiet spot on the wall away from the kids screeching around playing hide and seek.
‘What the hell are you playing at, Caleb?’ Diego perched next to him. ‘Mama said Belle was welcome but you didn’t invite her.’
Caleb grunted. ‘It feels… complicated.’
Diego snorted. ‘Yes, of course it is, most good things in life are. Doesn’t mean you should ignore a tricky situation. Last weekend you literally told me to go and talk to Gem, knowing what she was about to tell me. Whatever has gone on between you and Belle?—’
‘Nothing has happened,’ Caleb said vehemently.
‘You don’t have to have had sex for something to have happened. Anyone with eyes and half a brain can see there’s something between you. The chemistry is obvious.’
Caleb stood up and paced to the edge of the garden, trying to disguise the sudden distress Diego’s words had caused. Because he was absolutely right, their chemistry was electric, the feelings she stirred undeniable, and yet he was intent on denying himself even her friendship.
‘You can’t ignore her,’ Diego continued. ‘You’re going to confuse and upset her. And end up hurting her too. She doesn’t deserve that.’ He sighed. ‘I really don’t know what we can do to make you see that it’s okay to let go, but it is.’ Diego squeezed Caleb’s shoulder and walked away towards the light and laughter on the top terrace.
Caleb understood what he meant by ‘let go’ because it was what he’d been battling against every time he was around Belle. Not being around her seemed the easier option; except it wasn’t, because he was hurting and Diego was right, if he carried on like this he’d hurt Belle too. How could he be sure that he was ready when letting go had the potential to change everything?