Chapter 16
Gabri was disoriented. It was the spike of adrenaline that surged in his blood and the glow of satisfaction flooding him.
For five years, his only goals had been peace, time and the enjoyment of the simple things in life. Except when he was on a board out on the water, adrenaline was his enemy, the substance that had rewired his brain when it had been the only thing keeping his overtaxed body going.
But this adrenaline… it was hot and absorbing – and acute. It came from touching her, from the kiss that had also made his blood surge. The gratification was like an infrared panel heating his whole body. Sexual gratification, yes, but also something else.
When was the last time someone had touched him like that? Out on the terrace, where they’d kissed as the setting sun blazed his back, her hands had burnt just as hot. Practical, stoic Toni had wanted her hands on him and the knowledge was a sugar hit to his body and soul.
Like a sugar hit, he could already sense the way he could crash afterwards – when she left.
Staring up at the ceiling as he got his breath back, Gabri’s mind was crowded with doubts that he didn’t want – not with Toni. Had it been too fast? Too rough? Too desperate? He should have cooked her dinner first.
He probably should have kept some boundaries in this friendship, but he struggled to regret anything when his nerves were still buzzing and when he turned his head, he was struck by the view of her, fragile and sleepy, next to him.
In fact, she was asleep.
Sweet, strong Toni. He wanted to kiss every freckle on her cheeks, but she looked exhausted – and that surely wasn’t on her bucket list. It wasn’t on his, either.
None of this was, but a few days together wouldn’t upset his careful balance.
She didn’t expect more than he could give – sometimes, he thought she expected too little.
Dinner was something he could easily take care of – a way he could easily take care of her – so he eased carefully out of the bed and headed for the kitchen.
When she emerged from the bedroom an hour later, bleary-eyed, her dress askew, that shot of adrenaline rose in his chest again. A warning rose with it: just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Just because she expected too little didn’t mean they wouldn’t get into trouble when she left.
‘The second day in a row I forgot to buy fish,’ he said instead of a greeting – instead of blurting out any of his dangerous thoughts. ‘But I have potatoes from the garden, with garlic and rosemary and beans.’
‘It smells amazing.’
‘Are you… hungry?’ He wasn’t sure whether that was the question he’d intended to ask. She looked droopy and spent and he wasn’t certain he liked that when he was feeling rather good.
‘I think I’m past hunger, actually. I’m sure my appetite will come back in a minute.’
‘God, I’m sorry. We were out all day in the sun and then we… I didn’t make any dinner before—’
‘It’s all right,’ she said with a limp laugh. ‘You did ask if I wanted dinner.’
Needing to gather his thoughts, he forced his focus on to the food, drizzling olive oil over the salad and plucking sprigs of basil from the pot by the door.
‘Do you mind eating inside? With a light on, the insects…’
‘Oh, it’s almost dark. I haven’t seen the night on Elba,’ she commented absently. Gabri completed the thought in his head: because she’d only been here three days and that’s all the time it had taken to end up in bed together. He wondered what she thought of that.
By the time he’d set all the dishes on the table and they sat down to eat, he’d worked himself up to a level he hadn’t felt in years. While Toni slowly shook herself awake, he composed and recomposed his question several times before he managed to utter it.
‘Are you sure you’re all right, after…? I didn’t mean for things to… so quickly. Did we talk about it sufficiently?’
Her hand on his arm stopped his words immediately. She gave his forearm a firm squeeze. Stop. The message reached him through his skin.
‘I was the one who said we didn’t have to talk. You don’t need to worry. I can look after myself – you know I have to. I wanted this just as much as you did – probably more.’ Her self-deprecating shrug charmed him all over again. ‘Are you okay?’
Loudly clinking his knife and fork as he sliced into a potato, he mumbled, ‘Not really,’ before bringing the piece to his mouth. He chewed vigorously.
‘What do you mean?’
Pushing away from the table, he scraped his chair along the flagstones until he was facing her and scrubbed his chin with his hands, feeling the bristles that must have caused those faint red marks on her neck.
She waited, studying him expectantly, and he marvelled for what felt like the fiftieth time at her grace, the way she took him as he was with just a wry smile.
‘We’re friends, right? I’m not sure friends are supposed to… feel like that together.’
Her sigh was deep and he hated that he’d caused it. ‘I’m trying not to overthink this, but you’re not helping.’
‘I’m overthinking it for both of us,’ he muttered.
Her hand landed on his shoulder and then continued on to his cheek.
The surge of delight under his skin was a fresh reminder of how seldom he’d been touched over the past five years.
Did it even matter what they were when she would be gone in a little over a week – or sooner, since they should probably stop all of this when she went into wedding-planner mode?
‘I know you’re trying to look after us both.
Friendship plus… whatever that was in bed is skimming pretty close to a relationship that neither of us wants.
But this is the first time in a long time I’ve had the ability – let alone the opportunity – to enjoy someone’s company, in bed and out of it.
I can’t afford to question it, but I do rather want to embrace it – if you do. ’
She was looking away as she made her confession, a strand of hair on her cheek, shoulders back.
Their online conversations rose in his mind: her wry wit and gentle teasing, the undercurrent of reticence.
He was proud of her for holding her chin up and saying what she wanted.
He wanted to press a soft kiss to the dimple that was only half-formed on her cheek.
He settled for smoothing her hair back, even though the action seemed to cause a squeeze in his lungs.
‘It would certainly be almost impossible to go back to not… doing this.’
She grasped his hand before he could draw it back. ‘On Monday, my mother and my son will arrive on the island,’ she began. ‘My real life is returning regardless of how we spend the next four days.’
Four days sounded so short, but also unbearably long, if his lungs were going to malfunction the entire time.
‘Are you hinting that you’d like to spend the next four days in bed with me?’
Her laugh – the full, throaty one that gave him tingles to his toes – was exactly the reaction he’d needed from her to reset the balance of the conversation. Then she set off all his nerve endings again by flashing him a smile and saying, ‘Maybe we can fit in some other things as well.’
Now his chest seemed to be expanding and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to survive the rest of this conversation, let alone the next four days.
Taking his face in both hands, she looked him right in the eye, her expression grave. ‘Only if that’s what you want. I know you have your boundaries and your heartbreak.’
‘And you’ll let me be miserable alone with them?’
‘If you tell me to.’
Her gaze dropped from his, so he tipped up her chin, desperate to have it back. ‘It’s not what I want – at least, my misery and solitude will still be there on Monday, when you go. For now, I’d rather kiss you.’
There was a lot he’d do to earn that smile – slow and delighted and tinged with a hint of surprise.
If she wanted him to kiss her, he’d gladly do it – and he did, a gentle touch of his lips to hers.
The way she studied him when he drew away again made him want to spill all his secrets – even the ones that would make her stop giving him that smile.
Instead, he kissed her again, falling into intimacy as she gripped his hair and invited more.
He was still flattened, a little raw by the way the evening had developed, but he couldn’t stop now.
Tugging her closer without thought, his elbow caught on his dinner plate and then his water glass toppled, the thud startling them into breaking apart.
Leaping to his feet, he grabbed a cloth and wiped up the mess, noticing she’d barely touched her food.
‘I’m not being a good host,’ he mumbled as he sat down again. Taking up her fork, he skewered a piece of potato, rubbed it in the olive oil on her plate and lifted it to her mouth. ‘Open,’ he prompted.
With a glint in her eye that said, You don’t need to feed me, she nonetheless opened her mouth and allowed him to slip the morsel in.
‘Mmm, my appetite is definitely coming back. Everything from your garden tastes better.’
‘As I said before, it’s also the local olive oil.’
‘As well as the sex,’ she added with a gleam in her eye as she took the fork from him, lingering unnecessarily with her fingers on his.
‘The sex is certainly a factor,’ he agreed, wondering if she could tell how much he meant it. He felt upside down after the explosion of intimacy.
As they washed the dishes, he couldn’t help fixating on the next dilemma they faced: sleeping arrangements. She didn’t say anything, which he understood, as she seemed to be drooping in earnest now.
After drying his hands, he settled them on her shoulders. ‘Go to bed, Toni. I’ll finish up.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course. We’ll need to get up early if you want to go foraging tomorrow. The forecast is very hot.’
She allowed him to nudge her in the direction of the bathroom, but paused in the doorway, glancing back. ‘Will you… join me? In the bedroom?’ Her voice was full of hesitation.
‘If you like.’
Her only response was a nod – not particularly convincing, but if she were feeling any of the trepidation he was, then that nod would have cost her.
When he nudged the bedroom door open fifteen minutes later, after finishing the dishes and brushing his own teeth, his heart pounded, anticipating the unfamiliar intimacy of falling asleep next to another person.
Was she still awake? Could he wrap his arms around her and settle her head on his shoulder, the way he’d used to do with Rosalba – before his insomnia had forced her to banish him from their room?
Perhaps he should go back to the sofa, where none of these dilemmas existed – go back to being alone with his misery, where he’d been comfortable for the past five years.
But what she’d said resonated with him too: he wouldn’t have an opportunity like this again, to be close to someone he genuinely cared about without the pressure of a future.
‘Toni?’ he whispered as he slipped inside the room.
There was no response.
He pulled off his shirt and groped for the blanket in the darkness, waiting for her to roll over and say something, but she didn’t. ‘Toni?’
As his eyes adjusted to the faint moonlight, he made out her face, her features smooth and slack, her mouth slightly open. She was sound asleep. Gabri was a little disappointed. But at least it eased his dilemma as he climbed into bed as quietly as he could.
Maybe they could snuggle in the morning, except – darn. He’d promised a foraging trip. She hadn’t come to his island just to see the inside of his bedroom.