Chapter 34
‘Oh, my…’
‘Wow.’
‘That’s…’
‘…amazing, Toni!’ Ginny was the first to get to the end of a sentence, although it wasn’t one she’d started herself. ‘It was amazing, right?’
Darn, they all seemed to be waiting for an answer. ‘Yes, it was amazing,’ she admitted.
Ginny leaned forward eagerly. ‘What was it like kissing a man with a moustache?’
‘Uh—’ Toni’s cheeks were hot. ‘Occasionally bristly.’
Kira gave her a teasing punch on the arm. ‘Good for you. Putting yourself out there.’
Toni took a slug of wine. ‘Yes, that’s unfortunately a very apt description of the way I talked him into an affair.’
Sophie was too perceptive. ‘Is that why you don’t want to go back to the island? Because it got awkward between the two of you?’
It was on the tip of her tongue to say yes.
The statement was close enough to the truth, but also so far from the actual problem – that she missed the way they were together, how real life had felt there.
Why had the reasons for their arguments on the last few days grown hazy?
She’d seen absolutely no possibility of being with him without her world caving in, but that seemed melodramatic after a little distance and missing him was its own problem she hadn’t anticipated.
‘I suppose you could say that,’ she answered.
Kira peered doubtfully at her. ‘Do you mean “I’ve seen you naked” awkward? Or “I secretly want to have your babies” awkward?’
‘Neither! Gabri doesn’t want children. He doesn’t like children,’ she blurted out before she realised how much that would give away.
‘I mean, it’s not quite as it sounds. He had a bad experience with his ex-wife.
It’s not just a preference thing – although that’s fine, if people don’t want children.
God, I understand that after everything Cilli’s put me through. ’ Stop talking, Toni.
Biting her lip, she stared into her lap with an inward groan. It was all out now. She’d have to hear their well-meaning opinions and suffer their pity for the sixty-fifth time. Now she was the widow who’d finally managed to fall in love again – with the wrong guy.
‘Sorry,’ Kira said under her breath. ‘Bad choice of words.’
‘Do you love him?’ Ginny asked, her voice high.
‘After two weeks? Of course not,’ she insisted, even though it felt like a lie.
‘You’re trying to be rational, I understand,’ Ginny continued, this time in a measured tone, ‘but you’d be surprised how many couples get together quickly in real life.
I organised a wedding for some clients where they met while backpacking around Australia and then he moved to the UK three weeks later.
Another couple last year got legally married three years ago because there was no other way for him to get a visa to stay, but then they got married properly on Corsica, where his family is originally from.
It was beautiful. I can imagine seeing someone for the first time and already having an idea that they could be the one. ’
Ginny sighed as only a person in their twenties who’d never been in love was capable of. Toni glanced up to find matching indulgent expressions on Sophie and Kira’s faces.
‘What?’ said Ginny. ‘You two are ridiculously in love, so you can’t laugh at me for dreaming of the same.’
Kira snorted. ‘The first time I saw Mattia, he made no sense to me. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d grown wings and disappeared into a fantasy world. I never imagined how things would work out between us.’
‘He is too beautiful for this world,’ Sophie joked. ‘But you can’t believe I fell in love with Andreas at first sight. He turned down my marriage proposal!’
‘Because you fell in love with him at first sight – at the wrong time!’ Ginny insisted. ‘You both prove my point. I think it’s entirely possible to fall in love with someone in a short space of time.’
Toni couldn’t help thinking of that moment she’d first seen Gabri, leaning on the plastic table with the espresso cup in front of him, all four-day beard and long hair and a gaping linen shirt. Those blue eyes. Perhaps she had fallen for him, a little.
‘I bloody hope so anyway,’ Ginny continued with a humph. ‘I’ve met so many frogs, I’d better have a prince coming.’
‘Do you even know that story?’ Sophie asked with a chuckle. ‘One of the frogs turns out to be the prince. Maybe you’ve met your soulmate already and you just didn’t realise.’
‘I doubt it,’ she said flatly. ‘They’ve all definitely been slippery and slimy. Not a romantic Italian affair with a handsome man.’
‘And he rescued Cilli for you?’ Kira asked, her eyes narrow.
‘He didn’t rescue him… It’s complicated. He doesn’t want the stress and responsibility of a family and that’s fair enough.’
‘But he still stepped up when you needed him,’ Ginny said with a soft smile. ‘Sounds like he’d come round, to be honest.’
Toni shook her head vehemently. ‘Not that any of this matters, but someone “coming round” just isn’t good enough. Having feelings for each other isn’t enough.’
‘Enough for what?’ Kira asked.
‘That’s another reason why all of this is pointless.
He lives on his island and I live here where Cilli has his life and his stability.
’ Where I used to live with Miro. Although she’d had to sell the house when he died.
Then she’d lived nearly eight years struggling alone before her parents moved down to help.
It seemed suddenly absurd that she’d stayed in Weymouth all these years.
Sure, the team at Great Heart had meant a lot – one of her only remaining links to Miro, since his parents had both died too.
That link had meant more to her than her own comfort.
She’d never even considered there might be other options.
Shit, Gabri was right. It wasn’t her friends and family continuing to treat her like the grieving widow nine years on. It was her, holding on, refusing to see the world beyond her own ripped-apart family – refusing to see herself as anything other than a dead man’s wife.
But even so, she wasn’t a carefree single person like Ginny’s clients. She couldn’t just move to an Italian island and see if she could work something out with Gabri. There was too much at stake.
‘But if he lived here—’ Ginny began.
‘Don’t even try that,’ Toni cut her off with a groan.
‘He doesn’t live here. I’ve already screwed myself over by falling in love.
I can’t dream of some magical solution where neither of us has to make any sacrifices.
Weddings are lovely, but you know what I think?
People make a big deal of them because it’s one way of making the sacrifices and hard times in a relationship worthwhile.
Love sucks. I miss him and there’s nothing I can do about it.
At least I know it won’t hurt forever. If losing Miro can dull to this vague hurt over nine years – despite how guilty I feel to admit it – then I’ll get over Gabri.
Probably soon. I don’t think he loves me as much as I love him anyway. ’
She drew in a deep breath. It was only the stale air of the pub, but it could have been the salt-scented breeze from Elba, the action was so refreshing.
She’d admitted it: she loved Gabri. He was right, she was holding on to Miro’s memory, but apparently, she could hold onto her husband and also fall in love with Gabri and her heart hadn’t gone up in flames – at least, not literally.
The situation was messy, but life was messy and she understood that better than most. It was Gabri who didn’t like mess. Perhaps she should have told him more clearly on the last day that she could hold him in her heart and still keep Miro’s memory, but what would that have changed?
She’d have to ignore the niggle at the back of her mind, wondering how he would have reacted if she’d told him exactly what he meant to her, but he’d been so vehement about needing his island, his peace. It wasn’t her place to crash into his life.
‘It’s better this way,’ she said softly. ‘Sometimes, it’s just better to leave it as two wonderful weeks.’
Gabri stood on the passenger deck of the ferry, watching the clay roofs of Portoferraio grow smaller in the distance, the lighthouse and the terracotta bricks of the old city on the hill glinting in the summer sunlight.
Hands in the pockets of his tailored trousers, he turned his face into the wind, marvelling at the simple pleasure of it.
His island would still be there tomorrow, when he returned to it. Monte Capanne with its forested foothills had watched Napoleon stomp around in frustrated ambition and it had watched Gabri mourn the life he’d thought he wanted and build another. The mountain would be there whenever he needed it.
But he was hoping he was strong enough not to need it, cautiously optimistic that he could upset his equilibrium and find it again without running away. Right now, he was keen to make himself needed – or wanted, was a better way of thinking about it. He was preparing to take on the world.
Nearly an hour later, the island was only a jumble of dusty green hills on the horizon, with the lighthouse islet of Palmaiola in the foreground.
Ahead was the sandy stone and render of Piombino – the mainland.
With a duffel bag at his feet and his dress shoes freshly polished, Gabri was almost looking forward to the Frecciarossa high-speed train once he’d made it from Piombino to Florence.
There were no high-speed trains on the isola.
When the ferry was rounding the headland on its approach to the port, his phone rang and he dug it out of his bag with a frown. Perhaps he wasn’t quite ready to step seamlessly back into a corporate environment.
His phone identified the caller as I Do Destinations and his heart leaped. The number of times he’d almost called Toni – he’d lost count. But he had a few items to work through on his list before he could attempt a redo of their final conversation.
‘Pronto, chi è – hello?’ he answered in a jumble of confused languages – and emotions.
‘Gabri?’
It wasn’t Toni. That much was clear from the way his stomach sank. He cleared his thoughts with a shake of his head. Toni worked at Great Heart, not in the Bath offices of I Do. He shouldn’t have hoped it was her.
‘It’s Ginny from I Do.’
‘Ciao, Ginny. It’s lovely to hear from you. I hope you aren’t wanting to book me in for any more weddings, because I’ve got some other business I need to take care of and I won’t be available for a few months at least.’
‘Oh, well that wasn’t really why I was calling, but that’s a shame. Your flowers are always a highlight for our clients and the photos from our last wedding are spectacular. Especially… Look, I’ll text you one. Give me a second.’
His phone vibrated in his hand and he tugged it from his ear to swipe to the messaging app.
The photo on the little screen stole his breath and sent a surge through his veins.
It was Toni – and himself – standing on the beach at Innamorata regarding each other cautiously as the sun set in the background.
No wonder the bridal couple had been so keen on a sunset wedding.
The rays of the sun seemed to highlight every shade of emotion on Toni’s face – and his own.
It transformed the moment from an awkward pose to a glistening suggestion of possibilities and his smile wobbled on his lips as he looked at it.
‘Reshma was just testing the light,’ he mumbled after he’d lifted the phone back to his ear. ‘It was complicated for the photographer to…’ He gave up. That clearly wasn’t the reason Ginny had sent him the photo. ‘Is she okay?’
‘Yes, she’s fine – determined never to do a wedding on Elba ever again and keen to file away your scorching affair as nothing more than a fling, but I suppose that’s her decision. Just maybe not the decision you’ve reached. I thought you’d better know.’
‘I assume you think I should do something about this,’ he said gruffly, giving her no hint in his voice of his amused smile.
‘Well, I— Yes.’
‘I’m open to suggestions.’
‘What?’
‘Ascolta – listen, Ginny,’ he began, ‘I know she thinks there’s no way she can have another relationship, but I haven’t given up yet. It will just take me a little while to get things organised.’
Ginny only spluttered in response. Eventually, she managed to say, ‘This isn’t exactly the way Toni described the situation. In fact, she said something like, “I don’t think he loves me as much as I love him”.’
It was Gabri’s turn to splutter. He’d planned to take his time, move slowly and carefully so she had space to adjust to the way he saw things between them, but those words lit a fire under him.
‘Maybe we didn’t talk things through as honestly as I thought.’ She apparently hadn’t understood the depth of emotion he’d been trying to convey. ‘But she told me she wasn’t ready for anything serious. I need to give her time.’
‘Pfft,’ was Ginny’s only response at first. ‘What if she finds someone else?’
The panic at that suggestion gripped him around the throat before his rational brain interfered. ‘She’s not going to find someone else in a week, is she?’
‘Hmm, a week might be okay. She said, “Love sucks,” too, which I think is your fault.’
‘She said something like that when we were together,’ he said with a smile. ‘Don’t worry. I’m a florist. I’ll think of something.’ He only hoped she would understand – and appreciate – the gesture. He already knew the perfect plants.
‘Great. I’m glad we’ve got that sorted,’ Ginny said brightly. ‘Makes me feel less guilty for interfering.’
‘It’s your business at I Do, right? Bringing people together?’
‘Apparently,’ she answered drily. ‘Although I haven’t been lucky enough to receive those services myself. My most romantic moment recently was when I got stuck in a car full of mistletoe.’
‘Hmm,’ Gabri answered, not entirely sure of her point. ‘Thanks for the call – and for looking out for Toni.’
‘Sounds like I didn’t need to,’ she said warmly. ‘Good luck!’
‘Thanks. I think I’ll need it.’
The ferry had rounded the pier and the approaching coastline was now dominated by the cranes of the port. He was about to end the call and prepare to disembark when a thought occurred to him.
‘Actually, Ginny. There’s something you can help me with, if you don’t mind?’