Chapter Eight
Trace
I hadn’t eaten all day. I had to force myself to gulp one of those hydration drinks, so I didn’t pass out but I was a wreck.
All because a gorgeous alpha asked me to try out a spanking bench.
What in the actual flying fuck was I thinking when I agreed to that?
I took a seat in between orders from the villa and took a few breaths.
“What’s going on with you?” Eddie elbowed me in the ribs after taking a seat next to me. “You look pale and…I’m actually worried about you. It’s difficult to look pale in the desert, but somehow you’ve managed it today.”
I chuckled and wondered if I should share what was happening with Azlan. Eddie dated some, and a few alphas had asked him out over the time we’d worked here, but he was choosy about who he dated.
“An alpha asked me out. Tonight. But I don’t think I’m going to go. I mean, it’s not really a date it’s…”
“Oooh, you have a fuck date? Who is it? What room is he staying in?”
“It’s not a…” I looked around, realizing my voice had gotten too loud. I leaned in and whispered. “It’s not a fuck date. But it’s at the club.”
“An alpha wants you to meet him at the club for some fun? Damn, is he hot? Wait, why aren’t you going?”
“Because I can’t. I’ve never done anything like that. I-I’ve only had sex. Nothing kinky in the slightest. Andrew didn’t….there was literally only one position. One.”
You’ve got to be kidding,” Eddie said. “Then that’s a reason you really need to do this. Experience something new. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to continue. Tell him to stop. There are monitors everywhere if he doesn’t. If there’s a safe space to figure out what you like, it’s here.”
I sighed and thought about it. “He’s gorgeous, Eddie. Like, blow-your-mind beautiful.”
“Well, hopefully he’ll blow more than your mind.”
“Stop it.” Even though we were laughing, that sick feeling returned with a fury.
Eddie was called away. and I took the nausea as a sign. I would not do this. I had no experience, and the last thing I wanted to do was make a fool out of myself with this alpha. I would’ve loved to have a normal date with him. A romantic dinner. Lunch. A movie even.
But, of all things, he wanted me to get onto that bench, and he would spank me?
I was halfway to his villa when I stopped and returned to my room. I wished I was scheduled. Instead, I had the rest of the afternoon to stew.
I wanted to do this. To feel something new with someone new.
It had been a long time since I felt this way about an alpha.
My bear loved him already, which was a shame because alphas didn’t stick around here.
They came, they had their fantasies fulfilled, and then they went home.
For all I knew, Azlan had a mate. Maybe he’d told him he was going on a business trip.
I turned around, faced the main building and scrubbed my hands over my face. This might be my chance to discover something new about myself.
But not this way. Maybe one day when I had a mate or a boyfriend at least.
I turned the other way, facing the villa and walked a few steps, sprinted really, and then I paused.
That thinking was all wrong. Even if I made a complete fool out of myself or messed up or made him detest me, he would be gone soon, and I’d probably never see him again.
This was the way to do it. Right?
If one of the guests was looking down at me from above, they would think I was nuts.
Maybe I was.
I had to do this. For me. I was long overdue to find out who I was. And this might be a part of it.
I had to find Eddie.
“Hey,” I said, seeing him carrying an empty tray.
“So, what did you decide.”
I felt my cheeks rise in a big smile. “I’m going, but I have nothing to wear. Like…nothing.”
“Well, that’s easy. James has an entire closet devoted to club wear. Let’s go.”
A few hours later, standing in James’ room, with all kinds of things strewn over his bed, an outfit had been decided on. Eddie, James, and one other coworker were in the room, and I felt so exposed.
But mostly, I was excited. Nauseated, still, but the kind that made me want to face the fear.
“What do you guys think?” I asked, twirling to give the full effect.
“You look like you go to the kink club all the time. Really hot. If I was an alpha, I’d spank you for sure.”
That made us all crack up. James was a character.
“Okay. I’m leaving. Wish me luck?”
James high-fived me. “To hell with that. I’m wishing you a well-spanked ass . I hope you love it.”