Chapter 16
“Confidence, dear Ella. Even if you don’t feel it, even if you don’t think you possess one ounce of confidence in your whole body, lift your chin high, and whatever you do, never be the first to look away.
You have as much intellectual prowess as any man does.
Do not let them make you feel otherwise. ”
Ella drew confidence from the memory of her mother’s words as she paused outside the long gallery on Keatley Hall’s second floor.
The long gallery was the largest room in all of Keatley Hall and was used for formal gatherings. Today it was the lecture hall for Mr. Bauer’s first talk.
With its white plaster walls, arched ceilings and antechambers, and light planked floor, it was by far one of the brightest rooms in the entire house. Chairs had been gathered, a platform had been constructed, and dozens of guests in somber wool coats milled about the room.
Ella straightened her shoulders, lifted her face, and stepped in.
All the members of the Society professed passion for advancing the natural sciences.
They gathered monthly in London to engage in debates on topics such as medicine, astronomy, and geometry.
These men were wealthy, and while they weren’t directly involved in the research, they did decide which explorations to fund.
They considered themselves seekers—looking for the next exciting development.
It was not uncommon for a specialist in one area of natural philosophy to propose an idea to the Society in hopes of gaining funding for his pursuit. Now that she knew Mr. Bauer was in debt, she wondered how that might play into the situation.
Ella scanned the room, and her attention fell on Mr. Rowe. At the sight of him—his strong jawline and straight nose—her energy soared. Phoebe’s warning rang afresh. Gabriel Rowe had, as Phoebe had indicated, questionable behaviors.
Did not she as well?
Her father’s request for her to marry flashed.
She normally considered marriage an act of duty—something that must be done to preserve her family’s legacy.
But what if the man she married was like Mr. Rowe—someone who cared what she had to say?
One who looked at her when she was talking and asked her about her opinions? What would she think of marriage then?
From the corner of her eye Ella had not noticed Mr. Bauer approaching until he was next to her. “A very great surprise to see you here this morning, Miss Wilde. How kind of you to visit us.”
“Oh, I intend to do more than just visit, Mr. Bauer,” Ella offered cheerfully. “I’m eagerly anticipating your lecture.”
Mr. Bauer laughed heartily.
Unnerved at his response, she pressed her lips together and waited for the laughter to subside.
When he stopped, the smile on his long face faded. “The lecture?”
“Oh yes.” She raised her brows. “I’m eager to hear your presentation.”
Mr. Bauer’s countenance sobered. “I’m afraid my lectures, such as they are, are not suitable for women.”
“Not suitable? I don’t see how that could be,” she countered. “I saw your demonstration at the assembly rooms.”
He chuckled. “The demonstrations, yes, are suitable for ladies, but the lectures themselves, the insight into how and why phrenology works, are often considered uncomfortable for the more sensitive audiences. I’d prefer not to have any fainting or swooning.”
“If there is to be any fainting or swooning, Mr. Bauer, I can assure you that it will not be by me. I have studied my mother’s journals on the topic, and I consider myself quite informed.”
“I understand why you may think that, Miss Wilde. I really do, but I’ve given many lectures to many sorts of audiences, and I find that these topics are generally distressing to the fairer sex.
I insist that no ladies be present, but I’m happy to converse with you later, privately, to address any questions you might have. ”
Was this why Phoebe had suggested she not attend earlier that morning? She was about to protest yet again when a voice interrupted.
“Miss Wilde. Mr. Bauer.”
Ella pivoted to see Mr. Abernathy approaching. When at her side, he said, “You two seem quite engrossed in conversation.”
She stifled a groan. The sense that he’d been watching her—or worse, that he was attempting to intervene or even control the situation—irritated her.
“Mr. Abernathy.” Mr. Bauer bowed. “Miss Wilde said she wanted to attend the lecture, and I was just telling her that I did not think this a suitable topic for ladies.”
“I see.”
She held her breath. What would this man—who, according to her father, was willing to marry her—say? Would he stand up for her? Or, better yet, support her as she stood up for herself?
Mr. Abernathy’s face paled as if he was momentarily seized by panic. He forced a weak smile. “That does not sound unreasonable, does it?”
She could scarcely believe her ears. The disappointment at his insipid response vexed her nearly as much as Mr. Bauer’s suggestion that she would be too sensitive for the lecture.
Since any sign of frustration would only add to the rumors about her, she smiled her sweetest smile.
“I do appreciate the concern, gentlemen, but I intend to stay, just as I have for every symposium since the age of twelve. If you’ll excuse me, I will find a place to sit where I will be quite out of the way. You’ll not even notice I am here.”
Without a backward glance she made her way to the middle of one of the back rows. She knew exactly what she would see if she looked back: two men, who were likely shocked at her persistence, staring after her.
Perhaps she should be agreeable and sweet, as her father had requested. Perhaps she should have complied, but to comply would set a precedent. If Mr. Abernathy were to become her husband, she needed to establish firm boundaries and expectations.
Ella recalled her mother’s constant struggle to be seen as an equal. Had so little changed in the years that separated them?
Once Ella was seated, she adjusted her position on the chair when a flash of Pomona-green cambric muslin with ecru lace trim and fichu caught her eye.
Miss Sutton.
Seeing another feminine form in the room relieved Ella, and her interest in the guest intensified. Did Miss Sutton share the same types of hopes for the future—the idea that women should be considered far more equal than they were?
Curious, Ella abandoned her chair and approached Miss Sutton, who was speaking with Mr. Hawthorne and a handful of other guests. When she noticed Ella, she excused herself from the conversation.
“Miss Wilde! Isn’t this thrilling?” Miss Sutton’s dark eyes sparkled brightly with interest as she drew closer. “There is nothing I enjoy more than healthy banter.”
Optimism—and perhaps relief—rushed through Ella. “I’m glad to hear you say so, Miss Sutton. If only more women were to feel the same way. It is a shame that the gentlemen should be the only ones encouraged to form such opinions.”
“La, these men. They can be so stubborn and full of self-importance. They do not give us credit, do they?”
Ella had to ask. “Do you intend to stay for the lecture?”
“Oh no.” She shook her head. “I’ve been told this is not a talk for ladies.”
Ella couldn’t help but be surprised, especially given Miss Sutton’s outspoken nature. “But I thought you were an enthusiast of phrenology.”
“I am, but I doubt I’d learn anything new at this point. Besides, I find that a feminine presence just upsets the men. They desire our presence at times, but it is always on their terms.”
Ella pressed her lips together. Miss Sutton’s opinion made her question her own.
And she hated that.
When Ella did not respond, Miss Sutton’s brow furrowed. “Do you intend to stay?”
“I do.”
“Well, then.” Her singsong chuckle was almost condescending. “I wish you luck.”
Was that sarcasm Ella heard in Miss Sutton’s tone? Or disapproval?
Miss Sutton adjusted the reticule around her wrist. “I’m going to meet with Miss Hawthorne and the rest of the ladies for sewing. Since you intend to stay, I’ll depend on you for a detailed account of what I missed.”
Ella bid farewell to Miss Sutton, and her mother’s words of confidence echoed in her mind.
But what was the best way to be confident in such a situation?
If she stayed, she’d likely be perceived as unruly and obstinate—fodder to support the information in the pamphlet.
And if she left and joined the ladies, was she not cowering to their demands?
How would that further secure any sense of authority or autonomy?
She returned to her chair in the back of the chamber, fully aware of the scrutinizing stares in her direction.
Some seemed amused. Some were disapproving.
In that moment it mattered only what she thought of herself, and she refused to give anyone else the power to discourage, for every measure counted.
As the men began to take their seats, Mr. Abernathy came and sat next to her. Ella resisted the urge to recoil. She’d promised her father she’d keep an open mind, but Mr. Abernathy’s lack of support for her could not be forgiven . . . or forgotten.
“I’m sorry if Mr. Bauer upset you.”
She attempted to ignore the insincerity in his tone. “He didn’t upset me.”
“I spoke with him further after you’d left us, and he expressed his concerns a little more completely.”
She batted her eyes. “Concerns?”
Mr. Abernathy shifted stiffly. “He’s uncomfortable using certain terminology with ladies present.”
She could not help but scoff. “Then I am sorry for him if he cannot talk about his craft with more maturity and confidence.”
“You don’t understand.” The pitch of his voice increased. “He—”
“Mr. Abernathy, I know you’re trying to appease everyone, but I must stop you.
You’ll never succeed. I suggest that instead of placating those around you, you decide your truths and adhere to them.
Mr. Bauer is entitled to his opinions, but given my family’s history with phrenology, I’m convinced that not only do I have a right to be here, but I have a responsibility to be here.
You may not agree, but for now I am going to sit right here and listen to the lecture. ”