47. Marley
FORTY-SEVEN
MARLEY
We get back to find a somewhat stiff-looking Nellie standing at the barn door with Teddy and Cass. Pip is playing around in a snowbank larger than him that he keeps disappearing behind it.
“Who is that?” Bennett says, pulling me towards Pip with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning.
“That would be Pip.” I let go of his hand and snatch my wild child off the ground just as the other dogs notice him and begin to swarm.
“Let’s go into the barn. The dogs can stay out in the field for a bit longer,” Bennett says, gesturing to the door, eyes glued to the ball of fluff in my arms.
Cass and Teddy round the dogs up and get them in the field before joining us inside. I set Pip back down and plunk myself onto one of the dog beds. Bennett does the same and coaxes Pip over to him.
“He was a street dog in Syria,” I say, watching Pip begin to gnaw on Bennett’s fingers.
“Sophie told me,” Bennett says quietly. “Not about the dog, about Syria. Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” he asks, unmistakable hurt in his expression.
I look up at the others who have joined us, and Nellie seems to catch how uncomfortable I am with sharing in front of strangers so she asks if they can give her a tour of the property. Teddy seems to catch on right away, probably because he’s barely taken his eyes off of Nellie, but Cass needs a couple of nudges.
When I hear the door close, I take a deep breath. “Bennett, when I left, I never thought I’d see you again. I didn’t think I wanted to.” He looks like I slapped him. “Oh, no, I don’t mean it that way. I mean that it was hard for me to admit that I did want to.”
“Um…” he starts.
“I need to get this out.” I cover his lips with two fingers. “At some point in my life, probably watching my robot parents interact, I had decided that I wasn’t a relationship person. That part of my life seemed figured out. I had gone for a walk that day to try and figure out what I wanted in my career, which at the time was my entire life. And then I was here and you were, well, you, and I got this glimpse of what a relationship could be like. Going to bed next to someone and waking up with them was something I had never done before. It’s not something I actively wanted. And I remember thinking that it was going to feel so strange, sharing that space. But then it wasn’t. It felt… I don’t know, right. Everything with you felt right, and that terrified me because I barely knew you. And I thought if that’s how it felt after less than a week, it would only become more intense the longer it went on. Remember when I told you I wasn’t afraid when I did my job?” Bennett nods. “I froze.” I swallow. “When I needed to act, I froze. For the first time in years, I was afraid, and not afraid for someone else, I was afraid for me. The last thing I thought was that if I died”—I wipe the tears that ha ve gathered—“if I died, I would never get the chance to tell you that I loved every minute of time we spent together. That I thought of you daily. That I regretted sending your sweatshirt back with that stupid postcard. How I hated that my stubborn brain kept me from reaching out. That your smile was like coming home. I was afraid you’d never know how deeply I felt for you and how much you changed my life in a matter of days.” I’m crying now, huge tears streaming down my face. “I didn’t want something to happen to me and leave behind someone who cared for me half as much as I cared for them. I didn’t think that was fair.”
Bennett is squinting at me like he’s trying to sort out everything I’ve just said to him. “Marley.” He pulls me closer. “What happened out there?”
I blink a few times, and my vision clears. I swallow and nod and manage to get out a choked “An explosion. There was a whistle and then an explosion.”
He doesn’t say anything for a minute, just stares at me. “I know your job is dangerous, Marley. But life is unpredictable no matter where you are or what you do. If the choice is having you and worrying about you versus not having you and worrying about you, I’m going to pick having you any day of the week. And I know falling for you happened fast, but life is short. We should probably go hard while we can.” He takes my face in his hands and brushes away my tears. “What made you come now?”
“I got tired of playing the what-if game with only bad outcomes and started playing it with only positive ones. ”
Bennett smiles approvingly. “That sounds like a better game. Definitely more productive.”
I reach up and gently guide his hands off my face so I can hold them. “I’m not perfect, Bennett. In fact, one could argue that I’m pretty damaged. ”
He squeezes my hands. “You’re not damaged, Marley. You’re human. And like all other humans, you’ve got baggage.” He tilts his head, his gaze holding mine. “But the nice thing about baggage is you can always unpack it. I’d like to think that this is a great place to unpack.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper as more tears fall.
Bennett kisses them away. “Then let's be scared together, sweetheart.”
“You’re going to have to be patient with me.”
“Fine with me,” he murmurs as his lips meet mine. I sink into him, and I can already feel the fear begin to dissolve.
Pip chooses that moment to give a frustrated little yip and makes us both laugh. “He’s gotten used to being the centre of attention.” I sigh, reluctantly sitting back. “I was distracted by him when it happened. The explosion,” I clarify. “When Simon found me, the first thing I asked was if he’d seen a puppy. I thought he was dead. But Simon found him and took him to a vet while I was under medical supervision. I was so mad at him when he said he was mine and I could take him home. It was obvious to everyone else but me how badly I wanted to be back with you. It took several different people giving me words of advice to finally admit it.”
Bennett reaches over and plucks Pip from my lap. “So I have this guy to thank for getting you back then?”
“I think I would have found my way back to you eventually, but you can thank him for getting me back here sooner.”
“Why Pip?”
“Figured I’d stick with the Dickens theme.”
“Ah, from Great Expectations .” He looks up at me. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just really hot that you know that.”
“What else do you think is hot to know, because I’m a big fan of learning. ”
I tap my chin, thinking. “I’ve always kind of thought bull riders were kind of hot.”
“Damn.” Bennett sighs, his head thunking lightly against the wall when he tips it back. “I think I’m out already. Pretty sure that’s on the list of things I’m not allowed to do on account of the repetitive brain trauma I’ve sustained.”
“I’ll find a way to come to terms with that then,” I say, taking Pip back and setting him on the ground. “At the end of the day, I’ll survive on your smile and knowledge of literary classics.” I move so I’m straddling his lap and just stare at him. I find love in those hazel eyes as he gazes calmly up at me. “I think I’m in love with you, Bennett John Edmund Morgan.”
“I was wondering if you’d come to the same conclusion as I had.”
“What? That I was in love with you?”
“Exactly.” He laughs against my lips, his hands pulling my hips closer to him as we rock into one another. His hands slip below my sweater leaving goosebumps in their wake.
“Ahem,” a voice cuts through the sounds we’re making. “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s colder than Sir John Franklin’s corpse out there,” Cass exclaims, shivering dramatically.
I look down at Bennett with one eyebrow quirked. “She was a history major,” he says, shrugging.
“When you say Sir John Franklin, you are referring t—”
“The captain of the Franklin Expedition, yes.” Cass nods.
“Right, of course. That’s a deep historical cut.”
“Thank you,” she says as if I just gave her the best compliment.
“So…” Nellie says, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. “I’m going to assume I’ll be heading back alone today.”
I look back at Bennett again. “One hundred percent.” He grins at Nellie before looking back at me. “Did you bring any clothes?”
“I did not.”
“Wow, you had that little faith in us, eh?”
“Well, I just didn’t want to assume. I mean, you could have needed time.”
“Oh, he’s had all the time he needs, I think,” Teddy says from beside Nellie.
“The stuff from Sophie is still here. I can drive you back to get anything else you want or need. Or we can just buy you all new stuff, although I kind of want to see where you’ve been calling home all these years anyway.”
I’m stuck on the fact that after a month Sophie’s clothes are still here. “Why didn’t you take the clothes back?”
“Wishful thinking, I guess.”
“Hoping I’d show up without a change of clothes?”
“Exactly.” He pulls me into him, seeming to forget about the audience.
“Okay, anyway, perfect,” Nellie says, pushing off the wall. “Guess that’s my cue to head out.” She walks over and hauls me to my feet for a hug. “Call me if you need anything, alright?” When she lets me go, she drops down to scoop Pip up. “Don’t forget about your Aunt Nellie. And you.” She points at Bennett. “You’re doing great. So just keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing.”
“I’ll do that,” he says, standing to join the rest of us.
“I’ll walk you out,” Teddy says, tipping his head towards the door.
“You can take off, Teddy. Thanks for coming in early,” Bennett calls after him. Teddy answers with a nod and a quick, almost nervous glance towards Nellie.
I can’t help but notice the shade of pink she turns when she nods and follows him, only giving me a wave over her shoulder before disappearing through the door, eyes very clearly fixed on Bennett’s employee.
“Twenty bucks says those two have a quickie in her car before she leaves,” Cass says with a grin.
“Oh, that’s not really Nellie’s style,” I say, leaning back into Bennett as he wraps his arms around me from behind.
“I’d have said eye-fucking wasn’t Teddy’s either, but it was getting uncomfortable out there. When they saw each other, it was like they couldn’t decide whether or not to fuck or fight. Then they disappeared inside the barn for a bit. When they came out, I’d say they’d settled on fuck.” She says it so thoughtfully it takes me a minute to make sense of what she’s implying. “Anyway. Want me to let the dogs in a few at a time so they can meet the new addition?”
“That would be great, Cass, thanks.”
“So,” I say looking up at him, “two employees.”
“Turns out you’re not the only one who knows how to take advice,” he says, planting a kiss on my forehead.
“So, if you have help now, I guess that means you have more time for other things.”
“Such as?” he asks.
“I think I’d rather show than tell.” I smile up at him.
“I do enjoy a demonstration,” he says, kissing me like we have all the time in the world.