Chapter 11 #2
“I know. This is precisely the reason for expressing my gratitude today, in privacy. Both you and your father have been exceedingly kind to choose to not share details which could harm my sister forever. Her comfort and tranquillity of spirit are more important to me than my own.”
“I can well understand that, sir. But again, there is no need for gratitude. I only did what I felt to be right.”
“Thank you,” he repeated simply and earnestly. He stood still in front of her and she had no choice but to meet his gaze.
She had caught him staring at her many times during their acquaintance — and more often than not, his intense look, his deep, dark eyes fixed on her, and his burning stare made her uncomfortable.
His eyes were still dark, still profound, and she was still uneasy in his presence, but her nervousness was different, just like the warmth that she felt inside her.
“You are most welcome,” she whispered, then resumed walking.
“If I may enquire…is Miss Darcy well now?” she asked timidly. “I do not want to pry, I hope just…”
“She is as well as can be expected. The painful memories are still rather new, as the incident only happened this past summer. Georgiana was in Ramsgate with her companion, a certain Mrs Younge who proved to be unworthy of our trust. Wickham went there too, by design, as he proved to be an associate of Mrs Younge. Georgiana grew up with him, and she remembered him with great fondness…so it took little effort for him to charm her and convince her they were bound by true love and they should elope—”
“I cannot believe it! What a horrible betrayal on his part! The young daughter of his godfather!” Elizabeth gasped, dumbfounded.
“Yes… His main goal was obviously Georgiana’s dowry, but I suspect he also intended to take revenge on me by hurting my sister. If he had succeeded, his revenge would have been complete indeed. Knowing my sister was unhappy would have been my worst punishment.”
“I assume his plan failed?”
“It did — defeated by my sister’s affection for her older brother, strength, and morals. I visited on impulse two days prior to the arranged elopement, and she could not bear the notion of hurting me, so she confessed everything. You may easily imagine my reaction when I confronted Wickham.”
“I cannot — but I hope it was as harsh as he deserved. What a horrible man! And what a fool I have been! I shall never forgive myself,” she added in a lower voice with her eyes to the ground.
Then she lifted her eyes to him again and said with genuine remorse, “I am very sorry, Mr Darcy. I cannot apologise enough. And if you never believed me a simpleton, you were wrong. I have been very much so, since I believed all the ridiculous falsehoods he told me without once questioning the impropriety of his disclosures after such a short acquaintance.”
“You ought not to be too severe on yourself, Miss Bennet. Wickham has deceived many people, older and more experienced than you and better acquainted with him. My excellent father is the most compelling evidence of his deceptive talent. He was very skilful in making friends and misleading people into liking, trusting, and even loving him.”
Elizabeth shook her head.
“You are too generous with me, Mr Darcy. More than I deserve. Your father trusted him because of his own affection and kindness as well as because of the respect he had for Mr Wickham’s father.
I believed him before I truly knew or trusted him, and it was all from prejudice and vanity.
And I believed his words against you because… ”
She paused, too ashamed to continue.
“Because? Please continue, Miss Bennet. You would do me a favour by being completely honest, as I am well aware my behaviour since I arrived in Hertfordshire has been discourteous and given offence on more than one occasion.”
Their eyes met and held and she felt slightly dizzy.
She hesitated, embarrassed to speak so openly to him.
She realised it was their first private conversation since the beginning of their acquaintance, and the rules of decorum demanded more reserve, more caution in expressing her opinion and definitely avoiding personal discussion as well as the choice of a more neutral subject.
But given recent events, it was too late for such prudence; his intense stare was already burning her cheeks chilled by the cold breeze, so she breathed deeply and spoke boldly.
“Very well, sir. With everything that has happened lately, I agree honesty is the best choice. I believed Mr Wickham’s allegations against you because they supported my ill opinion of you.
I did like him when we first met, but beyond that, I disliked you more.
His claims confirmed my wounded pride and vanity, blinding my common sense and reasoning, so I accepted his charges without asking for details or evidence.
I have never acted so foolishly before!”
He almost staggered. Her words cut deeply and savagely through his mind and heart at the same time.
He had already suspected as much — Wickham had told him, then Bingley, and Mr Bennet as well — but hearing her admission of how much she despised him in her own words, from her lips that he had so often dreamed of tasting one day, seeing the truth in the fine eyes that had haunted his dreams day and night was so painful that it took his breath away.
It took him a tremendous effort to gather an appropriate answer and speak around the hard lump in his throat.
“I understand…and I thank you for your frankness, Miss Bennet,” he finally responded.
“I am glad we had the chance to speak, Mr Darcy…and while I am not glad that I have grossly misjudged you, I admit to it freely. And I am glad I have had the opportunity to apologise.”
“May I… If you do not mind…I am just curious…what induced you to loathe me so deeply? Which of all my manners appalled you the most? Was it something I did? I said? I am only asking because I owe it to you to make amends for everything that has previously displeased you.”
“No, no, do not think you owe me anything, sir! But since you asked…your manners were not at all appalling — when you chose to display them — and you always had something intelligent and interesting to say when you chose to indulge us with some conversation. When we first met you at the assembly, everybody admired you. When you first entered the room, everyone was impressed by your presence. And then, by the end of the evening, somehow you succeeded in offending everyone present, including me.”
She paused and looked at him, resorting as usual to humour, trying to sound more in jest and to hide the hurt behind a smile and merriment, while she removed the last burden from her chest.
“I know I am not the most beautiful woman, not even among my sisters — indeed, how could I compare to Jane? — but I have never been called tolerable in public. And nobody has ever refused publicly to dance with me.”
She even tried a laugh, although he saw the hurt it disguised, and his countenance darkened in mortification while the concerned frown on his forehead deepened to a fiery scowl.
“Miss Bennet, please! In this, I must defend myself. I must explain… That night, when I refused to dance, I never intended to offend you. I came to the assembly against my every inclination, but I was a guest in Bingley’s household and I could not refuse.
I was not in any disposition to dance, to be sociable, or to talk, as I had too much on my mind.
I had barely looked at you at all and did not even notice your figure before I spoke.
I just wished to be left alone, but Bingley was insistent.
I see now that my comment was hurtful and insensitive—”
“Knowing the whole truth now, I better understand you, Mr Darcy. The worry and concern for your sister were still fresh. I understand you were not in any humour to be introduced to everyone, let alone to such a boisterous crowd, or to dance. I wonder that you came to Hertfordshire at all…”
“I confess I would have rather stayed in London, with my sister. But Georgiana was just accommodating herself to her new companion, Mrs Annesley. She also seemed uncomfortable in my company. I observed it and it saddened me, since we have always been very close. She probably felt remorseful after Ramsgate, for allowing the deception and for upsetting me, while I was proud of her courage and blamed myself for not protecting her better. I did not always know what to say to her, and we are both of a reserved and quiet nature…”
“It must have been painful for both of you…”
“Very much so. But that is no excuse for my rudeness towards you, Miss Bennet. I should have known better. I do know better. Please accept my deepest and most honest apologies, although I know it to be too late to ask for forgiveness…”
“It is not too late — the time is perfect for our new truce, Mr Darcy. We have offended each other enough — let us forget the past, shall we?”
“I would be happy to, if you wish, Miss Elizabeth.”
“Good! We must put every effort into bearing each other’s company since it might happen often in the future,” she said, more light hearted, nodding smilingly towards Bingley and Jane who were walking closely side by side, caught in deep conversation.
“I agree, but I want to insist on this: know that your company is nothing but a delight to me, Miss Elizabeth,” he declared in earnest, but seeing she was somehow taken aback by his gravity, he quickly added, “I find I very much enjoy Mr Bennet’s company too. I can see your resemblance to him.”
“You see how easy it was for you to benefit from pleasant company, Mr Darcy? You simply had to visit Longbourn,” she teased him, and a sudden smile twisted his lips and lit his eyes.
They were interrupted by Bingley and Jane, hurrying to them with such an apparent enthusiastic agitation that there was no doubt left about the subject and resolution of their stroll and conversation.
Jane’s eyes were shiny with happiness, and she was positively beaming while Bingley’s glowing face revealed his pride.
“Miss Elizabeth, Darcy — you must congratulate us! We are engaged to be married! Can you imagine? Please take care of Jane, I am going to talk to Mr Bennet immediately. I hope he has completed his business and can receive me without delay.”
He almost ran away, then returned and quickly kissed Jane’s gloved hand, making her blush violently. Then he walked briskly towards the house, while the other three followed him at a more sedate pace.
Darcy congratulated Jane warmly while Elizabeth embraced her affectionately. By the time they entered the house only minutes later, they found Mr Bennet and Bingley already enjoying a glass of brandy — a clear sign that the blessing had been requested and quickly granted.
Elizabeth watched Darcy attentively during the rest of the visit.
He had disapproved of Bingley’s admiration for Jane in the past — that was clear enough to her.
What had changed his opinion she could only speculate, but that afternoon, in the welcoming Longbourn drawing-room, savouring Mr Bennet’s brandy and conversation, Elizabeth was certain that he enjoyed himself; and he looked nothing but supportive of his friend’s engagement.
The two gentlemen left just in time to avoid meeting Mrs Bennet and her youngest daughters. Mr Bennet had wisely requested time to share the good news with his wife and invited Bingley and Darcy to call again the next day, after Mrs Bennet’s raptures had somewhat diminished.
All of them knew that Mr Bingley would have an even more daunting task in sharing the happy news with his own family at Netherfield — and while eager, he depended on Mr Darcy’s support to survive that evening.