Chapter 17
While the presence of the Gardiners always brought happiness, and Elizabeth was overjoyed with their visit, the conversation increased her unease even more and lowered her spirits to a point where her aunt asked her if she was ill.
Her emphatic admission, in front of her entire family, that she approved of Darcy took part of the burden from her shoulders, but her internal turmoil kept her distracted and restless.
The details, as inconsequential as they were, filled in by her aunt made her comprehend that, while she still believed she had been correct to reject his marriage proposal, her decision might have caused her a more significant loss than she had first assumed.
She had refused to marry a man whom she felt she did not know well enough, although she now recognised his good qualities.
From his own admission and the insight she had gleaned from her reflections, she understood that his proposal — under the pretext of fulfilling his duty to preserve her honour — must have been induced by strong feelings, although he did not express them.
And the more she thought of him, the more she feared that knowing him better, her own feelings for him might grow, enhance, and transform.
The first signs were that she missed him, and that knot in her stomach would re-appear frequently at the mere mention of his name.
What if she discovered that he might be well suited to her, that their union could have been the opposite of misery — as she had called it — but her revelation had come too late and was now useless?
Mrs Gardiner said that just being invited to Pemberley was a thing of great significance.
What of being the mistress of Pemberley?
The wife of the master, living by his side as a friend, a partner, a lover.
It was not about his wealth, or the pin money, or the jewels or carriages — she did not consider all those.
It was about what Pemberley and the Darcys meant.
It was about his handsome features, his frown when he was displeased, his dark eyes, the intense stare he fixed her with whenever they were in company, his little smile, and the dimples appearing in his cheeks when he tried to conceal it.
What if he changed his mind and never sought more opportunities to deepen their acquaintance? What if — even worse — he found someone worthy of him and ready to accept staying by his side?
Fortunately, just as cold shivers started to crawl down her back again, she was pulled from further musing and regrets as the family reunited for dinner, and she was surrounded by her cousins — Ellen, a sweet and elegant young Miss Gardiner of nine years old, young Master Thomas Gardiner at the great age of seven, and Master Andrew who had just turned five years old.
Her young cousins demanded her full attention, keeping her busy and engaging her entire concentration — at least until she withdrew to her chamber and had to face her restlessness and her thoughts in yet another sleepless night.
***
The first two days with the Gardiners turned Longbourn into a bustle of activity, joy, laughter, cries, and frolics testing Mrs Bennet’s fragile nerves.
Elizabeth spent time with the children outside as much as the cold weather allowed, so they were spoiled and exhausted from playing, attention, and affection.
The exercise helped Elizabeth too, engaging her during the day as tiredness granted her a few hours of rest every night.
On the third day, while they were gathered for a late dinner and the children had already been sent to their chambers, while the wind was blowing stronger outside shaking the window panes, Mr Bingley finally returned, bringing almost unbearable felicity to both Jane and Mrs Bennet.
He stopped at Longbourn directly from the road, so eager to be reunited with his betrothed that he neglected his dusty and improper appearance after a long ride.
He was welcome with loud exclamations of joy and invited to sit, then introduced to the Gardiners, all in an outburst of enthusiasm.
“My dear Mr Bingley, but you must stay for dinner! I shall not accept a refusal!” Mrs Bennet declared.
“I am very sorry to decline such a kind invitation, but I absolutely must, as much as I would wish otherwise,” he said, the regret genuine in his voice and in the longing gaze he exchanged with Jane.
“But why?”
“I have just arrived, and the carriage went on to take the trunks to Netherfield but will come to retrieve me shortly as I cannot ride this late in this weather. But I shall call first thing tomorrow morning as there are so many things to discuss and to agree to, and I need Miss Bennet’s opinion to settle everything for Christmas and further on. ”
Jane blushed and nodded in acceptance, very pleased with his eagerness, while he could hardly take his eyes from her.
“But, Mr Bingley, have you notified your housekeeper of your return? Does your cook know to wait on you with dinner? You cannot possibly dine alone in that large, empty house! Can you not stay and return to Netherfield later?” Mrs Bennet insisted.
Bingley seemed to wake from the spell of Jane’s beautiful angelic countenance and replied excitedly, “Oh, but I am not alone at all! I forgot to inform you — Darcy has returned, together with Miss Darcy and her companion, Mrs Annesley. They will all spend Christmas here. Is it not wonderful? And his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam and some friends will join him. They are expected to arrive within a couple of days.”
“Mr Darcy?” Elizabeth asked hastily, in utter amazement, before she could control her curiosity.
“Yes!” Bingley replied. “He would have liked to stop here with me, but he said he did not wish to intrude since you did not expect his presence. And besides, Miss Darcy needed to be accompanied home safely anyway.”
“Of course,” Jane intervened with growing confidence, realising he was, after all, her betrothed, and she did not need to restrain her manners. “Then we shall not delay you any further. Thank you for stopping here to greet us. You have been missed, sir.”
“And I missed being here. Very much so,” Bingley replied, lost in her eyes.
He then took another farewell with obvious regret to leave.
“So, I shall call on you in the morning,” he repeated. “You would not mind if Darcy joined me?”
“Mind? Of course not,” Jane assured him. “Mr Darcy was dearly missed too, and we would be honoured to meet Miss Darcy.”
“Indeed,” Elizabeth added in low voice, barely finding her words but feeling she should acquiesce to Jane’s assurance.
“Please convey to Mr Darcy that we look forward to seeing him again. He is as welcome at Longbourn as you are, sir, and his presence is never an intrusion,” Mr Bennet declared. “Is it not so, Lizzy?”
“Yes, very much so,” she answered, her voice slightly tremulous. “No intrusion at all,” she added more firmly, while Bingley bowed one more time and left, perfectly on time for the carriage which came to retrieve him.
Once the carriage transporting Bingley was no longer in sight of the dining room’s windows, everyone started to talk, agitatedly, excitedly, and eager for more.
Mrs Bennet for more news about the licence and the upcoming wedding, Jane for more time spent with her betrothed, Mrs Gardiner for more time and opportunity to become formally acquainted with Mr Darcy and his sister, the younger Bennet sisters for more of what their sister’s marriage would bring to them.
Mr Bennet only wanted for more peace and quiet, starting immediately if possible; a desire shared by Elizabeth, who struggled to regain some composure.
The news of Darcy’s return, imparted by Mr Bingley without any warning, took Elizabeth by surprise and left her distressed beyond words.
As many times as she considered the future meeting with him, a reunion so soon was not even taken into consideration.
He had said his farewells informing everyone in regard to his decision to spend Christmas in London with Miss Darcy.
And yet, less than a fortnight later, he was at Netherfield again, this time bringing his sister with him.
Why such a radical change of mind in a man who was always in control of his plans?
Why would he expose his sister to the danger of a journey in winter weather when it was not necessary?
What drew him back to Hertfordshire? Was he induced by his loyalty to Bingley?
Perhaps he did not want to leave his friend alone at such a special time of the year, before his wedding?
Could there be other thoughts, feelings, or wishes that made him leave the comfort of his own town house?
Was it too presumptuous, too preposterous to imagine that it had something to do with her?
And if so, was she pleased or rather discontented by his actions?
His proposal and her rejection — as well as their mutual agreement to forget both — were still so very recent, intense, and unsettling.
She had missed him, that much she admitted, but was she ready to see him again already?
“My dear Jane, I believe your role as the mistress of Netherfield will start tomorrow! Mr Bingley wished to ask your opinion about the Christmas dinner. Was I not right when I imagined we would have a family party at Netherfield?” Mrs Bennet challenged her family, clasping her hands gleefully.
“You were right, Sister,” Mrs Gardiner calmly agreed. “And Mr Bingley seems like a very handsome and amiable man. I dare say he is very much in love with our dear Jane.”
“He is. Why would he not be? She is so beautiful and sweet, and he danced two sets with her the first evening they met. I only hope Miss Darcy is not as reserved and haughty as her brother! We barely became accustomed to Mr Darcy’s disagreeable nature. I really cannot start anew with his sister!”