Chapter 19
The sound of the wind making the windows tremble woke Darcy and, confused, he wondered whether he had slept at all.
However, he felt rested, animated, and light hearted nevertheless — more so than any other night after his failed marriage proposal to Elizabeth.
He had been in turns sad, disappointed, hurt, and outright offended by her rejection, but very soon he had learnt to admire her strength of character and fierce sense of honour.
She had refused an offer which could provide a safe future for her and for her family — the aspiration of most women.
She had admitted that her opinion of him was not as low as he had feared, but still she had refused what her heart was not fully confident to accept.
“Yet,” his traitorous heart whispered, and he could not but praise and applaud such integrity and courage, as he thought how rewarding it would be to be accepted by such a woman.
He had fallen in love with her long ago, and much time had passed since he had acknowledged it to himself, but he continued to discover more new reasons to admire and love her.
Most ardently. He could not speak of his feelings to her — not yet.
If he did, it would be as though he was forcing his love on her.
Or worse, she would accept him out of kindness, because he knew, and had seen, what a kind and warm person she was.
He would not want her pity! His sentiments would remain hidden until he was certain — this time without any doubt — that she was willing to accept and welcome them, and he was hopeful that one day she would return them.
He had left Hertfordshire with the desire to return — how could he not? — but without any definite plans. He had been missing Elizabeth deeply, acutely — a longing he had not ever felt before.
The first few days in London had been very difficult, as Georgiana had been more affected and grieved by Wickham’s death than he had expected.
Despite the scoundrel’s flaws and his recent attempt to take advantage of and hurt Georgiana, she still remembered him with the affectionate heart of the child who grew up with him, remembering him fondly, as she had known him in the midst of her family.
She needed another week to recover and show interest in anything else, but she soon started to ask him about his time in Hertfordshire and especially about the young woman whose actions had saved them from scandal.
Colonel Fitzwilliam was a regular participant in such discussions, being the only one in the family aware of the totality of Darcy’s dealings with Wickham.
Then one evening, Darcy invited Bingley to join Colonel Fitzwilliam, who had come to dine with him and Georgiana.
The conversation turned quickly to the Bennets, mostly Jane, but Elizabeth was mentioned by Bingley several times.
Georgiana and the colonel enquired more and Bingley revealed his sisters’ opposition to his engagement based on their low opinion of the entire county and the Bennets in particular, as well as his plans to return to Hertfordshire and marry as soon as possible.
Darcy still could not remember precisely who had first suggested that he and Georgiana spend Christmas at Netherfield, but his sister was exceedingly happy at the prospect and Bingley was as thrilled and excited as a child.
The colonel — who had already accepted an invitation to visit a friend and his beautiful, wealthy sister — declared he would also join them on his way back to London.
From that day on, Darcy waited and dreamed of his reunion with Elizabeth.
He tried not to allow his hopes to run too high, but at least he knew he may count on her friendship, her companionship, her enchanting presence, and her kindness to Georgiana.
And he looked forward to the opportunity for further agreements — as she had said when they last met.
On the first morning back in Hertfordshire, when he had called at Longbourn, the moment he laid eyes on her he noticed she was not displeased to see him.
She had smiled at him with more warmth than during the entire first month of their acquaintance.
And, through the layers of their thick winter garments, he could still feel the gentle touch of her hand on his arm.
Her nearness made him lightheaded, her presence enchanted him in ways he never could have imagined.
Elizabeth’s encounter with Georgiana was everything he had hoped for on both sides. And the extraordinary coincidence of Mrs Gardiner having roots in Lambton seemed an unexpected nudge that fate had offered him.
***
“Mama, but why can we not go to Harriet’s party?” Lydia whined loudly during breakfast.
“Because we shall all be at dinner at Netherfield! I already told you that!”
“Mama! Nobody cares about Kitty and me at Netherfield anyway! Jane will be with her Mr Bingley, but for the rest of us there is no fun! It would be cruel to keep us from a party with the officers! We could dance and have supper and then we can retire to a room, just the two of us! Harriet said we can sleep there again, she is to take care of everything!”
Mrs Bennet, already irritated, looked to her husband.
“Lydia, stop being so tiresome! You should show more compassion for my poor nerves. Mr Bennet, what do you think? Should we let them attend Mrs Forster’s Christmas party?”
“As you wish, Mrs Bennet. I truly have no decided opinion on this. If they prefer to be with strangers rather than with their family, I have little to say.”
“But Papa, they are not strangers, they are all our friends,” Kitty insisted. “And they are all without their families at this time…”
“Yes, Papa, we should be compassionate,” Lydia pounced on the idea. “And as you have seen, everything went so well last time you allowed us to stay overnight at Colonel Forster’s house.”
“And besides, Harriet said that if we do not go, there will not be enough unmarried ladies, and the officers will not be able to dance,” Lydia added.
“Yes, that would be a great misfortune indeed,” Mr Bennet uttered, rolling his eyes.
“Lydia, Mr Bingley might be upset if you refuse the invitation,” Jane tried to intervene calmly.
“Mr Bingley this, Mr Bingley that! I have had enough of him! You care for nothing but Mr Bingley! And he brings Mr Darcy, who is so stern and intimidating and frightens everyone! I can barely speak or even eat in his presence!” Lydia burst out angrily.
“Who is so frightening?” Andrew Gardiner asked, curious at the sudden argument.
“Mr Darcy is! You will see when you meet him,” Lydia replied, and the child threw a fearful glance at his mother, in search of protection.
“Do not worry, my dear, Lydia is only joking,” Elizabeth comforted him, caressing his hair.
“I know what Lydia is doing. She is trying to start an argument to have her way. Mama always says I am doing that,” Thomas explained.
“Thomas, hush, we should not interrupt adults when they speak,” young Ellen censured her brother.
“But they are not adults — she is just Lydia,” Thomas replied.
“My dears, eat your breakfast,” Mrs Gardiner settled her children. “It is not our business to interfere.”
“Good advice. You eat your breakfast too, Lydia, we have listened to you long enough,” Mr Bennet at last intervened.
“And if your mother allows you, you may go to the party. It would be better for everyone’s state of mind, instead of attending a dinner in company not to your taste, which you will loathe and be disagreeable at, ruining our disposition too. ”
Lydia and Kitty reacted with a burst of joy, embracing their father, hearing only the approval they sought out of his speech, having little patience for the rest of the meal, and shouting their delight until breakfast finally ended.
Afterwards, they hurried to search for the most appropriate gowns to take with them, fighting over bonnets, ribbons, and gloves.
Jane tried to temper them but met with no success.
Elizabeth felt selfishly content; she had feared that a refusal would have made Kitty, and especially Lydia, poor company at the dinner, and suddenly she worried about how Mr Darcy and his sister might have judged the total want of propriety in their behaviour.
As much as she loved Lydia and Kitty, she was not blind in regard to their faults.
Having met Miss Darcy a day prior and admired her impeccable manners made her conscientious of their behaviour, which seemed even wilder by comparison.
Especially their unguarded preference for officers, so openly and nonchalantly declared, was mortifying and difficult to regulate.
“Lizzy, will you come outside and play with us?” little Andrew asked her, grasping her hand with both of his.
She shook off all her worrisome thoughts and smiled at him. “Of course, my love. Any time you want.”
***
The horses slowed down, their gait now a walk, while the riders, cheeks red from the exercise and cold wind, rejoiced in breathing the fresh air.
“Longbourn is just there,” Bingley pointed out. “Should we stop for a short call?”
“Can we?” Georgiana replied with concern. “They might be busy, already entertaining the family. We cannot simply intrude.”
“Oh, do not worry, they are always happy to have callers. Just be warned, Miss Darcy, that Mrs Bennet and the youngest girls are different from Jane and Elizabeth,” Bingley explained. “A little too…ahem…boisterous at times, but very lively.”
Georgiana looked at her brother, who nodded reassuringly. “I believe you will enjoy the visit after all. That is, if you want to go. If not, Bingley may go alone, and we shall continue our ride to Netherfield.”
“I believe I would like to go,” she eventually replied after a brief hesitation.
“Excellent!” We shall all go together,” Bingley concluded joyfully, prodding his horse forward.