Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
“Follow your heart,” Lucy whispered to herself, testing out her friend’s words of wisdom.
Feeling bold, she wore the midnight blue dress Daniel had bought for her. It was a challenge and a silent declaration, assuming Daniel would be there to see her.
The silk felt heavenly. It was almost like water that had taken shape and enveloped her skin. It was a stark contrast to the scratchy, heavy dresses Joshua usually bought for her.
With the change, she no longer felt so confined. While she could barely recognize herself in the mirror, she appreciated how the color and fabric made her skin glow.
Follow your heart.
For years, she had ignored her heart, and not just because her brother had turned out to be strict. She had been afraid to put it out there for fear of rejection. It was always better to be the one to retreat.
Recently, though, she had made the effort to connect with other gentlemen, but her brother had always been there to prevent them from calling on her.
Tonight, she felt restless. Daniel had bought her a dress. It did not matter if he wanted to pursue her. She did not want to waste the things that she had been given. Not anymore.
A sharp knock at her chamber door pulled her out of her thoughts. She had made certain it was locked, as Joshua had developed a habit of barging in.
“The carriage is waiting, Lucy,” he called.
He sounded impatient, as usual.
Lucy took a deep breath, hoping that tonight would be better than the previous nights.
When she stepped out, she saw exactly the moment Joshua froze. The hallway might be dimly lit, but she knew that he could see the details of her dress. It could withstand light and darkness. The proof was in the way his eyes traveled from the hem of her skirts to her exposed throat.
Lucy waited for the shouts and demands to change her clothes. Her heart was already wrecked at the very thought. Still, the silence stretched out. It was awkward and heavy, and she did not understand it.
“Where did you get that dress?” he demanded. His voice wasn’t loud; it just had a strange edge to it.
Lucy gripped her fan for courage. She would stand her ground this time. She had known he would ask, and she had already rehearsed a lie. All she had to do now was to say it confidently until she herself believed it.
“I have been keeping it for a long time, Joshua. I found it in the back of my wardrobe and decided to wear it. Something different. After all, it is Lord Havisham’s exhibition of antiques. Why should I not wear something old that looks new? I know you want to impress him, too.”
“Y-you are right. I want to impress Lord Havisham,” Joshua said, his voice strained.
He probably agreed because Lord Havisham was old and married. His sons were away.
Still, the fact that Joshua was not angry was more unsettling, for some reason. He looked pensive as his hand hovered over the silk of her sleeve. His eyes were hooded. Unreadable.
“I—I was just surprised by the bold color.”
He did not blink. Instead, he inhaled deeply.
What was he doing? His eyes were not fixed on her face either, but on the spot right above her sternum. It was almost as if he was assessing how tight her bodice was. But that would be strange, would it not?
She shook the ugly thought away.
“Well, we must go, or we will be late,” he said abruptly, lowering his hand. “Please do not wander off like last time. Stay nearby.”
That was a strange interaction, indeed.
Lucy had been on several carriage rides with her brother through the years. That much was certain. However, the carriage ride to the Havisham townhouse felt like a surreal dream.
Suffocating silence reigned. Opposite her, Joshua had decided to keep quiet instead of spouting his usual brotherly rules, disguised as advice. He was also as still as a statue, but not in the way Lucy was at the Redmoor ball. His immobility was by choice, not by desperation.
There was something unsettling about his appraisal of her midnight blue silk. It made the small cabin tighter. She tried to control her breathing, not wanting to end in a panic where she had to loosen her stays.
The nightmarish conditions continued, though.
Each time the carriage stumbled over a cobblestone or a stray rock, his knee would brush hers.
He would not move away each time. Meanwhile, she had to press herself closer to the door, her heart galloping in what she considered unreasonable fear.
Still, she prayed that they’d reach their destination as soon as possible.
When they arrived, her relief had her almost jumping out at the footman. Still, she tried to hold on to her composure. When her feet reached the ground, she tried to act more confident than she truly felt. She looked much better today, perhaps even beautiful.
The Havisham townhouse managed to dispel the dark thoughts that were encroaching on her. The light and noise completely shifted her train of thought. Instead of worrying about Joshua’s strange behavior, she now had to endure the curious gazes of people who’d seen her arrive.
People were watching her closely. What happened to the drab lady who wore shapeless grey dresses? Tonight, she wore a color that shimmered under the lights. The midnight blue also made her skin look like alabaster and her dark hair almost inky black. She had to admit the contrast was lovely.
Even older matrons took notice. They paused mid-gossip, their fans slowing down as their eyes scanned her from head to toe. Young men stood straighter as she passed.
Did the dress have magic? It must be what young ladies with splendid budgets for the modiste felt all the time. Now, she had it, and I made her feel lighter, almost powerful.
Lucy could not help but smile. The only thing that dragged her down a little was the weight of Joshua’s gaze following her as she moved.
What Lucy did not notice right away was that Daniel stood not too far away, looking at her. His hands were clasped behind his back, as if he were restraining himself.
From where he stood, the crowd was a blur. All he could see were sparkling jewels and shiny silks blending with smooth coats and a handful of hats. His eyes were focused on a target, though, and when he finally found her, his breath stuttered.
Lucy was wearing the dress he had bought her. She was a vision in midnight blue. The dress hugged her in all the right places, and the color highlighted her porcelain skin.
“Careful, friend,” Theo warned teasingly. “If you stare at her any harder, you may burn a hole through that lovely silk. It would be a shame to destroy such an expensive gift. Don’t you think?”
“I am merely giving each guest the attention they deserve,” Daniel replied, but his eyes remained on the object of his obsession.
“Oh, right. And I am here for the Medieval shields and the Roman pottery,” Theo snorted. “She looks transformed, as if she’s tasted some freedom. Some hope. You might have just given her something dangerous: wings.”
Guilt wracked Daniel again. Had he given her false hope? He did not regret buying her the dress. It suited her well.
Joshua had been hiding his sister for no good reason. He should have realized that Lucy would have long married if not for his interventions.
Possessive pride rushed through Daniel. There was also a little relief. Perhaps if the Earl were not such a strict brother, he would not have had a chance with Lucy.
He didn’t even know if he wanted a chance.
He shook his head angrily. He was so confused.
The Brighton sisters descended upon Lucy. They seemed very ecstatic at her decision to wear the dress.
“I did not know you bought it,” Victoria gushed, her hand on her chest. “You look beautiful. You always do, but this dress does not hide your charms at all.”
“The color is absolutely exquisite on you,” Marianne agreed, fanning herself rapidly. “It may be unlike you, but it is the right decision.”
“It’s not just the color. The silk simply suits your figure, Lucy,” Daphne said with a small smile.
“Dare I voice my thoughts?” Elizabeth asked jokingly. “You are not just an artist, but a vision of art.”
Lucy blushed at the words of praise. “I certainly was not planning to purchase this dress, but apparently we belong together.”
It was the only thing she could say without having to lie to her friends.
After exchanging a few stories, they drifted away from each other. Each had to converse with particular acquaintances or rejoin their spouses. Lucy used the time to investigate some of the antiques. Her fingers hovered over the engravings on some antique plates when a shadow fell over her.
She turned around to see what it was and had to stifle a groan. She could not help but frown, though. She had conducted herself impeccably. She had stayed within the space he deemed acceptable.
What was he going to tell her now?
“That plate is from the Roman elite, Lucy,” Joshua said, in the haughty tone she was familiar with.
Relief flooded through her. At least, he was not acting strangely like earlier. He was just himself.
“It might have been used by a senator’s wife.”
“Actually, Marsleigh, it is a ceremonial piece, used for offering fruits on the temple of Juno,” a deep voice interjected.
Daniel stepped closer, towering over both brother and sister. “You see the engravings? They represent the peacock. The plate was not meant for the use of a senator’s wife. Rather, it was meant to be used for ceremonies. When I traveled to Pompeii three years ago, I saw another example.”
Even though she felt uncertain around him, Lucy was deeply fascinated. Her eyes went wide as she asked, “Was there another use for it, other than being symbolic?”
“Of course, it is nothing but symbolic,” Joshua grumbled.
“Yes,” Daniel replied, ignoring the Earl. “They truly believed that they were winning the goddess’s favor by letting the plate capture the sun.”
“Thank you for sharing, Your Grace. The books do not tell us as much as we would like.”
“Perhaps you are not reading the right books,” Joshua chimed in.
“That is certainly true, the books do not tell us as much as we would like. I can think of a few books to suggest to you. You might not get much from writers of leisure, but you will get enough from men of science.”
Joshua had become very quiet, undoubtedly nursing his bruised ego, but Lucy did not care at this point. She listened to everything Daniel had to say. She knew her brother might feel ignored, but they had spent their lives as if he were the only one who had a say, and she was tired of it.
When a business associate motioned for him to approach, she could not hide her relief. He cast one last suspicious look at Daniel before taking his leave.
“Would you please excuse me,” he said. “Lord Warwick wants to have a word with me.”
Perhaps Daniel did not want any more trouble with her brother because he also took his leave, but not before giving her a slight bow.
She felt deeply disappointed, questioning whether her dress had any effect on him at all. Again, she reminded herself that this was a man who was used to seeing the most beautiful ladies in London, even on the Continent. She could not compete, and probably should just face reality.
“That’s quite a bold choice for a dress for a spinster who hides in the shadows,” Lady Catherine commented, her approach so sudden that it startled Lucy.
The woman seemed to always find some issue with her, and tonight was no exception. It wasn’t even a ball.
“Did the Earl of Marsleigh’s tastes drastically change, or are you rebelling, Lady Lucy?”
“Sometimes, even the shadows get tired of corners, Lady Cecily,” Lucy responded with her head held high.
“I do believe, however, that one must focus on the knowledge that can be gained from an antique exhibition. It is far more productive and several times less petty than scrutinizing other people’s clothes. ”
Lady Cecily’s jaw dropped. She clearly had not expected Lucy to respond, much less be harsh. She did recover quickly, though. A cruel smirk curved her lips.
“Knowledge? How quaint! How virtuous!” she mocked, her voice rising on purpose, drawing a few ladies to her side. “Tell me, dear, where did you get it? There is no way the Earl would have bought a dress with a low neckline.”
Whispers began. If the Earl did not buy the dress for his sister, then the implication was clear: someone else must have. Some guests drew closer at the scent of a possible scandal.
“I cannot recall where I bought the dress,” Lucy lied, trying to keep her voice steady. “It was a long time ago.”
“Don’t tell me you kept such a lovely dress hidden all these years?” Lady Cecily asked, shaking her head in mock disbelief. “It looks in fashion, suspiciously Parisian. Could it be true? Could it be a secret gift?”
“Is someone other than her brother providing her with fine things?” Lucy heard another lady whisper to her friend.
She felt cold all over. She felt trapped.