Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Daniel is here.
Lucy was in a panic, but everything suddenly calmed when she saw him standing in the greenhouse.
The greenhouse itself took a life of its own. With the dew clinging to the glass and the moon illuminating it, the place looked almost ethereal, and the lantern a beacon.
Daniel stood behind the ferns, although his size made it difficult for him to fully hide. What was he planning to do? Blow the lantern if someone other than her came?
His eyes widened when he saw her, but she could not help but notice the weariness on his face.
“You came,” he said, as if he didn’t quite believe it.
“You told me to wait. I wondered if you had changed your mind. So, when you came, I was about to sleep,” she replied, her voice trembling.
She had practiced her composure, but the moment she saw him, everything crumbled. She felt naked, standing before him in a robe, with her hair hanging down her shoulders. At the same time, it felt almost natural, as if the only person she could be this comfortable with was him.
“Why are you here? Were you inspecting my brother’s prized orchids at this time of night? They are lovely, but not worth losing sleep over.”
Daniel did not smile, and Lucy second-guessed her attempt at a jest. He was looking at her, his eyes traveling from her face to her nightgown and robe, and then to her slippered feet. He looked taken aback, reminded of the time and the manner in which they were meeting.
“I came because I keep seeing your face. I remember that kiss in the library. While God knows it is improper, I know I must speak to you in private.”
Lucy tensed. It might sound like a declaration of love, but the look on his face told a different story. Instead of being thrilled that he was stepping closer to her as she imagined he would, she backed away. She suddenly did not want to hear what he was about to say.
“It was a mistake, Lucy.”
She was right.
“It was a moment of weakness, and I do not have an excuse for doing it. Tonight, I felt foolish for putting you in a position where your reputation might have been tarnished and brought into question by women like Lady Cecily. It was my fault.”
He looked down at his shoes, clenching his jaw. “I am here so that I won’t keep giving you false hope. You deserve something better, not to spend time waiting for a man like me.”
The words felt like a slap across the face. Earlier, all she had felt was a mix of hope and vulnerability; now, all she could feel was anger. It was not a feeling one might often associate with her, but it came bright and fierce.
“A mistake?” she echoed, her voice rising.
“Is that what you see me as? A mere lapse in judgment? Something to add to your list of regrets? You can’t do that.
You also can’t decide what I feel and what I am willing to risk.
All my life, Joshua has made it clear that I can’t make such decisions.
He thinks I am too soft. Well, I am sick and tired of men telling me what I feel and what I can or cannot do. ”
Daniel flinched.
“Lucy, I only—I meant—”
“I know what the likes of you mean,” she interrupted. “So, do you want to be lauded for your martyrdom as you attempt to save me from yourself?”
Daniel looked at her then. Really looked at her. Lucy could feel the heat of his gaze, but this time, it was not desire she saw there. He was truly trying to read her. Perhaps trying to understand her.
“What about your brother?” he asked softly. “Is he the reason why you are tired of men speaking for you? He is overprotective, isn’t he?”
Lucy exhaled sharply, anger swiftly draining from her. She was just exhausted. “He is not my father, but he acts as if he were, and worse! He thinks he is my conscience, perhaps even my owner if that makes sense.”
Daniel turned to the left, his eyes landing on some hanging moss. Was everything too much for him? Was that what this was about?
“Brothers can be that overprotective, Lucy,” he said. “We feel responsible for the virtue of our sisters.”
“You don’t act like that with your sisters,” she pointed out.
It was Daniel’s turn to exhale sharply. He leaned his hip against a bench, the lantern light making his eyes glint.
“I am not, I suppose. However, I do have regrets about the way I handled my sisters. I was away from them for too long and failed to protect them.”
Lucy walked toward him, her slippered feet silent on the ground. They were too close now.
“They love you. I saw your interactions with my own eyes. There is nothing to be guilty about. You are human. You are allowed to make mistakes, especially since you didn’t mean them, and you are sorry.”
Their gazes locked.
Lucy held her breath, her chest tightening with tension. He reached out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. His touch, though brief and gentle, sent searing heat across her skin, only to be cooled by the early morning air.
“I should not have come here,” he whispered, even as his thumb brushed her temple.
“Why did you, then?” she whispered back.
Daniel dropped his hand and heaved a sigh. He furrowed his brow as if breathing hurt. Then, he gave her a determined look, one she had been dreading.
“I can’t marry you, Lucy,” he said softly. “I can’t give you hope. I can’t risk your reputation. I can’t marry you. I can’t marry anyone at all. I still have—”
He stopped so abruptly as if an invisible hand had gripped his throat.
Lucy watched breathlessly as his posture changed when words failed him. She had a glimpse of the vulnerability Daniel showed, which was quickly replaced by a dogged determination.