Chapter Twenty
Hugo awoke, surprised he had gotten any sleep at all.
He rose and threw on some clothes without ringing for Alfie.
Unwashed and unshaved, he ventured downstairs and out the door, heading straight to Hyde Park.
The streets of Mayfair were quiet at this time of morning.
Members of the ton would be sleeping now, having only returned to their beds from last night’s ball only an hour or so ago.
He reached the park and entered it, knowing he would have it to himself for the next few hours.
While a few gentlemen might ride in Rotten Row in an hour or two, the rest of the park would be deserted.
No nannies or governesses bringing children here to entertain them for an hour or two.
No carriages driving through, stopping to speak with others doing the same.
As he walked, he began singing aloud, his rich bass filling the air, mingling with the sounds of birds chirping.
It was exhilarating to sing in the open air, no one around to judge him.
Then he moved to reciting poetry, concentrating as his tongue formed the words to complicated lines.
The practice did him good, helping to bolster his confidence, which had been shattered by Balch and Calley at the musicale.
Finishing up his recitation of a favorite Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem, he suddenly realized someone walked beside him and came to a halt, grateful to see Matthew there with him.
His friend merely nodded, and they continued walking side-by-side for another good hour, no words necessary between them.
A melody kept playing over and over in his head.
While Hugo had dabbled with writing a few piano compositions on his own over the last few years, none had come to him so fully formed as this one did.
He let the melody play on, working out various chords to use with it, knowing his muse was none other than Lady Tia Worthington.
Matthew finally broke the silence. “Shall we sit a bit?”
He nodded, and they made their way to the closest bench. As he sat, weariness seemed to seep into his very bones.
“I suppose you are checking on me, as a physician might an ailing patient.”
“What are friends for if not to be there when one is in need?”
They sat in companionable silence for several minutes, and then Matthew spoke again.
“It is worse than I would have suspected,” he began.
Hugo had known he would be chewed up and spit out by the gossips of the ton, but he had not thought they would disparage him to his dearest friend.
“You must not defend me, Matthew. I do not want you to lose any of your standing in Polite Society because of your association with me. If you are to cut ties, I completely understand. I know you had mentioned searching for a bride this Season, and I—”
“I may have spoken of that. As usual, I have found no young lady who interests me enough to pursue the idea. And as far as abandoning you when you are in need? I thought you knew me better than that, old friend. What I am referring to is not you, Hugo. It is Lady Tia.”
He winced, knowing he had dragged the beauty into his own misery.
He had been shocked—and then thrilled—to learn that she cared enough about him to defend him after he had left the musicale.
But just as he had worried that Matthew would be tainted because of their friendship, it seemed the same had occurred with Lady Tia.
“How bad is it?”
“I arrived at last night’s ball only minutes before it began. I observed not a single gentleman in her vicinity. Lady Tia had all her family gathered about her in a strong show of support, but they were like an island to themselves.”
It pained Hugo to hear this. “Go on.”
“I asked if I might dance with her, and she handed me her blank programme.”
Matthew’s words stung him. Usually, Lady Tia’s dance card filled long before a ball began.
“She is that much a pariah?”
His friend nodded solemnly. “After I signed her card, a few others from the fringes of Polite Society approached her, but it was obvious that she was not meeting with the success she has experienced since the start of the Season.”
“Perhaps it will get better,” he said, instinctively knowing that it wouldn’t. He had dragged the woman he loved into the mire with him.
The woman he loved . . .
He had never admitted to himself that he did love her—and now it was too late to act upon it.
“You should encourage her to go home to the country,” he said quietly. “Or speak with Millbrooke about it. By the time next Season comes around, I would hope that the gossip surrounding her might have died down.”
“That is the last thing she will do,” his friend told him. “I asked to claim her for the supper dance so that we might speak. Of you.”
He swallowed. “What did she say?”
“Obviously, she asked how you fared. I did not lie to her, Hugo. I told her you were despondent.” Matthew paused. “Still, she wondered if you might have spoken of her.”
Panic soared through him. “You did not tell her . . . that I have feelings for her? I spoke to you in confidence about that.”
“I would never voice a man’s feelings for a woman. That is for you to do, Hugo.”
He raked his fingers through his hair, frustration filling him.
“How can I tell her of my feelings, Matthew? I only have just admitted to myself that I love her. I cannot tell her this because I have ruined her life. She needs to stay as far away from me as possible in order to repair her reputation. I know I allowed Dilly to talk me into remaining in town—and even attending a few more events this Season—but I am no good for Lady Tia.”
“She holds feelings for you, as well, Hugo,” Matthew informed him.
He gasped. “What?”
“Once again, it is for the two of you to sort things out between you. I believe, however, that she does hold you dear, my friend.”
“Even after I made an absolute fool of myself? You heard me, Matthew. My stammer returned in full force.”
Matthew smiled at him. “And even hearing that, she as much as admitted to me that she cares a great deal for you. Do not be foolish, Hugo. Do not let the opinions of Polite Society guide you.” His friend’s gaze met his. “Listen to your heart. Let it show you the way to Lady Tia—and happiness.”
He shook his head. “Millbrooke would never entertain an offer from me at this point. He would want better for his beloved sister.”
“Millbrooke wants his sister to be happy. As he is, with his duchess. That man could walk away from Polite Society and never look back, simply because he wed the woman he loves and needs nothing else but her and his family.” Matthew studied him.
“Do you truly love Lady Tia? Are you willing to ignore others judging you in order to spend a lifetime with someone who feels about you the way you do about her?”
Tears swam in Hugo’s eyes. “How could she want me? I stammered so badly, Matthew. Barely getting out words. I fled my former tormentors instead of standing up to them.”
“Listen to you speak. Even now, you are practicing daily. You have not stammered once during our conversation this morning. You did not tuck your tail and run home to Merrifield. You are braver than any man I know, Hugo. You simply must convince yourself of that.”
Matthew stood. “You have a choice to make now, my friend. Keep silent—and lose Lady Tia—causing both of you to be miserable for the rest of your lives. Or you can declare your love for her and pursue happiness. The choice is yours.”
Hugo watched Matthew walk away. His friend had not minced words with him.
Could he build a life with Lady Tia after such a terrible incident? Would she consider his suit?
Resolve filled him as he came to his feet. He would never know unless he spoke to her of his feelings. She still might reject him, not wishing to have to stand alone as two against all of Polite Society. At least he would know and be able to move on with his own life after he learned her thoughts.
He made his way back through the park, trying to work out things in his mind as he returned to his townhouse. What he would say to her. Where he would say it. He knew she was loved by her large family and would have them to walk with her, no matter what path she chose.
Passing Rotten Row, he saw a few riders, including a pair who raced their horses the entire length. He thought what fun it would be to ride beside his wife about Merrifield.
Hugo entered his residence and went to his study.
He wanted to consult his list of what events were scheduled for today and where they would take place.
A garden party was to be held at two o’clock this afternoon.
Another ball would take place this evening.
Mama had committed them to both events. He decided he would seek out Lady Tia at the garden party.
It might be easier to approach her at a smaller event with fewer in attendance.
He rang for Alfie, telling his valet he needed a bath, shave, and hair trim.
“Unkempt as you are, you look like you have a spark in your eye, my lord. I’m happy to clean you up and make you presentable to others. It is about time you climbed back upon the horse who unseated you.”
Hugo had poured out his heart to Alfie, telling the valet how his stammer had returned when Lord Calley and Lord Balch had mocked him. His old friend had sympathized but told Hugo at some point, he would need to take a stand.
Not only did he need to share his feelings with Lady Tia, he must also lay the ghosts of the past to rest.
He returned to his bedchamber, awaiting the hot water.
Once it came, he soaked in his bathing tub for a long time, trying to work out everything in his head.
He had learned to do so, especially when it came to important things he had to say.
The better prepared he was, the more likely he was to keep the stammering at bay.
Alfie dressed him in clothes appropriate for the garden party, and then he went to find his mother and sister to let them know he would escort them to this afternoon’s event. Mrs. Coggins told him Mama was in her sitting room, and so he made his way to her.
She eyed him carefully as he crossed the room. “You look as if you are going somewhere, Merriman. Perhaps a garden party?” she asked hopefully.
“Yes, Mama. I intend to speak to Lady Tia while I am there.”
His mother rose and came to him, placing her hands on his shoulders and brushing a kiss against his cheek.
“You must love her a great deal to face down the gossips so soon.”
Her insight surprised him. “How did you know?”
“A mother knows things about her boy, no matter how old he is, Merriman. I wish I could have been a better mother to you. I wish I would have stood up more for you. With him.”
He took her hands in his. “Mama, you did the best you could in an impossible situation. He is gone from our lives and rotting in Hell. Do not let him haunt you anymore.”
She smiled gently. “Then perhaps I will make for a better grandmother than I did mother.”
He kissed her brow. “Let me know when it is time to leave for the garden party.”
Hugo went to his study. It was impossible to accomplish any work. He merely sat at his desk, playing out various scenarios in his mind. He even recited a poem or two aloud to bolster his confidence, as well as practice what he wished to say to the woman he loved.
He did not stammer a single time.
The door flew open, and Dilly rushed in. “Is it true, Hugo? Mama said you are coming to the garden party with us.”
“I do not wish to be a coward,” he told his sister. “I need to face my demons.” He grinned. “And one special angel.”
Her eyes widened. “Do you mean . . . Tia?”
He nodded.
Dilly rushed to him. Throwing her arms about him, she said, “Oh, I think you would be wonderful together, Hugo. If you wed, Tia would truly become my sister.”
“It remains to be seen what she might say, Dilly. I know she has been ostracized because of her association with me.”
She frowned. “Matthew spoke to you, didn’t he? About last night’s ball.”
Nodding, he said, “He told me she was a pariah at the ball. It is all my fault.”
“It is the fault of those two bloody dolts, Hugo,” Dilly said, fire in her eyes. “Do not ever let men who are not gentlemen make you believe you are something which you are not. You are smart. Kind. Brave. And I could not be prouder of you.”
“Then wish me the best, my little sister, for I feel as if I am marching today into the nine circles of Dante’s Hell.”