31. Alexis
Alexis
Pissed off was a good place to start. Let’s add fuming, furious, and enraged to the mix for a little extra zing.
This cluster-fuck of a day was over, and I didn’t want to relive another second of it.
I didn’t know how long I was down in those tunnels and didn’t want to.
Both Madison and Chyler had some explaining to do, and I would eventually give them the time to do it because, by the end of it all, I was going to know every single piece of the truth, the secrets, and the lies ending now.
They can’t hide anything from me anymore. I’m not a child. Just because I am the youngest of us doesn’t mean I get to be made to look and feel like a fool. I don’t need their protection anymore. I could take care of myself.
Yes, I got myself into a fucked up situation this time, but all things considered, their secrets and lies are what landed me here in the first place. If I had known all of this about Adrian, Anathema… everything. I wouldn’t have been so easily sucked in.
Fuck, and Madison…
I may be angry with her for all of this, but I gave Adrian what he wanted. Access to her, and look what became of that. There's always a slim chance that she might not fully, emotionally recover from this… and Dean? What the fuck was going on between her and him?
I ground my teeth the entire drive back to my apartment. Simmering in the silence that I had created between Derek and myself. That last thing I needed was his pity. What I really needed was to be fucked so hard that I would forget the last twenty-four or more hours of events.
My thighs pressed together as I felt myself getting wet at the thought of sex.
I’ve never needed something more. It took all my strength not to look over at Derek as he drove us home; I couldn’t show him just how desperately I needed him.
How fucked up it was that after everything that had happened tonight, I was needy and ready to fuck.
He parked right outside the main doors of my apartment building, and I climbed out of his truck.
Noticing that he didn’t move from his seat, I turned to face him.
“Well?” I finally opened my mouth, and all he gave me in return was a confused look.
“Are you staying or leaving?” I sighed before slamming the door shut and heading to the main entrance.
Before reaching the doors, I heard his door shut and footsteps running up behind me. I bit back the grin of satisfaction .
As we started making our way up the stairwell, I could hear Derek mumbling to himself.
I knew what he was thinking because I had similar thoughts earlier.
He didn’t need to tell me his doubts. I understood them, probably because I had planted those same seeds with this whole hot and cold dance we’ve been doing for months.
For the longest time, I honestly did hate him and wanted nothing more than to bury his ass six feet under. But as time progressed and he continued to obsess over me more and more, I started growing attached to him—having feelings for him.
It was never my intention to fall in love with Derek.
We were enemies, after all, and I thought I could handle us just being casual fuck buddies at the start until I could find somebody else.
Where was the harm in that? But then feelings got involved, and I slowly descended into an intense desire for him, with my lust consuming me whole.
He may have loved me from the start, but it wasn’t until now that I truly understood the magnitude of our relationship and what he meant to me.
I thought love was something simple and easy.
But it was more than that—more than I could ever comprehend.
It was an overwhelming feeling that didn’t have or need an explanation. It just is.
Fuck it. He wins. He will always win with me.
“Derek.” I sighed, turning around and shoving him up against the nearest wall of the stairwell.
“Stop thinking. Just stop. I can hear your thoughts a mile away.” I curled my hands in his shirt, forming them into tight fists.
God, his scent was intoxicating; I wanted more of it.
He looked at me and wondered if I could read his thoughts.
Derek was an open book at this point. I could read him with my eyes closed if I wanted to.
“Yes, you are. So stop it. I’ve had a rough night—day, whatever, and the last thing I need is to stand here and reassure you of this—” The first thing I needed was a thorough fucking.
Without space to pause, I devoured his mouth, forcing my tongue between his lips and taking what was mine.
He was delicious, a taste that never disappointed.
I pulled away from him, my eyes locking on his warm brown gaze, and I couldn’t help the smirk that pulled across my lips.
“I may be wounded, and the world more fucked up than ever. But I sure as fuck know that I want you now more than before. You risked everything to save me from Adrian and Anathema. Something I believed that I never deserved in the least. So, if you think I am going to let my pretty boy go after all that? You’d be wrong. So very, very wrong .”
My eyes dropped to his lips, and I bit my bottom lip before dragging him the rest of the way up the stairs by his shirt.
I was going to have him tonight in every way and room possible.
Starting with the shower.
Once in the door, I let go of Derek and began stripping off my dirt and blood-crusted clothes, dropping them to the floor as I made my way towards the bathroom.
It felt good to peel away the layers of guilt, resentment, and pain, and I looked forward to washing everything away, to starting a new chapter, free of the chains that held me down and the walls I had built to hold me back from a life I never dreamed of having.
I heard the curtain shift behind me as I finished scrubbing the last bit of dried blood from my skin.
“You were quick to get in here,” Derek chuckled, his hands gliding across my stomach from behind. I instantly spun around in his arms, gripping the back of his head and bringing his mouth to meet mine; I swallowed the moan he gave me, pressing my hips into his.
“Derek, I—”
“Shh…” He pressed his finger to my lips, preventing me from continuing, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. “You don’t need to say anything. Let me take care of you, Lex.”
I didn’t deserve him. After everything we had been through, I didn’t deserve anything he had to offer me. I pushed and pushed, yet here he was, standing in my shower, as naked and exposed as I felt on the inside.
My hand found its way to his wrist, and I removed his finger from my lips. Staring up at the warm brown eyes, I slowly came to love; I inhaled deeply and blinked away the tears that started to blur my vision.
“Why?” I asked the only question I had. Of course, there were a million more I had, but this was the one question that plagued me for weeks. Why? Everything that happened to me, between us, around us, all rooted in the why.
Derek chuckled as if my question was ridiculous. He moved his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Because you are it for me. You’re everything I ever dreamed of having, wrapped up in the perfect, vicious, and feral package.” He murmured.
I laughed and started crying at his words as his eyes returned to meet mine. Cupping my cheeks in his hands. I leaned into his touch, desperate for as much contact with him as possible.
“But I kept secrets from you, Anathema, Eli… You should be angry with me, furious.” I don’t know why I decided to pry into my wrongdoings, and I sure as fuck didn’t want him to hate me after it all. “How can you be this calm and forgiving?”
“I am angry with you, Lex. I’m mad you didn’t tell me the truth and withheld information from the start.
I am pissed off that you were reckless enough to get yourself into that kind of position with Adrian in the first place.
” He started. “But I also understand what you just went through, and I would be a monster to tear you apart for it. You’re alive, here, in my arms, and safe.
That’s all I could ask for, all I care about.
” He sighed heavily. “I’ll always forgive you, pretty viper.
Because I don’t want the alternative… and as for Eli, he—”
“Won’t be a problem.” I cut him off, swallowing the bile that burned the back of my throat at the thought of him. “Eli is and was nothing to me. I want you, Derek. I’ve always wanted you.” I chose him from the start, and I would never choose otherwise.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pressed myself up against his hard, wet body. The shower was now turning cold, and I didn’t care. I could feel his heart beating against my cheek as I took a deep breath and relaxed into him, his arms closing around me tightly.
Moments of silence passed as we stood there, the cold water from the shower hitting my back and causing a shiver to run up my spine. I didn’t want to move from this spot. My mind was still slowly processing everything that had happened.
“Did anyone touch you?” Derek mumbled, resting his chin on my head.
“Does it matter?” I asked, staring blankly ahead at the shower curtain.
He gripped my chin, bringing my face up to meet his.
“Of course, it matters; you were covered in blood when we found you. Why do you constantly do this to yourself?” He questioned, frowning in concern.
“Do what?”
“Act as though you deserve for bad things to happen to you.” He sighed, pressing his forehead to mine. “You don’t deserve to be hurt, Lex. Even if you have a little extra bite to you.”
“Speaking of bite…” I mumbled, pressing my lips together. “The blood wasn’t mine… entirely…” My eyes dropped from his.
Derek pulled back in shock, giving me a look of disbelief. I knew exactly what I looked like when he found me: dried blood caked down my chin, neck, and chest. I hoped it would have gone unnoticed in all the chaos, but I guess he paid more attention than I gave him credit for.
“What happened?” He pressed.
“They—they tried… one of them cornered me in a cell and tried to rape me.” I stuttered, unable to say the words. Speaking them out loud, making the memory all too real. I had pushed everything to the back of my mind, hoping I wouldn’t have to endure it again.
I could feel Derek seething, the rage that was rising within him. His grip tightened around my body, and I realized that my body had started trembling, and not from the cold water. I was crying. Breaking. My legs gave in, and my entire body sagged in his arms.
Without another word, Derek shut off the water and picked me up, cradling my soaking-wet body as he carried me into the bedroom, crawled onto the mattress, and wrapped me in the blankets before pulling me onto his lap.
I didn’t move from my balled-up position, my head wedged under his chin, up against his neck.
“I’ve got you, pretty viper.” He softly repeated as he rocked me back and forth. “I’ve got you…” And he truly did. He had all of me; he just didn’t know it yet.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, barely audible over my sniffling and whimpering cries. “I’m so sorry, Derek.” My voice cracked as his hand stroked over my wet and tangled hair.
“We’ve got an entire lifetime to work through this.” He reassured me. “I’m not going anywhere without you.” A promise.
I don’t know how we got here, defeating all the odds I had stacked against us from the very beginning.
Tilting my head to look up at him, I raised a hand to cup his cheek, tears still streaking down my own and his stubble rough against my palm.
I stared longingly into his eyes, taking in every shade of brown and gold that perfected them.
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I choked out. “To show you that I mean every single apology I have for you.” There was so much that I now regretted. The impulses, the need to make everything a fight with him.
Derek’s hand cupped the back of mine as he brought his lips down to meet mine, and I parted them as he kissed me deeply, passionately. I moan into his mouth, and he lays me back on the bed, pulling himself on top of me.
My arms wrap around the back of his head, fingers threading themselves through his slick, wet strands.
“All I’ll ever ask of you is to be open with me, to love me, and to be mine forever, pretty viper.” He murmured against my lips. “That’s all I need from you. You already have all of me.”
Tears started falling from my sore and swollen eyes again, my heart squeezing with just how much he was giving me—how much he had already given me. The feeling was overwhelming.
It was him and me.
It always was and always would be.
Derek was everything I needed.
“I love you, pretty boy.” I breathed, staring deeply into his eyes—the sincerity of my words taking its hold.
“I’ve always loved you, pretty viper.” Derek smiled.
This was love.
This was us.