Chapter 16
Summer
“Did you ever think you’d be sitting on my bike watching the sunset with me after I bombarded you at school and demanded you dump that fucker?
” Eric asks as he gently runs his lips over my neck and I smile, unable to keep it in as contentment fills me, his warmth keeping me centered to him as I lean my head to the side, giving him more access, resting my head against his hard chest, his heartbeat comforting me like it always does near my ear and I admit, “No, I thought you were cocky to be honest.”
We’re at the lake, a place we come often now, just him and me on his bike, and instead of sitting on the ground, I’m sitting on his tank, my back leaned against his chest, his arms wrapped around me tightly, it’s perfect.
I feel his lips curve into a smile as he lets out a little chuckle.
“When it came to you, I had to be cocky because I knew I needed you in my life, sunshine,” he whispers, sending butterflies to swarm in my stomach, his words hitting me right in the feels. “Do you regret giving me a chance?” he asks, and I shake my head instantly.
I will never regret giving him a chance, even if we don’t last, if he sees I’m not worth all the trouble, being with him —it’s everything.
“You are slowly becoming all I can think about,” I admit quietly, and he nips my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
“Ditto, sunshine, fucking ditto,” he murmurs as he cups my chin and gently moves my head to focus on him.
Our eyes lock, and everything inside me settles because I know, I love this man, through thick and thin, the good and the bad, I’m madly, deeply, in love with him.
Leaning forward, I press my lips against his, silently promising myself to give him my virginity soon, to tell him how I feel, to give him all of me, and I melt into his embrace as he tightens his arm around me.
Everything inside me settles as happiness consumes me because I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him.
Pain shoots through me, arousing me and the dream, the memory that feels so real, slowly fades as consciousness begins to bring me back.
My neck hurts so much, more than when a guy choked me with the chains, that I'm struggling to swallow, and a tear falls as what I tried to do comes back to me and disappointment hits me hard.
I’m not dead, I failed.
I squeeze my eyes tightly as my tears fall, the hope to finally be with my dad, to be free, fading.
I should be dead, I should be at peace, but instead I’m in hell.
I hear rustling and I slowly turn my head, flinching at the pain throbbing in my neck at the movement as I slowly open my eyes and lock on Eric’s form sitting in the chair, leaning forward with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking.
My heart breaks.
We were never meant to see each other again. I was supposed to die in that place, and he was going to believe I just left, yet here we are.
I thought I was going to spend forever with this man —the first man I ever saw myself opening up to, the first man to make me believe Dad was wrong for not settling down, for not falling in love.
The image of him screwing that woman from behind over his desk, a smirk on his face, comes back to me. I try to swallow but flinch at the pain as I look up at the ceiling.
A year and a half, and I replayed that moment in my head every single day, sometimes more than three times a day. I didn’t realize it at the time or I did but didn’t want to believe it I guess, but his eyes had shown nothing but pain when he had that woman bent over his desk.
He thought I went back to my ex, he thought I was using him after he told me he loved me.
Does it make it okay with what he did? God no, but I get it—I do—and I'm also very aware that he most likely blames himself for my situation, for what I went through, and he shouldn’t.
My own mother sold me, hoping to get my inheritance, which is now most likely spread between different charities, and the house most likely sold.
Her plan failed epically. Hanz demanded the codes, and the money every day for a month before he stopped, proof that everything got sold, heck, she would have had more chance at getting what Dad left me if she had locked me up in her home.
So no, this isn’t Eric’s fault, this was always going to happen, one way or another.
“You’re awake,” his raspy voice hits my ears, and a few tears fall down the sides of my face.
He sounds so goddamn broken, and I know I did that. I caused him his pain.
“You should have let me die,” I croak, my voice not sounding like mine.
I hear a rustle before a warm hand picks up mine. I flinch and try to grab my hand back, the tingling sensation —one not of disgust, something I’m not used to —scaring me, but he doesn’t deter. Instead, he grips my hand tightly, and I slowly look at him, flinching at the tightness in my throat.
Our eyes lock, his teary as he chokes, “How could you expect me to let you die when I cannot live without you?”
My chin wobbles and I remind him, “You have been living without me, Eric.”
“No,” he denies instantly, a few tears falling down his cheeks, breaking my freaking heart.
He rasps, “I have barely been getting by, trying my hardest not to get Dirty to find you, something I will forever fucking regret now. Work, the club, runs, sleep, that has been my routine since I saw you with that fucker outside of Clark’s, since I thought I saw you cheating on me. ”
He presses my hand to his lips and chokes, “I told you I loved you in a moment of frustration, and I meant it, Summer, just like I still love you now. You are my one, and I was ready to live a life of loneliness because I knew I couldn’t fall for anyone else, that I couldn’t have anyone else living in my home.
Before I found you, I saw that fucker with another woman, a woman who was in cage eighty two and I had to know why you would choose him then walk away.
It just didn’t make sense and I finally gave in and got Dirty to look into where you went only to find out, you walked into your mama’s apartment and never came back out again,” he looks at me, “I was going to confront her after we did the raid on the warehouse, I needed answers, I just didn’t know my heart was going to be torn out by what I was going to find. ”
“I don’t want to live, Eric,” I admit, my tears falling, and he shakes his head in denial.
“And I can’t live without you, Summer,” he repeats, “I have tried and I have felt like I was drowning every single day. I love you, do you understand that? I fucking love you, Sum…”
I look away from him as sobs threaten to tear from me.
How can he love me?
I’m used, broken, and if he did love me, wouldn’t he have stopped that day?
The door opens, giving me the chance to not say anything, gaining both our attention, but I flinch and scoot towards Eric as a man full of muscle walks in and despite his kind smile and cut, telling me he won’t hurt me and is a part of the MC, my pulse skyrockets and my fight or flight instincts kick in.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says softly, and Eric squeezes my hand in reassurance as my breathing picks up and I eye the bruise on his jaw.
He must have hurt someone who gave him that bruise, so I can’t trust him, right?
He notices where my focus has gone, and he smirks as he states, “You have one hell of a right hook, sweetheart.”
I frown and lock eyes with his dark gray ones, full of pain that he’s trying to hide but I can see it.
“I hit you,” I confirm, the memory returning to me, and he smiles.
“You did,” he agrees, and I wince.
Damn, it looks nasty…
“I’m sorry,” I say softly with a crack in my voice, my throat still hurting, and he shrugs.
“It’s fine, and my name is Tank by the way,” he says as he takes a seat on a chair I didn’t notice before sighing, “Okay, down to the nitty gritty stuff,” he gives Eric a stern look, confusing me until he states, “A woman who I work with at the hospital, she’s a trauma therapist.” And it suddenly makes sense.
“I don’t want to see anyone,” I instantly state, cutting him off not wanting to speak to anyone, not seeing the point, and Eric squeezes my hand but doesn’t say anything.
This is what the look Tank gave him meant. He has to step back while his brother speaks to me.
“I know you don’t want to, sweetheart, but we found you dangling from a rope. You need to see someone,” he says softly, “You are very lucky one of the women managed to hold you up enough before you did any permanent damage to your neck.”
“I want to die,” I whisper truthfully, and the grip on my hand tightens, but again Eric doesn’t say anything.
Tank instead states, “And I am not going to try and placate how you feel or what you went through, but there is a man right beside you who would follow you if you ended your life.”
My stomach drops as my eyes race between Tanks and I see his truth, Eric would follow me.
No.
“He loves you, Summer, and I can honestly say, I have never seen him the way he was when he found you four days ago, he looked ready to die right along with you. And as selfish as it makes me, I won’t lose my brother, who can’t lose you,” he says firmly, “If I’m being honest, I would love to get to know the person who made this knucklehead fall in love to begin with. ”
“I’m not that girl anymore,” I whisper, and he smiles slightly.
“You are,” he replies, “Deep down inside, she’s still there, she’s just hiding from the trauma you’ve been through, a trauma, I believe you are strong enough to overcome.”
I look away and focus on my lap as my tears blur my vision, not liking the truth I can see in his eyes, along with the pain he clearly keeps to himself.
I’m not strong enough to live through what I went through, I don’t feel strong enough and even though I know Eric meant when he said he loved me, I don’t see myself living, I don’t see myself having a future, all I can see is the men laughing at me while they touched me, all I can hear is constant crying and sobbing, all I can feel is their dirty touches.
I can’t survive this, no matter how much I talk through what I went through, I won’t be able to survive – I need to die.