Epilogue
Summer – Two Years Later
I rub my forehead as I walk up the steps to the house, waving bye to Willie, or should I say Guardian, who always accompanies me to and from school despite being a full-pledged brother, keeping to his promise to always keep me safe even though I still have my car.
He beeps his horn as he drives off, probably to see his new girlfriend, and I walk inside, my eyes hitting the pictures that lace the walls, like they always do, bringing a slight smile to my face despite the hardship we’ve had and thoughts I still to this day sometimes have, the need to end it all.
The past two years haven’t been easy by any means.
I have struggled especially with everything that I went through, but with Eric by my side, I managed to overcome the nightmares when they flare up.
He’s also amazing in the times when I’ll freeze or tense when we’re intimate.
He’ll instantly stop and hold me and I’ll feel like I failed him but my therapist, whom I still see every week, said it's perfectly normal for me to still tense up because of the traumatic experience that I went through. One where several of the people in that warehouse couldn’t overcome and killed themselves making it even more difficult for me to move forward with my life.
I struggled for a very long time after ten faces that I recognized instantly showed on the news, all banding together to do the deed, including cage number five who pleaded with me to not give up only for her to do it later.
I ended up having survivors guilt and also a lot of anger at them for not living, for not fighting when I have, but as usual, Eric pulled me through, just like he convinced me to continue with my studies and because of that amazing man, whose bike by the way is still that hideous pink even though I’ve begged for him to get it repainted.
I’ve just graduated from my master’s degree and now waiting for the boards exam so I can become a social worker and help kids who were put in my position after my dad died, to help them be in homes where they feel loved and most importantly, safe.
My eyes go to the picture of Eric and me sitting astride his bike, me in front looking back at him while he looks down at me with nothing but love, the baby bump clear as day that I struggled with, the pink tank that he states he deserves to live within view.
I swear that was the one and only time I took Annalise’s advice, with whom I became close, thanks to Rose, much to the brothers' dismay. Though to be fair, Rose, Brit, and I don’t play the pranks the Untamed women do, not even Ashley who out of all of us, should take up their advice on how to make her husband pay for the pain he put her in even if they are extremely happy and in love.
“It’s just too much work.”
Her words from yesterday echo after I asked her why she doesn’t take Annalise up on her prank tactics and I smile because yeah, she does have a point and then there’s the clean up afterwards.
I really don’t know how the Untamed women deal with the mess.
Shaking my head, I eye the baby bump in the photo, Eric’s hands cupping it, just as giggling hits my ears, and my heart flutters.
Kai Logan Mathews.
First name after his daddy, the man who consumes me and shows me every single day that I’m worth fighting for, and his middle name after his uncle Logan, who helped deliver him and encouraged me to hold him, encouraged me to fight for my child despite the trauma I went through conceiving him.
I kept the baby.
He looks exactly like me, right down to the black hair that looks blue, and when I gave birth, ready to hand him over to the adoption agency for his new family, far away from here, far away from me, I couldn’t. I physically and emotionally couldn’t, despite the conflicted feelings I had.
Tank suggested I should hold him so I could say goodbye, he encouraged me to try so I didn’t regret it in the future and even though I was adamant leading up to the labor I was going to just pass him over and not look at him, I gave in to Tank’s soft pleas.
As soon as Kai was put in my arms, I knew I couldn’t let him go and now, two years later, I have a healthy happy one and a half little boy who adores his daddy, always wanting him and is full of innocence.
I swear, watching Eric become a dad, watching him dote on Kai, then seeing him get Kai’s name on his neck underneath mine after the adoption papers were finalized, I fell even more in love with him, and I didn’t think that would be possible and every day that love deepens.
With a soft, content smile, I follow the sounds of the giggles and walk into the kitchen and grin, seeing Kai sitting in his high chair laughing at his daddy, who does some silly dance before him.
Instead of making myself known, I lean against the doorframe and watch the show as love fills me.
The smile on Eric’s face as he entertains our son while cooking dinner melts my heart.
How did I get so lucky to have this man fall in love with me and still want me even after everything that I went through?
I know he’d say he’s the lucky one, but seriously, he’s been everything, and every single day I fall deeper and deeper in love with him, a love that consumes me and I let it.
Kai squeals in delight as Eric blows raspberries on his cheeks, and I grin widely.
“Okay, little man, let’s get dinner ready, shall we?” Eric says as he kisses Kai’s palms before his eyes come to me, and I tilt my head not surprised he felt me here, he always feels me when I walk into a room.
“Hey,” I whisper, and Kai squeals even louder, noticing me, and I push off the doorframe and walk over to him before placing several little kisses on his cheeks causing him to giggle, “Mama.”
“Did you get your errands finished, sunshine?” Eric asks, and I stand straight and lock eyes with his hazel ones that I love so much.
All I’ve ever wanted since meeting this man was to spend forever with him, to have kids and watch them grow, and have a life together, and when I was taken, when I was abused and tormented, I lost sight of that picture I always envisioned but now, it’s coming true even though I struggle every day.
The trauma will never go away, I’ll forever be remembering what I had gone through, my vision, it is coming true, all because this man never gave up on me.
“I did,” I admit, keeping my eyes locked on his as he wraps an arm around my waist and Kai babbles, “Dadadada,” happily making my husband grin wide as he looks at his son full of love.
See, the man is just amazing.
“You saved me, you know,” I say suddenly, and Eric looks back at me and smiles as I grip his shirt, and I murmur, “Not just from that warehouse, but before that, you saved me. I was going to live my life alone and I cannot thank you enough for fighting for me that day, for fighting for me every day and showing me that despite how he came about,” I side eye our son whose giggling to himself, “that I can bring him up, that I can love him,” I lock eyes with Eric, “Thank you for being my everything.”
He cups my cheek, his wedding ring cooling my skin as he asks, “What’s all this about, baby? Did something happen?”
My eyes tear up and I admit, “I went to the doctors, I’m twelve weeks pregnant…”
Eric’s mouth parts in shock as he eyes me for a moment before he blinks, shakes his head, then asks carefully, “And you’re upset about that?”
A little bit of fear enters his eyes, and I guess he’s worried I won’t want our baby.
I shake my head and finally admit out loud, “I’m ecstatic and I feel guilty…”
“Ah fuck,” he mutters as he pulls me into him tightly, and I lay my head on his chest. “Sunshine, you shouldn’t feel guilty for being happy that we’re having another baby.
It was different with Kai, you went through hell when he was conceived, and you struggled with the pregnancy, but you love him just like you’ll love this baby. ”
“What if he hates me when he’s older?” I voice my fears, and feel Eric smile against my head.
“Sunshine, he will never hate you for loving him,” he whispers, and I nod as I move my head and look at him.
“Do you think he’ll be excited to have a baby brother or sister?” I ask, and Kai squeals, making us both smile, and Eric confirms, “I think he’ll be ecstatic.”
“I love you,” I whisper, and he cups my cheek and murmurs, “I fucking love you too,” before pressing his lips against mine, and I melt as our son giggles and I smile against my husband's lips before he deepens the kiss as he cups my flat stomach and everything inside me settles.
I know I’ll still struggle in the future.
I know one day Kai will find out the truth about what happened to me, about how he came into the world.
He’ll struggle but I also know this man, whose tongue slips into my mouth sending sparks throughout my entire body, will be there every single day to hold us up, to show Kai he is every bit of the man who will be bringing him up and to show me I’ll forever be his, along with the three extra kids we add to our family, making our house loud and full of love.
Eric demanding I dump my loser boyfriend for him is the best thing to ever happen to me, even if he refuses to repaint his bike…