Chapter 4
4
Heaven
Andy: I can’t wait to see you tonight.
“Hey, Mom, where are my cleats?” my darling son shouts from the living area, and I jump, nearly dropping my phone, not expecting it when, really, I should have.
I fumble with my phone before I grip it, and sigh…. Four times I’ve had to have my phone screen fixed because my son has a habit of shouting to get my attention.
Damn, boy is lucky he’s cute.
“In the coat closet, sweetheart,” I shout back while locking my phone, my heart beating a little faster and not because of Andy, the mechanic in New Jersey that Steal told me to use, but because I feel like I’ve done something wrong, accepting the date. Now I’m acting like I’ve just been caught, like a child being caught snatching cookies from the cookie jar.
I mean, it’s not the first date I’ve gone on this year; it’s more like the fifth, and each time, my son has called, giving me the perfect excuse to leave early without that dreaded goodbye kiss, which I’ve taken, not caring if it’s a ploy to mess up my dates.
I don’t seem to be into the men and don’t know why.
Maybe it’s because I’m still married….
“Found them!” Micha shouts, making me jump, again, and I sigh.
The boy is as loud as a foghorn. I love him; he’s my life, but he doesn’t know how to use his inside voice.
You’d think I’d be used to it, considering he’s been like it since he started talking.
“Go grab your bag before your dad gets here, Micha,” I say loudly. I hear a grunt in acknowledgment, and I roll my eyes.
He’s becoming more and more like his father by the day.
Taking a deep breath, I pick my phone up and message Andy back, confirming that I’ll see him at the restaurant, not willing for any man to pick me up at the home I share with my son. That done, I put the dishes away, not able to stay still, my nerves tight, and again, not because of my date.
For the past six years, only my mother and my son have known that I’ve been attending law school part-time while working nights at Jimmy’s Girls, a strip club in Brooklyn, out of the Huntsmen MC jurisdiction, and today, I’m taking my bar exam.
I think I know what I need to know to pass it, or at least I hope I do. I’ve worked my butt off being a mom and getting my education, and if I fail this test, God, it will devastate me….
“Mom, Dad’s here,” Micha shouts again making me jump again .
Damn, kid….
I hear Travis chuckle, and I swallow hard, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans before biting the bullet. I walk out of the kitchen and see Travis grinning at our son near the front door, and my heart hurts.
It was never supposed to be like this.
We were supposed to be in this house together, raising our son and maybe even having a couple more kids running around, but then he did what he did and ruined everything.
I still love him, I do, and I know it’s something I’m going to have to live with, something I know will never die. He was my first, my everything, my life, but I know we can’t be together. He cheated, he took pleasure from my high school bully who still stays at the club, who he’s around all the time, and yes, we have slept together a few times over the years, mainly when we’ve gotten into arguments over the household bills that I refuse for him to pay for, but it doesn’t mean we’ll be together.
The first time I slept with him again after his betrayal was when he wanted me to keep this house. It was four months after he did what he did, four months of him showing up, begging me for another chance, claiming it was a mistake. I texted to let him know we had an offer on the house but not high enough to leave anything for the pair of us. He showed up and told me he denied the sale and took the house back off the market behind my back. I was hurt and angry, and we ended up in a screaming match before he kissed me, and one thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, my back was against the wall, and my legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusted into me.
I regretted it as soon as we’d finished, and ended up going to the clinic to ensure he didn’t give me anything, something he’d found out about because one of the clubwhores was there getting their contraceptive shot, and Steal was there with her to ensure she got it. Steal told Travis, and Travis got pissed.
I'm not sure how he expected me to act, to be honest.
Every time, I’ve regretted it right after, not because I gave in but more because he hurt me, hurt us, and broke what we could have had, and each time he leaves, I end up a wreck on the bathroom floor.
I grit my teeth as I look at my husband. Have you ever wanted to kiss a man but also hit them at the same time? Yeah, that is how I feel seeing Travis right now, especially after what I found out this morning.
“Have you got your water bottle?” I ask Micha, causing Travis’s head to shoot up. His eyes come my way, but I try to avoid them, and he instead looks over my jeans and tank right down to my bare feet.
The man is on my shit list big time, and I really don’t want to rip my “husband’s” balls from his body in front of our son, and the fact he is looking absolutely gorgeous just isn’t fair.
His hair is messy like he’s run his hands through it several times, a tight black t-shirt that hugs his chest, his cut, jeans, and boots—then add the tattoos on top of that–
Damn!
“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Micha says, slapping his forehead, making me smile, before he rushes past me to the kitchen.
“How you doing, Angel?” Travis asks after a few seconds, and I make eye contact with him. He furrows his brows, most likely seeing my anger, but I don’t answer him as I hear my son’s thundering footsteps.
“Got it,” he says, and I turn and smile at him.
“Okay, go wait in the truck for your dad. We just need to sort out the weekend,” I lie, and he shrugs.
“Alright,” he replies, kissing my cheek before mumbling, “Good luck today, Mom. You’ll do great.”
I soften at his words, feeling so lucky to have this boy in my corner, cheering me on. I watch as he grabs his bag from his dad and runs out of the house. As soon as I see he’s out of hearing range, I return my glare at Travis, my husband, who is refusing to give me a divorce.
“I thought I was staying here Friday and Saturday night while you work. And what does he mean by good luck?” he asks in confusion while ensuring our son gets in the truck okay.
I try not to flinch because, let’s face it, the man will kill me if he knows I’m working at a strip club some of his brothers frequent.
He looks my way but jumps back at my glare, and he asks, “What, uh, why do you look like you want to kill me?”
I raise a brow and put my hands on my hips, and I snap, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I picked up my new prescription for my birth control this morning….”
He freezes, his eyes widening as he stutters, “I uh, I don’t know what you uh, I mean…. Are you pregnant?”
Hope radiates from him, and I growl at the jackass.
“No, I am not,” I snap. “I started my period yesterday, but if I were, you’d be a corpse right now!”
“Oh,” he murmurs sadly.
“Seriously!” I snap.
“What?” he answers innocently, lifting his hands.
I shake my head and sigh, “We are no longer together, Travis; why in the hell did you think it was a good idea to mess with my birth control?!”
He looks toward the truck before looking back at me, and admits, “Because I want my wife back.”
I scoff. “And what, you thought a baby would bring me back? Because, news flash, we already have a son, and we’re still getting a divorce.”
He scowls at me and snaps, “We are not getting a divorce, Heaven. You are my wife, and I want my family back, and I will get you back.”
“It’s never going to happen,” I shout back. “You cheated on me our first wedding anniversary!”
He growls, “I made a fucking mistake ten years ago . I get it. I took you for granted, I fucked up with Ginger of all people, I said shit I don’t even remember saying, but you know you’re my one and only, and like fuck am I going to lose you because you’re being stubborn!”
That said, he storms out of the house, and I growl with frustration.
It’s been ten years, and yet he won’t give in. I know sleeping with him a few times over the years hasn’t helped his mindset about us getting back together, but I’m only human, and as a woman, I have needs—needs I just don’t feel comfortable getting from elsewhere.
I really hope this date goes well tonight; it’s time we both move on because it won’t be together, not when I see him screwing her every time I close my eyes….
With my heart in my throat, I go down the hallway to my room to get ready for my exam, and now, my nerves are taking over again.
Great.