Chapter 13
13
Anchor
“Brother, just breathe, yeah?” Axel says from beside me, and I snort and look away from my wife who’s handing out drinks to handsy fucking drunk men while wearing something that only I should get to fucking see. I look toward Axel, the president of the Untamed Hell Fire’s MC, who is going to have his bike repainted because of his crazy as fuck but sweet old lady, Annalise, when she finds out he’s in this club.
“If this was Annalise?” I ask Axel, and he winces.
“I would carry her out over my shoulder,” he admits, and I nod but soon sigh when he continues, “but by the sounds of things, you fucked up, and this is how she’s been making a living.”
I scoff. “I transfer four grand a month into her bank account. She technically doesn’t need to fucking work!”
Steal sits forward, his eyes on my wife, as he asks, “How certain are you that she’s using the money she gives you and not just putting it into an account for Micha? Because brother, she wouldn’t be working here if she wasn’t struggling for money, and you know it, and so do I. She had dreams, dreams she’s somehow managed to complete after putting them on hold for you, for the club, and yet here she is.”
I tense, my eyes going to my wife. Getting that fucking phone call from my best friend, snapping that she worked here, I didn’t want to fucking believe it, but here she is, and my nerves are already fucking shot, but hearing this, I’m ready to blow.
Surely, she wouldn’t do this because I cheated once ?
I watch as she gives a fake smile to a stripper who’s glaring at her from the stage as she hands out drinks, the guys’ eyes no longer on said stage but on my wife.
I murmur, “Not very fucking certain now that I know she’s been working here for six years, and if she hasn’t used it, then Micha must have over four hundred fucking grand by now.”
“Fuck me…. You must have really hurt her if she wasn’t willing to use the money you gave her for your kid,” Tool says and I hum.
“It was our first wedding anniversary, and I forgot. She’d not long given birth, something I nearly missed if it wasn’t for Steal distracting the brothers, but I wanted her to come to celebrate with me and the brothers after I got patched in, she refused, and rightly so, especially when it was a fucking orgy,” I admit.
Axel surmises, “You got angry she wouldn’t be there for you.”
I scoff. “Angry isn’t the fucking word. I got drunk, and a clubwhore who happened to be Heaven’s high school bully, something I wasn’t aware of at the time, not that it matters, came on to me, and I liked the attention. I liked she wanted me when my wife didn’t.”
“Fucker, she’d just given birth!” Tech the Devils MC brother snaps.
“I know,” I admit, “I was an idiot back then. I was nineteen, turning twenty, and she’d just turned nineteen. All I cared about was making my dad proud, and I thought my wife wasn’t there for me, even though she always was. It hurt me, and I found pleasure with someone else, and she walked in on it. The next morning, she informed me she sent divorce papers after kicking me out, and for the past ten years, I’ve refused to sign them.”
“Damn…. Did she not take it to a higher court?” Tool asks.
I snort as Steal replies, “Nearly every four months or so she’ll petition a judge, and each time she’s declined.”
Bonus of having New York judges in our corner….
I sigh, sit back in the booth, and admit, “For ten years, I’ve been trying to show her how sorry I am, but growing up, her mom was an example—and in her ear, about how men are the Devil despite having a revolving door. Heaven refused to give us another shot until I begged her to go to therapy with me…. It’s been just over three weeks, and we’re seven sessions in.”
“How come none of us knew about her?” Axel asks in confusion.
Steal speaks, “When they got married, Anchor was only a prospect. His dad and mine suggested he keep the relationship quiet until he patched in, but then he fucked up.”
“And it’s harder to win your girl back with a whole club and jealous clubwhores involved,” Tool finishes, and I nod, my eyes on my wife as she takes another tray from the fucker behind the bar who’s smiling at her.
I swear I’m going to kill someone at this rate.
“Anchor…” Dr. Larsa says, snapping me out of my head. I look her way and see her frowning.
Fuck….
We’ve been here for forty minutes, and yeah, I’ve barely said two fucking words, my head all fucked up after witnessing my wife work the floor of Jimmy’s Girls, wearing next to nothing.
Don’t get me wrong, she looked fucking gorgeous, sexy even, but that is for my eyes, no one else’s.
“You’ve been awfully quiet this session,” the therapist continues. I sigh and sit forward as she tilts her head and updates me. “Heaven was just explaining that you had found out where she was really working last night.”
I side-eye my wife, who doesn’t look at all sorry for lying to me for the past six years, not that I can blame her, but to be honest, there’s only so much I’m going to allow her to do, using the fact I cheated as an excuse.
I get it, believe me, I do, I was a jackass, and she hasn’t given herself the time to sit back and feel the pain of what I did, instead she went into survival mode, but I’ve done nothing but put her first for ten years, to try and win her back.
I haven’t even looked at another girl, let alone touched them since my fuck up, which I only did once since we met in high school.
“I’m mad, hurt, angry. For six years, she’s lied to me; for six years, she’s allowed other men to look at something that belongs to me,” I sneer with fury, and Heaven snorts, causing me to look at her coldly.
She shrugs and reminds me, “And you allowed your dick, which belonged to me, into another woman’s ass. At least no guy was screwing me, Travis; I was earning money, and you need to get over it, end of.”
I growl, my patience running thin, especially knowing she’s right, yet again. And here comes the cheating shit she keeps hiding behind rather than giving me a proper fucking chance.
“Okay, I’m going to interject because I think this is the first time since these sessions started that I’ve seen Anchor mad at you, Heaven, letting his feelings known,” Dr. Larsa says as she looks between us before she looks at my wife and asks, “Why didn’t you tell Anchor about your job?”
Heaven sighs. “Because I knew he’d try and force his way back into my life when I was trying to keep moving forward from the pain that he put me through.” I look at my wife sitting in the chair. She doesn’t look my way as she states, “Last night, he barged into my place of work and demanded I get my things; he tried to commandeer my life without stopping and thinking first.” I grit my teeth as she continues, “I get it, seeing your wife basically in underwear, serving drinks to a lot of drunk men that leer at her was probably hard. After he cheated, I had two priorities; giving Micha everything he needed, including a roof over his head because the mortgage is high on our house—a house Travis begged me to keep—and to get myself through law school, which took me eight years to do. Instead of taking a step back to understand why I was there to begin with, he charged in full force….”
Heaven shakes her hand, her white blonde hair falling over her right shoulder as she chuckles darkly and scoffs. “The brothers at the table I was serving didn’t even know he was married.” She looks my way. I flinch at the hurt in her eyes. She says, “Ten years and your family still doesn’t know you have a wife, meaning they don’t even know about our son, and yet Jimmy knew about you.” Her eyes race between mine. “I told him my husband was on his way, and he groaned because he knew you’d be upset and not because he knew you were part of an MC, but because I spoke of you a lot over the years.”
I take a deep breath, knowing I must tread carefully because I understand her feelings.
“Why not stay at the retirement home?” I ask. “I thought you loved working there.”
Heaven sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair before she admits, “They weren’t paying enough for the bills and my degree.”
Fury fills me, and I can’t help but growl, “I’ve been giving you four grand a month, Heaven, why in the fuck haven’t you used it?”
“Because you cheated on me, Travis!” she shouts, and I fucking snap.
“Stop fucking using that as an excuse, Heaven, it’s getting fucking old! I fucked someone else; I get it, I ruined our marriage, but it’s been ten years, and I’m fucking trying here!” I shout back and instantly regret my words as she laughs darkly at me, and I suddenly feel like I’m missing something.
“Okay, I’m going to butt in,” Dr. Larsa says. I look her way to see her eyes sparkling with happiness which just pisses me off as she says, “She’s not using it as an excuse Travis.”
I open my mouth to snap at her, but this time Heaven jumps back in and rasps, “You cheated on me once, you’ll do it again; you’ll throw me away as soon as I depend on you.” I look at my wife with wide eyes because surely I’ve proven myself. She gives me a sad smile and whispers, “You’ll get bored of me, you’ll figure out that fighting for me for so long wasn’t worth it, we’ll have another argument where you won’t like my answer, and you’ll go back to Ginger….”
“Angel,” I choke in pain, but she ignores me and continues.
“You’ll take our son from me, ensure he hates me, you’ll kick me out of the house because you have all the power…. You’ll tear me apart until there is nothing left….”
Heavens tears fall as she leans forward and grips my hand and explains, “I love you, Travis, you know this, I know this. It’s something that won’t ever disappear, but my independence, it’s something I have held onto because I never got it with my mother.” Her eyes race between mine. “I have spent my whole life listening to those words from her every time a guy realizes that she’s after everything they have, wanting to be looked after for the rest of her life so she didn’t have to work. Money, I never saw a cent, and it was only when my school would question why my clothes were too small that she would buy me something because she was always focusing on herself.”
My breathing quickens at her truth, and gently, she brings my hand to her mouth, kissing it before she admits, “Those words are what my mother stated to me every single day after you did what you did, and she was even more adamant when the judge would refuse the divorce.” She looks up from our hands. We make eye contact. “I have had my mother's words in my head for as long as I can remember, and they only stopped when we got together…until you did what you did. My job keeps me grounded; it reminds me I’m living for me, not you and not my mother; it means I’m providing for my future and our son by myself, because it’s what I needed to do to get through the pain.”
I lick my bottom lip and murmur, “I understand it, I do, but that money wasn’t just for our son, Heaven, it’s for you as well….”
She shrugs and admits, “I’m programmed not to accept it, Travis, not for myself anyway. Yes, I’ve used some over the years for Micha’s clothes or after-school clubs, but the rest is in an account in his name. It’s also why there’s barely any food in the cupboards, because I didn’t have enough from my tips to fill them.”
I shake my head feeling so fucking defeated. I hurt her that much she’s willing to go without.
“I’m scared, Travis,” she admits when I don’t say anything, and I swallow hard, waiting for her to continue, but when she does, I fucking hate myself even more. “I’m pregnant, something you orchestrated, and all I can hear is your words when you were with her, my mother’s words…. What’s stopping that from happening again?”
I look at my wife, her words swimming in my head, and I admit, “Because you are all I can think about. Because you are the only one I have been with since I fucked up. Because I love you, Heaven…. You promised me you’d try to learn to trust me again. I need you to keep to that, to let me prove to you I won’t be how I was ten years ago, that I’ll cherish you through this pregnancy and when our second child is born, like I should have with Micha.” I grip her hand tight. I whisper, “I’m so fucking sorry I did this to us, Angel, I am, but I need you to let me in. I need you to lean on me….”
I gently cup my wife’s cheeks and wipe away her tears as Dr. Larsa says, “Okay, time is up.” We look her way. “A lot has been unpacked today. Heaven, you’ve finally opened up about how much your mother's words have impacted your adult life, and Travis, you’ve finally seen that she’s not truly hanging onto the fact you slept with someone else; she stuck with the words she can’t escape.” She closes her notebook. “Now, I’m not happy you trapped your wife, Travis,” I shrug not at all sorry, “but I am happy with this breakthrough. I have some homework for you both. Dating.”
I open my mouth to tell her she’s fucking crazy if she thinks I’m allowing my wife to date again, but she puts her hand up with a smile and says, “Each other. I’m not going to see you both for a whole month because I’m out of the office. I want you, in that month, to date and get to know the adult versions of you as a couple, instead of being stuck in the past.”
Huh, dating my wife….
A few hours later, after filling the kitchen with food, something my wife struggled to accept but stood back and allowed, I sit next to Heaven on the couch. She’s looking gorgeous in one of my shirts but is in her own world instead of watching the movie.
I can’t have that.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her to me, maneuvering us so I’m on my back, and she’s lying on top of me. Not once does she complain; instead, she presses her face into my neck and places her hand on my bare, tatted chest.
“What do you say in two days after church, I’ll pick you up and take you out?” I murmur against her head.
She’s quiet for a moment before she answers, “I’d say you’ll need to see if your dad or Steal can watch Micha because I think I need to cut contact with my mom for a little while.”
I can’t help it, but my whole fucking body relaxes at her words, knowing she needs a break from her mom while we’re trying to figure ourselves out.
I nod and agree, “Okay, I’m on board with that, Angel….”
I press a kiss to her head as my phone rings, and I groan as Heaven pulls it out of my jeans pocket and passes it to me.
I answer, “Yeah?” without looking at the screen. My eyes are on my girl as she places her chin on my chest, our eyes connecting.
“Vicky is the one stealing,” Steal says, and I sigh.
“Gun fucks a lot of the clubwhores when he’s at the club alone,” I confirm, and Steal hums while Heaven raises a brow.
I smile at her and say, “You were right, Angel. An old lady was looking for revenge.”
She nods and then drops her head back on my neck, making me smile, which soon drops when Steal says, “Yeah, he’s been with her for over five years, and he’s decided to take his property patch back. Turns out he only made her his old lady because she claimed to be pregnant, and instead of getting proof, he handed her his cut like an idiot, being stuck with her per club rules before she gave him a negative test….”
“Fucking idiot,” I mumble and Steal laughs.
“Yeah, you got that right,” he agrees then asks, “did you get Heaven to hand in her notice?”
Heaven looks back at me and raises a brow, and I sigh, “No, and I’m not going to." Her mouth parts, her eyes tearing up, and I continue, “I need my wife to trust me, which means showing her I trust her and her judgment.”
Steal offers, “You do trust her brother; you’re telling her club business….”
Heaven smiles at that, and I gently run my fingers through her hair and reply, “I know, but she needs this, and no, I’m not happy about it, but I’m willing to do it for her until she can see she can rely on me and quits and opens her own firm. I’m going to bring that up to the club once she accepts my cut.” Heaven’s eyes tear up. “And while she’s still working at Jimmy’s, I need either you, Piston, or Acid to be there on the days my dad can’t stay with Micha.”
“I’ll make it happen, brother,” Steal confirms, then says, “I’m proud of you, Trav,” before hanging up.
I chuck my phone on the floor, wrap my arms around my girl, and whisper, “I love you, Heaven, and I’ll keep telling you until you believe it. You’ve been mine since I was eighteen, and you’ll always be mine….” Then I close my eyes, not willing to move.
Just as I start to drop off, I hear her whisper back, “I love you, too, Travis…. We’ll make it….” And everything in me relaxes, knowing she believes that.
We will be okay….
Famous last words.