Chapter 16
16
Heaven
“Heaven, where have you been lately? You barely spend any time with me after work anymore. I think I’m going through withdrawals,” Timmy complains as he sits next to me at the bar, the neon blue light around the metal shelving shining brightly.
Whoever designed this place was amazing in their concept for in the evenings, but an idiot during the day…because neither Jimmy and Timmy know how to turn the thing off.
“Spending it dating my husband before I stupidly screwed him on his tattoo chair four times, and now my hormones have kicked in…” I mumble to myself before I loudly state, “I’ve just been busy, Timmy.” I look at him and raise a brow. “Are you getting your period or something, because you’re starting to sound like a girl.”
He grins at me and raises a brow back, and dares me, “Tell me the truth, you’ve been fucking your husband again, haven’t you? We both know he’s not been doing any club business out of town, so all that muscle at home has to make your bedroom play exciting….”
I groan, hating that he’s seen right through me, as Tate chuckles from behind the bar.
“You mean just like you, Tate, and Sabine have been screwing?” I retort, hoping to shut him up, but instead, the whore laughs.
“Too fucking right, I have. I mean, there is nothing I love more than fucking my man’s ass, then my woman’s cunt, while my man is in her ass rubbing against me. It’s amazing,” he says, and I drop my head, not needing that visual of a guy I see as a brother in that position, and Tate confirms, “It is an amazing feeling.”
I sigh and look up between them, and without thinking it through, I ask, “Am I an idiot for trying with him again? Are my hormones clouding my judgment?”
Timmy tilts his head at me while Tate is the one to speak up, “Timmy cheated at the start of our throuple,” he says, and my eyes widen in shock while Timmy looks down in shame.
Tate continues, “Sabine refused to have anything to do with him for nearly a year, so not as long as you, while I, well, I understood. He loved Sabine, but he was in love with me, and that scared him, so he strayed. Once. I was hurt, don’t get me wrong, angry even, but I learned to forgive him. You never forget, but you learn from it. You grow together and fix what was broken so it doesn’t happen again.”
I nod in understanding because Dr. Larsa explained this. I ask, “How did Sabine forgive?”
Timmy speaks this time, “She wanted just Tate and her, as a way to punish me, but Tate refused to play her games and admitted to her that I’m the love of his life while, yes, he loves her, he’s in love with me, that I’m his everything, and he’d choose me always. She had a choice, walk away from both of us or learn to forgive, and she has. She knows where she stands within the three of us; she knows we love her, but she also knows Tate and I are one. There is no her and I, or Tate and her….”
I say, “But there is a Tate and you.”
Tate speaks this time, “There is. We’ve been best friends since freshman year of high school, and there was always something there. We both knew we belonged to each other but didn’t want to admit it at the time. While yes, Sabine completes us, she knows we don’t need her to stay together.”
I look between them, nod slowly, and admit, “I wasn’t completely innocent with what happened with Travis….”
It’s something I’ve come to realize over the past few months while doing therapy with him.
Tate butts in and snaps, “Yeah, you fucking were.”
I hold my hand up in defense, loving that he is at my back, even if it’s against myself, and I admit, “I’m not, not really. I did push him away after Micha was born, but that was because I was terrified that I’d become my mother. Housework-wise, I kept at it, cuddles at night; I was there, but my body, my lips, my heart, I closed off out of fear, and I know he felt it. We both messed up, but he just obliterated us, and I made a choice that was best for my mental health at the time, a choice I ensured stuck, thinking it was the right way to go.”
“And now?” Timmy asks, his eyes are soft.
I sigh and admit, “And now, I still believe I made the right decision because it made Travis grow up and take responsibility for his actions, but I can’t live without him now. I was in love with who he was until he hurt me, and it broke that love in a way, but now I’m in love with who he’s become, and if I’m honest with myself, that love is a hell of a lot stronger than it was back then. And if he were to ever stray again, no matter the reason, I know I won’t run like I did, instead I’ll chop his balls off and feed them to him.”
Timmy grins as Tate laughs, and I check the time.
“Right, thank you, gentlemen, for helping me with a come-to-Jesus moment, especially with our couples counselor on sabbatical, but I’ve got to go collect Micha from practice.” I pick up the papers in front of me and hand them to Timmy, confirming, “The contracts were clear, Cherry doesn’t have a leg to stand on; it says no fraternizing with the customers, and certainly no selling your body for money. She signed it, broke her contract in the back room, and now you have every legal right to fire her despite what she’s trying to say because, apparently, her brothers a lawyer and could sue you. Though, between you and me, the guy can only handle pet cases; he’s a pet sitter, not a lawyer. I looked into it.”
Jimmy and Timmy asked if I’d look into the case, since I’m a licensed lawyer, and I thought, why not. I haven’t found any job prospects just yet—not enough experience, so this makes me happy.
I’m still serving behind the bar while thinking of starting my own firm. But now, instead of wearing just bras, I wear a black top that looks like a corset but is actually stretchable material to accommodate my growing bump. Travis hates that I still work here, but he knows these two men have my back, and besides, if he isn’t here the nights I work, Acid, Piston, or Steal are.
He's giving me what I need to stay independent, and honestly, that just lets him into my heart, into my life, a little more. It helps that tight, suffocating squeeze I had around my throat loosen, knowing he wants me enough not to get in the way of my job.
He’s proving he’s no longer that immature teenager, but I guess the true test will be when I’m heavily pregnant.
Timmy’s mouth drops open as Tate snaps, “I fucking knew I recognized that fucker when he walked in here looking all legal and shit; he watched Pussy for us….”
Pussy? Seriously?
I shake my head, and lean over the bar and kiss Tate’s cheek, making him smile as I kiss Timmy’s.
He grins and says, “Thanks, sweetheart.”
I smile and reply, “Any time,” before I walk to the door as Ken opens it for me. I pat the big man’s back in thanks before breathing in, my hand going over my stomach as a feeling fills me—hope that everything is going to be okay….
As I get to my car, my phone rings, and I sigh, knowing full well it’s my mother. Travis is in church, and no one else calls me.
She hasn’t stopped, to be honest.
Groaning, I unlock my car and climb in before grabbing the cell phone from my bag, which I throw on the passenger seat as I answer my phone.
“Hi, Mom,” I say as I lean back in the seat.
“ Hi, Mom . Is that all you have to say after weeks without contact?” she demands, and I sigh.
“You hung up on me after I shared what was going on with my marriage! What did you expect?” I ask, incredulous.
She’s quiet for a moment, and I check my cell to see if the lines disconnected. Finally, she speaks, shocking me. “I’m sorry,” she says, and I don’t say anything else, too much in shock. She’s never apologized before, like ever.
Am I in a Twilight Zone or something?
She continues, “When you called me in tears, explaining what that man did to you, something inside me broke, Heaven. Now, I’ve not been the best mom,” I wince, again not denying it, “but right then, at that moment, I knew I had to say everything I could so you didn’t take him back, so you didn’t turn out like me….”
Oh….
My pulse races, and I swallow hard, “Mom?—”
She cuts me off, “No, we both know I can’t live without a man, ever since your father left us, and it didn’t matter what man, as long as he looked after me. I never put you first, even when they tried something with you, I stayed blind to keep my security instead of putting your safety and your happiness before mine. And I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you never wanted anything to do with me, especially knowing I’ll probably never change, but my telling you to leave him was the best thing I ever did for you. He hurt my daughter, and I suddenly saw you as me in the future, your son resenting you, and I wouldn’t allow it.”
I sigh. “It’s not like I decided on a whim, Mom. We’ve been gravitating toward each other over our entire separation.”
“I know,” she admits, “and it scared me. I didn’t see him as wanting you back, Heaven; I saw him as wanting to take Micha from you because I’m so clouded by my own troubles, my own judgment.”
I swallow hard and ask, “And now?”
She’s quiet for a moment before she admits, “I still see it that way,” and I sigh, but she ignores it and continues, “but only because that is how I’m programmed. Right now, you’re doing therapy, something I never did with any of my ex-partners, but you are doing it, he is doing it, he’s fighting for you. Don’t care about what I say or think, Heaven. I know it’s hard, but I need you to block me out, for your sake and your son’s, and I’ll try my hardest to see the bigger picture regarding Anchor.”
I blink in shock, and I mutter, “Who are you, and what have you done with my mother?”
She chuckles and admits, “I’m alone for the first time since meeting your father. I have no boyfriend, I work at a grocery store, and I no longer rely on anyone, including my daughter. I’m trying to learn to love myself again, like I did before your father hurt me.”
“I’m proud of you, Mom,” I admit quietly.
Do I wish she’d done this years ago? Yeah, I do, but everyone needs to learn the hard way, and go at their own pace, something Travis needed to figure out about me and where I stood with our marriage.
Will I ever be close to my mom? Most likely not, but I won’t cut her out, not if she’s trying to sort her life out.
After spending a few minutes talking with Mom, which, surprisingly, for the first time since my separation, I did not leave the conversation like I was making a big mistake, I headed to Huntsmen’s Grub, the club’s diner my son had gone to with his friends.
It doesn’t take me too long, but because it's dinner time, the parking lot is jam-packed, and I end up parking down the street.
Grumbling all the way to the diner, I go to walk in but freeze when I see Ginger and some other women that I can only guess are clubwhores.
Crap.
I scan around the diner through the window before I lock eyes with my son. He gives me a nod, looking exactly like his father at that moment despite having my eye color. He quickly says bye to his friends, who all wave at me.
I wave back then hide just past the window, not willing to get into crap with Ginger today, but my hopes are dashed when I hear, “Oh look, it’s Anchor's stalker….”
Seriously, she really needs to get a new line, and if anyone is a stalker, it’s her, I mean, the woman became a clubwhore just to be close to him….
I watch as Micha walks past her and me, knowing not to be around this woman, before he walks into the alleyway, just out of sight, and I turn back to Ginger and her posse.
“Oh look, it’s the walking, talking STD, who can’t get herself a patched brother,” I reply, and her posse actually laughs, making Ginger growl. I raise a brow at her, daring her to try something, but instead, she stomps her high-heeled foot like a toddler and calls for a taxi before shouting, “Girls, let’s go, the brothers will be out of church soon, and I want me some Anchor dick!”
The three women smile at me before following Ginger, and climbing into the cab with her, and I roll my eyes at her words, which don’t even hit below the belt; I know they are lies.
Wait….
Pride fills me that my first thought was to roll my eyes instead of suffocating in uncertainty, and something deep inside settles.
I’m beginning to trust him….
Damn.
Shaking my head, I turn and say, “Come on, bud,” and Micha walks out of his hiding place, his nose scrunched up.
“That woman is nasty, Mom,” he says, and I wrap my arm around his shoulders while placing my hand on my tiny bump that isn’t yet visible under my clothes. I look both ways on the road before crossing.
“I know; it’s why I tell you not to even look at when you see her. I don’t want her knowing your dad is…your dad,” I tell him, unwilling to lie.
“She wants my dad, doesn’t she?” he confirms, angry, and I hum in agreement.
“She does, but she’s not getting him because your dad belongs to me, just like I belong to him. We needed time apart, and now we’re coming back together again.”
Micha grins wide with excitement while I just hope it works out—for all our sake.
It’s not just my heart that will break if Trav and I don’t work out.
Shouting echoes around us, and I look to my right to see a car speeding up on the wrong side of the road; the man behind the wheel is holding his chest as he loses control of his car, and I know I only have a split second to save Micha, knowing I can’t save myself.
I don’t think; instead, I act, and I shove Micha hard into the crowd, and watch as a guy grabs hold of him and pulls him out of the way, just as the hood of a sedan smashes into my legs. I scream at the impact, my arm going around my stomach to protect the baby, and panic hits.
“Mommy!” I hear Micha shout as I roll over the roof of the car and off the trunk of the vehicle, before the front of my body slams into the concrete. My head slams against the ground…and the world disappears into nothing.