Chapter 25
25
Heaven
“Didn’t stop you from fucking me though, Anchor….”
Her words echo in my head, and I suddenly feel dirty being this close to him…. All that hard work to try and stay strong is gone at the glee in her eyes. I thought I was his end game, but I wasn’t, because he sought her out when I didn’t want to come to the clubhouse and celebrate.
My tears fall, and full of pain, I shout, “Put me down, Anchor,” as he walks into a room and slams the door behind us.
I can feel the bile rising.
Gently, he lowers me to the floor and then crowds me against the door, and I refuse to look at him, my body trembling.
I tried—I really did try—but I can’t do this; I can’t unsee them. It’s been ten years, and I still can’t get over it. That is a long time to be hurt, a long time to hold onto something like this, something that, in theory, should be in the past by now.
I need a clean break….
I need to leave and sort my head, sort myself out without him around all the time.
Travis cups my cheeks as his breathing deepens, knowing where my mind has gone and knowing I’m done. I don’t make eye contact with him as he forces my head his way, so he bends at the knees, not giving me a choice, and the fear and love that shine back at me consume me.
“Please don’t do this,” he begs with a whisper, “don’t give up on me. I know I keep messing up; I know I shouldn’t have forced you here, and should have just moved into our home. I know I never should have hurt you to begin with, but please don’t shut down on me, Heaven.” He wipes away my tears. “We’ve spent the past ten years apart because of my mistake. Then I spent a whole fucking month thinking I was going to lose you forever after finding out you lost our baby, a baby I forced on you.”
A sob crawls from my throat, and I cry, “It hurts too much, Travis, I-I can’t do this….”
His eyes widen, and he shakes his head before pressing his lips against mine, his grip on my cheeks tightening before he rasps, “You can do this, just like you have these past few months. This is just another obstacle for us to get through, for you to learn to trust me again.” He pecks my lips. “I was hurting last week, Heaven. I knew you wouldn’t have gone through with the pain of losing our child if I hadn’t fucked with your birth control, and the guilt ate me alive, it’s why I shut you out, and I shouldn’t have.”
My eyes race between his, and I know I need to test him because, at the moment, it’s just words, right?
My tears fall, and I ask, “Why the bruises….”
He groans in defeat, knowing I’m testing him, and he drops his forehead against mine.
“You’re going to kick my ass, Angel,” he admits, but I don’t relent. Instead, I keep eye contact, and he sighs, admitting, “I fought at The Fight every night, letting the men kick the shit outta me.” My stomach tightens at his words. He gently wipes away my tears. “I was barely surviving without you in the years we were apart, those little snippets keeping me going, but knowing you may never wake up….” His eyes race between mine. He confesses, “All I wanted to do was join you, and I knew I had to be here for Micha, so fighting helped numb the emotional pain.”
I slowly close my eyes as my tears fall at his admittance. He whispers, “I need you like I need air to breathe, Heaven, I always have, and since I made that stupid mistake, it has defined us and our relationship; it caused me to lose you, and I know I can never take it back, I know it’s drilled in your head .but I also know that you love me.” He places his lips to my head. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have been willing to try couple’s therapy, you wouldn’t have been sleeping with me over the years, and you wouldn’t still be this hurt by what I did, you would have pushed it behind you and moved on.”
Slowly, Travis takes my hand in his, and I open my eyes when I feel him remove my ring, something I haven’t had the courage to do despite it feeling wrong on my finger. He steps back a little, a feeling I didn’t think I’d feel fills me.
Panic.
Panic and fear that we are done consume me, and absolute heartbreak fills me as I watch him remove the thin gold chain that I bought him as a wedding gift years ago from around his neck. He slowly loops it through my gold band, and I furrow my brows in confusion despite the panic and fear.
Travis gently places the chain back around his neck, then reaches for something from the inside of his cut. I gasp in shock as he holds out two absolutely beautiful rings.
He gives me a nervous smile, holds the large ring out first, and says, “I never did get you an engagement ring. I never had the money, and fuck do I regret it.”
I smile a little. The memory of a nineteen-year-old Travis trembling hits me.
“I love you, Heaven,” he whispers, and I smile up at him, gripping his arms as he cups my cheeks.
I’m sitting sideways on his bike outside the school football field, with no one about. He came to pick me up, which I’m grateful for, as my mother decided she needed to use my car after her “boyfriend” took hers today.
“I love you, too, Trav, but why are you trembling? What’s wrong?” I reply, concern hitting me.
He blows out a deep breath before letting go of my cheeks, and I gasp as he kneels before me, gripping my hand.
“I don’t have a ring; I just can’t go any longer without having you tied to me.” His eyes race between my watery ones, and he begs, “Marry me, Heaven, marry me and make me the happiest man alive.”
My tears fall, and without thinking about it, not needing to, knowing he’s my everything, even at eighteen, I nod vigorously. He grins as I throw myself at him, pressing my lips against his….
“I loved your proposal,” I admit, and he smiles softly.
“I know, but you deserved more, fuck, you deserved a ring,” he replies as he grabs my left hand and slowly guides the large white gold ring with a large diamond onto my finger. He pulls another ring out of the box, and I recognize it instantly.
It’s the white gold diamond wedding ring I eyed years ago.
My tears fall as he slowly guides it on my finger, up against the other ring, and he whispers, “I want to start fresh. I want to forget about the past, forget about the heartbreak, and restart. And I really fucking want you to want to restart with me.”
A lump forms in my throat, the rings he put on my finger soothing my burning skin.
“But how can I move forward?” I look at him. “I’ve been trying for ten years, Travis.”
He licks his bottom lip and then whispers, “But you haven’t been, Heaven; even in therapy, you still hold onto the past, you still hold onto the pain.” He gently kisses my ring finger. “I love you, Angel, so fucking much, and I can’t bear life without you, and if you’re willing to try and move forward, actually moving forward and not holding onto the past, to what I did, I promise to always put you first.” He looks at me. “I promise to be open as humanly possible for the rest of our lives, and I promise to never make you feel unworthy during any pregnancies or births you go through. Please, Angel, start a new chapter with me, and let me prove to you that I’ll never hurt you again….”
Everything in me pulls at me to say yes, but damn, am I scared, so goddamn scared.
“Clear your head, my Angel, and listen to your heart. What does it say?” he whispers, and I instantly answer, “It says yes."
He kisses me hard, not allowing me to second-guess myself, and without thinking, I open my mouth as he licks the seam of my lips, his tongue tangling with mine, and everything feels right in my world.
Travis groans before sucking my tongue into his mouth, causing my clit to pulse and wetness to spread between my thighs as his hands go to my ass and he lifts me. My legs instantly wrap around his waist, my hands going into his hair before I feel us moving, then my back is against a cold mattress.
Gently, Travis brings his hands to my tank top and glides it up, breaking the kiss as he lifts it above my head, and throws it on the floor.
My eyes connect with his as I raise my hands and slowly glide his cut off his shoulders. He sits up between my open thighs and chucks it against the chair near the door before he removes his shirt, revealing his tatted chest, before he covers my body with his. I grab my old ring on his chain and pull his lips to mine, kissing him hard, pushing my tongue into his mouth, tangling it with his, and he moans, pressing his hips against mine as I lift them, needing friction after so long without it.
Reading my body, Travis breaks the kiss and nips my chin, neck, and collarbone before pulling the cup of my bra down and taking a peaked nipple into his mouth, sucking it hard before biting it, sending tingles throughout my body, and making me gasp in pleasure and lift my hips again.
I feel Travis smile against my skin before he drags his tongue down my body as his hands go to the button of my jeans, undoing them and, slowly, as he licks down my body, he brings my jeans and underwear down my legs, removing them along with my sneakers. He throws them on the floor, his mouth never leaving my skin.
Slowly, he spreads my legs as he pushes his hands up the inside of my thighs, opening me for him as his mouth covers between my legs, and he sucks hard, making me gasp.
“Fuck, I’ve missed your taste,” he groans before he shoves his tongue inside my entrance as his fingers find my clit, strumming it hard and fast.
“T-Travis,” I scream as my stomach tightens and my orgasm hits me out of nowhere.
“Fuck, yes,” he moans as he licks up my juices before he quickly climbs up my body and presses his lips against mine, my release filling my mouth and making my clit pulse quicker. Without breaking the kiss, he hooks his hands beneath my knees, holding my legs up as he thrusts inside me hard.
Damn, when did he remove his jeans?
I gasp and arch my back, my body still not used to his length, but he doesn’t give me time to get used to him. Instead, he thrusts hard and fast, and oh wow, oh so deep, sending so much pleasure through my body, and I break the kiss, throwing my head back.
Travis latches onto my nipple, biting hard as my walls squeeze him, and before I know it, wetness spreads between us, and my second orgasm rips through me.
“Fuck…” he moans against my skin, his hips losing rhythm as he comes inside me, and not once do I think of protection.
Travis lifts his head, pressing his lips against mine, and I moan, tasting myself on his lips, and his member twitches inside me.
“Just so you know, Angel, we’re not leaving this room for the rest of the night. Dad’s picking up Micha, and we’ve got lost time to make up for,” Travis whispers against my lips before kissing me hard. I melt, allowing him to do as he says, trying not to worry about the future and whether a fresh start is even possible between us.