Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Mac
F or the second time in a dozen hours, I found myself pulling into Olivia’s complex, a nice older community a couple of blocks from the heart of downtown. Prior to the tornado last year, the complex had large old trees as a barrier to the road, providing shade during the hot summer months. Now, the early morning light glittered off the metal roof. At least the grass had begun to grow back.
The neighborhood was relatively safe, and although their complex wasn’t gated, we never heard of any bad things happening in the area.
Olivia met me on the sidewalk, her arms folded over her chest, with an expression that said she still wasn’t convinced this was a good idea. I hadn’t meant to make the offer for Rosie to stay with me, but the words were out before I knew it, and the more the idea settled, the less nervous I was about it.
The meeting and official introductions, not that they were really needed, had gone surprisingly well. After all, Rosie had been sneaking over and hanging out with Buster for a week, and we’d gotten into a routine, so we weren’t total strangers. Plus, I still had paternal rights, and technically, I could enforce them. And maybe that was what had Olivia on edge.
Once Olivia got past her nerves and loosened up, she agreed that Rosie coming with me was the best-case scenario. I tried to remind myself of all the positives as I climbed out of the truck, because now that it was go time, I was scared to death. Buster woofed from the back seat, aware that this was a new place he hadn’t explored.
“Stay,” I ordered, before closing the door behind me.
Olivia shifted, arms wrapping around her waist, looking like a concerned mother rather than the tough-as-nails fire chief. I couldn’t blame her. She was sending her baby girl off with a virtual stranger.
Her worried eyes met mine. “You sure about this? Now’s your chance if you’ve changed your mind.”
I hooked a thumb in the pocket of my jeans to keep from reaching out to rub away the crease between her eyebrows and shook my head. “No take backs. We’ll be fine. You go kick some ass, and we’ll see you when you get done. You got the address, right?”
Olivia began nodding as the front door burst open, and a mass of bags and flying blond hair bolted for us. “Hey, Mac. I’m ready! Bye, Mom.”
I caught up with Rosie, taking her bags. “That’s not good enough. Try again.” I didn’t mean to, but it came out as a growl. I nodded to where Olivia stood watching, looking for all the world like this might be her last goodbye with Rosie.
Rosie stood frozen in place, eyes wide. We needed to get some things straight from the get-go. Even so, I didn’t want to scare the kid before we even hit the road, so I softened my tone before I laid it out.
“When you leave your momma, you give her a hug and a kiss and tell her you love her. Always. Every time.”
Realization dawned, and she turned and dashed back to Olivia, nearly taking her out with a full-body tackle. “Bye, Mom. Do good on your thing. I love you. I’ll call you tonight.”
Before I could even get around the truck, Rosie was in the passenger seat, loving on Buster.
I chuckled, feeling a little awkward that she’d just ditched her mom without a thought. I stuck my hands in my back pockets because I still didn’t know what to do with them, aside from reaching for her, which I shouldn’t do, no matter how strong the pull between us.
I was supposed to be making their lives easier. This was supposed to be helping. So why did it feel like I was kicking a puppy?
“I reckon she’s excited.”
The corner of Olivia’s mouth tilted on a sad smile, her eyes glued to Rosie. “You could say that. After you left, she packed and repacked for two solid hours. I don’t know that she’s slept a wink.”
“You sure you’re okay with this? You seem a little upset.” I kept my voice soft so that Rosie wouldn’t overhear.
Watching her daughter with sad eyes, she nodded. “I wouldn’t stop this for anything in the world. Look at her.”
I was too caught up on the woman in front of me to drag my attention off her. I hated this defeated expression on her face, hated that she looked so melancholy, hated that I felt guilty for taking Rosie with me. Olivia was clearly going to miss the girl. Was this what parenting was like? Was this what I was in for? My whole world, wrapped up in the happiness of my child?
Olivia dragged her attention away from Rosie and Buster with a huge sigh and turned to face me. “You’ve got my number if you need me.”
“I do. Same goes for you. You need us, you call. Otherwise, I’ll have her call you tonight. Do your thing and don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine.”
The drive to the lake house was two solid hours of Rosie singing along to Taylor Swift songs. After we’d unloaded the truck, she and Buster had an afternoon session of fetch. They’d both come into the detached garage soaking wet after a dive in the lake, and I’d banned them to the yard until Buster quit shaking, not wanting him to sling mud on the canoe I was refinishing.
Rosie had taken an immediate interest in my project. “What’s that?” had been her favorite question, asking it over and over, and paying attention when I explained each part of the boat. Eventually, I put her to work, and she’d fallen into the same meditative state I fell into when working.
She stood across from me, sandpaper in hand, working over some rough sections, while I worked on rigging rope anchors. Her stomach growled, interrupting the late-afternoon silence.
I glanced at the time. We’d been at it for hours. “You wanna go get a pizza?”
Her head popped up over the edge of the boat. “Add this to the things-to-know-about-Rosie column. Pizza is my favorite, and I’m always down for some.”
The corner of my mouth hitched up. She was such a smartass. “Go wash up. Meet me at the boat in five.”
Her eyes grew huge with wonder. “We’re taking the boat?”
I’d barely nodded in response before she bolted out of the garage, whooping the entire way to the big house, four-legged shadow in tow.
The lake house was my sanctuary. My dad and I had bought it on the cheap, intending on it being a retirement home for him and my mom, and then someday mine. But someday had come all too soon, and he never got to enjoy retirement or the lake house. I’d spent nearly a decade renovating and fixing up the small two-story house. It wasn’t fancy or expensive, but it had a great view of the lake all year, and it came with a detached garage that I’d converted to storage space and a workshop.
I whistled for Buster, who turned on a dime, realizing I was headed down to the dock. Ten minutes later, we were cruising the big water of Lake Martin, headed for a pizza. Rosie was snuggled up to Buster in the back of the boat, laughing and happy.
My chest squeezed tight. This feeling growing inside me almost hurt.
Was this happiness? Being able to share one of my favorite things with my child? Showing her how to build things and answering a ton of questions? Experiencing a level of patience I didn’t know I had?
Was this love?
And was it weird that it was so all-consuming and powerful when I’d only just met her? It made sense, though. How many times had I heard someone say they’d fallen in love with their child on sight?
Granted, they meant on first sight as a newborn.
But still. It was surprising that I was enjoying every minute of being with her, sharing all my special places along the lake.
An hour later, we were stuffed full of pizza, with leftovers stowed in the hold, and headed back home when Rosie called out, “Hey, Mac, will you teach me to drive the boat?”
I nodded and throttled back, slowing us down as we neared a decent-sized cove with no boat traffic. “Yeah, come on.”
It wasn’t until she stepped up to take the wheel that I had second thoughts. How was I supposed to teach her without standing uncomfortably close to her? Thinking back on all the guys I’d seen teach their kids, it was natural for them to stand behind them and be their guide. But I couldn’t do that. I sank into the chair across from her and gave her instructions.
“Okay, just ease that forward when you are ready.”
Rosie white-knuckled the wheel with one hand and the throttle with the other.
“Relax your grip on that throttle, just lightly touch it. We don’t want to go fast. Just inch it forward until we start moving.”
She swallowed, gathered her courage, and nudged the throttle forward. The motor engaged, and the boat started moving. I kept watch on the direction, gave her some corrections to make, and guided her through making a turn.
The boat slowed as we came to the end of the lesson. “Good job, kiddo.”
Rosie let out a whoop as we began a lazy drift and the breeze kicked up around us. “That was amazing! Can we do it again?”
“After you do the homework to get yourself a license.” We swapped places, and I steered us out of the cove, resuming the trek back to my house.
Rosie folded herself in the cocaptain chair, with a foot in the seat, arms hugging her raised knee. “How long will it take?”
Buster stretched out on the back bench. I’d never had a dog enjoy a boat ride like he did.
“I dunno. That’s for you to find out,” I replied, looking left over my shoulder and maneuvering us out into the big-water traffic. It was late in the day, and there were more boats now, more wakes to manage. Dark clouds were rolling in, and everyone who’d been out on the water was making the mad dash to shore. The problem was, we were headed directly into the ominous-looking storm.
“Those clouds look kinda scary.” She took the words right out of my mouth.
“Yep.”
“Are we gonna make it back in time?” Now her tone sounded worried.
“I don’t know, we’ll get there as quickly and safely as possible.” Her mother would kill me if something happened to Rosie under my care. “I probably should’ve gotten her permission to even take you on this ride.”
“Why? You’re my dad. You have a say too.”
And just like that, Rosie floored me. Because I wasn’t her dad in any sense other than the fact that we shared the same DNA.
The crosswind picked up, and the waves got larger. Then the rain started, and visibility dropped, so I slowed further.
“Do me a favor,” I yelled into the wind. “Reach in that compartment and grab a life jacket for you and one for Buster. ”
Rosie pulled them out and got them each buckled in safely, and I relaxed a tiny bit.
“What about you?” she yelled.
“I’ll be fine, it just makes me feel better knowing you’re protected.” I’d be fine if we could make it to the other side of this torrential dump of rain; with any luck, we’d ride out the other side any minute.
A life jacket slapped my arm, flapping in the wind as Rosie held it out to me. “You gotta be covered too.”
I glanced over to see Buster tucked under her legs and Rosie huddling behind her half of the windshield, trying to get out of the stinging rain. I slipped on the life jacket and fastened it as best I could one-handed. That tight feeling in my chest returned. Part fear, part pissed off at myself that I’d put her in harm’s way. Part something else that she’d cared enough to make sure I was covered too.
We made it to our cove and pulled under the covered dock. The rain poured harder, and lightning flashed in the sky, thunder rumbling around us.
“Want me to get the ropes?” Rosie offered.
“Yeah, I’ll keep us steady until you can get the first tie-down secured.” I talked her through the loops to make, and together, we secured the boat. Buster jumped onto the dock and led our dash to the garage.
“Well, that was fun until the rain started,” Rosie quipped, shucking her lifejacket and hanging it on a peg. She ran her fingers through her long hair—soaked, but no worse for wear. I thanked our lucky stars that the lightning hadn’t started until we were docked.
“It got a little hairy there for a minute.”
“No shi—kidding.”
I cut my eyes to her. “Good catch.”
“Mom doesn’t like it when I cuss,” she said matter of fact, then tilted her head quizzically. “Which I don’t understand because she’ll let them fly when she doesn’t know I’m listening.”
I brushed the water from my hair with my hand, chuckling at this insight into Olivia. “She’s just trying to be her idea of a good mom. You can’t blame her. She’s done a good job with you.”
Rosie plucked at her wet clothes. “I guess I’m gonna go get out of these wet clothes. Thanks for the boat ride, Mac. I’ll keep the stormy part out when I talk to Mom.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I said to her retreating back.
A half hour later, I figured I’d given Rosie enough time to get herself settled and chat with her mom and was just closing the shop when my cell rang. Not many people called me when I was at the lake house. Not many people called me at all anymore. There’d been a time when I’d hang with some of the locals, but over the years, they’d sold out and moved away. And I kept to myself mostly anyway. Occasionally, the guys from the shift would have a cookout or get-together. Sometimes I went. But my phone ringing outside of work was unusual.
“Hello?”
“Hey there, it’s me. I was just calling to check in.”
Olivia. Something hot rose in my chest, and I rubbed a hand over the spot. Damn pizza was talking back. Or maybe it was lingering fear from the race back across the lake. Had to be what it was and not the sound of her voice. “Hey yourself. Things are good here. You talk to Rosie?”
Mild panic settled in next to the heartburn. I absolutely couldn’t tell her about having Rosie out in the storm. She’d lose her mind.
“Yeah, just got off the phone with her. She sounds like she’s having a blast.”
Relief was heady. Rosie had kept her word, and maybe it was wrong to keep Olivia in the dark, but I kind of liked having this shared secret with Rosie. No reason to worry her mom. “Things are going well so far.”
“She’s pulling her weight, right?”
Rosie helping me with the canoe felt a lot like the times I’d spent with my dad, making the dream of the lake house a reality. I’d done the work to the house after he died. But there were endless projects that I still wanted to do, always improvements to be made. Starting with finishing my sailboat. And now I could share that with my daughter.
The heartburn kicked up a notch.
“Absolutely. So far, she’s helped me on a project I’m working on. Who knew that giving a kid sandpaper would shut them up? But she’s a lot like me; she gets focused and gets in her head. We took a boat ride for some pizza, and she chattered about everything on the lake. Wants to know everything about driving the boat.”
Her low laugh came through the phone as sultry, though I knew she didn’t intend for it to be so sexy. “She’s obsessed with driving, period, right now.”
“Well, I gave her some homework and told her if she’d study and get her license, I’d teach her to drive the boat. I hope that’s okay.”
Silence filled the line for a moment, and I had the sinking feeling I’d already fucked up this co-parenting thing.
“I suppose it is. It’s just hard letting her grow up, is all. In my head, she’s still six years old and barely learning how to ride a bike. And now she’s ready to spread her wings and test her independence.” A sadness tinged her words, and that ache in my chest grew. What would it have been like to know Rosie when she was six ?
The storm slacked off a little, and I stepped to the doorway to find the lights on inside the house. Through the window, I could see Rosie in the kitchen. Realizing we’d left the pizza in the boat, I walked down to grab it so she could have it later.
“I’m sorry, Mac. That was terribly insensitive of me.” Regret tinged Olivia’s voice.
“It is what it is, Liv. Do I regret not having that time with her? Some. But then again, I’d never planned on having kids, so the loss doesn’t feel as great.” It was a half-truth. I could be mad and linger over what might’ve been. I could hold a grudge and make life hard on all of us. Or I could forgive Olivia and embrace Rosie and let the past live in the past.
I’d done enough living in the past. Spent over a decade wondering what might’ve been if Diedre had stuck around, if we would’ve had kids. Started a family. If my parents hadn’t died so soon after she left. If they’d been able to have more kids so I wouldn’t have been left alone in the world after their accident. But living in the past had gotten me nowhere.
“Moving forward, Liv.”
We needed to get off this dark stuff and get back to easy, so I steered the conversation to get her to tell me about her presentation.
She’d done well, like I knew she would. In the end, the conversation turned again, and we talked until I noticed that the clouds had dissipated and the sun was beginning to set. We’d talked for over an hour, and it’d felt like just a few moments.
“Well, I better get in here and make sure she’s not cooking something up in the kitchen. I learned the hard way that Rosie is no cook. ”
Olivia laughed. “At least she gets something from me.”
“I’ll check in tomorrow. Have fun at your conference.”
“Tomorrow will be another long one, but Sunday should be a short day. I’m hoping to be done by noon.”
“You should come to the lake. And have some time with Rosie.” And me. The thought came unbidden but not wholly unwanted. There’d probably never be a time that I didn’t want Livvie.
“Thanks for everything, Mac.” Her voice held a smile as we hung up, and I pictured what that smile would look like aimed at me. And that tightness in my chest grew a little more.