Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Mac
“ Y ou have a beautiful family,” a generic voice said, breaking through the tender moment with my girls. Genderless, faceless, nameless. It didn’t matter who said what, because I was caught up, drawing in strength from having Rosie and Livvie in my arms.
I preached to my guys all the time about processing calls, and we worked regularly to debrief together, especially after the more traumatic ones. But it hit me differently now that I knew I had a child of my own.
It was irrational, probably a little extreme. And I realized how much I’d been lying to myself about wanting a family. Because holding these two in my arms felt good. It felt right.
And even as I knew I was already half in love with them both, I was scared to death.
One, or both of them, could be taken away or could choose to leave me in a heartbeat. I’d been there, done that, and it sucked .
I needed to not be so all-in so early. I needed to hold myself back some because I didn’t want to hurt like I had so many years ago when Diedre left me.
Of course, it had been Olivia who had put me back on the path to healing. So it made sense that she was the reason for me coming back full circle.
Still.
This was too much, too soon. There was still so much to deal with and go through, and there was no way Olivia and I could pursue any kind of relationship, even though it seemed that Rosie wanted us together more than anything.
I had to stop this train.
I gave them both a last squeeze and pulled away from the embrace. It felt like ripping out my own soul.
“Okay. That was an experience.” I tried to sound light, but the words fell flat.
Rosie wiped her eyes as Olivia pulled her under an arm.
They looked good standing together, tear-stained cheeks and all.
I gave up the act and held out a hand to them. “Let’s get out of here.”
The boat ride back was much different from the ride over. I didn’t make any special stops or take any detours. We just made a straight beeline to the house.
At the dock, Rosie automatically helped me secure the ropes. A twinge of pride swelled at how naturally she’d picked it up, and then she and her mom went to the deck and spread out in lounge chairs.
I went to my garage and hid behind my canoe.
I didn’t want to have these feelings.
This pride.
This intense longing to know everything about my daughter. Or her mother .
This sudden consideration for another person in my life was frustrating and confusing and way more than I bargained for.
It had been just Buster and me for so long, I’d come to accept it. I was used to it. Throwing in another person—or people, actually, because Rosie came with Olivia and vice versa—was upsetting my life, and I didn’t have the emotional or mental capacity to process all the changes.
I was deep in the zone when a small shuffle sounded at the door. Staying focused on the layer of stain I was applying, I tried to ignore it. Buster tunneled his way into my line of sight, crawling between my legs and laying his head on my thigh. Since he’d ditched me the moment Rosie had climbed in the truck, I knew who I’d find at the door.
Dropping the pretense of work, I balanced the application sponge on the top of the can and gave him my attention.
“Are you mad?” Rosie’s voice was small, hesitant.
I focused on Buster so I could avoid looking at her. Because apparently, I was a sucker for my daughter.
“No.” My voice sounded gruff to my own ears. I sounded mad. I sounded like an asshole; I knew it and still couldn’t stop it. But she deserved better than a clipped response. On a sigh, I continued, “I’m processing a lot right now, kiddo. But I’m not mad. There’s nothing to be mad about.”
“I get it. It’s been a dramatic day. And you’ve had to do it with us crashing your space.”
I hated that she sounded so withdrawn and defeated, and I’d done that to her by hiding from her.
“Listen.” I hesitated, making sure to choose the right words. “We’ve all had a lot to adjust to. It’s going to take some time to figure out our new reality. Plus, I think I deserve a little bit of understanding here. You’ve known about me a hell of a lot longer than I’ve known about you.”
Sadness leaked from her. Sweet, stubborn, foolish teenage kid. Even standing in the doorway looking like I’d kicked her puppy. Could she not be so adorable?
“I don’t want to be a burden, Mac. I just… want to know you. That’s all.”
The chin quiver broke my resolve to keep my distance. I drew her into my arms because I wasn’t a total asshole, and when I saw tears, I wanted them to stop.
With her face buried in my chest, and my arms around her slight shoulders, I knew my life was never going to be the same.
The retirement I’d been looking so forward to was suddenly in jeopardy. All the plans I’d made were suddenly in limbo. Every decision I’d ever made to move me toward the early retirement that was within my grasp was now threatened… possibly put on hold. And it didn’t sit well.
My father had died three months before he was able to retire. I watched the man work his fingers to the bone. He’d looked so forward to moving to the lake house and never gotten to enjoy it. I’d been so determined not to follow in his footsteps.
I was on track to have everything paid for and be able to retreat to this place permanently, and I was ready. I didn’t recover from the all-nighters like the younger guys did. My body ached daily from the wear and tear of hauling heavy equipment and being on the go all the time. It was harder to come down from the adrenaline rush of going from a dead sleep to flat-out sprinting to the truck.
Still, my plans weren’t her burden to bear. It was my decision, my choice to make on how I handled this going forward. All she’d asked from me was time spent together. I gave her a reassuring squeeze and pressed my lips to her hair.
“You’re not a burden, Rosie. We’ll figure it out.” Maybe it was odd that I’d fallen so hard, so fast for this girl, but the truth was, I had. We’d figure out the rest later.
We left the garage and headed to the house. Rosie wasn’t completely back to her normal cheerful attitude, but she wasn’t crying anymore either, so I took it as a win. Olivia was at the table when we arrived, muttering to her laptop with a frown.
“This can’t be right.”
“Mom talks to her computer all the time. Just some FYI for you,” Rosie informed me. She picked up a ball and dangled it in front of Buster’s nose. “Come on, buddy, let’s go play.”
Buster followed her like a lovesick fool. I’d have to come to terms with losing my dog.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Olivia, reaching for a beer from the fridge, noticing the distinct lack of real food. Rosie and I had stopped at the grocery store on the way in, but we were running low on supplies.
“We have a whole set of bunker gear and a SCBA unit missing.” Olivia scrolled through a document and noted the totals again. “There’s some other stuff, too.” She rubbed her forehead in exasperation. “It just doesn’t make sense.”
I wanted to tell her that it would be okay, but I knew she was under an enormous amount of pressure from city hall, and having missing inventory when she was trying to justify budget spend was a big deal. I opened my mouth and closed it, because anything I could say would just be a platitude, and she deserved better than that.
My phone chimed on the counter. Hers rang at the same time .
Our gazes met and held.
Knowing that it couldn’t be good that we were both getting a call at the same time, and also knowing that we didn’t need to appear to be together, I swiped mine off the counter and headed out the door.
“Go for Mac,” I said into the phone without checking the caller ID. I sank onto the front porch rocker, watching Rosie and Buster.
“Captain, are you at the lake?” Thoren asked, worry seeping into his tone.
“Yeah, why? What’s up?”
In the yard, Rosie giggled as Buster made a flying leap and nearly tackled her to get the ball from her hand.
“He’s back, sir.”
I stilled.
Thoren’s brother. The guy who’d set fire to numerous structures and almost cost me a couple of my personnel.
“Talk to me,” I demanded.
“I got another calling card, similar to the ones he’d left before.”
Loren had left several clues behind in his rampage against his brother.
“But, Captain… this time he left it in the station.”
My beer bottle thunked to the chair arm.
“How the fuck did he get in?”
“I don’t know, sir. But he also left a note. Bastard basically threatened the entire department. And…” His voice dropped a notch as if he didn’t want to be heard. “He threatened the new chief.”
Fear crawled along my spine.
“What?”
“I know, it’s weird. But he called her a c?— ”
“Don’t even finish that sentence,” I growled. Olivia was mine. I’d be damned if anyone threatened her.
On the line, Thoren cleared his throat. “Sorry, sir. Anyway. We did a drive-by, and she wasn’t home. But PD is going to keep watch throughout the night.”
“Why is he targeting her? What does she have to do with anything? She wasn’t even here when all that went down.” I couldn’t make it make sense in my head.
“He states, ‘Tell the …c-word, to back off’ in his note. I guess she’s making some waves with the investigator’s office and he’s aware?” He ended on a questioning note.
I needed to warn Olivia.
“Okay, I know she had a conference thing to go to,” I hedged. “So she’s probably still out of town. I’ve got her number. I’ll make sure she’s aware. But PD still needs to continue with the drive-bys just in case.”
“Okay, Captain.”
I hung up, assuring him I’d talk to Olivia immediately. For a split second, I sat frozen, watching Rosie play with Buster. Then I whistled and motioned for her to come inside.
Her long hair bounced around her as she raced Buster to the house.
I didn’t know who Olivia had pissed off, but somehow, she’d landed squarely in the crosshairs of a very bad guy. He probably assumed, like most people did, that it was just her and Rosie. That she was an easy target.
But what he didn’t know was that Olivia was as stubborn as the day was long and as hard-nosed as any person he’d ever met. If she was making waves, it was because someone, somewhere had fucked up and was trying to hide it.
He also didn’t know that Olivia had me on her side. And I’d make sure she and Rosie were safe. Even if it meant moving them in with me.
“Absolutely not.” Her voice rang loud and clear through the kitchen. The high color on her cheeks and the way her fists lay clenched on the table, not to mention the firm set of her jaw, was enough to terrify most people.
But I wasn’t most people, and I wasn’t taking no for an answer. Gone was the pleasant boat ride, the emotional aftermath of the restaurant, and now a fuming woman sat across from me mere minutes after receiving the news that Loren was back on the loose and she was a target. I wanted to wrap them both in bubble wrap and then hit something. Hard.
“This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I’m not about to sit by and let some punk-ass threaten me and my daughter and let him run me from my own damn home.” Her voice rose with every word, echoing off the bare walls of my lake house.
“Chief—” I was back to calling her by her title because I’d needed to put that distance between us.
“That’s right, Captain. I am the chief. And what I say goes.”
She was wrong there.
“Olivia,” I barked, needing to get her attention, allowing fear to take control. “I’m not your damn subordinate in my own fucking house, so listen up. I’m not taking any chances. You’ve read the file, but you weren’t here when Thoren almost died. You didn’t console his girlfriend while we waited. You weren’t the one running in to save him from that fire. I’ve been on the waiting side too many times recently. I’ll be damned if I sit by and let you put yourself in harm’s way.”
“That bastard is bluffing. He’s not coming for me.” The fire glinting from her eyes would be a beautiful thing under other circumstances. Seeing her all worked up and pissed off did things to me. But I tamped that ridiculous thought down because now was not the time to be thinking of how beautiful Olivia Hawkins was.
I shook my head. “You don’t know that, and I’m not taking chances. Think of Rosie. Hell, think of me. If I ever meant anything to you, if she means anything to you, you will trust me on this and let me at least provide you a safer place. Some backup.”
Some of the fire went out of her at my words. Her shoulders relaxed to the point that she almost looked defeated.
“If I hide, it will make me look weak. I can’t stand looking weak.” Her voice was soft, vulnerable.
I pulled out the chair next to hers and sat, placing a hand over her fisted one. “It’s not weak to accept help. It’s not weak to be safe,” I offered. “You and Rosie come to my place. Let me take care of you. Let me be the man my daughter needs me to be.”
All my pride bled away as I practically begged her to understand.
She studied our hands for a moment, and then finally, finally , she turned hers over in mine and linked our fingers.
“Okay, but we will have to sort this out so that city hall doesn’t turn this into something they can use for grounds for dismissal.”
I wanted to reassure her and tell her it would all be okay, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. So I just squeezed her hand and silently prayed that it would.