Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Mac
I lay propped on my side, watching the most beautiful woman in the world cross the room. Naked. Highlighted by the glow of the full moon shining through the window. My lips tipped up in a smile I couldn’t contain. The graceful way she carried herself did things to me.
With a matching smile, Olivia braced a knee on the bed, leaning over to plant a kiss on my lips. Hovering over me in the semidarkness, she was a goddess. Smart, strong, capable, confident. Utterly gorgeous.
“You are breathtaking,” I said, cupping her face to pull her in for another kiss.
Maybe age had made me a sentimental fool, but I cherished this moment. Being with her, making love to her. Hell, just having her in my house made life so much sweeter.
As she tucked her back to my front, I wrapped my arms around her, enjoying the feel of her, and buried my face in her neck.
This time meant everything in the world to me. In a matter of minutes, every other thing, retirement, the lake house, the boat. All of it meant nothing. She mattered. Rosie mattered. Having a family mattered.
Because what was life if you didn’t have someone special to spend it with?
Her arm covered mine, and she ran her hand down, humming her pleasure as she linked our fingers. I pressed another kiss to the spot just behind her ear, the one that made her shudder the slightest bit.
“What’s on your mind, Mac? I can tell you’re thinking deep thoughts.” Her voice was quiet, intimate. I ran our hands from her waist, across the soft mound of her belly, up between the valley of her breasts to her collarbone, where I splayed my fingers, loving how the base of her neck fit perfectly in the V of my thumb and forefinger. Her fingers slipped down, encircling my wrist.
“You know,” I began, keeping my voice soft, “I never knew I was lonely until you came back into my life.” I pressed another kiss on her soft skin because I needed the pause. The thick emotion building in my chest made it hard to speak. “But you came and brought Rosie, and the two of you lit all the dark, lonely spaces with your light.”
She squeezed my wrist, drawing in a deep breath. Curled around each other like we were, every move she made brushed against me. “I wish I’d found you all those years ago. I wish I’d never left you,” she admitted.
We lay silently, lost in the past for a long moment. “I wrote you letters.” The intimate admission came softly. “In a journal I kept. Rosie found it. I don’t know that she read it. But that’s where she found the picture of us.”
“You know how I found out about her?”
“How?”
“She posted a picture of us on TikTok. The one from the last day we spent on the beach and went sailing. We look so happy in that picture. She posted the photo wanting help finding her dad.”
Olivia went still in my arms.
“I didn’t know how to react, how or where to start to find you. But I’m glad I had the time to mull it over and come to terms with the idea of having a kid, because it took me a while. And then that day you walked into the conference room… felt like the earth shifted.”
She lay quiet in the circle of my arms. Then I felt it, the slightest shudder. I didn’t know if she was laughing or crying.
“I can’t believe she did that, the little turd.”
Laughing . Thank God.
I released a breath.
“I had no idea she’d even found the journal until after we moved here. Long after Tim and I split. She must’ve been planning to find you for a while.”
I growled at the sound of another man’s name in my bed.
“What’s that for?” she asked.
“You don’t say another man’s name while you’re in my bed. Whether or not I’m grateful to him for taking care of my girls until we found each other or not.”
She shifted her arm around to pat me on the butt. “There, there, MacDaddy. It’s okay, you’re a big boy. You can handle it.”
“Not the point, Liv.”
She chuckled, obviously unaware I spoke the truth. “Somewhere inside me is a jealous caveman that wants to club you over the head and declare you as mine.”
“That’s weirdly cute. Not the clubbing part, but I kind of like that you want to claim us. ”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because it’s just not something that we’re used to. T—he who shall not be named—was present. We cared for each other in the beginning, and he stepped in and took care of Rosa when I needed help the most. But looking back, it was a surface-level feeling.”
She turned in my arms to face me, running the palm of her hand over the scruff of my jaw. Her eyes searched my face in the moon’s glow. “It wasn’t the big, scary feeling that still runs deep between me and you.”
I smoothed the hair at her temple, allowing her words to sink deep into my heart.
“I feel it too. It terrifies me, but I don’t think I could live without the two of you anymore. I know it’s fast, but I think I loved you then and never stopped. I don’t regret anything, except that I didn’t ask you to stay with me or come back with me. Or have some way to find you later.”
Her mouth met mine, and we sank into each other, the kiss turning heated and slippery until we were both breathing hard, both content to make up for lost years of just kissing.
She nipped at my bottom lip and pulled away, scooting down to place her head on my chest. “Where do we go from here?”
I trailed my fingers down her back, thinking. “Well, if you’re up for it, you and Rosie just stay here. With me. We live our lives together, and God willing, ride off into the sunset together.” I hadn’t meant to ask so soon, but it felt right. Now that they were here, I didn’t want them to ever leave.
The skin of her back was warm under my fingertips, even though I could feel the little goosebumps my touch caused.
“I don’t know, Mac. There’s so much on the line. You’ve got your retirement plans all laid out. And we can’t be public about this, because I know the mayor will fire me on the spot for having a relationship with you. One of us is going to lose in the job aspect.”
She was right, and that had been my problem with starting something with her all along. But… “Just know, I’d rather have you and have to work the rest of my life than to have a job and long for you. You’re more to me than any pension or title. We could be flat broke, living off beanie weenies and ramen, and I’d prioritize you over a job. We’ll figure it out.”
She kissed me long and sweet. “You sound like some lovesick young fool.”
I chuckled. “I know.” I trailed my fingers across her skin. Her being here with me was everything. “I don’t have the answers, Livvie. But I’ll be searching for the solution for both of us to get what we want.”
“Although,” she continued, her tone turning light, “I might be getting the better end of this bargain. Sometimes, things get heated between me and Rosie. Somedays I can’t do anything right.”
“I’ll take her fishing on those days,” I promised, laughing at the image of the two arguing over something ridiculous.
“Speaking of”—she glanced at the clock—“I should probably check in on her.”
With a few more lingering kisses, we got up and dressed, her in my shirt, me in a pair of pj’s that she insisted I never take off because she liked the way they hung on my hips. We met in the kitchen, where I made us a sandwich for a late dinner, and she called Shae’s dad.
“Hey, Damien. How’re things going.”
I went about making gourmet PB&J’s, not paying much attention until she said, “Yeah, no other word other than he was somewhere out west. But I appreciate you being diligent, just in case.”
She ended the call, and I pushed her sandwich across the counter to her and then braced myself. “What was that about?”
I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice but didn’t quite manage. I had an inkling I was in the dark about something, and I didn’t like it.
“What? Oh, I got a message from the arson suspect on my voicemail at work today.”
Red-hot rage flashed through my body. I tried my best not to blow my top, so my voice came out deeper, more ominous than I intended it to. “And you didn’t lead with that when you walked in the door tonight?”
Liv visibly prickled at the change in my tone. “Excuse me. I don’t like the tone you’re using on me right now.”
“Get used to it. This is my what-the-fuck tone.”
Her spine stiffened. “You don’t get a pass to use it on me because we fucked.”
Ego blow right to the gut. Diminishing all that passed between us to a simple fuck fueled my rage.
“It was more than that, and you damn well know it. I wouldn’t go feral over some random hookup. Now spill. What do you know that you haven’t told me.”
We met each other glare for glare. Finally, she tipped her chin up and, in her calm, cool business voice, she said, “I had a voice message at work from the arsonist. I turned the message over to the police chief, who had it run through their system. They believe him to be somewhere out west.”
“How does that work? How can they tell he’s out west?” I didn’t trust technology at all, and certainly not when it meant my ladies might be in trouble .
“I don’t know. I’m trusting what the investigators tell me.”
“I don’t trust anyone when it comes to your safety. And you let Rosie go off tonight?” My voice was rising the more frustrated I got.
Olivia eyed me for a minute and then stated coldly, “Only because Shae’s dad is a police officer.”
“And you didn’t think to talk to me about it? To let me in that you and our daughter are in danger?” I pushed off the counter and turned to pace the floor, gripping the back of my neck because I needed something to grasp on to in this moment. Something to help me come to terms with the fact that this asshat was now making it personal with Olivia. “How did he get your information? Why’s he making you a target?” I made another lap. “And what about Rosie?” I’d need to make sure she had a second detail watching her, and I could ask the school resource officer to be extra vigilant.
“Mac.”
Better yet, I could just take some annual leave and guard them myself, or find this motherfucker and settle the situation once and for all.
“Mac.”
But what I would not do, the thing that had me spinning in circles, gripping the back of my neck like a damn ninny, was sit back and let someone else handle the situation.
I spun again, ready to figure out exactly what the first step would be, when Olivia stepped in front of me, blocking me. I stopped before I plowed into her, and realized my chest was heaving. Her arms slid around my waist, her front pressing into mine as she met me full-on, burrowing into me.
“Mac, honey. ”
It was the soft honey that did it. Had me lifting my arms to return her embrace.
“It’s okay,” she offered, like she was trying to calm a frightened animal. Because that’s exactly what I was.
I inhaled and hugged her close, my mind still spinning with fear.
“Take a moment to breathe. We are okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“But I can’t protect her if she’s not here.” I admitted the crux of the problem.
Olivia pulled back and met my gaze. “Welcome to parenting.” Her palm cupped my jaw, and she leaned up to kiss the beast. “You’re a good man. Gonna be a great dad.”
Like an ice-cold bucket of water to the face, her words stopped the panic.
“Is this what it’s like? This all-consuming fear that something bad might happen that you can’t stop?”
“Not always, but sometimes. Others, it’s the sweetest moments that you’ll ever experience. I believe you’ve already had a few of those.”
“How do I do it?”
“Do what?”
“How do I live with my heart beating outside of my body?” I choked out.
Her gentle smile of understanding helped calm me further. “You just grab it by the tail and hang on. We aren’t guaranteed another tomorrow. So we cherish each day for the gift that it is. And hope that you chew your cereal the right way so that she doesn’t turn on you.”
I didn’t totally get what she meant by that, but I figured it had something to do with mothers and daughters.
“Does this mean we’re a family?” It was a stupid question, but one I desperately needed an answer to. Because now that I’d found them, I couldn’t lose them again.
“In our own little weird way, I guess. Don’t worry, MacDaddy. Everything is going to be okay. Rosie will come home and be sassy, and you’ll forget all about this bittersweet moment. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
She caressed my cheek and gave me another reassuring kiss, then pulled away. “I’m going to let Buster out, and then let’s have a movie night.”
I enjoyed watching the hem of my shirt bounce with every step as she walked away. I needed something to occupy my mind, otherwise, I’d have us back in the bed for another round, and I knew if I did, I’d lose even more of my heart to her.
Someone had neatly stacked my mail on the counter, and I pulled it to me and sorted through the sales ads and political cards. Mostly trash until I reached an envelope from the bank. The monthly mortgage statement for the lake house.
Before Olivia, the monthly notice had been motivation for making it to retirement. The constant reminder of the balloon notice waiting for me.
The lake house was the last thing I had of my parents. I’d planned to sell the Newman house and use my leave-time payout to settle the lake house mortgage, and then spend my years fulfilling my father’s dream.
Just another reason we couldn’t let this relationship get out and threaten our jobs. I looked up to where Olivia left the room, praying that somehow, someway, I’d be able to come up with a solution that would solve everything.