Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Mac
N ick’s Frozen Custard shop was a local favorite, and on any given evening, there was a line out the door, flowing down the sidewalk toward the fish fry restaurant. Red Adirondack chairs were arranged in a circle in one area, picnic tables with red umbrellas in another, and matching red rocking chairs dotted the front sidewalk, all standing in bright contrast to the stark white building.
The store was newish but was an obvious hit since it was always packed.
It wasn’t until we pulled into the ice cream shop parking lot that I even thought about being out in public with Olivia and Rosie and what the implications and ramifications might be.
“Is this okay?” I kept my voice low so only Olivia could hear it as we made our way to join the end of the line.
She took stock of the people in line and squared her shoulders. “We’re allowed to take our daughter out for ice cream.”
It wasn’t a real answer and didn’t do much to alleviate the sudden indecision I had about being out together.
It wasn’t that I wanted to hide her away, it was that I wanted to hold her hand as we walked up. If I wanted to nuzzle her neck on a public sidewalk, I didn’t want one of us to lose our job over it.
“Mac!”
I slowed and turned toward the familiar voice.
Great. Kylie, Jordan, and Leah were walking across the parking lot.
Kylie was a pistol-ball on the best of days. It was not a good thing for her to be here, because she was the one who originally found the TikTok video that started this whole life change I was going through. There was no telling what she might say.
But Kylie had her own story, and she and Thoren were part of the larger family, so I couldn’t act like I hadn’t heard her.
“Kylie,” I greeted. “Jordan, Leah.”
I also couldn’t be rude, because as the fire chief, Olivia would eventually meet them at the station. So I sucked it up and made the introductions.
“Ladies, this is Chief Hawkins and ou—her daughter, Rosie.” Fuck. That wasn’t supposed to come out like that. I barreled forward, hoping they wouldn’t catch my slip. “They’re new in town, so I’m showing them all the best places.” Why did I add that last part? It made it sound like a date.
“I love your hair, Chief,” Jordan spoke first, her own blond curls fighting to be free from her ponytail.
They devolved into a discussion of curl care, and Rosie had Leah in a discussion, which left Kylie the perfect opportunity. She turned her back to the others and looked at me with wide eyes. “Mac, is that…?” she muttered, jerking her head in Rosie’s direction.
I couldn’t dim the pride that swelled in my chest. Didn’t want to. “It is.”
“Holy shit, Captain.” Kylie gripped my arm, her eyes wide, expression stunned. She had a way about her, not scared of anything, and definitely not scared of me like the others seemed to be. “That video was for real?”
I simply nodded and checked over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening. “She’s my daughter.”
“But you introduced her as yours and the chief’s daughter—oh my God. That’s, like, the biggest news of the year. How is it not all over town yet?”
“Because it’s no one’s business.”
“And there’s nothing going on with the mom? Just you meeting your new daughter?”
“Also no one’s business.” It felt wrong to deny Olivia, even though we were supposed to be keeping this a secret. Things had been quiet for her with administration. I didn’t want to give them any reason to focus on her again.
But Kylie wouldn’t shut up unless I was blunt. In fact, she’d probably appreciate what I otherwise shouldn’t say.
“Olivia and I are friends. We are learning to navigate this new situation. I’d appreciate you helping us keep it on the down-low. Not trying to hide anything, just don’t need any added outside interactions.”
Her eyes bounced back and forth between mine, and I let her see how important this was to me.
In a fleeting moment of clarity, I knew Kylie understood my need for privacy.
“I hear you, Captain. ”
“Thank you, because if people make a big deal out of this, jobs will be on the line—mine and hers.”
“But that’s not fair. You guys should be able to co-parent.”
“I agree. So we’re going to prove that it can be done before anyone comes for us.” I was making stuff up on the fly, but as I said the words, I felt them in my soul. I believed in us. We could do this. And hopefully by then, we would have a solution, and neither of us would lose a job.
A soft smile flitted across Kylie’s face. “I’m really happy for you, Mac.” With that, she turned to face the others. “Hey guys, let’s skip the ice cream part of the night and go straight to the wine part.”
“I’m in,” said Jordan. They uttered their goodbyes and started walking away.
“Oh! Captain, did you hear about Francis?” Leah turned, calling back to me.
“I didn’t. How is she?”
“She’s at the rehab facility, terrorizing the nurses and pretty much creating havoc. They busted her for organizing a gambling ring.” Leah chuckled, her eyes alight with adoration as she spoke of Francis.
“Who’s that?” Olivia asked.
“Mrs. Francis O’Malley. Probably the biggest flirt you’ll ever meet, and definitely the coolest woman I’ve ever met,” Jordan supplied.
“What happened to her?”
“She fell and got a new bionic hip, as she calls it. She’s threatening to lead hula hoop classes when they release her from PT.” Leah shook her head as if she didn’t know what to make of it.
Kylie grimaced. “I actually feel sorry for her therapist. ”
Jordan’s eyebrows shot to her forehead. “Wow, that’s saying a lot.”
“So, she enjoys the facility?” Olivia asked. The sincerity in her tone suggested that she needed to hear confirmation.
“Oh, definitely,” the three said.
“We’ve just had to place my father in a home. It makes me feel better knowing that others are enjoying their situation.” The relief in her voice took me back a step. Other than right before her conference, I hadn’t heard anything else about her father. One more thing she was keeping to herself, keeping from me.
But I guess in the grand scheme of things, though we’d met years ago, we didn’t really know each other.
Rosie and I moved forward with the line, as Olivia and the others stepped aside to talk about caregivers. Was coming here, coming out in public with them, the smart thing to do? If it came down to having to choose between me or the job, which one would Olivia pick? And why hadn’t she shared this bit about her father?
Clearly, now that I paid attention to her, I could see the tension in her in the way she held herself as she talked with the others, almost as if she’d held these women—hell, all people—at arm’s length. It was only as she became more comfortable around the ladies did I see her shoulders drop, her smiles coming more readily, more earnestly. And seeing her talk about the secret worries she held, how she relaxed and let some of her burden go, gave me clarity. She needed these people around her. People who would befriend her, help her.
Would I ever be enough for her and Rosie?
I shook off the little twinge of doubt that reared its head. After all, I was supposed to be here with Rosie as much as with her mom .
Olivia joined us at the Adirondacks a bit later, all signs of discomfort gone. Apparently, having other women to chat with made her happy.
“I like them,” she said, licking her cone and causing me to have an instant reaction.
I grunted. “They’re good people.”
“Uh, oh. He’s grunting,” Rosie quipped. “You know what that means.”
Olivia looked at Rosie with a question in her eyes.
I lowered my cone and gave Rosie my best stern look. “What’s it mean?”
“You aren’t happy about something. You get all grunty when you don’t like what you hear or what you have to say.”
Olivia’s eyebrows shot up. “He does, doesn’t he.”
“Okay, you two. It’s not gang-up-on-Mac time.”
“But it’s so much fun.”
I relaxed then, because my daughter’s smiles were contagious, and she looked happy, and I was determined to enjoy it. Even if it meant becoming a sap over a stubborn, mouthy teenage female and her equally as stubborn, mouthy mother.
“You’re coming tonight, right?” Thoren slung his bag into the back of his truck, parked next to mine in the empty back lot of the station. It was the end of shift, and everyone was heading out. Though the morning promised a beautiful day, the night before had been a long one, and I was more than ready to get home.
“I don’t know…” For a while, we’d made it a regular thing to have cookouts. But since Olivia and Rosie had co me into the picture, I’d avoided them. Too much to explain, too many questions I knew they’d ask.
“Capt, are you pissed at us?” Nate draped an arm on the bed of my truck. Thoren slammed his door and faced me. Between the two of them, I was boxed in.
“Got nothing to be pissed about.”
“So, you’ll be there?” Nate asked.
“Yeah, Nate’s got a problem he needs manly help with,” Thoren said. Nate’s eyes flashed to Thoren, confusion written all over his face before it morphed, and he looked back to me.
“Yeah, what Thoren said. I need some help. I… have a thing.”
I called bullshit. But then again, Nate’d been a dumbass once before with his girlfriend, and a not-so-gentle reminder from me had helped him, so maybe there was some underlying truth.
“Also, I’ve got this fence that I’m needing help repairing, and I need all the help I can get, so if you can, come earlier.”
I didn’t want to go to a freaking cookout. But I also didn’t want to let Thoren down if he needed the help.
“Yeah, I can come help with the fence. But I’m not sure about the cookout.”
“Sweet.” He elbowed Nate in the chest. “You’re still available, right? Don’t be ditching me now.”
Nate winced, rubbing his pecs. “I gotta make a stop, do some arranging of my schedule, but yeah, I’ll be there soon.”
I eyeballed the two again, sure they were up to something, but climbed in my truck, promising I’d be at Thoren’s after a stop to grab my work clothes.
By the time I got to Thoren’s, work was well under way. I pulled into his long gravel drive, taking in the picturesque view of the rolling pasture and the old farmhouse that sat on top of the hill. I parked next to Nate and scanned the field beyond the house. Thoren, Nate, and Mike, from the looks of it, worked at the tree line in the distance. So this wasn’t some bullshit, made-up thing, and we really were going to be working. Thank God. I needed a good, solid day of physical activity.
“Hey, Capt,” Mike called as I reached them.
“Told you before, it’s Mac when we aren’t at the station. What’s the plan, where do you need me?”
Thoren walked me through the project, and the four of us set to work, replacing fencing wire along the border of his property.
“What’s happening with the arson case?” I asked Mike.
“Eh, not much. PD is still doing their investigation, and the officer who lost Watkins the first time finally got reprimanded. Other than that, we’ve just been chasing leads here and there. It’d be awesome if we could release a photo, but since T-Bird here is his identical twin, I hesitate to put it out there. After I released that news statement offering a reward for information and listed him as a suspect, I don’t want to provoke him to escalate further. It was bad enough that he targeted the chief when that article went out. In my defense, I thought the reporter was going to be more discreet. But then again, the mayor had been in on that press conference, and he’d made sure to make it sound like Chief Hawkins was wasting time and resources on a dead end.”
I stiffened at the mention of Olivia’s name.
“The mayor is a jackass,” Thoren grumbled. “So full of himself and his own political agenda. He’s been salty ever since they fired his buddy and claps back at the council every chance he gets.”
“He’s salty because he’s lost his kickbacks, and everyone knows it, but he just keeps getting reelected.” Nate hammered the wire around the fence post with a little too much enthusiasm. “And he’s taking too much joy in setting up Chief Hawkins.”
What the fuck was he talking about? Olivia hadn’t mentioned anything happening between her and the mayor.
Mo ambled up with a cooler mid-conversation, passing out fist bumps and taking a place opposite Mike.
“Speaking of Chief Hawkins,” Thoren continued, unspooling the wire and handing a section to Mike, forcing me to step between the four of them to stay out of their way, “seems like you and the chief are making friends… Mac.”
These fuckers. Got me all comfortable and then ambushed me into discussing my relationship with Olivia. I should’ve known when I saw their girlfriends at the ice cream shop.
“Leah said she’s lovely,” Mike offered. “And that’s not Leah just being Leah. She really liked her.”
“Jordan was bragging on her too,” Nate added.
Thoren gave me a look. “You know Kylie gave me the deets, Cap—Mac. Said she saw you and the three of you looked cozy. Are you and the chief hanging out now?”
A little more than that , I wanted to say. I wanted to claim her. It felt wrong not to.
“From your silence,” he continued, “which is scary as fuck most of the time, except for now, when you’ve got this ‘Oh shit’ look on your face, it looks like this situation is complicated.”
“Yeah, Mac,” Nate added, punctuating my name. “How’s it feel to be around her, working for her every day? I mean, she’s hot”—I frowned at him in warning—“and we know you have history. Is it weird working for your baby mama? Think you want to make it a second-chance comeback? Inquiring minds wanna know.”
I wanted so badly to fess up. To shout to the world that Olivia and Rosie were mine. With anyone else, I’d have to deny it. And I was so tired of denying it.
I looked to the men who had worked alongside me for so many years. We’d been in life-and-death situations together. We had a bond forged in fire—literally. If I could trust anyone, it would be them.
“Things with Livvie are complicated.” All four stopped and stared at me, and I realized my mistake. Fuck .
“You don’t have a thing you need to talk about. Do you, Nate?”
“Nah. We were just covering all the bases to make sure you showed today.”
They’d made some elaborate scheme and had me sweating for their damn gossip purposes. I sighed, knowing if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d hound the shit out of them ’til they talked about whatever was eating them. Might as well take a dose of my own medicine and be out with all of it.
So I told them. I told them about Rosie getting suspended and that leading to Liv coming to the lake house. I told them about how I forced them to come to my house when I realized they might be facing a threat. I told them how confused I was about all of it, except the part about knowing I wanted them close.
Mo passed out beers from his cooler. “What are you gonna do, Mac? You know how the city is against departmental relationships. ”
I scratched my head, because wasn’t that the question of the year.
“You could go to PD,” Mike offered.
“I’m no longer certified.”
“Another city department?” Thoren asked.
“Nothing is open right now, but it could be an option.”
“You’re not thinking of leaving the city entirely, are you?” Nate hit me with a horrified look.
The truth was, I didn’t know. Fighting fires was what I’d known most of my life. I didn’t have any real skill set aside from renovations. But renovation work wouldn’t pay for that balloon payment looming in the future.
“I’m not planning on going anywhere. I qualify for early retirement soon. I’ve been banking on using my leave payout, combined with what I’ve managed to save, and selling my Newman house to pay off a balloon payment on the lake house. I don’t want to leave and lose that money. I’ve mapped it out, and it’ll take all of my accruals, minus a few here and there for emergencies, but it is the only available option to keeping the lake house.”
“Can you refinance it?”
“I don’t know. I think the way it was structured meant that wasn’t an option. I’ve been checking with my bank to see.”
“What about selling?” Mo’s deep voice cut in with the words that I dreaded.
“It was the place my parents wanted to retire to. Selling it, losing it, feels like a betrayal to their memory.”
Nate reached for a second beer. “What’s the lake house got to do with the chief?”
Mo looked at him like he was struggling for patience. “Because if the higher-ups get wind of the relationship, their jobs are at stake. ”
Thoren chimed in, “And that means losing his retirement payout.”
“What about that training job offer you got a couple of months ago?” Nate asked.
“I wouldn’t qualify for early retirement or my payout.” The odds just continually seemed stacked against us.
Mike added, “And with the way the mayor is gunning for the chief, he’ll try to make as big a deal as possible and fire them both. Make an example.”
“And then where would that leave Olivia and Rosie?” I finished. “I can’t take a chance on hurting them like that. Being fire chief was Olivia’s dream. I don’t wanna take a chance on losing the lake house, but I do want the opportunity to know my daughter, and maybe see where this leads with Livvie.”
Silence fell between us. There was no easy answer. Someone had to lose in this situation.
“Well, we can at least help you keep the Livvie part a secret.” Nate finally broke the silence.
“Thanks. For now, we’re just trying to keep things normal, professional, and keep our distance from each other unless we are at home.”
“Does HR know she’s at your house?” Mo asked.
“No, she didn’t change her address. No one knows except you.” I thought of the conversation with Cal. “Well, maybe more. Cal mentioned it.”
For an afternoon workday, this conversation had turned surprisingly deep. It felt good being able to confide in these guys. And maybe having more than just my ideas would help find an alternative solution.
“We’ll help you any way we can, Mac.”
“For now, just keep things quiet, and if you hear any grumblings or rumors, let me know. ”
“Speaking of rumors…” Mo started. “Did you guys hear that Cal is going to the county?”
“What? Why?” Mike, Nate, and Thoren all drew back.
“Just part-time right now, but I wouldn’t blame him if he went full-time. Better benefits, more money,” Mo replied.
“Yeah, because they work all that mandatory overtime.” Thoren sneered. “It’s a shit show over there, from what I hear.”
It was time to put a stop to this before it became a full-on bash session. “Okay, guys. That’s enough. We can’t partner with them for mutual aid and then talk about them behind their backs. They’ve got some management issues. They’ll get it sorted.”
“Feels like Cal is betraying us.”
Mo scoffed. “Not every station has a crew as cool as ours. Plus, I also heard he’s been helping his sister and her kid. Probably needed the money and couldn’t turn it down.” Mo was a solid voice of reason for these younger guys. I clapped him on the shoulder in thanks for being the one to point out the obvious. My guys were good at their jobs. Smart, successful, competent firefighters. But sometimes they could just be stupid and self-centered about real life.
“Can’t blame a man for taking care of his family.” I spun and grabbed the next bail of wire. “Are we done gossiping? Can we get back to work now?”
Little did I know how big of a challenge keeping my distance and remaining professional around Olivia would be .
She sent out an email about physical testing, requiring all personnel to meet standards, pushing a ton of buttons and drawing criticism that it was fucking hard to remain silent about.
Then she called a mandatory meeting, where I had to pretend to be myself and not glare at an asshat from C-shift who continually stared at her legs.
“I just think it’s ridiculous that ‘everyone has to do it’ was sent down,” he said, putting quotation marks around the phrase, before sitting back with his arms across his chest. “We all know that ‘everyone’ won’t be doing it.”
I don’t know how she maintained her calm, but her voice was ice cold when she replied, “Lieutenant. Are you implying that I will get a pass on this test?”
I was so fucking proud of her for not taking his shit.
“Just calling it like I see it.”
“I see.”
I loved it when she got all bossy and confident. I hoped she’d cream his ass. If anyone could, it was her.
The next week, she’d shown up at the training tower in full turnout gear, just like all the other guys, and proceeded to smoke his ass in the exercises, much to everyone’s delight. No one liked that guy anyway.
But for her efforts, she won the open respect of my entire crew.
“Chief is a badass,” more than one of them had muttered.
Only I knew what it’d cost her to go out and push herself to the limit. I’d made it up to her by running her an Epsom salt bath and giving her a very enjoyable full-body massage.
Still, on the job, she showed up in high heels the next day and called a video conference, in which she congratulated the few who’d beat her times and let the others know she’d be ready for a rematch.
Issuing the challenge like that had been effective, and more than one person took her up on it.
When I asked her about it, she said, “They’ll never respect me if I don’t prove that I can and will do their job. I’ll at least give it my all.”
One week, then two, went by with no suitable solution. My guys had proven trustworthy, and even when Olivia was present at the station, they’d been true to their word to not say anything. Rosie went to homecoming with one of the little pricks she’d met after the art debacle. He’d withstood my glare fairly well. And Olivia and I had immensely enjoyed our alone time.
Olivia presented her budget with professional passion, and several fire staff had gone to the mat to show their support for her. The city manager, though he’d blustered a little, had capitulated and given her everything she’d asked for. But I imagine it would’ve been hard to say no when she was asking for equipment upgrades to meet safety standards, especially when the ones making the decisions had to look the guys they were putting at risk in the eye. Hard to say no when it became so personal.
Overall, things were going well.
Until one day they weren’t.
Tones rang out for a structure fire, not our station, but we were running backup. Since the arsonist had been laying low, we’d not had many structure fires. With only one engine in each station, we usually had a second station moving for backup, either with zone coverage or pulling in to assist once the first unit arrived on scene.
As I jumped in the pickup to follow the engine, my cell phone rang. It was odd that Olivia would be calling me, knowing I was responding to a call. So, though it wasn’t the best time, I accepted.
“Mac.” Olivia’s voice was as panicked as I’d ever heard it.
I slipped the phone between my shoulder and chin, then flipped the lights with one hand and drove with the other. “Talk to me, babe.”
“The address of the call, that’s where Rosie is supposed to be.”
The world stopped. Time stood still.
My heartbeat flooded my brain, and all I could do was focus on following the flashing red lights in front of me.
“I can’t get her on the phone, and I can’t find her location.” Olivia’s voice shook with emotion. She sounded as close to losing it as I’d ever heard her.
“Keep trying. I’ll call you back. And Liv—” I paused and took a shaky breath. “I’ll find her.”
I slipped the phone into the cupholder and passed the engine, hauling ass. I was first on the scene, even beating the first unit. I jumped from the truck and headed around the back of the residence, reporting back to my crew. The adrenaline rush hit me, and though I tried, I couldn’t keep the panic from my voice.
“No visible flames, no visible smoke.”
No Rosie .
Hell, there was no one even at the house.
“What’s up, Captain?” Thoren jogged up to me, Nate in tow, both wearing serious expressions.
“Rosie’s supposed to be at this house.” The words were hard to say out loud.
“Doesn’t look like anyone is home.” Nate eyed the house, whose alarm was blasting. “Could be a false alarm. ”
He was right, of course. Why didn’t I think of that? “Contact 911 and see if they’ve made contact with the alarm company and homeowner.”
“Ten-four.”
A half hour later, we rolled back up to the station. False alarm due to faulty wiring on the system.
But no Rosie.
I paced the grounds outside the station, trying not to vomit, waiting to hear back from the half dozen officers I’d called in to look for her.
Technically, it was too soon for a BOLO. But I’d just asked that they keep an eye out while on patrol.
My phone rang, and I answered it before the first ring ended.
“She’s home,” Olivia stated flatly. I sank to the curb outside the station, so relieved I almost missed Olivia say, “You better tell her you love her before I kill her.”
“Where was she?”
Big Mo, who’d been standing vigil, perked up at my words. He hurried to me and took a seat next to me.
“She was who she was supposed to be with. But she won’t be allowed to have any unsupervised visits with Ryan for a very long time.”
Ryan, the little shit from homecoming. Still, I couldn’t get past the “she’s home.”
“I’m going to let you go so I can go grill your daughter about birth control now.” Olivia’s voice was ice cold and, frankly, a little terrifying. “I’ll call you later.”
She hung up before I could say anything else. My hand dropped uselessly to my lap.
Had we been a normal couple, I would’ve been able to be home with her. But under the current circumstances, I had to sit by and wait here at work, trying not to puke or break down in tears or make any sort of scene. Because fucking rules dictated that I couldn’t let my feelings be known for Olivia. And it sucked.
Mo laid a hand to my shoulder. “Everything okay, Captain?”
I sat a little straighter. “Yeah. Yeah. She showed.”
“She okay?”
I shrugged. “At least until her mother gets done with her.”
His chuckle was a low rumble. “Moms and daughters can go for hours. Your best bet is to stay here, let them hash it out, and pick up the damage when they settle down a bit.”
I nodded dumbly. I’d run the gamut of emotion throughout the day, cycling through everything from ice-cold fear, to heated anger, to blinding relief. And now I sagged from the weight of it all.
“How do you do it?”
“What’s that?”
“You’ve got girls, a wife. How do you manage them?”
He chuckled again. “Dude. I don’t. I just hold on for dear life most days.” He clapped me on the shoulder, then pushed to his feet. “But man is it a sweet ride.”
By the time I got home the next morning, Rosie and Olivia had made a truce. Olivia called in, and Rosie skipped school. So I took my girls out to the pond.
“Do I need to have a word with Ryan?” I asked, paddling out to the best fishing hole.
Rosie blushed but owned her mistakes. “No, Sir.”
“We will be going to the doctor about birth control, though,” Olivia added, and I nearly dropped the oar.
They both dissolved in laughter. Brought together by their pursuit to harass me, the sound so bright and such a relief, it didn’t matter if they were laughing at my expense. I splashed them until they begged for mercy, making a mental note to definitely have a chat with Ryan.
But through it all, the thought that I should’ve been there was in the back of my mind. I should’ve been the one out searching. And I didn’t know how I was going to survive parenting.