Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Maple
I don’t think I got more than an hour or two of sleep on the floor in Grandma’s living room. She listened to me blubber and rant and rave when I first got here last night. She said all the right things to calm me down. I actually fell asleep with my head in her lap while she stroked my hair. She used to do that when I was little. We’d sit in front of the fire that we didn’t need in the middle of summer but still lit because we both loved to stare into the flames. I’d calmed down enough to sleep after she insisted I needed to talk to Holt before I made any kind of decisions, but my brain had whirled all night long, making me restless.
A crazy dream about trying to do yoga in the middle of the lake on an inflatable raft while Dexter laughed at me and Holt didn’t even notice my ridiculousness because he was too busy flirting with Macy on one bulging bicep and Megan on the other, dissolved into thin air when a hard knock on the door comes a little before seven in the morning. I roll and manage to hop to my feet a little dizzy, feeling like I’m still bobbing on the lake water. Grandma’s blue flowered muumuu, the one I’d borrowed last night so I didn’t have to sleep in a dress, hangs down to my knees.
The door swings open easily under my hand, and I instantly regret getting the door when I see who’s here.
Macy Freaking Bechtol.
She lifts a hand with a perfect manicure of black polish and a statement ring that looks a little like it could double as a weapon. She glances at my outfit but manages not to laugh. “Hey. Sorry to bother you so early, but it took me awhile to figure out where your grandma lived.”
I lean against the door, my very bones tired. My eyes are so puffy from crying I’m not sure they’re open all the way. I’m unwilling, on a cellular level, to play this game with Macy today.
“Why are you here, Macy?” Maybe later I’ll look back on this moment and be proud I didn’t let myself be swayed into being nice and inviting her in when what I really want to do is shut the door on her face and go back to bed for a year or two.
She nods curtly, like she knows she has to get on with it or her time here will be up. “I’m sorry for whatever misunderstanding I stepped into last night. No one knows yet, but I’m getting married again and my therapist said I needed to have closure on a few things with Holt first. I went over there to square that away and we were chatting, but then he asked me what time it was and freaked out. Then you came in.”
My brain, the one that had imagined at least a dozen different scenarios last night before I drifted off to sleep, had an epiphany. Maybe the one scenario I haven’t considered is that everything was perfectly innocent and Holt had simply lost track of time like he frequently does. Maybe my bias is the entire reason I saw what I thought I saw. My own heartbreak had created a lens in which I saw everything as suspect. I didn’t even give Holt a chance to speak. I just assumed the worst and took off.
My eyes slide shut and I sag further into the door. “So…”
“Well, Holt was really messed up when you left so quickly. I could see how devastated he was to see you upset. I, uh, never remember him being that concerned with my well-being.” Macy reaches out and puts her hand on my arm. I tense. She stiffens. Then she lets her arm drop. “He really loves you and we were having a very innocent conversation last night. Holt’s a good man, and I don’t want to be the reason he loses you.”
The woman looks so uncomfortable. Maybe just yesterday I would have laughed at her awkwardness, thinking she deserved to feel that way for all the times she made me feel terrible. Today, however, I appreciate her willingness to step into our business and apologize. I will be the bigger person, just like she’s doing now.
“Thank you, Macy. I appreciate you coming over and letting me know what happened.” We share a timid smile, then Macy looks down at her boots.
“Well, I better get to work. Again, I hope everything works out for you two.”
“And I wish you and your fiancé nothing but the best as well. Congrats.”
She smiles broadly, then turns to leave, stopping in her tracks when Holt comes around the corner with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a tray of Jackie’s baked goods from the Lakehouse Bakery. His face holds the same expression mine must have held when I opened the door and saw Macy. He’s in jeans and a colored polo, looking so handsome my body actually aches to run to him.
His jaw goes tight, and he practically growls Macy’s name. And not in a sexy way. In a what the hell are you doing here way.
“I was just heading out,” she murmurs, skirting around him and leaving quickly.
Holt looks over to me, his gaze scanning across my features with something akin to a caress. When he focuses on the puffy eyes, I can see the uncertainty creep into his eyes. The absolute concern and love and forgiveness I also see are emotions I don’t deserve. Instead of trusting him, I immediately assumed the worst and ran away.
“Is it okay if we talk?” Holt asks quietly, not coming any closer.
As much as I didn’t have the energy to spar with Macy this morning, I don’t have the energy to stay away from him. It’s like that deep sigh I let out when I’ve done over an hour of yoga and I finally allow my body to sink down into savasana. I need to be near Holt. Need to curl up next to him so I can soak him in and get my big sigh of relief and comfort.
He’s home.
The home I’ve never felt on an emotional level. He’s my safe space where I can be exactly myself. He’s the safety net that allows me to try new things and grow and explore. He’s everything I’ve been searching for and compromising on in the past. Which is the very thought that gives me the courage to apologize for last night. He loves me. And I’m going to trust that he can forgive me.
I run straight toward him, ignoring the scratchy brick walkway under my bare feet, and barrel into his chest. He catches me with an audible oof , his arms coming around my back and steadying me. His heart is pounding under my ear, but his words of comfort are soothing.
“I’ve got you. It’s okay. I promise you everything is fine,” he croons into my ear.
I pull back, tilting my head so I can look deeply into his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for rushing off and not letting you speak. I just saw my past flashing in front of my eyes again and it hurt so much worse this time around.”
Tears flood my eyes, thinking back on that crushing pain of betrayal I’d felt in my car driving to Grandma’s.
“I swear to you, nothing happened,” Holt rushes to say.
I put my finger to his lips to shut him up.
“I know. Macy told me. And if I had longer to think about it, I’d like to think I would have come to that conclusion anyway. I just didn’t think it through. I reacted out of fear. If I’d thought things through, I would have realized you’d never do that to me.” I hitch my mouth to the side, already feeling lighter by just talking to Holt. “Especially not with Macy Bechtol…”
Holt barks out a laugh, still holding me, along with the box of pastries and flowers. Grandma comes up behind me and takes them from his hands. Then she retreats, shushing Harold when he whispers loudly about needing his hearing aid so he knows what’s going on.
“Can you forgive me?” I ask, heart in my throat.
His hands tighten on my waist. “Of course I forgive you, as long as you forgive me for putting myself in a position that made you even think that I was doing something inappropriate.” When I open my mouth to argue, he cuts me off. “I shouldn’t have let her into the cabin. We could have talked on the porch. I should have stopped to put on a shirt. I’ll do better next time.”
Hot tears spill onto my cheeks. I’m clearly in the wrong here, and he’s the one who tries to apologize for the one percent he played in the situation. Holt is not only a good man. He’s the very best man.
“I love you so much,” I manage to say.
Holt’s smile tells me everything is going to be okay. “I love you too, my little moonbeam.”
And then he kisses me. His lips are warm and soft, though the kiss is hard and urgent and oh so hot, it feels like straight-up noon in Anchor Lake. His tongue demands entrance and I give it immediately. My fingers slide into his hair and his arms are like steel bands around me, cradling me into his body. We can’t seem to get enough of each other, and quite frankly, I’m fine standing outside Grandma’s condo all day making out with my boyfriend-slash-fake fiancé.
Except Holt finally slows the kiss and pulls back enough to gaze down into my eyes. “You’re the one and only woman I want to build a life with so that one day we can be old and gray and you can make us do chair yoga and I’ll forget to wear a shirt just to see you blush.”
“You were always shirtless too!” we hear Grandma cry from the doorway of her condo where she and Harold are clearly eavesdropping. “What’s with you men and your hot bodies on display?”
Holt’s earnest expression allows for a slight tilt of the lips. I think we’re still coming to terms with our grandparents dating. It’s adorable. And still slightly weird.
“I want to be the one man you trust implicitly. I know I sank the canoe that one day, but I promise I’ll always keep you afloat. I’ll always choose you. I’ll always encourage you to be yourself. I’ll cheer on your ranting and raving and smile when you’re loud. Let’s grow together and celebrate who we become. Let’s build a life here in Anchor Lake.”
Holt lets go of me and drops to one knee.
I gasp. Suddenly every muscle in my body begins to tremble, which just seems to shake more tears free from my eyes.
Holt’s eyes look shiny too, yet the simple gold diamond-solitaire ring he holds up between us stays steady. “Marry me, Maple. For real this time.”
I drop to my knees and cradle his handsome face. I feel like everything I’ve ever wanted in life is right within my reach, and I’m finally bold enough to say yes to that life. “Yes, please.”
We throw our arms around each other, both of us overwhelmed by this love we’ve found. A cheer goes up behind me, and I stutter out a laugh through my tears. Apparently, we’ve drawn a crowd. We pull back just enough to toss a smile at the nurses and residents huddled on the lawn behind me. Harold and Grandma are filling everyone in on our love story and frequent oohs and aahs fill the morning air.
“I hope my grandma’s ring is okay,” Holt says holding the ring up to my left hand. “I know the diamond’s small, but this ring comes from a happy forty-year marriage.”
“It’s perfect,” I gush, watching it slide onto my left ring finger. It fits like it was made for me. Just like me and Holt.
“Yes, you really are,” Holt answers, touching the ring on my finger and then bringing the back of my hand to his mouth for a kiss.
Gracie’s diary
(55 years ago)
Dear Diary,
Colby took both kids to the Lakeside Diner for pancakes this morning so I could sleep in. I did get some much-needed rest, though I missed the noise in the house the second I woke up. If you’d have told me six years ago that I’d find a good man who loves me exactly the way I need, along with two children and a happy home, I’d have called you crazy.
And yet that’s exactly what I have.
Hank was my first love, and I’ll always look back on that time fondly. We were so much more than how things ended. I’m grateful for his love, and I’m equally grateful for his disappearance. Sure, I wouldn’t have Colby and the kids if Hank had stayed in Anchor Lake, but I also wouldn’t have had that dark time where I had to examine myself right down to my soul.
I found that no man was the foundation on which I’d build my life. My happiness is anchored in something stronger. It’s anchored to me, my home, and this town. It’s who I am when everything falls apart and my community rallies around me and I lift myself back up. That’s where my happiness comes from.
I’m proud of me.
If I teach my children nothing else, I hope they learn that failures and disappointments are not forever. They’re a temporary learning tool to chip away at all the distractions in life until we get to the very thing that can make everything better no matter our circumstances…ourselves.
And now I must go because I hear them pulling up to the house. Soon Colby will be in here to give me my good morning kiss. Darryl will want to show me the masterpiece he colored at the diner and baby William will need me to help him color his placemat because Daddy doesn’t do it right.
Basically, heaven has arrived.