Chapter 9 Blakely
Blakely
The necklace Kai and Amari gifted me is impossible to ignore.
Even as I fix my appearance in the mirror, getting ready for work, I can't help but stare at it. Once I got home and looked at the necklace more closely, I noticed the two small letters on the bottom corner of the hearts, underneath Amari’s engraved name.
I hadn’t noticed them before. The letters are so small, I had to examine it for a while—until I came to realize the two small letters are F and E.
Forever and ever.
The words we used to tell each other. My heart sank when I saw it.
I haven’t seen or heard those words in years.
Ever since Kai stopped trying to get back with me.
He used to use it against me, as if it were a promise we made to each other.
Well, it was a promise we made to each other.
But promises are broken all the time. Our forever and ever had to be broken in order for us to be better for ourselves and our daughter.
That touch from Kai back at my mom’s house isn’t something I’ve felt in a while. He always plays around, and he touches me here and there, but it’s always playful. This gesture seemed loving and caring. It made goosebumps shoot down my spine.
I look at myself one last time before I head out for work.
Liam had a late start this morning, so he took Amari to school, giving me extra time to get ready.
Usually on the days I work, I’m rushing in the morning with no time to get ready.
This time, I was able to do my go-to wing linger and glue on fake lashes.
I pair everything with a nude lip, making it all come together.
When I left Kai back in 2011, I discovered makeup tutorials on YouTube.
It helped keep my mind busy, especially at night when I started missing him the most. YouTube helped distract me.
It was a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Because what started to only distract my mind became a shopping addiction.
YouTube and Sephora opened up a whole new world for me.
I constantly chased the next big product that was blowing up.
Over the years, I’ve toned down my makeup.
I used to show up to work with a full face of makeup and a smokey eye look.
I was walking around the office looking like I was going to a nightclub.
“Who’s the hottie?” Paige asks as I sit down at my desk and clock in for work.
I giggle. “Thanks. Liam took Amari to school, so I had extra time to get ready.”
“That’s nice of him. I wish I had a man to wake up to.” She sighs as she twirls around in her chair. “How was your Mother’s Day?”
“It was nice...” I pause, remembering the way Kai touched me. “And unexpected.”
She gives me a side-eye. “What do you mean?”
I turn to face her and take my necklace off. “Look what Kai and Amari gave me.” I’m not ready to tell her about the touch, because what if I’m reading into it? It was probably nothing, and I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.
She reaches out for it and holds it in her hand, inspecting it. “This is pretty. Whoa. It’s Tiffany & Co.” She narrows her gaze at me. “Holy shit! This is expensive.”
“Right?! And look here.” I lean in closer and show her the two letters on the bottom corner.
“F and E. What does that mean?” She looks up at me and then back down at the necklace. She holds the necklace up higher to get better lighting as she examines the letters.
“Remember forever and ever? How Kai and I used to always say it to each other?”
She looks at me, eyes wide. “No way.” She looks at the necklace again. “Is he trying to get you back?”
I shift in my seat, shrugging my shoulders. “He has done some weird things lately, but I thought it was just Kai being Kai.”
“What are you going to do?” she asks, eyes narrowing toward me as she studies my expression.
I let out a sigh. “What do you mean, what am I going to do? I’m with Liam.”
“Right.” Her tone drops as she flicks her gaze back down to the necklace.
My brows knit together. “What, did you forget?”
She waves her hand, brushing off my question. “No. I’m just wondering what you thought about it.”
Getting back with Kai has crossed my mind over the years. I’ve always wondered how it would be—especially now that we’re older. What would our everyday family dynamic be like? But when Liam came into the picture, those thoughts went away.
Until now.
But even now, I don’t know what to think.
Pulling up to my childhood home, a wave of nostalgia washes over me. This home will always be familiar and comforting. A home that, no matter what happens, I know I can always go back to.
“Hi, Mom!” I yell through the house, making my presence known. I round the corner and find my mom sitting at her kitchen table, working on her laptop.
She stops typing and looks up at me. “Hi.”
Coming back to live with my mom when I left Kai was a struggle.
I was afraid she didn’t want me in her life.
I also feared the inevitable I told you so.
Still, it didn’t take long for us to repair our relationship.
After she found out everything that I had accomplished and how great of a mom I was to Amari, she was proud of the way I handled everything—from the time I found out I was pregnant to the steps I took to come back home to her.
Even after the first time I went out after having Amari, and the cops came and called her.
She understood people make mistakes along the way while growing up.
She stopped holding that, or anything else I did, against me.
I was right about one thing, though. She and Brynlee fell in love with Amari the second they met her.
Mom was hard on herself, knowing she missed so much.
I always remind her that things happen the way they were supposed to happen.
If it weren’t for her kicking me out and making me figure everything out on my own, I don’t know if I would have become the mother I am today.
It shaped me, that’s for sure. Also, Bryn always wanted a baby sister to play with, so she was ecstatic to have Amari living with her.
“Where’s Amari?” I ask, looking around.
“Out back with your sister.” I head over to the sliding door.
The same sliding door I used to use to sneak out of.
It always reminds me of those nights. The thrill of not getting caught, seeing Kai, and the parties we would go to.
It’s still etched in my mind like it was yesterday. Sometimes I miss those carefree nights.
Bryn and Amari’s giggles echo through the backyard.
Their hair is flying in the air. Amari’s little arms are failing around for balance with each jump she makes.
It makes me happy to see both of them jumping on the same trampoline I use to jump on.
The relationship between Bryn and Amari reminds me of the relationship I use to have with Bryn when I was younger.
Bryn is almost sixteen—the age I was when I had Amari.
I can’t imagine her doing the things I used to do.
Especially getting pregnant at sixteen. She’s still a child.
I was still a child. It’s hard to believe what I was thinking back then.
I thought I was so grown, and then my actions forced me to grow up.
I wasn’t doing what all the teenagers were doing.
Instead, I was taking care of a baby, working, and going to school.
I didn’t have time for anything else. Because of what I did when I was a teenager, my mom is stricter with Bryn.
She doesn’t want her to do what I did, and Bryn gets frustrated with the overprotectiveness.
“How’s work?” I ask my mom as I sit down next to her and watch as she types away.
“Busy,” she says, still focusing on her laptop. “It’s been picking up now that summer is coming. Everyone is putting their homes on the market.”
She’s still a mortgage loan officer and works from home most days.
It helps me out a lot, especially when I need her at the last minute.
Like today, when I needed her to pick Amari up because we were behind with patients in the office.
Kai’s jobsite is a couple hours away, and I couldn’t get a hold of Liam.
I’m assuming he was in surgery. Mom has a flexible schedule, and she can work her own hours.
When I first moved back in with my mom, I let her know all I needed was a place to stay until I got back on my feet.
I didn’t want her thinking I was moving back in so she could help me with Amari.
Even though it was hard to see Kai, he would watch her when I would go to school in the evenings.
My mom would offer to watch her, but I wouldn’t let her.
Most the time, I tried to do everything myself.
She would see me struggling and would jump in and help, but then it made me more anxious because I knew she didn’t want to raise another kid.
After a while, I loosened up a little and realized she wasn’t raising her—she was only helping.
It helped our relationship a lot. Plus, she loved Amari and wanted to be with her.
I ended up living with her until I moved in with Liam.
She and Bryn never wanted us to move out. So, I stayed, and it helped me so much.
The sliding door opens, pulling me from my memories. “Hi, Mom,” Amari says, walking into my arms and giving me a hug. “I’m hungry.”
I inhale the earthy scent lingering in her hair from being outside. “Should we have pizza tonight?” I ask, glancing down at Amari.
She loosens our hug and tilts her head toward me. “Can we get the pineapple one?”
“Sure.” I look between my mom and Bryn. “Do you guys want pizza? I can order it and have it delivered here.”
Mom shuts her laptop. “Pizza sounds good.” She lets out a sigh and rubs her eyes.
"Yeah,” Bryn says with her hands on her hips. “I’m starving, too.”
I look over at Bryn standing next to my mom. She’s wearing the trendy mom jeans and a white T-shirt. “Do you remember when we would jump on the trampoline?”
“Yeah.” She giggles. “When did we get the trampoline?”
I glance over at mom, staring at her with the same question. “We got it when Blakely was little. Before you were born, Bryn.” Her shoulders slump and her eyes look heavy. She must be beat from work.
Bryn walks over to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water. “It’s that old?” she asks, taking a drink of her water.
Mom yawns while nodding her head.
“Bryn, let’s go back out and jump while we wait.” Amari says, instantly standing from her chair.
“Okay.” Bryn walks over to the sliding door, following behind Amari’s footsteps.
After calling Domino’s, I decide to text Liam and let him know.
Me: Hey, babe. I’m having pizza at my mom’s. Come by if you’re off in time.
Mom places a glass of red wine in front of me. As I take a sip, it flows smoothly down my throat, leaving a warm, rich sensation. “How’d you know I needed this?”
“It looked like we both had a long day,” she says, sitting back down and taking a long sip of hers.
I look out the back door and watch Bryn playing crack the egg with Amari—Amari being the egg.
“How long have you and Liam been together now? I don’t know when you guys started dating since it was so hush-hush.”
I chuckle. “There was never really an official date.”
She gazes up at me. “So, how’s it going with the two of you?”
“Really good. Better than I expected.”
“Why is that?”
I grip the stem of the wine glass, gently twisting it between my fingers. “I guess because of my history with men.”
“Yeah, dating is hard.”
My brows furrow as I lean slightly forward. “What?”
“I said dating is hard.”
“I know what you said, I’m just...” I pause for a minute. “Are you dating?”
“I’ve always dated,” she says, surprising me.
“What?!” My mind goes back to all those times my mom would ask me to cook dinner and put Brynlee to bed because she had to work late. She always told me she was out with a friend. Oh, my hell! Those friends were guys she was going on dates with. Why didn’t I see it back then?
“Why are you so surprised?” she questions my shock.
“Because I’ve never seen you with anyone since Dad,” I mumble in disbelief.
“I have needs, you know,” she says playfully.
“Ew, Mom.” I gag. “I don’t want to know that.”
“Oh, come on, you’re old enough to know this,” she says, sipping her wine.
“It’s just weird coming from you.”
“What do you think? That I’ve been celibate since I left your dad?”
I tilt my head, slightly narrowing my gaze to her. “I’ve never thought about it. How long did you date these men for? You never brought them around.”
She lets out a long breath, shrugging. “Ah, they weren’t ever worth my time. It was fun while it lasted, but I was content never having a serious relationship or living with a man again.”
At one point, I thought I would end up all alone.
I struggled with that realization at first, but as I started dating, I began to see that I didn’t need the drama in my life.
Each failed date made me appreciate my own company.
It helped me understand that having peace was more important than being in a chaotic relationship.