Chapter 32 Kai
Kai
I take the salmon out of the oven, set it on the stove, and pour the Beurre blanc sauce over the salmon.
This is a new recipe I found when I was googling what to eat with salmon.
Salmon is healthy, and a main dish of mine, but I needed to find a new way to season it. Lemon and pepper were getting boring.
I take a seat at my small, two-seater table, the one Blakely and I had in our old apartment. I haven’t needed to get a new one since it’s usually only me and Amari here. Sometimes Kevin.
I take a bite of my salmon and think back to the day Amari went back to school and everything before and after that.
Everything has felt so off with Blakely lately.
Ever since I told her how I truly feel, it’s like there’s this unspoken tension between us.
Sometimes I think I made a mistake by telling her.
Should I have kept it to myself and let things be?
But then again, not trying would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life.
I didn’t expect her to come running into my arms, or to leave Liam on the spot.
By now, I thought she’d at least have given me some kind of answer.
She didn’t outright say she didn’t love me, and she didn’t say she didn’t love Liam either.
She left everything hanging in this limbo, and I thought she needed time to sort through it all.
But how much time does she need? It’s been a little over a month, and every day that passes without a word, it feels like I’m losing her a little more. The waiting is eating me alive.
Mark: Hey man, when is a good time for you to come check out the kitchen?
Fuck. I sigh.
Another reminder that my life isn’t going like I thought it would be by now. I know I’m part of the cause, but damn, she could give me something.
And what the hell was up with her I had stuff to do after dropping her off bullshit?
I could smell the lies from a mile away.
Blakely’s always been a terrible liar, and that excuse?
It didn’t sit right with me. It had Liam written all over it.
I know she’s hiding something, and I’d bet anything it has to do with him.
He’s never been one to interfere with my relationship with Blakely.
He's always acted like the bigger person. But have things changed now that they’re engaged?
Maybe now he sees me as a threat. Could he be pushing her to distance herself from me?
It’s not like Blakely to be so vague, to brush things off like that.
I know her too well. She’s trying to protect him, but from what?
From me? The thought pisses me off. We’ve always managed to co-parent just fine.
But now it feels like Liam’s pulling her away.
I know our co-parenting isn’t the normal co-parenting that happens with couples when they split.
It’s actually been a blessing we have this close of a relationship.
Most couples don’t. Liam should see that. I thought he did see that.
One thing for certain is he cannot keep me from my family. Blakely is my family, too. If she doesn’t want me around, it needs to come from her, not him. And even then, she can’t keep me away.
I love her.
I’ll always love her.
This is the sucky part about living alone. Sometimes I get into my head. Overthink shit. Like when I took having my family together for granted. I would do anything to have that back.