Chapter 38 Blakely
Blakely
The outside of the house turns pitch black when Kai switches off the lights.
A shiver runs through my body from the cold air.
The sweat from my body heat makes the cold feel colder.
I didn’t come here expecting any of this to happen.
I set out on my walk, got lost in my thoughts, and then ended up somewhere I’ve never walked before.
When Kai pulled up, the look in his eyes made me feel wanted.
There has always been tension between us, but this time felt different.
He looks at me like I’m the most beautiful person in the world.
He’s always looked at me that way. Never once allowing me to think differently.
He made me feel like the most beautiful person when I was pregnant and even after the baby weight stayed on.
The way he got so close to me isn’t something I’ve experienced in a while.
It was different but brought back so much of our younger years together.
The way we would laugh until we cried. Even if it was doing something so simple, like washing dishes together.
He was so fun to be around—until he wasn’t.
The wasn’t keeps stopping me. Then there’s Liam.
Someone who is so good to me. Now he’s making it hard to see a future with him if he’s going to be this way with Kai.
The entire conversation I had with Kai keeps replaying in my head, like a song on repeat.
Is this someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with?
Someone who is willing to tear us apart?
I always felt like I wanted to end up with Liam, ever since we first met.
But now everything feels so different. That was one reason I fell for him so fast—because of how understanding he was with Kai.
It seems as if he was understanding until he didn’t want to be.
It makes me feel like I’m forced to choose between Liam and Kai.
Between Liam and my family. As much as Liam doesn’t want to see it, Kai is my family.
It may not be conventional, but what is nowadays? He’s always going to be my family.
“Can you drop me off here?” I ask, realizing we are getting close to my house.
“Why?”
I glance over at him. “Please, Kai.”
He slows the truck down on the side of the road down from my house. “What’s going on?” he asks, shifting his body toward me. “Are you afraid of him seeing us together? Is there more going on than you’re letting on?”
"Kai, don’t be ridiculous. He’s already having doubts about us, and I don’t want to cause any more tension than there already is.” I’m astonished by what he thinks. He knows I would never be scared of someone, and if I were, I would never allow my daughter or myself around that.
He reaches for my hand, and I let him take it into his.
“Okay. I believe you.” He clears his throat.
“I love you, Blakely. I did what I had to do for myself, for you, for our daughter, and for our family. But I deserve to be happy, too. I can’t keep chasing someone who doesn’t want me.
So, this is up to you now. If you want this, if you want us, you need to tell me.
I can’t keep holding onto something that is slipping away. ”
His words hit me like a dagger stabbing into my heart. Is this the way he’s been feeling this whole time? I try to pull the words out, but the unspoken fears stop me. As much as I’m hurting, he’s hurting, and I caused it. I’m hurting everyone around me.
“I don’t know what to say, Kai,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “I’m sorry for all of it. For how we ended up here, and for how confused I feel. But I can’t just... pretend like I’m not scared,” I say holding back the burning in my eyes.
Kai exhales sharply, and I grip his hand tighter before releasing it and sliding out of the truck.
As I walk up the driveway of my house, the lights from inside brighten my walkway. I don’t deserve to call this my house anymore. I don’t deserve Liam.
“Where have you been?” Liam asks, storming out of the house down the porch steps. “I’ve been calling you and your phone keeps going to voicemail.
“Really?” I pull my phone out and see that there are no missed calls. I must not have gotten service in that area. “I didn’t get them.”
“Where have you been? The sun went down hours ago.”
I walk right past him into the house. Kai’s words are still lingering in the air. Why do his words affect me so much? Is it because I feel the same way? “I went for a walk and got lost.”
“Who gets lost on a walk?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
“Apparently I do.” I know he deserves better, but I’m not in the mood to talk. This night has exhausted me, and all I want to do is shower and go to bed so I don’t have to think about anything. But I know I will. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it all.