Chapter Fourteen
t his woman was going to be the death of me. I’m a goddamn grown-ass professional with over a decade of experience fighting in the most absurd, difficult, ridiculous, strenuous, and extreme environments on earth, and I couldn’t keep it together just because I held a pretty lady in my arms.
Who am I kidding? It’s because it’s Grace.
I took several deep breaths, willing myself to calm down before I could move again. The cool drink of water sliding down my throat helped. Maybe some ice would help, too.
“Ready for more?” I asked when I was sufficiently in control of myself again.
“Yes,” Grace said with a determination that filled me with pride. She might be going through a lot, but she wasn’t a quitter, and she wasn’t weak.
“This is a move that someone might do if they want to take control of you in a public space without drawing too much attention to themselves or what’s happening,” I said when we got back to the middle of the living room.
I moved to her side and threw my arm around her shoulders.
From the outside, I knew it looked like a familiar gesture of a lover or friend.
I held tight, though, and steered us to the side.
I easily moved her exactly how I wanted her, and that scared me most of all.
She struggled to get away, even elbowing me in my ribs, hard.
Good girl . I still held onto her and walked her over to the kitchen before I let her go.
“What the heck,” she said when I let her go. For a moment, I thought she was angry with me, but then she continued. “How is that even possible? You just walked me right over here like I didn’t even have a choice.” Her eyes showed her disbelief, and I smiled at her.
“Exactly. And I’m being nice. I don’t really want to hurt you.” I pointed out to her.
“Right.” Her shoulders slumped. “I haven’t been able to get out of anything,” she said, sounding so defeated.
“No, but I would have been very surprised if you could. Your instincts were very much average and what I would expect from someone who hasn’t had to fight off an attacker before.
” As I said those words, a small part of me unclenched.
In the back of my head, I had always feared that Bill physically abused her, besides his obvious emotional abuse and manipulation.
If he had been beating her, she would not have reacted how she had.
Though it’s only a minor comfort that she hadn’t been in physical danger.
I’ve seen the effects of emotional abuse on some guys in the Corps. In some ways, it was worse.
“I guess that makes sense,” she said, bringing me back to the situation at hand. “So what now? Now that we know I’m starting from nothing. What do I need to do?” She bounced on her feet as she said this. Like she was warming up for a fight. God, I loved this woman.
Oh. Oh.
Oh shit.
“Now, I teach you how to get out of things,” I said like my entire world didn’t just turn on its head and reset itself. I should have seen this coming, and yet somehow actually thinking those words to myself made it all so real.
We started with her grabbing my wrist as I had done to her for the first move.
“The key is to take back control of the situation and yourself,” I said as I countered her move. I did it quickly the first time, so she knew it should go fast. “By extension, you should be able to take control of your attacker as well.”
I got her down to her knees before helping her up and resetting the move. I showed her slowly what I did to get free. I showed her how to grab my hand, twist my wrist, and push me down to the ground, using my arm as leverage.
“The point isn’t to overpower your attacker for long or to beat them up. The point is to give yourself a head start.” We did the move again and again until she picked up speed with it and could do it quickly. We’ll have to practice regularly, so the moves are second nature to her.
Once she could get free of me, I had her practice running to the door or the window and pulling out the ladder.
“Is that part really necessary?” She asked when I told her what I wanted her to do. “I know how to run away.” She had rolled her eyes at that and the sass was adorable.
“Yes, it’s necessary. The more you have to stop and think about things, the more likely you are to mess up or give your opponent time to catch you again,” I explained.
“Fine.” She ran. Each time she got free, she picked a direction and ran. Good thing these floors are concrete between levels.
After she mastered breaking free of my grip on her arm, we moved on to the other two moves I had used on her.
“The technique is similar for both. Your goal is to drop your weight and use that against your attacker.” I showed her how to avoid choking by turning her head and dropping so she could get free of the arm around her neck.
I then showed her how to use my arm around her to bring me to my knees so she could get away.
We went over every move until she could get out and run away without any coaching from me.
We had both worked up a light sweat. “We still have a lot to learn, but would you like to take a break and get something to eat?” I asked as I grabbed my glass of water off the counter.
I hadn’t even noticed the time passing as we worked through the exercises.
“Absolutely. I’m starving,” she replied. She came up by me for a drink of her own and the sun came in the window at just the right angle to bathe her in its golden light. Her blonde hair practically glowed. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
“Ugh. I’m all sweaty and gross,” she said when she finished her water. “I’m going to shower while you order us some food.”
She walked out of the room, her ponytail bouncing as she went, and I had the sudden, childish urge to tug on it just to see how she reacted.
“Take that bad guy!” Grace shouted as she got out of my hold and twisted me down to my knees.
We were working on a new set of scenarios today after a quick review of the last few days’ worth of lessons.
I added shouting really loudly. I expected her to say things like “no” and “get away” and “fire.” She added a dramatic flair to it and it made me chuckle.
“Bad guy, huh?” I asked, while kneeling at her feet. A position I didn’t mind one bit.
“The worst,” she said. She didn’t run away like we practiced and had her hands on her hips instead. I lunged up to her and brought her down to the ground, so I hovered over her.
“Now,” I said as I held her hands above her head, “if you don’t get away and they get you on the ground, what do you think you should do?
” I held myself just above her. I knew if an attacker got her in this position that they wouldn’t be so nice, but I didn’t think my sanity could handle pressing down on top of her.
“Well, since your knees are outside of mine, I would bring my leg up and knee you in the balls,” she answered. These self-defense lessons have calmed her and brought out a playful side to her I very much enjoyed.
“My balls thank you for describing that and not doing it,” I said with a laugh. “What if my legs were on the inside?” I tried not to think about her legs wrapped around me as I repositioned us so she couldn’t just knee me.
“I would try to get you off balance,” she answered after a minute of thought. “I would bring you in closer.”
“Ok. Good.” I saw her flush a little at the compliment.
“You’re getting it. Show me.” I didn’t move and braced myself mentally for her to wrap her legs around me.
She got her legs up around my waist and used them to pull me off balance.
My arms gave out, and I came down and back, exactly where she wanted me.
“Now, your hands are free. What do you think you do next?” I asked. “Let’s say I’m angry now and I try to choke you.” I move to put my hands around her neck. I didn’t add weight to her neck, but to her shoulder just below.
She took a minute to think through what she would do before she brought her arms up and put pressure on my elbows, bending them in a way that was not natural. The pain of it caused me to lose all strength, and she twisted her leg around to unseat me.
“You’re really getting the hang of this.
I didn’t even need to show you how to do that.
” My praise brought another flush to her cheeks and a wide smile to her lips.
I made a note to myself to praise her as often as I could, just to see that smile again.
“In an attack situation, you won’t be able to think it through, though.
You will have to react quickly. Let’s try that again and try a few different positions and see if you can get out of them. ”
“Any updates on who might be after me?” Grace asked after we sat down to eat dinner.
She poked at her food, pushing it around her plate instead of eating it.
I couldn’t tell what bothered her more, the food, the lack of progress, or being stuck here with me.
We had been cooped up in this apartment together for five days.
Five days of self-defense lessons. Five days of takeout pizza, Chinese, and donuts from the corner store I ran to while the world slept. We couldn’t last much longer like this.
“Tink and I have narrowed down the search and rule out several names on the list,” I said, wanting to bring up my suspicions about her ex, but not wanting to upset her more.
“Who’s left?” She asked. She still hadn’t touched any of her food.
“Do you want to go out? Maybe we can go to a grocery store and get some actual supplies.” I evaded the question.
I knew it. She knew it. The only names left were the ones closest to her.
The ones that had the most power to devastate her.
I didn’t want to break the news. It would hurt her.
I know it made me a coward, but I would have done anything to avoid hurting her.
“Anders,” she said. Her tone conveyed that she knew I was dodging her question. “Tell me who is on the list.” She found her backbone somewhere over the last few days. I knew she was right. She deserved to know.
“Your mom, George, and Bill.”
Tink had cleared everyone else on the list. They either received what they expected from the will or were surprised anyone would think they would be in her will at all. We probably could have saved a few days of research and gone with my gut, but I wanted to be sure.
I waited in the silence for her answer. Shame wormed through me that I didn’t tell her my suspicions earlier. She didn’t look up from her plate, but she didn’t continue to pretend to eat, either. She was still. I kept waiting.
“I think I knew it would come down to that,” she finally said. She stared at her plate, not even moving the food around anymore, frozen while she processed the information, and my heart sank at the trust I must have lost.
She pushed her plate away and stood up suddenly.
“Thank you for telling me.”
I watched her walk away, my heart in my throat.
I didn’t see her again for a while. My dinner sat forgotten on the island.
I kept picking up my phone to message Tink for an update, but I knew he would message as soon as he had one.
So I would put it down for a minute and then start the process over again.
I don’t know how long I sat in this limbo, trying to give Grace space to process, but desperately wanting to go in there and see how she was.
When I saw Grace again, she had changed.
She was in a new dress, one I hadn’t seen yet.
The hem was shorter than I would have expected based on her other clothing.
I tried not to stare at the exposed length of thigh, or at the low cut of her top.
I don’t think I succeeded. It was the perfect shade of red to bring out the gold in her hair.
Fucking fuck.
“I’m tired of being afraid of them,” she said as she strutted into the living room. My jaw clenched tight. I was afraid if I didn’t do that, it would be on the floor. This is a whole new Grace to the one I first saw a week ago. I’m not even sure if this Grace lurked in her letters. I loved it.
“I don’t blame you for not telling me before,” she said.
“I think if I had learned it earlier I might not have been able to handle it, but now that I know who I’ve been afraid of, I don’t want to be afraid anymore.
I want to live my life again.” She walked towards me and stood before me by the end of her speech.
“You may take me to dinner.” She said that last bit like it was an order and not an acceptance of my earlier, desperate attempt at redirection.
I wanted to jump up to comply. I wanted to skip dinner entirely and keep her hidden, so only I saw this side of her.
I wanted to show her off to the world. I stayed seated and settled for some teasing instead.
“You sound like a queen giving a command,” I said with a smirk. One I knew would make her blush. I kicked my legs out and stretched my arm across the back of the couch while I waited for her reply.
“Well, if you don’t want to go.” She shrugged.
The move tested the limits of her top and my control.
She sauntered over to the door and my eyes were drawn down her back to the heels that graced her feet.
I registered what she was doing the moment she started unbolting the door.
I jumped to my feet and made it across the room to her in a flash.
“And just what do you think you are doing?” I asked as I came up behind her. I spun her around and pinned her to the wall. She didn’t shake me off. No, she just smiled at me. Slow and seductive.
Holy hell.
“I’m living my life,” she said. Her voice was soft. “After nearly 30 years, I think I’m entitled to it.” She shrugged again, and the move brushed her chest against mine. Her voice steady while I was rapidly losing my fucking mind.
“Yes, you are.”
My gaze went from her eyes to her lips. She swiped her tongue on them, and I lost it. I bent to kiss her, rough and hard. I couldn’t be gentle, not right now. Not with her in that red dress. Not with her teasing me and testing me.
I teased her lips with mine and drove my tongue in to tangle with hers when she opened on a gasp. Her hands had moved up to knot in my hair while mine remained bracketed around her. I think if I touched her right now, I wouldn’t be able to hold back.
She wasn’t scared and vulnerable anymore. She had shown me that much over the last several days. I moved from her mouth down to her jaw and along the pulse behind her ear.
“Anders,” she said on a low, breathy gasp when I freed her mouth.
A guttural groan vibrated the air around us, coming from a place deep in me where all my pent up desire for this woman lived.