Chapter 10
CHAPTER 10
ALISON
“ T hank you, Max. Thank you for bringing me home.” I shakily said as I tried to find the right key to put in the lock to open the door to my apartment. I was hoping to release him from any sense of duty he might be feeling bound to, my eyes cast down to the hurdle of keys in my hand.
“There’s no need to thank me. And I’m not leaving you alone like this, so don’t try to find a way to send me on my way just yet, okay?” Max replied, a soft and reassuring smile spreading across his face before he took the bundle of keys from my hand and opened the door.
I sighed, not sure if in relief, because being around Max made me nervous.
I walked inside with Max following straight behind me. I still hadn’t managed to pull myself together and dry up my tears. I knew what I looked like right now. A spoiled mafia princess with a red nose and bloodshot eyes that colored her otherwise pale face.
“Make yourself at home. I’m just going to freshen up. I’ll be right back.” I tried to speak as steadily as possible. The vulnerability in the sound of my own voice was completely unfamiliar, lacking the confidence I had worked so hard to build over the years.
I never thought I would be her again. I never thought I would be back to feeling like I was occupying a place that was never vacant in the first place. I wasn’t all that wrong. There wasn’t space in my father’s heart for me.
The only person on this earth with the power to make me feel that way was him, and once again, he had managed to pull me down under, immersing me in a sea of self-doubt and past dejections.
I had worked so hard to erase the memories that brought me to this dark place inside my own head that I couldn’t even recognize my broken voice. My broken heart. My broken self.
I couldn’t say exactly when it was that I grew this new and thicker skin, but today, it had instantly shed.
Through the Italian side of my family, I learned to live by the truth. Truth and honor. But as it seemed, my father wasn’t only vehemently against that part of the family, he also didn’t abide by any of its rules, customs, or standards. Standards like morality, sincerity, and most certainly not loyalty.
Fuck, he was so adamant about pulling us away from our heritage that he even demanded our names were to be non-Italian. Well, maybe if he had been there to stir us in another direction, petty things like that wouldn’t fucking matter. But he was too busy building another life. Hence, I prefer Battaglia.
A love child!
Through that conversation, I found that my father, my dearest fucking father, whom I idolized on a fucking pedestal, was an unfaithful, lying son of a bitch.
And now… I felt lost.
I dragged my feet into my room, taking off the expensive outfit, the high heels, earrings, and necklace that adorned a face that did not live up to their beauty before slipping an extra-large t-shirt on, sprinkled with droplets of paint all over.
I washed the tears that stained my face as well as I could, even though they kept coming, as I tried to avoid my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Why? Because all I could see looking back at me was him.
I saw him in my eyes, in my nose, in every damn expression of mine that perfectly mimicked his. The girl that looked back at me was the polished diamond, born out of the pressure I had forced upon myself all these years, but truly hiding the ugly carbon stone of its essence.
The feeling of betrayal sent an unwelcome shiver down my spine, a surfacing rage taking over my almost dry tears, making them run wild again.
Feeling rejected by my father made me think there was something wrong with me. That I was the origin of his attitude, so I worked as hard as I could to change. To become someone he would like, someone he would be proud of, even following in his footsteps, overlooking the true blood that ran through my veins.
But, as it seemed, the person I tried so hard to impress was a stranger. The hard work I had put into his company, his dream, living it as if it was my own – even though I felt it in my bones that it was not – was nothing but a misled mistake. Another box in my life where I just couldn’t fit as my true self.
How could I never have known? How could my mother hide my father’s indiscretion and not blame him for the misery she went through? The misery I went through?
The divorce was emotionally brutal for her, and she still shielded him. Even after he broke the most sacred vow. If their divorce had left a deep scar in my ability to trust and love, well now this might have just destroyed it altogether.
I grabbed the edges of the sink, both steadying myself and releasing into that tight grip all the frustration that shook me to my core, my head hanging low in defeat.
All my senses were numbed because I couldn’t hear, sense, or smell him before I felt it.
Max wrapped his arms around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. The gesture was enough to break me into shuddering sobs that I didn’t even try to control. I couldn’t have anyway.
Max held me against him until I calmed down enough to hold my head high again. Gently, he spun me towards him and wiped my tears away, his thumbs caressing my skin.
“Come. I’ll make us some tea,” He said. His voice just above a whisper, but strong and smooth. Again, a commanding tone that bellowed my feet to move.
We walked back to the kitchen in silence as I fiddled through my thoughts for something to say, but I couldn’t find anything appropriate.
I wasn’t ready to speak about any of this yet because I still couldn’t tell why this was affecting me so much. Why I felt lost in a black forest filled with scary demons. My demons. The ones I had apparently not dealt with but instead swept under the rug.
I set the water out to boil, pulling out the tea and spoons before reaching for the mugs. I took mine from its normal spot on the bottom shelf, where it was kept alone without any other fellow mugs. Yeah, that’s how my life was.
Coffee or tea for one. Take out for one. Life for one.
I stretched to the top shelf, trying to grab another cup for Max, struggling to reach it .
“I got it.” I heard his voice from behind me before I felt his hand curling around my waist and resting on my stomach.
His body was brushing against mine as he reached for the mug, pulling it down and onto the counter next to mine. This closeness alone was enough to have my breath hitching in my chest.
Before I knew it, my hand was over his. A silent plea for it to remain in place as he came down. My heart was racing again, but a whole new and different feeling made it rush.
I leaned onto him, my back resting on his chest as I relaxed into him. An unknown sense of peace eased my aching heart. I could feel the comforting warmth that radiated from his body, making me realize how cold I was. I felt his fingers digging deeper into my flesh, pulling me closer to him, if that was even possible, calmness and belonging strangely flooding my body.
“I got you .” He whispered into my ear, grazing my skin with his lips as I leaned my head on his shoulder. I let out an audible sigh of utter relief, maybe even satisfaction, Max’s mouth still hovering over my tender skin.
I bared my neck, exposing it further, that silent permission being met by a small kiss just below my ear. A tender, lingering peck that heightened the tension, the build, and the need for more.
I turned my head towards him, looking straight into those two blue pools of either ice or burning fire, that were now prying into my soul.
I couldn’t help my eyes from falling onto his full lips, only noticing I was licking my own when he slowly turned me around, never breaking from this deep stare. He cupped my face after brushing a loose strand of hair away, still intently studying my features. I could feel myself gravitating closer to him, my lips eager to have his covering them, but the intensity of this moment made me tear away from his eyes.
Max pulled my face back up, shaking his head slowly.
“Don’t ever look away from me,” He whispered before leaning in and finally kissing me.
As I felt his lips on mine, my whole body awoke under a wave of goosebumps and an explosion of fireworks that invaded my chest and gut. Loose butterflies fluttering in my stomach in uncontrolled euphoria. The sweetness of this kiss mixed with an undeniable lust that lay just beneath the surface of our controlled movements. The slow strokes of his tongue on mine made me shiver in exhilaration as he hugged me tighter to him.
I let my hands roam to the nape of his neck, softly fisting his dark golden hair while he held the back of my head with one hand, the other wrapped around my waist.
He pulled me up, sitting me on the counter, taking a more intimate place between my legs, and suddenly breaking the kiss. He had his gaze deeply locked onto my hazy eyes again, his hands now resting on my knees, my bare skin coming alive under his touch.
His eyes turned towards my thighs, making me turn my attention to them, too. Max dragged the tips of his fingers painfully slow up my exposed thigh, pulling my t-shirt up once he reached the fabric, occasionally gauging my face, taking in my reaction to his slow-burning torture. My chest was rising and falling rapidly, my breathing increasing, as was my need to feel more.
I knew what he was doing. He was replacing a bad feeling with a new and better focus. I couldn’t help but allow him.
He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth before an almost imperceptible groan rumbled in his chest. Max’s fingers left my thigh only to hook beneath my chin, making me look into his piercing eyes once more. It was like our souls were connecting, a voiceless agreement that had the both of us on a cloud of haze.
“Un fottuto angelo…” A fucking angel. He’d called me that before.
His voice was a fervent yet hushed whisper against my lips before taking them in another shattering possession that I willingly welcomed without a second thought.
It was just a kiss, but I felt like I was in a whole different dimension. One where only the two of us existed. Max pulled me closer to him, sheltering me in his strong arms, kissing me with a lot more hunger, need, and greed than before. It was like all this pent-up tension between us since the last time we kissed was now being released. Yet still so contained.
It was slow, like he was savoring me, but nothing short of possessive, increasing the rhythm with each one of my small moans, only to slow back down again. Just like in music, the notes have the same weight as the silence. His hunger having the same effect as his restraint.
My hand made its way into his shirt. My fingers tracing their way on his hard-muscled chest. I couldn’t control the small pants that left my mouth each time he pressed me tighter against his chest. Each time he stroked my tongue. Each time he bit my lip.
I had gone from broken to oblivious to anything but us under his tender, rough touch. From a broken raging hell to blissful calm heaven.
Max tasted so much better than I remembered. His perfect, soft lips contrasted with his harsh grasp on my waist and on the back of my head. I completely surrendered to every stroke, every demand. Right now, I was his, even if he would choose to ruin me after.
My phone was chiming from afar, or so it seemed. It was, in fact, lying right beside me on the counter. Max broke the kiss at the sound of it, looking down onto the lit display, the name “Jackson” flashing on the screen.
I was more than willing to pretend it wasn’t ringing, but Max seemed a little more disturbed by it than I was. Rejecting the call, I shoved the phone towards the other end of the counter and tried to pull Max to me again. But he took a step back, gently wiping the corner of his lip with his thumb as his jaw muscle tensed and released a couple of times, his eyes now directed at the floor.
He was back to duty. Back behind that fucking shield that had no reason to exist.
“You should take that.”
I jumped off the counter, not sure if I should reach for him again. His head slowly shook from side to side as if he was denying what had just happened or even admonishing himself for even allowing it. Somehow, I was inclined to the latter, my stomach quickly turning into a tighter knot than it was before.
“Max–”
“Call me if you need me.” He cut me off and left.