Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
ALISON
I had chosen a small restaurant. Super cozy and secluded, intimate and safe, just as our status required. Well, not mine. I’m a nobody, really, but my ex-sister-in-law Francesca had a huge target on her back. So, instead of being crowded by huge-ass bodyguards listening in on our girl talk, I had selected a place that could bring us and them some peace of mind. They still covered the front and back entrances, but at least they didn’t hover over us.
I was secretly nervous that Max would be one of them.
When Francesca and Matt were still married, Max was the one my brother entrusted her safety to. They had even become close friends during that long year. I wouldn’t put it past him to send his little soldier to look after her again now that she was back in New York.
But, thankfully, he was nowhere to be seen.
After the way he just left me two days ago and that mind-blowing dream, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to seeing him again. And especially not while Francesca and Jamie were with me. They would most certainly pick up on whatever strange vibe would be flowing between us. Or maybe just out of me.
Max has always been an expert at masking his feelings and thoughts. Exactly why I never knew what to expect from him.
But right now, I expected nothing. Right now and never again. It was the second time he had pulled back, so he either didn’t want me or had something holding him back. Maybe I was more trouble than I was worth.
Even so, my mind was stuck on the way he made me feel. For a couple of minutes, he had managed to appease my pain and sorrow. For a couple of minutes, he had made me forget what I’d heard. For a couple of minutes, he had made me forget who, what, and where I was, taking me all the way to a blissful gateway to heaven, where I had never been before.
My heart fluttered, and my stomach sank at the reminder.
Because, for more than a couple of minutes, he lingered in my mind, as did his entrancing touch on my skin and his sweet but demanding kiss on my lips.
I was a mind-over-heart kind of person. I rationalized my feelings, and up until now, apart from my brothers and parents, I’ve had no problem keeping things that way. It was how I coped.
Max was a massive wall, so there was only one thing left to do. Switch my feelings off.
It was still a process, though. One that, with Max, had proven to be a lot harder than anyone else.
I had been mentally punishing myself for allowing the thoughts of him to swim freely around my mind, the memories traveling all around my body, making me shiver even though I tried as hard as I could to keep away from that dangerous place.
I had been thinking about him more than I cared to admit to myself. More than I should ever. And because of it, I was in an even fouler mood than I was before he kissed me.
That feeling of yet another rejection had permeated my skin, almost as if I had given Max the momentary power to make me feel like only my father could. I was not about to allow that. I didn’t need someone else with that same wicked wand Adrien Dornier held without even knowing.
Watching him turn his back and leave without another word stung so much more than I ever expected it could because, at that moment, our kiss was about a lot more than passion. It was a lot more than just lust. And still, he chose to leave. He chose to cut whatever was happening by a root that hadn’t yet settled.
Vulnerable was not a good place for me. Nothing positive in my life had ever come from being vulnerable, and I couldn’t help but admonish myself for falling into that trap again.
I did not care for rejection. I did not care for feeling like I was not good enough. I had that already without needing to add more wood to that fire.
Just switch it off, Alison.
I didn’t know if it was the person I shared it with or the moment it happened, but what I felt in that kiss, I will not be feeling again. If feeling that good led me to feel this bad, I just didn’t want it.
I’d always been good at compartmentalizing my life. Everything in its due and designated box, but that kiss just messed with all of it. Blending my personal issues with undeniable lust and some strange feeling of exponential affection. Unrequited at that.
So I was happy Max wasn’t here.
I needed to feed the monster of my anger towards him and all the things he made me feel so I could not feel again. Because right now, if I was truly honest with myself, I was a little disheartened not to see him here tonight. But honesty doesn’t suit me right now!
I tried as hard as I could to take my head out of my own ass for a couple of hours and place my thoughts in more positive pastures, focusing on the two wonderful ladies I was sharing this meal and this moment with as we chatted and giggled and joked as if we were sisters.
Sisters…
Apparently, I had one of those, and no one knew about her. I felt like she was a dormant volcano, waiting to erupt and burn us all to ashes like Vesuvius did to Pompeii. Lava that would freeze us in time for a new eternal reality.
Shake it off, Alison. It’s not the time or place to fall down that rabbit hole.
“So… how’s Jackson doing, Alison?” Francesca asked, as if on queue, her tone friendly, teasing me about my hookups with the enemy. But I still had lingering thoughts of Adrianne and Max swirling in my mind. The not-so-good feelings they both awakened in me, very clear in my corrosive state.
“I don’t know. You should probably ask him,” I replied, coming off a little more bitter than I intended to, trying to hide it with a smile.
“I thought you were seeing him!” She chimed again.
“Oh, no. Just on and off, no strings attached kind of thing. All fun and games.” I brushed it off. Things with Jackson were very simple. Just physical. Exactly as these things should be.
“So, when was the last time?” Jamie asked me, sporting a constricted smile as if we were talking about a super hot and taboo subject that made her almost blush.
“Oh, Umm… Two days ago.” I replied nonchalantly as Francesca and Jamie burst out laughing, the wine almost po uring from their noses. “What? It’s just sex! How would I know how he’s been, besides hot?”
Two days ago in my damn dreams, three in reality. And yet, something about that last time left a nagging feeling inside me.
Both Jackson and I didn’t want to complicate things by bringing other issues into the bedroom. The last time was a true exception. The talk was always kept casual, never deep or meaningful. That was never the purpose. It was just perfect, contrary to the mess with Max.
How the hell did I just turn this to him? Again!
Just switch it off, Alison!
“Besides, I’ve been so swamped at AD that I just don’t have time for anything else. Getting the edge off will have to suffice,” I explained, interrupting my self-destructive trail of thought. “My dad will be hiring a new assistant to help around our floor, and it still won’t cut it. Since your beloved soon-to-be husband has been running things around there, the workload just tripled without notice,” I complained, pointing to Jamie as I blamed Liam for my overstressed state.
“I can sense that edge is still there. You might need another visit to Jacksontown. Or just let Jackson go to town?!” Francesca teased, giggling again, having the two of us join her. Perfect choice of words. I could finally start to feel the levity taking over me as I gave in to our natural light and fun relationship.
“Maybe I need more than him,” I mumbled, shrugging, remembering the hot and confusing dream I had.
“You wouldn’t!” Both Jamie and Francesca chanted in a disbelieved chorus but anxious to know my reply.
“No, probably not,” I replied, maybe trying to convince myself it was madness. Or maybe not. Maybe it was just the escape I needed .
“I want to propose a toast,” I said, raising my glass, Jamie and Francesca following my move with theirs. “To the woman who will soon be in a commanding seat in an all-men world. You, my dear, will have them all by the balls in no time. I’m proud of you, Babe.”
My phone suddenly cut me off from that exciting idea, Matt’s goofy photo coming up on the screen.
Of course, I had to choose the most unflattering photo I could find of the all-mighty Don Battaglia. I smiled sympathetically as I saw Francesca realizing who was calling, watching as the pain and dismay clearly discolored her face.
That right there is why you have to fucking switch it off, Alison!
I didn’t want pain like that. I already had enough on my plate. My very clear daddy issues tainted my life in more ways than one, and with this familiar agony resurfacing, I found myself looking for ways to fix what I never realized was still broken.
I excused myself from the table to answer my brother’s call, walking towards the lady’s room.
“Don Battaglia, to what do I owe the honor?” I teased him, faking submission as I turned on my heels, pacing the small space. My eyes snapped up from the floor to the huge window in front of me, landing on Max’s strong frame just on the other side of the glass.
He was here, after all. He had his back to me, attentive to the commotion going on at our table now.
“Alison,” Matt said as a form of greeting, and I instantly knew something serious was up. Matt hardly ever answered the phone that way. “How are you doing?” I so wanted to reply with the truth.
But I couldn’t tell him just yet. Matt had a very unstable relationship with our father, to say the least. It was only now starting to heal, and I couldn’t stand to be the one to mess that up for them.
Besides, today was definitely not the time. Rocking that boat before such a crucial day for him would just make me the worst sister in the entire world, and saying anything about how Max was messing with my mind was just a very hard no.
So, I lied.
“I’m great, and you? How are you holding up?” I tried to sound cheerful, hoping to fool him as I turned the conversation back to him. “Tomorrow is the big day, right?” The day he would ruin his life to give Francesca her long-last dream of being her family’s Donna.
“It is. Listen, I need to talk to you. Can you come by the Ritz tomorrow morning? Maybe have breakfast with me?” He sounded even more serious and grim than normal, a flat tone that I normally heard him use for business only. There was something seriously bothering him.
“Sure, no problem. Is everything okay?” He went silent for a minute, red flags flashing in my eyes, left, right and fucking center. Did he somehow find out about Adrianne? Honor was his middle name, and finding out about her would destroy whatever was left of his relationship with our father.
“Yeah, I guess. I just need to ask you something.” A vague reply, nothing I wasn’t expecting. But how did he expect me to wait until tomorrow now? I knew my brother too well. Whatever it was he had to ask me, it wasn’t good.
“I’ll be there.”
“Okay, thank you. And Alison, is…” Matt trailed off, but I knew exactly what he was going to ask. He hadn’t stopped loving Francesca. If anything, he loved her more.
“She’s actually just leaving now. She doesn’t look too great,” I replied as I saw her leaving the restaurant, her face suddenly ghost-white, one of her bodyguards helping her stand straight.
Max had also suddenly left, and it was clear that he was on duty, sent by my brother to watch over Francesca as he usually did. It was a relief that I didn’t have to deal with him, but at the same time, my stomach sank knowing that I wouldn’t. That he wasn’t here for me.
“Maybe you should make sure she’s alright. I’m guessing she’s going back to the hotel. Just fix your stupid mess, will you?”
“I will. Thank you, Principessa .”
After a couple more drinks, Jamie decided to call it a night, but I was dreading the hour I had to lay my head back on that pillow.
It was not the dream that bothered me, but the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about it in real life. About him. About the sensuality and possessiveness I had felt in his touch, even though he wasn’t really touching me.
How was the real Max? That one time could hardly serve as a sample since he was plucking the remains of my purity. More like tenderly claiming. I never got to see the real him.
You were supposed to switch it off, Alison. Not daydream about Max fucking your brains out!
No way in hell was I going home now. He was on duty, so there was no risk of running into him at Dea Tacita – my brother’s club and headquarters.
Rum for my senses and loud music for my brain – I needed a muffler.
Dea Tacita it is.