Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
ALISON
I had been visiting Francesca in the hospital for the last few days, getting off work early, and actively avoiding my father. Francesca was doing great and recovering as expected.
I was getting ready to go see her again just as I received a call from Vincenzo. He’d stayed to help with Francesca’s kidnapping, and the relapse he had was worse than he’d mentioned, a complication derived from his Multiple Sclerosis. To be safe, they admitted him to hopefully control the symptoms, even though there was nothing else they could do.
‘Nature running its course’ was his reaction to it.
By now, I could figure that Vincenzo was either comfortable, used to, or too tired of his condition to rebel against it and fight for the lost cause we all knew it was. He was at the same hospital as Francesca, and I could hopefully check up on him, too, once I got there.
I hurried out of AD before the workday was over for the third day in a row, my plan of flying under the radar working perfectly. I had been working my ass off for the last couple of months, so I wasn’t even sorry for the load I had been leaving unattended. I delegated some and purposely forgot about the rest.
I got to the hospital and asked the front desk about Vincenzo. No actual information about his current state was given because they weren’t authorized to disclose medical information to just anyone who asked, but I was allowed to visit him once the current visitor he had left.
I went up to Francesca’s room, and as every other day I had come to see her, Matt was there. He hadn’t left her side for one single minute after the threat of losing the love of his life. However, today was different.
“Good evening, beautiful people,” I greeted them as I entered the room. “How are my nieces doing today?” I asked with the widest smile drenched in pride and love that matched the one on my brother’s face as I gave each of them a kiss.
“Nieces?” Francesca asked, catching my subtle hint.
“Of course, nieces. Prima donnas like their mother, super badass princesses like their aunt. I’m going to spoil the two of you rotten, and none of the Mafia Dons in this room will be able to stop me,” I replied, directing the last part at Francesca’s still-flat belly.
“I don’t doubt that even for a second,” Matt replied, resigning to his fate.
“They are doing great. Everything is fine, and they are growing strong.” Francesca replied, a new glow illuminating her face.
“I am glad to hear those little munchkins are safe,” I said, placing my bag on the chair and taking a seat, suddenly realizing that Matt was heading towards the door. “Are you running away from your responsibilities already, big brother?” I teased him.
“No,” He chuckled. “Just going to get some coffee. Do you want one? ”
“No, no. I’m fine. Thank you.”
Matt left, closing the door behind him, leaving just us girls to catch up.
“Okay, he’s gone. Now spill.” Francesca said, catching me off guard.
“Spill what?”
“Come on, Alison. Cut the crap. Something’s off. I know you, there’s something bothering you. You haven’t been yourself these past few days that you’ve come to visit.”
“It’s nothing. Nothing I can’t handle.” I replied, hoping it came out convincingly.
“Nope. Uh-uh. Not convinced.”
“I’m fine, Fran. I’m just tired.” I tried again.
“Alison, I love you. I really love you, but I’ll beat the shit out of you if that’s what it takes for you to talk to me.” She was joking, but I could see she wasn’t going to just let it go, and maybe speaking about the clusterfuck that was going through my mind could make it a little less of a monster than it was at the moment.
“I don’t even know where to start.” I finally admitted, my head falling into my hands in defeat.
“The beginning is a very good place to start, so says Fraulein Maria.”
I sighed, still confused as to what to identify as the beginning. “Okay, so, issue one. And Fran… You cannot repeat what I’m about to tell you. I want to figure this out before I tell Liam and Matt. You have to promise me.”
“I promise. Whatever you tell me here today will not leave these walls.”
“Okay, fine. I overheard a conversation between my parents at AD, and apparently, my father has another daughter.”
I let the information sink in, seeing the new frown that wrinkled Francesca’s forehead as she looked at me with what seemed like pity in her eyes.
“I don’t know who she is, where she lives, or even how old she is. But, yeah, that happened. I’m not sure, but I think my mother was pregnant with me at the same time. How fucked up can my father be to judge my brothers for their choices when he’s the fucking cheat? Fucking hypocrite!” I couldn’t help the sense of hate that was once again rumbling in my chest. And for some fucked up reason, it wasn’t directed at my father, it was directed at her. To what her existence represented. To what she represented.
“Alison, I’m so sorry. That’s a huge burden to be carrying on your own.”
“I can’t tell my brothers yet. I have to know for sure first.”
“Well then, it seems like you need to have a tough chat with your father. Don’t let anything make you miss the opportunity to set things straight with him. Let him know just how you feel, and ask him whatever you need to know. Hopefully, he will be truthful enough to tell you everything, and you can find peace in all that mess.”
I reached over to her to hold her hand, squeezing it as a humble, comforting gesture. She had just lost her father, after all.
“I know. I’ve been avoiding him because I just don’t know what to say. Ever since we found our way back to each other, it’s like I have this need to please him. This need to be sure that he loves me by trying to be the perfect daughter to the perfect Mr. Dornier. It looks like the apple didn’t fall that far from the tree. I’m a hypocrite just like him. Here I am, trying to be something I’m not, just to please someone else.” I had never said that out loud before.
It didn’t seem like a burden that was lifted. It was the complete opposite. It weighed on me further now that it was out there in the universe, as if, after spoken, it was an irrefutable truth.
“You’ve identified your issue. Just stop doing that. Be you, do you!”
“I’m trying.” This is where marrying Vincenzo came into play. A new life, a new start, being nothing but Alison. “Second, third, and fourth issues…”
“All together?”
“One at a time, but all the same issue.” I slightly laughed at my private joke with myself.
“I don’t follow,” She replied, trying to read between invisible lines.
“You know I’ve been seeing Jackson on and off, right?” She silently nodded in confirmation, not breaking my trail of thought. “Well, now I think Victor likes me, too.”
“Okay…?! And where’s the problem there?”
“The problem is…” I inhaled deeply. This was a revelation I wasn’t even remotely close to being ready to make, not even to myself. “I think I like Max.” Her eyes opened wide in disbelief, looking at me as if I had grown another head. “I know, I know! It’s so fucked up! Here I am, seeing two other men when I have another on my mind.”
“Max?! Really? I’d never noticed.” She stared at me for a while before an ironic smile grew on her face. “Common Alison. We have eyes. We’ve seen the way you two look at each other. What’s the problem?”
“The way we look at each other?”
“Yes! He’s like, extra protective of you. Those blue eyes turn black when another man is around you, not to mention how sour his mood gets.”
“I forgot how tight you two got. Still, it’s a surprise to me because, even though I tried to block it as much as possible, it's not just lust. It’s so much more. I’m so beyond that. Things happened, and now I just can’t stop thinking about him.”
“Things?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“It was just a kiss!” At least recently. “It was as if he was my air supply because I completely forgot how to breathe. He knocked the strength out of me with one simple kiss.” I huffed in despair.
“Yep… you’ve got it bad! So what’s stopping you from telling him that?”
“He’s got a girlfriend, Fran, and more than that, he doesn’t seem to feel the same way because he’s always acting as if kissing me was this terrible mistake.” Because it was.
“A girlfriend? That’s new. Maybe it’s just because of your brother? I think you should talk to him. Look what lack of communication did to Matt and me! We both suffered for no reason. Don’t do that. Talk to him, tell him the truth of what you feel. He can then choose if he wants to keep that girlfriend of his.”
The way she said it seemed so simple, and yet, it was anything but. Baring my feelings and thoughts to him was placing my heart at his feet, at his will to do whatever he wanted with it. That scared the shit out of me.
“You have to try. If you don't, maybe you’ll be passing up the opportunity of a lifetime of happiness and love. Maybe he is your destiny, your true love.” She finished, sensing my hesitation.
“I don’t know…” Did it even matter anymore? I was about to marry Vincenzo anyway.
“And you never will until you decide to take the risk.” Maybe she was right. Maybe the only way to truly be happy was to release myself from those restraints and control.
Control gave me comfort. Control gave me safety, and the fear of giving that up was a little too real to be my first option.
“And what would you suggest I say? And what if he says he doesn’t like me in the same way?” I nervously rambled.
“Alison, stop. Just follow your heart and say what it tells you to. You’ll know once you’re faced with it. Max is here at the hospital, probably having coffee with Matt. Maybe you should do it now before you chicken out.”
“Yeah… I’m not sure I’m ready right now.”
“Alison Battaglia! Woman the fuck up! Who are you, and what have you done to my Alison?”
“Come on, Fran. Cut me some slack here.”
“No! In fact…” Francesca picked up her phone and angrily searched for a number before placing the device to her ear, waiting for someone to pick up. “Max? Hi. Alison is here in my room, and she needs to talk to you. Meet her here in the hall, will you? Thanks.” She barked in her Donna tone as I tried to childishly take the phone away from her, not putting too much of an effort into it because of her injuries.
“What the fuck, Francesca?” I angrily shouted, feeling like she had just betrayed me.
“I’m doing you a favor. Now go get your man.” I turned on my heel, stomping towards the door, turning back to show her my contempt by the means of my middle finger raised high as I flipped her off. She just stuck out her tongue in response.
I was now pacing up and down the hall, rubbing my thumb in my sweaty palm as I waited for Max to get here. I tried to mentally rehearse my speech, but every time I tried, I came out blank, not having a fucking clue what I would say.
“Good afternoon, Miss Battaglia.” Miss Battaglia, he said. Never a good sign. I’ve lost this battle already. “You wanted to speak with me? ”
“Umm… Hi. Uh, yes I did.”
Think, Alison! Just say it already, just like ripping off a fucking band-aid. The quicker you do it, the less it will hurt.
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened… umm… about us.” I finally blurted, my eyes darting to the floor as soon as I did. I looked back up when he didn’t say anything, being met by his deep blue eyes, colder than I’ve ever seen them. Fuck! I swallowed the lump in my throat as my body tingled with unwelcome anticipation while we stood there in silence. “I need to understand what this is between us.”
“Us?” He scoffed, the sound grating against my skin. “What us, Alison? There is no us!” His voice was sharp and cold, his words cutting deep into my vulnerable flesh. I felt both hurt and angry as he severed all the hope, faith, and expectations I hadn’t realized I had with that simple statement.
“Then what was that show you put on at my house? Don't tell me it was nothing. I’m not buying it.” I asked, not even bothering to mask the deception and rage I was being consumed by.
“But it was.” He replied, condescendingly caressing my cheek. I jerked away from his touch, nauseated by his actions. “You’re a hot piece of ass I nailed three years, ago and I was simply craving seconds. That's what it was. Just my craving for mafia royalty pussy.” I turned my face away, trying to hide the anguish that crippled my senses. I kept shaking my head as if denying to believe his acidic words. “Not to mention, there’s the forbidden fruit factor... so it’s nothing to do with you. Not really. Let’s call it a simple bet I had going with myself. But now that I see how many people are playing this hand… Jackson, Victor, and now Vincenzo, too, it just got too easy... I would rather keep my chips...” He let his gaze drop to my feet, slowly working his way up with a disgusted ex pression I had never seen him wear, “…clean. You have a very full house.”
It was done before I could control it. The noise from my hand landing hard on his face brought my feet back down to earth. This was all so surreal that it was like I was a spectator watching this fictional scene from above.
Again, Max made me feel dirty, small, and unworthy, just like he had done before, but now amplified to fucking infinity. He had just called me a whore and still laughed about it as he rubbed his face, now adorned with the red shape of my fingers. If I had rejection issues before, now I felt like I was fucking OD'ing.
He was the one with a girlfriend who went around kissing other women, ripping my panties off, almost begging me not to marry Vincenzo, and I’m still the one at fault here? How ominous were his true fucking colors!
“Fuck you, Max. I hope you fall off your high horse and land on your fucking sword.”
I stormed back to Francesca’s room, not daring to look back. Seeing that Matt had already come back, I tried to swallow my tears that were now replaced with a strange feeling of abhorrence.
I have never felt this way before. I despised myself for being stupid, for baring my heart for him to rip it into pieces.
Seriously, how idiotic could I be? He had pushed me away before, why did I have the slightest hope that he could actually care about me?
I walked to the middle of the room, letting my head hang low to conceal my tear-stained eyes. I grabbed my handbag and jacket before looking up at Francesca who had been looking at me in disbelief, her expression letting me know just how outraged she truly was even before her words were heard .
“YOU ACCEPTED TO MARRY MASSIMO?” She shouted.
“It won’t happen, amore mio . I won’t let them go through with it.” Matt tried to calm her down.
“Matt, don’t be stupid. We have an understanding, and you have never failed your word, and this will most certainly not be the first time.” I said as composed as I could, but my resolve was as unwavering as ever. I felt this crazy need to burst out laughing as we spoke about marriage when my heart was shattered into a million pieces for the first time in my life. “Besides, it’s not like I’ll be missing out on anything. So, he’ll be my husband! Big deal. Maybe I’ll even grow to like him. Love is a whole different story. It’s something I’ll never find. There’s nothing like what you two have out there for me. Might as well just save myself from the misery of finding that out later rather than sooner.” Well, saving fucking failed.
Misery was consuming me at a rapidly killing rate, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t dare to crumble here. If I was a cynic before, now I was just shoved down the fucking pit with no safety rope or ladder in sight.
“Alison!” Francesca reprimanded.
“What?” I shot her a warning glare that she completely dismissed.
“Why the hell do you think you’ll never find love? That’s just the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard!”
“Because I know me. That’s why. Let’s just leave it at that. I’m going to marry Vincenzo and help my family in the process. That’s how things are done in this world, right?” I managed to keep my anger at bay. This whole thing felt like a vengeance now, against my stupid self.
“Wrong! You shouldn’t give up your happiness for others, and this isn’t your world.” Francesca tried to argue, but I had decided. If there was any doubt in my mind, it was now more than dissipated.
“Well, it is now. What’s done is done. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to visit my future husband. He had a relapse, and I want to see how his recovery is going. I’ll stop by your place to check on you tomorrow.”
My fate was sealed, and my mind was more than set and at peace with it.
Fuck love. Fuck feelings. And especially, fuck Max.
I might just anticipate the whole fucking thing to get the hell out of here!