Chapter 32
CHAPTER 32
ALISON
I stood by the window, staring out at the ocean, though I couldn’t really see it in the dark. Just the shadows of waves rolling endlessly toward the shore. The air smelled of salt and jasmine from the garden below, but it did nothing to calm the ache in my chest.
Last night was too much to bear. Too confusing for a hopeful heart. Sometime during the night, I’d dreamed Max stood up for me for once and put an end to the engagement party, causing a scene and whisking me away on a white horse. I should know mafia princesses don’t get fairytale endings.
They get bloody ones.
After tonight, it was clear that I’d be stepping into a bubble made of smoke, mirrors, and hazard. The deal Vincenzo had with Diego was most certainly nefarious and as fragile as a bomb. Going by the look on Vincenzo’s face, the upper hand was not his, even the slightest.
There was still this coldness of fear running through me from my interaction with Diego. I wasn’ t so dumb as to not understand his threat and not take it seriously. I was on edge the whole time, knowing things could have gone south very quickly by the way my future husband, the Don of the Californian Mafia himself, was walking on eggshells around his so-called business partner.
Yet somehow, Max had somewhere more important to be
I pressed my palm to the cold glass, my fingertips trembling. The moonlight reflected my pale face, the dark circles under my eyes. I barely recognized myself anymore. Everything about me felt foreign — from the expensive dress I hadn’t bothered to change out of to the ruby ring that felt like a chain around my finger.
I headed towards the terrace. The cool water of the infinity pool was beckoning me to sink into its darkness. I left a trail of expensive rags scattered on the lush wooden floors before diving in.
I didn’t even bother to change into a swimsuit. The fresh water and chlorine could maybe wash these rotten thoughts away. As soon as I was under, the silence and peace of the water swallowed me, and the whole world was suddenly erased. I came up for air before plunging down again, sitting at the bottom of the pool.
Silence.
Peace.
Serenity.
I closed my eyes and let the privilege of senses be revoked. Nothing but darkness. Nothing but clarity. I had no perception of time. I didn’t know how long I’d been under until something was pulling me up.
My lungs burned like they were on fire as soon as I took that first deep breath. I was being held tight against something. Someone .
“What the fuck are you doing? Do you have some kind of death wish?” A berating growl released right against my ear as Max started pulling me out of the pool.
“What if I do?” I grumbled in contempt, fighting to free myself from his stronghold.
He finally let go, allowing me to turn to him and see his face. There was an irate wrinkle on his forehead, a stress vein so salient it might just burst at any second. “Wash your hands. I wouldn’t want you soiling yourself with my filth.” His eyes softened for a split second, following the slight flinch in reaction to my pinching words. But soon after, the steel armor was back up. Funny how having blood on his hands was just another normal day, but somehow, I was just too much.
“I thought you were drowning, Alison!” He shouted, fueled by blinding anger.
“So I’m back to Alison!” I chuckled in angered irony. “You wouldn’t want me dying on your watch. You don’t give a rat’s ass about what happens to me, just as long as I have a pulse at the end of your assignment!”
“That’s not true.” He stammered, looking back at me, his voice steady with certainty.
I watched the deck as his footsteps dragged a river over the floor while Max shook himself to no avail.
“Fuck!” He angrily mumbled after taking his shoes and drenched suit jacket off, unhooking his holster from his back. Those guns were nothing more than water pistols now.
Two undone buttons later, and he was pulling his now transparent white shirt over his head. It was the first time I saw him in all his toned glory ever since that first time three years ago. Some of those cuts had healed completely, while others had left tiny scars that seemed to glisten under the moonlight .
I shivered at the sight. The warmth of lust settling between my legs.
Fuck, indeed.
How could divinity hold such malice? How could his malice not faze my feelings?
I stood there in nothing but a thong, a bra, and droplets of water, hugging my body as the night’s breeze cooled me down a little too much.
Another shiver.
Max’s eyes had finally set on me. All my muscles tensed into stiff mounds of expectation. I felt the burn of his gaze scanning my exposed skin, his Adam's apple bobbing at the forced gulp.
“Too dirty, remember? Eyes up here, Max.”
Without reacting to my words, he turned his back to me and walked into the penthouse, my gasp filling the silence we had fallen into.
Max had two angel wings tattooed on his entire back. If he opened his arms, his wings would spread. I just hadn’t decided yet if he was an angel of light or a lord of darkness. Three years sure had changed his body. He seemed bigger now than he was before. His muscles were more defined, and even though he wasn’t one of those buff bodybuilders, I knew the strength those muscles had could be more than deadly.
He came back with a towel hanging low around his waist and another in his hand that he quickly draped across my back.
“What were you thinking?” He practically whispered, his frown securely settled on his brows.
“Where did you go?” I asked at the same time, but neither of us dared to answer.
We stood there for another moment in silence before Max realized he was still standing too close and took a pronounced step back, watching as I covered myself with the fluffy white towel.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I just needed to be alone.”
His compressed jaw loosened a little, maybe some kind of relief that he wouldn’t have to babysit me from closer and make sure I wasn’t trying to hurt myself.
That small moment of silence settled our anger. There was just no point in being bitter. Keeping the distance was the best route to take.
“Do you really see yourself having a life here?” My head snapped up in surprise. Was he resigning himself to my choices?
“Are you cashing in a question?”
“I thought you wouldn’t want to play anymore.”
I shrugged as if I didn’t care, muffling the stupid tingling sensation that had risen in my gut. I was trying not to feel. Not anger, not anguish, not lust, just… nothing. Emptiness was the only thing that suited me, but I couldn’t find a void in me.
“Then yes, I’m cashing in a question.”
“Maybe. At least it’s a shot at happiness.”
“Your happiness shouldn’t threaten your safety. The Mafia holds no room for happily ever afters.”
“I’m not searching for forever, Max.” I don’t know what I am looking for . Just something different. Something easy with a low chance for pain.
“Then you are doing it wrong.”
“Oh really? Shower me with your wisdom. What should I be doing then?” I couldn’t mask the acid on the tip of my words, my hands on my hips, waiting for his reply.
“Falling in love for real, not falling into entrapment!” He shouted in anger as if my words had struck a tender nerve inside him .
“I’ve done that! How did falling in love work out for me? Huh?” I shouted back, stepping closer to him, my anger bubbling in my veins once again. “Rejected and discarded in a hospital hall, as if I’m toxic waste.”
Max’s expression softened as he realized what I was saying. His eyes shut closed as he repeatedly shook his head no, pacing in front of me. Maybe denial, maybe reproval. By now, I couldn’t tell.
“If what you’re implying is true, then you’ll walk away from him.”
“I’m not implying anything. You want the truth? Are we playing our game of honesty?” I didn’t wait for his answer, “I’m not implying a damn thing, Max. I’m straight out telling you that I was about to tell you that I fucking love you, and you stomped all over me.”
“Walk away, then.”
“For what, Max? You don’t want me. You’ve made that crystal fucking clear.”
“Don’t swear!”
“Fuck!” I shouted in annoyance. Out of everything I just said, that was what he focused on. “I can’t do this.” I walked past him, darting straight to the double doors leading to my bedroom.
“What do you want from me, Alison?” Max shouted from behind, stopping me in my tracks.
“I want honesty, but clearly you don’t know how to do that. I’ll settle for being left alone. Let me heal. Let me forget, Max. Let me forget… you.” I paused before turning to him, my eyes almost spilling over. He took in my grieving state, quickly closing the gap between us and stopping when my hand landed on his naked chest.
I looked up at him, and my tears finally fell. His eyes betrayed him, mirroring my pain back at me as his thumb tried to brush away my tears.
“Please?” I plead in the most fragile of whispers.
He shut his eyes tightly, a flash of anger and pain taking over his face before he finally, and for once, did what I had asked.
He left me alone.