Chapter 7
Where are you? the dreaded dad text hit my phone the moment I left the junkyard and crossed the Wizard of Auto’s boundary. A flurry of other notifications popped onto my screen, the messages all blending together:
We’re ok!! Are you ok?
Come home this instant.
Your dad’s looking for you.
River, you need to answer. It’s Javi.
My heartbeat stuttered in my chest. Time itself seemed to stop.
He’s awake.
It was daybreak. My dad was livid I had been out all night, but at least Shanley, Mau, and the City Pack were alive—not good, but not dead. And my best friend, Javi, had finally opened his eyes after weeks in a medically induced coma.
Drop me a pin, we’ll take you to the hospital.
When a glimmer of red cut through the swells of dust and Shanley’s Honda rolled up the road that led to the compound—to the literal middle of fucking nowhere, where I’d bluntly been ordered by the dwarves to walk—I almost sank to my knees.
I slumped into the passenger’s seat, Mau filling me in on the aftermath of Crescent Rock from the back. Ivan fled, Chet fled, dozens of werewolves missing.
The world shot by in a blur of gold streaks and yellow fields. But my mind was racing faster.
The constant pulse of pain shooting up my arm, the vision of the Pearl smushed between my thoughts… I felt myself drawing inwards.
Was this how Ryder felt about me? I’d been his mark, his mission to hunt me inked onto his arm. Had I lined his every blink, his every breath, every beat of his heart—like the Pearl did mine?
A hand cupped my shoulder. “Riv, you okay?”
Mau’s hushed voice snapped me out of it. “Yeah.”
At least for now.
I gave them the lowdown of what I’d seen and heard at the compound—leaving the tattoo out. The werewolves had also heard rumblings about this so-called fringe group, but they weren’t so quick to believe the Wizard’s innocence in all of it.
“Bloodthirsty criminals,” Shanley growled.
“Sociopaths,” Mau spat.
“Cruel,” they both said. “Lawless. Vile.”
And those were the kinder words they used to describe the syndicate.
I slunk farther into my seat, hiding my wrist in my sleeve. What would they think if they knew I was one of them? Even if it was the last resort I had?
Shanley zipped into the hospital’s driveway, tires screeching as she pulled up to the curb.
“Want us to wait for you?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I’ll text my dad.”
Getting out of the car, my steps were so unsteady I thought I might faceplant, the blood rushing to my head. I went to close the door, meeting my reflection for a second—the haggard mess of my hair, the dirt and faint scratches streaking my cheeks, the flash of magic behind my blue stare.
I darted inside, that wild, lawless girl in the reflection haunting my thoughts.
She was me—but not.
Wiping my face, running my hands through my tangles, I rushed through visitor check-in, slightly surprised they didn’t turn me away.
I’d been here almost every day since the accident—since Javi had been infected with the Greater Demon’s hellish Source—the process so ingrained in my head I could probably find my way to him blindfolded.
I leapt up the stairs to the second floor, sprinted down the far-left corridor, and halted at the fourth room on the right. My hand stilled on the handle. On a ten count, I inhaled, holding it in—just like Dr. Fairmore would tell me to do—then released it and pushed open the door.
“Get the fuck out.”
His words hit me so hard, I staggered halfway out of his room. I didn’t expect the anger. I absolutely deserved it, but… I just didn’t expect it.
“Javi, I—”
“Don’t!” He held up his hand, and it killed me to see the pain from the movement flash across his face, as he accidentally tugged the IV taped in his elbow. “Don’t take a step closer.”
Still stuck in the doorway, I leaned against the frame. I hardly even recognized him. The dark circles under his eyes, the wan skin, the slur to his speech, the machines surrounding him…
“Javi, please. Let me explain.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Instead of their usual softness, his brown eyes were hard as he scoped me up and down. He paused on my bloodied collar, on the layer of dirt dusting my shirt, scrutinizing. “You look like shit.”
Probably should have done more with the baby wipe Mau handed me in the car, but it had lain limp in my hands because, even now, I could hardly concentrate on anything but the Pearl.
“Have you been up all night?”
I nodded, biting down on my lip, the burst of pain dulling the sharper pull of the tattoo’s magic.
“It’s so funny,” Javi continued harshly, with a cold laugh. “You’re standing in front of me but you’re like a ghost. I don’t recognize you. I don’t know you.”
“You do.” I took a cautious step inside. “I’m River. Your best friend—”
“A best friend wouldn’t lie. Wouldn’t pretend. Wouldn’t live a double life.” His words were like a dagger twisting between my ribs. “You’re no friend of mine.”
I shrunk in on myself, shoulders curling. My eyes burned.
What had I done? Who had I turned him into? The last time we spoke—before he ended up here—he was mad, confused, but he still… cared.
When I sent him my location the night of the demon attack, I hadn’t anticipated he would show up. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Maybe I didn’t believe he would come because if it were reversed, I’d have an excuse—too tired, too sad, too anxious—heart the text and go to bed.
But he was the better friend. The better person.
A single, silent tear slipped down my cheek. I blew out a shaky breath, fighting to keep the rest of them in.
“You’re upset?” He leaned forward, patterned gown slipping off his shoulder, a blistered, irritated scar poking out. “How do you think I feel?”
Chin dipping towards the floor, I bit back a sob, my lungs spasming.
“I had to defer my admission to UCSB. I have to learn how to walk again. I’m going to be stuck in this miserable place for months. Months.” His face twisted with pain. “Meanwhile, you get to go off and frolic and do whatever you want.”
Looking up from the scuffed tile, I took in the cold room around us. There was no color in this space. No vibrancy, no life. Not even a sliver of natural light made it past the closed curtains.
Guilt devoured me like a hungry, flesh-eating virus. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
“It’s not fair.” Javi threw himself back into the starchy pillows, the words hoarse—like he’d repeated them a hundred times before. “Are you even going to summer school, or did you give up on that, too?”
Too. Like I’d given up on life—given up on us. Given up on him. I just wanted to keep him safe, and I failed. Worse, I’d snuck around and kept secrets about my angel lineage, lied to his face about Ryder, and gotten him to hate me in the process.
“There’s a few weeks left,” I choked out.
His hardened stare turned glassy. “And what are you going to do after? You can’t work at Kona Coffee forever.”
“No.” Heat crept up my neck, scorching my face. “I can’t.”
What remained unspoken hung between us.
“Oh my God.” He shook his head, and it wasn’t disbelief that laced his tone—it was palpable disgust. “You got fired.”
“Right after the incident,” I said, almost too ashamed to admit it out loud.
“Figures,” he murmured.
“Do you want to know what happened?” I scooted closer, testing out the shorter distance. Maybe if I told him everything, from the beginning… It might not repair the damage, but at least he’d understand—I hadn’t even given him that chance. “That night at the Boardwalk?”
Another shaky step, then another, and another, until my legs hit the edge of his bed.
His upper body tensed. “It’s all my family’s been able to talk about this morning. The storm, River, her psychotic break, the fact that I never really mattered to her. I think I’ve heard enough.”
“They weren’t there.” A zing of relief softened the nerves. He didn’t remember Finis, the Source, the portal to Chthonia. “Don’t you want to hear what happened, from me?”
Air blew out from his lips with a sharp tsk. “You know, I could deal with a broken heart. I was going to shoot my shot regardless, and if it didn’t work out…” he shrugged, jaw tightening at the discomfort. “I can’t fault you for not loving me back.”
“But I did love you.” My words twisted into a cry. “I do love you.”
He held out his arm, blocking me from treading closer. “You’re entitled to your feelings, even if they’re messy. You know what I find unforgivable about all this?”
My fingers shot to my mouth, and I feverishly bit the nails as if I were a scavenger that’d gone weeks without food.
“Instead of being up-front, you led me on. Instead of being honest with me, you lied. And after thirteen years of friendship, of me being the only person you could rely on… you didn’t trust I would show up in your darkest hours.”
“I didn’t think you would…” I trailed off, stopping myself from proving his point.
“OF COURSE I WOULD COME!” The monitor next to his bed started beeping shrilly, the sound piercing my eardrums. “Because that’s what friends do, but I wasn’t a friend to you. I was just a placeholder until something better came along.”
I cupped my chin with my hands, placing my middle fingers on my earlobes to drown out the noise of the chirping machine. “That’s not true.”
He shook his head.
His mind had been made up.
And even if I knew in my heart his accusations weren’t true, my actions said otherwise. I was selfish. So selfish.
Unredeemable.
I whispered, “What do you want from me, Jav?”
One side of his mouth quirked up in an easy, dimpled, smile, and for a second, I thought I might be hallucinating.
“Honestly, nothing. Now go,” he ordered. “And please… just… don’t come back.”
The pain struck me like a gut punch, sucking all the wind from my lungs, hollowing me out.
Palm cupping my mouth and tears slipping down my face, I backed into the hall, stumbling past a smear of white coats and blue scrubs and automatic doors that didn’t open fast enough—