CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The week Jude was gone dragged for Angela. She’d tried to keep busy, even going so far as to order yarn online so that she could work on a knitting project.
“I could sell that in my on-line store,” Annie said, gesturing to the wool blanket in Angela’s lap. “Or if you want, you could make knitted baby things to sell.”
Angela ran her hand over the soft wool. “I think I might like to do that. Not for the money, of course. I would just appreciate having something to do.”
“I think it would be great,” Annie said. “Plus, you could make scarves and mitts for the shelter next winter too.”
The idea appealed to Angela quite a bit. Her preference might have been to do something with her baking, but that was a bit more challenging. Knitting things to help raise money or to donate to the shelter was a good second option.
She’d always enjoyed knitting, and if it gave her something to do while supporting a worthy cause, then it was a win-win situation.
“Why don’t you do a little research and see what kind of things you might want to make for the store?”
“Sure, I can do that,” Angela said, excited also at the prospect of working alongside her sister.
They still weren’t as close as she and Kiara were, and they might never be, but they were spending more time together. They were currently commiserating over the fact that neither of their boyfriends were at the estate.
Annie was more experienced in dealing with the separation since she and Cole were apart most of the time. He came to visit periodically, and she had gone to LA to attend some games, so they’d seen each other, but it wasn’t very often.
Jude was due back the next day, and Angela could hardly wait. They’d messaged and video chatted during the time he was away, but never for very long.
Her worry about him had abated a bit as the week had progressed. When she’d told Jude that she would be happy for any amount of time they could have together, she hadn’t been lying. But that still didn’t mean she didn’t want to have years and years together. Not just a few weeks.
“So, Jude is due back with Dad this afternoon, huh?” Annie said as she scratched between her dog’s ears.
“Yes, and I can’t wait.”
“No offense, but I find it incredibly weird that you’re dating Jude. I mean, I know we talked about it, but now that it’s actually happening… weird.”
Angela laughed. “Well, it doesn’t feel weird to me.”
“Jude has always been like that annoying, bossy older brother.”
“So you have two of those?”
Annie grinned. “Yeah. Though Julian doesn’t try to boss me around as much anymore.”
“Jude doesn’t really boss me around,” Angela said. “And neither does Julian.”
“So how does Jude get you to do things?”
“Like what things?”
“The self-defense training. The weapons training. Having to wear a gun.”
“Oh. Well, he’s always taken the time to explain to me why it’s necessary. He encourages me to just do my best.”
“I guess you’re more responsive to that than I was. Early on, I did what the security people told me to do. But later, as Benji got older, the demands started to feel more restrictive.”
“I grew up with restrictions that weren’t for my own good,” Angela said. “I know that what Jude is asking me to do is for my own benefit. I know what Jim is capable of, so I’d like to have the knowledge to at least give me a fighting chance against him and Craig, should I need it.”
Annie’s expression sobered. “That’s understandable.”
A weight settled on Angela’s chest at the thought of Jim and Craig and the threat they still presented to her and Kiara.
Though she’d had plenty of security around her at the estate, and she hadn’t left the grounds at all for the week Jude had been gone, she still felt like she wasn’t as protected as she was when he was around.
When Annie’s phone chimed with an alert, she looked at the screen and smiled. “It’s Cole. I think I’m going to head home and chat with him.”
“Thanks for hanging out with me.”
“I enjoyed it. We’ll talk about the items for the website later.”
Angela nodded, then watched as Annie tapped out a message as she left the solarium, Nyla at her heels.
In the silence left behind, Angela picked up the knitting needles from her lap. She continued to work on her project until her own phone let her know she had received a text.
Jude: Just getting ready to leave NYC. We should be home around five.
Angela glanced at the time. It was almost eleven, so six hours.
Can’t wait to see you! I’ve missed you so much.
Jude: I’ve missed you too. Do you want to get some dinner later?
Angela smiled as she read his question. I’d love to.
She had no idea where they’d go, but most likely, Jude already had a plan in mind.
Jude: See you soon.
Angela set her phone down and resumed her knitting, but she couldn't focus on the stitches. Her mind kept wandering to Jude, to the hours that remained before she'd see him again. Six hours. It felt like it might as well be six days.
She'd never felt this way before, this constant ache when someone was absent.
There had been times when Jim had put her or Kiara in punishment for a day, forcing them apart for the duration. That separation had been horrible, and she had felt intense relief when they were reunited.
This separation from Jude had been different. It had been like an ache that nothing eased. However, the anticipation of being reunited had built throughout the week. And now, all she wanted was to see him again.
She’d always heard the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but she’d never understood the full force of those words until now.
The ache in her chest since Jude had left was more than mere longing.
It was a constant, low-level hum beneath every moment, intensifying the closer she got to seeing Jude again.
Angela tried to distract herself with everything Annie had suggested—researching new knitting patterns, ideas for the website—but none of it dulled the restless anticipation inside of her.
She wondered if Jude missed her with the same intensity.
It was easy to imagine him focused and all-business while he was away, but she hoped there was at least some small space in his mind reserved for her, some private longing that mirrored her own.
Maybe he’d never say it—Jude was not the effusive type—but sometimes she caught a softness in his eyes when he looked at her, and it made her hope all the harder.
She’d never been in love before, and the feelings she had for Jude were overwhelming.
She’d read about love in books—the epic, all-consuming kind that upended lives—but somehow she’d never expected to find herself there, sitting in a sun-warmed solarium, her hands stilled over an unfinished knitting project, heart thumping in anticipation of a man’s return.
It was simultaneously intoxicating and terrifying.
More than once over the past week, Angela had caught herself spiraling into worry: Did she care more for Jude than he cared for her? Was she too needy, too intense, too eager for the next message or phone call?
The rational part of her knew she was being silly—they had only just begun their relationship, and neither of them was the sort to rush headlong into declarations. Yet the fear persisted, a thin thread through the days since Jude had left.
She wanted to believe she could be loved the way she already loved Jude. But did he feel the same?
He was so contained, so measured in his affections.
Sometimes she wondered if she was imagining the tenderness in his voice, or if his texts were short because he was busy or because he didn’t know what else to say.
Maybe he was just humoring her. Maybe, once the novelty wore off, he’d be indifferent or, worse, disappointed.
The separation had increased those fears, and she’d prayed every day that God would take that fear from her and give her confidence in what she was building with Jude.
She suspected that loving someone would always feel a little scary, and maybe that was okay. Maybe it was supposed to be that way.
Because what she felt for Jude—the love she held in her heart for him—was like nothing she’d felt before.
“What are you doing?”
Kiara’s question drew Angela from her musings. She looked over to see her sister walking into the solarium. Or maybe it was more of a shuffle. Kiara looked rough.
“Are you not feeling well?”
Kiara slumped down on the loveseat next to Angela. She wore her comfy oversized clothes, making her look a little sloppy, which wasn’t usual for her outside of her bedroom. Her curls were a mess, partly in a ponytail, but also spilling out around her face. Her pale face.
“Just didn’t sleep well.” She sank down further into the loveseat, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Because you’re not feeling well?” Angela asked. “Or is it something else?”
Though Angela had spoken to her about traveling to help fill her time, Kiara hadn’t jumped at the opportunity. However, she had gone into Serenity with Lucy, and she’d spent some time at the library and the bookstore.
She’d come home with a stack of books, finally able to buy the books she wanted instead of just getting them from the library. And for a short time, she’d been excited about the books.
However, the excitement hadn’t lasted, and whatever Kiara was struggling with had crept back in again.
“So what are you doing here?” Kiara asked, waving her hand at the wool in Angela’s lap.
She lifted the needles to show her. “I’m working on a baby blanket. Annie said she could put it up on her website to sell.”
Kiara frowned. “But you don’t need the money.”
“No, and Annie doesn’t either,” Angela said. “So all the proceeds from the website go to a shelter in Coeur d’Alene. It’ll give me something to do that also benefits someone else.”
“I suppose that’s good.”
“I think so. You could knit something too if you wanted.”
“I’ve never been as good at that as you have,” Kiara said.
“Only because you haven’t wanted to be.”