Chapter 12
CHAPTER
TWELVE
Good.” Talos chuckled, and then his face twitched. “Ah! We also have paperwork you still need to sign for the transfer of funds from your father’s estate. I’ve taken the liberty of making you another appointment.”
Seymour’s phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket, startled to find he had a new calendar appointment and texts from a contact that hadn’t been there before.
It was Talos with a little TV emoji.
Cute.
Sariel remained silent, his expression blank, but his halo and wings were fully visible now. His skin had a bit of a wiggly look to it, and his grip was firm as he pulled Seymour close.
It was a far cry from how he’d defended Seymour against the twins before, but Seymour had a feeling that even an angel might have trouble fighting a crazy robot god thing and his equally crazy king boyfriend.
It was the thought that counted, right?
“You will also need these,” Talos continued, and more texts came through. “I took the liberty of checking on the hooligans who fled from that nasty little club. Follow them. Find my brain. Quickly. Failure will not be tolerated. If you disappoint me, I will erase your very fucking existence from—”
“Darling!” Zolrya fussed from where he was stretched out in bed with the metal man version of Talos on top of him. He bucked his hips impatiently and whined. “What is taking so long? Aren’t you done yet?”
“Coming, my love.”
“Not without me, you’re not!”
“Never, my sweet beloved.” Talos smiled warmly, his screens floating toward Zolrya to join him and the metal body. “Are you all right? I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long. Tell me. What can I do?”
“I have a headache, and I tire of this.” Zolrya sighed and waved his arm dramatically. “It’s far too noisy in here. I want them to leave.” He flicked his fingers toward Seymour and the others. “Besides.” He flashed a wicked grin. “It’s been hours since you were inside of me.”
Talos returned the lascivious smile with one of his own. “Is that so, my beautiful little harlot? Hmm? Do you need to be filled again?”
“Yes, please.” Zolrya purred sweetly. “I ache for you, darling. Please, you have no idea how much I need you. Make me yours.”
“Oh, I will, my love. Until you’re trembling and dripping…”
“Yes!”
“Screaming my name to the heavens…”
“Please, yes!”
Day meowed in distress and covered her eyes.
Seymour turned around quickly, having a pretty good idea of what Zolrya and Talos were up to and wanting to be far, far away from it as fast as possible.
He had no doubt Talos would make good on his terrible threats, and he honestly felt sick to his stomach.
He had been hoping this meeting would mark the end of the whole working for monsters nonsense, but now it seemed he was in deeper than ever before.
“Okay, so what now?” Seymour grumbled. “We’re not just gonna stand here and listen to them fuck, are we?”
“Why not?” Vilanos teased. “They’re quite acrobatic.”
“So very flexible,” taunted Absolis. “Talos can change out parts of his anatomy as well.”
“To give the king whatever he wants.”
“Whatever he wants.”
Seymour groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Enough with all this bein’ weird and pervy for, like, five seconds. I need to—”
Zolrya moaned.
Loudly.
Sariel, who had not turned away yet, had the funniest look on his face. It was somewhere between disgust and intense intrigue. Like watching someone compete in a hot dog eating contest—
“Yes! My love!” Zolrya yowled. “Get it in there! Fuck! Suck it all down!”
His cries were accompanied by a distinct wet slurping sound.
Okay, the hot dog thing was probably not the best analogy because now Seymour couldn’t stop picturing green hot dogs and…
Ugh.
“I’m going back in the Inro,” Day fussed. “This is way too gross.”
“Take me with you?” Seymour said, only half joking.
“Do you really want to?”
“No, it’s all right, kitty girl.” Seymour sighed and gave her ear a scratch. “Go on. I’ll holler if we need ya’.”
Day nuzzled Seymour’s cheek and then vanished.
Seymour grabbed Sariel’s shoulders and turned him away from whatever the hell Zolrya and Talos were doing, asking curtly, “Hey. Can we finish this fuckin’ chat anywhere but here? Please?”
Vilanos and Absolis both pouted, but the weird world and the ongoing, presumably very freaky sex faded away in an instant.
They were back in Sariel’s kitchen, and Seymour sighed in relief. He sagged against the counter. “There. Yay. Everyone has their damn clothes on and no one is makin’ anybody into flowers.”
“You are safe.” Sariel hugged Seymour from behind.
Seymour clasped Sariel’s arm, glancing back at him. “You okay?”
“I have seen things I cannot unsee, but I am all right.”
“I don’t even wanna know, do I?”
“Probably not.”
“Ahem.” Absolis and Vilanos cleared their throats noisily. They were standing at the entrance of the kitchen, changed now into coordinating black glittering gowns with elaborate silver embroidery. Their jewelry, makeup, and even the fresh blossoms in their hair were silver too.
Seymour might have thought the flowers were pretty before…
But knowing what he knew now about faeries and flowers killed that idea immediately.
“Oh. Goody fuckin’ gumdrops.” Seymour feigned a smile. “You guys didn’t wanna stick around and watch the robot sex?”
“What does your little text say?” Absolis demanded.
“Yes, tell us.” Vilanos scowled. “What does it say?”
“Fuck if I know.” Seymour scowled right back. “The hell do you care?”
“Oh, we care a lot.” Absolis huffed, flicking his fingers angrily. “We have disappointed our king and his consort.”
Vilanos mirrored Absolis’s gesture. “This will not do.”
“Can’t let the old man down, huh?” Seymour rolled his eyes, but he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. “Right. ’Cause you’ve both been so very fuckin’ helpful.”
“We could be less helpful,” Absolis purred sweetly.
“If that’s what you’d like,” added Vialnos.
Seymour ignored them and read through his text messages. It was a long list of addresses, at least a dozen. He tilted the screen to show Sariel, who was still protectively hovering over him. “Any of this make sense to you?”
“They are physical locations,” Sariel replied. “Here in Somerstown.”
“Yeah, I can see that much, but—” Seymour flinched as his phone suddenly vanished from his hand.
Absolis held it now while Vilanos did the scrolling.
“Curious,” Vilanos murmured.
Absolis hummed in agreement. “Curious indeed.”
Seymour drummed his fingers loudly on the counter. “Gonna share with the rest of the class?”
“These locations are not exclusive to one brother’s territory.” Vilanos scrolled more. “The bakery, the tailor, and pub are ours.”
“The coffee shop is Q.’s,” said Absolis.
“Mr. Heiss owns the funeral home, two of these bars, and…”
“And?” Vilanos squinted.
“And.”
“Oh!”
Seymour stared. “Are you waiting for me to fuckin’ ask what has got you so excited?”
“One of these is the Inferno,” Absolis replied. “A monster establishment.”
“Two,” Vilanos corrected. “Kneadful Things is here as well. That is under Mr. Heiss as well.”
“Three!” Absolis gasped.
“Four!”
“Okay, okay! And these are all places Talos says these assholes are at?” Seymour snatched his phone back. “So, if we go there, we might find ’em?”
“He said he had taken the liberty of checking on them,” Absolis clarified.
“It’s difficult to say when said assholes may have been at these locations,” added Vilanos.
“But we know they were there.”
“At some point.”
“Or will be.”
“At some time.”
“Okay.” Seymour resisted the urge to throw his phone back at them. “So, these are places the assholes might be at now or places they already left? Places they’re going to?”
“Yes,” the twins said together.
“How the fuck is that even possible?”
“Time works differently in Faerie than it does here in the Terrestrial,” Sariel said. “It could be that Talos tracked signals for events that haven’t happened yet, and the monsters we seek have not even visited these places.”
“You’re sayin’ it could even be in the future?”
“Yes. Talos is a being of extraordinary technological power, but even his abilities are affected by the magic of his home.”
“We’ll take the bottom half of the list,” Absolis said with a sultry wink.
“And you can take the top,” said Vilanos, glancing over Seymour hungrily.
“Fair?”
“Yes, so very fair.”
“Oh, you mean you’re actually helpin’? Like for real?” Seymour wasn’t sure if he believed them. “Well, isn’t that mighty kind of you.”
“Yes, we’d better get started,” Absolis teased.
Vilanos grinned. “After all, Talos and His Majesty will expect results.”
“Soon.”
“So very soon.”
They wiggled their fingers in a little wave and then disappeared.
Seymour let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, turning so he could hug Sariel tight. “Fuck, I do not like those guys. Like, at all. Very low on my monster rankin’ list.”
“I imagine angels rank much higher.” Sariel hugged Seymour gently and rubbed his back in soothing circles.
“Right at the very top, Daddy.”
“Excellent.”
Seymour chuckled as he pulled back, doing his best to sort through the new whirlwind of information. “So, we got these places to scope out where bad guy asshole monsters might be now, might be later, or have already been?”
“Yes.”
“And the Wonder Twins are gonna help us look?”
“They seemed very humbled by their king’s verbal chastising. They may be sincere.”
“Okay, so—”
“Or they could be lying. It is difficult to imagine them wanting to do anything that does not directly benefit themselves.”
“Talos and ol’ Zolly-poo not destroying the city is a pretty big benefit, ain’t it? I mean, they were quick to jump in when they thought shit was gonna be set on fire and all that.”
“True.” Sariel kissed Seymour’s forehead. “I suppose I should finish breakfast, yes?”
“Honestly, not that hungry after… You know.”
“Ah.”
“Is it too early for liquor?”
Sariel checked his watch and then looked at the clock on the stove. “It is almost eleven o’clock.”