Chapter Five
Jesse
Dirk and Brody stare at me as I talk to Raffe on the phone. When I hang up, Dirk texts him, making sure he’s okay.
“Do you want me to run by there on my way home?” Brody asks.
“No. He’ll be alright.”
I glance around the room. It’s not the same without him here.
Elijah flips a chair around, joining us on the patio. “Who wants the tea?”
Dirk shakes his head. “How the hell does my daughter put up with you?”
“Well, I’ll tell you, but I don’t know how to say it without making you want to throw up in your mouth.”
“Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
Elijah makes a little mark on an invisible chalkboard.
It all makes me sigh. My mind goes back to worrying about Raffe. He’s lonely, even though he’s surrounded by people.
Elijah rubs his hands together, excited to tell us his gossip. “Someone, not saying who, overheard Lexie on the phone telling Maggie she has a letter for her from Rachel.”
This gets my attention. “It’s been years since Rachel passed. Why did Lexie wait so long?”
Elijah leans back in his chair. “Well, I’m thinking it’s because Grandma Maggie is getting hitched.”
Everyone sits up straight in their chairs.
Brody whistles. “I don’t know where you get your information, but that’s a mighty big assumption.”
“Well, it’s true. I talked to Jackson myself. Ray and Maggie announced their engagement at supper tonight.”
My mind goes back to Raffe. He didn’t say anything about any of this. “Does Raffe know about the letter?”
Elijah shrugs. “That I don’t know.”
“I got a letter too,” Brody admits quietly.
Everyone turns to look at him, but I turn toward Dirk. He’s never received a letter from his sister, and although he’ll never admit it, I know it hurts him. My husband looks tough. He acts even tougher, but the man does have a heart. I see it every day.
His gaze meets mine, and an entire conversation passes between the two of us.
When he stands and leaves the room, I follow. He heads upstairs, and as soon as we’re in our bedroom, he pours us a drink. We sit across from each other in the window seat, staring down at the lake.
“I’ve been thinking maybe it’s time for us to move back into your grandparent’s house,” he says after several minutes.
I glance around our dark room and then back at the lake. He reaches out and takes my hand, drawing imaginary hearts over my palm.
“Who will take care of this place?” I whisper, watching his inked finger trail over my skin.
“The club.” His gaze meets mine.
We’ve been living here ever since I found out I was pregnant with Billie Rose.
It was supposed to be temporary, but I just couldn’t leave my dad.
Dirk was understanding and even happy about it.
My husband has always put his heart and soul into this club.
I guess I just assumed we would always be here.
“This isn’t about Raffe, is it?”
He lifts his hand to the side of my face, and he cradles it. “No. If Raffe needs us, he’s more than welcome in our home, wherever that is. No matter where we go, we’ll always have an open door to him.”
I hold his hand against my cheek. “Why now?”
His mood-ring eyes stare deep into mine. “I want to know more about you.”
I pull my head back in surprise. “You know everything about me.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not true, and you know it.”
I’ve never held anything back from him.
“I want to see who you are when you let go. You spend every waking moment worried about everyone else. You’re constantly fighting to keep everyone in good head space. You feed, nurture, and love everyone in this club harder than anyone I know.”
“It’s what I do.”
“I know, and I’m not asking you to stop … but dammit, Jesse, when are you going to do all of that for yourself? I’ve watched you bust your ass for years. I want to know the Jesse on the other side of the club, and everything I’ve just said goes for myself too.”
“But I know the most efficient way …”
He stops me with a single finger over my lips.
“I want to lay in your grandparent’s back yard at night and stare up at the stars. I’ve known you all these years, and I still don’t know which one is your favorite.”
It makes me smile, because how do you pick just one when there are millions?
“I’ve loved every minute with you here at the warehouse. We’ve welcomed so many new faces over the years and said goodbye to a few. We ministered to this club in our own way, and we made a difference.” He shakes me lightly. “We made a difference.”
We stare at each other, remembering all of the good times and even the not so good. The two of us have been through a lot together.
“I want to be selfish with my wife.” The color of his eyes swirls to a deep blue, and his hand drops to my neck, pulling me close.
“Who will we be when it’s just you and me?
What things could we learn about each other if we were able to relax enough to be soft …
” His lips brush against mine as tenderly as his words.
A shiver runs down my spine.
He pulls away a fraction. “We could travel.” Another kiss. “We could take up hiking.” Another kiss. “We could leisurely make love every afternoon.” The kiss that comes after that suggestion is deeper, hungrier.
When he pulls away, his gaze searches mine. He’s made his case, and I have to say it was pretty convincing.
“You just want to let go of everything we’ve built here?” I ask.
“The club has a firm foundation.”
I press my forehead against his. What he’s saying makes sense. Everything I once enjoyed is starting to feel more and more like a chore.
“I’m not getting any younger, Jesse.”
He used to say that, and I’d laugh, but age has a way of catching up to us all. I’m beginning to feel the years too. I lean away from him. He’s still so goddamn sexy. Time hasn’t changed that.
“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” I ask.
The smile he gives me makes my heart melt. He knows he’s winning me over.
“Let’s hear it,” he coaxes.
“I’ve always dreamed of packing up and hitting the open road. Just you and me and the bike. We go wherever the wind blows us. Our only goal to chase the sun and rest under the moon.”
His eyebrow cocks up in interest. “Fuck, yeah. That does sound nice.”
“We live in the moment.”
When I pause, he continues the dream. “We’ll make a list of all of our favorite places. We’ll explore the world together.”
“And each other,” I add, pressing my lips to his.
“I love that idea most. When do we leave?” he asks.
This is crazy. “We aren’t really doing this, are we?”
“I want my wife to myself for a while,” he demands, his gaze narrowing on me.
Dirk’s attention always makes me feel a little dizzy, but in my heart I know he’s dead serious about all of this. He knows I’m burnt out. I’ve tried to hide it, but there is no hiding from him. Dirk is always lifting me higher and making room for me to grow. He always has my best interest at heart.
“Okay.” I give in, but I’ve got to be honest with him. “All of this terrifies me.”
“Good. Fear lets us know we’re still pushing boundaries. Isn’t that what Rebels do?”
A little ember of excitement lights inside me. “I guess it is.” I pull my shoulders to my ears, shy in a way I only feel with him. “I would love to have you all to myself.”
“You and me and the open road.”
“Let’s do it.”
He pulls me onto his lap and hugs me tightly. “I love you, Jesse.”
“I love you too.”