Chapter Nine
Jenny ~ Past
Rachel and I stare at the dark ceiling as we lie side by side on the bed in her hotel room. We haven’t said much to each other. She’s been in a constant state of internal struggle the entire night.
“Why are you here?” I ask suddenly, making her jump.
“I’m … I travel for my job. It was something I couldn’t put off.”
“So, the baby is with Raffe?”
“He is. I called them while you were in the shower. He’s doing great. Raffe is going to make a great father.”
“You can’t tell him.”
“Why?”
I shake my head and roll away from her. “I can’t watch him live the life I dreamed for us with someone else.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. “If you love him and he loves you … I’ll step away.”
This makes me sit up in bed and turn toward her. “Stop. Right now. I need to know that you’ll fight for them until your last breath. Don’t let me or anyone else put your family at risk.”
“But how can I lie to him?”
“You aren’t lying. You’re omitting. Totally different.”
She sits up beside me. “It’s not.”
“Are you telling me you’ve never lied to him?”
Rachel turns away from me.
“I can’t go back and not just because of the danger.” I grab her chin and force her to look at me. “They broke me, Rachel. I can’t be what either of them deserve or need. You can … you already are.”
Tears fill her eyes, and I see the torment this situation is putting her in.
“I’m sorry you found out who I was. I was supposed to be the only one to carry this burden. You are supposed to be at home enjoying your new baby.”
“And you? Where are you supposed to be? Because dead is not the right answer.”
She looks so tired.
“I don’t know, Rachel. I really don’t know.” I lie back, pulling her with me. “Let’s rest. We’ll figure this out tomorrow,” I tell her.
Shortly after that, I fall asleep. I can sleep anywhere. It’s something I taught myself to do. Sleep is better than reality any day.
When I wake up, I wonder if Rachel slept at all. She’s sitting at the hotel table by the window with a newspaper in her hand. Her gaze meets mine when I sit up and stretch.
“I think I’ve figured out a way.” She pauses, biting her lip.
I say what she cannot. “To make me disappear?”
Rachel holds up the paper. “Maybe you already have.”
I jump from the bed and snatch it from her hands. “The coast guard needs help identifying a young woman who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge,” I read out loud.
“If no one comes forward, she’ll be listed as Jane Doe,” Rachel surmises quietly.
We stare at each other. My heart is sad for the young woman, but her lonely death may have just saved my life.
Meeting Lily was fate.
Getting pregnant … fate.
Giving my baby to Raffe … also fate.
Could this be more of the same? Is this really my way out?
“My … well, I guess you could call them my adopted parents, they gave me some land. There’s a small house.” She pauses to scratch her head. “It was before I met Raffe. He doesn’t know about it. Not because I was hiding it,” she quickly adds. “It just never came up.”
“I don’t have anything, Rachel.” I wave my hand over my body. “This is the only thing I own. I can’t afford to buy a house from you.”
“I’ll gift it to you. We’ll need to get you a new identity,” she says, turning away from me like the conversation is already over.
A pang of guilt doubles me over, and I drop to the bed. I was supposed to run away with Lily. We had fake IDs and everything. It breaks my heart to leave her behind, but I always knew she’d be safer escaping on her own.
Later that very evening, Rachel is unlocking the door to the cutest little house in the woods.
“It’s not much …” she begins to say as we step inside.
I spin in a circle. “It’s perfect.”
She hugs herself nervously as I explore. It’s empty, but I don’t care.
“I’ll have my friend bring you everything we talked about as soon as I get things finalized,” she says.
“Don’t forget the contract about keeping this between the two of us,” I tell her, leaning over the old porcelain sink to look out the back window. It’s so overgrown there’s not much to see.
“Are you sure this is how you want it to be?” she asks.
I turn around and rest my butt against the counter. “It has to be. I’m not capable of being anything to anyone right now. I just …” I drop my head between my shoulders. “I just want to be alone.”
“Maybe that will change.”
“When I found you and Raffe in that folder of potential adoptees ...” I blink back tears, shifting away from her. “It was the happiest I’d been in a long time. I was finally able to repay him for the pain and suffering I caused.”
She tries to interrupt me, but I stop her.
“This is the only thing saving my life, Rachel. I can’t …” I shake my head. “It’s this or I go back to that bridge.”
“Okay, then.” She stands awkwardly by the door. “It feels weird leaving you here like this.”
“I don’t think that’s the strangest part of all of this,” I joke.
She steps toward me and presses a key in the palm of my hand. “If you ever change your mind.”
“I won’t.”
“But if Jackson needs you …”
“Then I’ll be right here. You can even include it in the contract, if it makes you feel better.”
“Okay,” she says, turning away from me and heading toward the door. She pauses before stepping out. “I do hope you live a happy life.”
“You too,” I whisper, knowing she will. How could she not?
A life with Raffe is the best thing I could ever imagine.