Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
LAUREN
I hold tight to Hannah’s arm as we get near the edge of the lake and pretend I can’t feel Romulus’s eyes burning into my back like twin brands.
He about took my breath away when I caught him checking me out earlier in the castle.
The heat that man was looking at me with was absolutely indecent—hungry and desperate and barely controlled.
My cheeks are still flushed, skin tingling.
Something I have a feeling Hannah doesn’t miss as she glances over at me with a knowing little smile.
“Ready?” she asks as we navigate the smooth, sun-warmed rocks at the lake’s edge.
I’m about to say yes when the water laps toward us and hits my ankles. “Holy shit, that’s cold!” I yelp, jerking back instinctively.
Hannah laughs, the sound bright and carefree. “Yep, you can never quite be ready for it the first time. It’s like swimming in Lake Michigan. Even in the summer, it’s absolutely freezing. But it gets better once you’re all the way in.”
“If you say so.” I don’t sound convinced even to my own ears.
I can’t help glancing over my shoulder. And yep, Romulus is right there at the shoreline, watching us with a now-stern expression on his face—jaw tight, wings folded rigidly against his back, arms crossed over that broad chest.
Somehow, that gives me the courage to wade forward. This at least gives me a reason to not mind the cold as much because heat is bursting in my cheeks and, more embarrassingly, low in my belly. A pooling warmth that has nothing to do with the summer sun.
When the water gets to my thighs, I decide to just take the plunge and dive forward.
The shock of cold steals my breath completely, my lungs seizing. I pop back up to the surface, gasping. “Oh my god!”
“It gets better the more you swim,” Hannah says, laughing at my expression.
“I fucking hope so!” There’s nothing else to do at this point except trust her because now even the air feels cold against my wet skin, raising goosebumps along my arms. So I start swimming vigorously away from shore, arms cutting through the water.
Hannah’s a little bit right. The more I move, the less absolutely frozen I feel. After maybe another ten minutes of vigorous strokes, I begin to feel all my body parts again, and Hannah and I are having actual fun as we race each other around.
The lake is absolutely gorgeous—a deep, dark blue that reminds me of sapphires.
It extends so far in every direction, surrounded by towering pines that seem to touch the sky.
The water is crystal clear, and I can see rocks and darting fish beneath the surface.
It feels wild and unreal to have so much natural beauty all to ourselves, like we’ve stumbled into some hidden paradise.
Eventually, Hannah and I turn around and head back the way we came. I try not to look at Romulus standing right at the shore, arms still crossed like a forbidding sentinel against the backdrop of the castle’s gray stone walls, but it’s nearly impossible not to.
My eyes keep drifting to him. The sun catches on his wings, making them almost shimmer. The way his tail rests against the ground, perfectly still. The rigid set of his shoulders.
Overhead, Abaddon and Raven fly in wide, swooping circles. Their wings beat in tandem, and Raven’s delighted shrieks echo across the water. I’m glad when we get closer that Hannah diverges away from the shore to swim on her back toward Kharon and Ksenia instead.
“How are you feeling, honey?” Hannah asks Ksenia, genuine concern in her voice.
For the first time since meeting the very pregnant woman, Ksenia has a peaceful smile on her face. Her large belly bobs just above the water like a small island, and her blonde hair fans out around her head like a halo.
“Amaaaaaazing,” Ksenia says, extending the word into a contented sigh.
Her partner lounges in the water behind her, one set of his six arms looped lazily under her breasts for support.
She leans her head back against his broad chest, eyes closed against the sun.
“I’m never leaving this lake. Ever. You’ll have to drag me out. ”
Kharon chuckles—a deep, warm sound—and kisses the top of her head tenderly. “Whatever you wish, my love.”
My chest clenches from seeing how sweet they are together, how devoted he obviously is to her. The way all six of his hands are positioned to support and comfort her. The gentleness in his dark eyes.
In the distance, Raven suddenly dives straight toward the lake like a tiny missile.
I gasp a little when she shoots into the water with barely a splash, but Hannah just laughs and shakes her head.
Especially when Abaddon follows right after his daughter with far more splash, his massive body creating waves that rock us gently.
They both pop up a moment later, shooting right back up into the air. They hover for a moment as their wings shake off the water like wet dogs might, droplets catching the sunlight and creating tiny rainbows.
Then Raven takes off straight toward her Uncle Romulus at the shoreline, skimming one tiny hand along the surface as she goes, creating a line of spray.
His stance finally changes. He holds up a hand in a stopping gesture, which doesn’t stop Raven in the least from splashing him as soon as she gets close. Her tiny, bell-like giggles ring out as she flies in circles around him, droplets flinging everywhere as she goes.
Romulus doesn’t laugh—his face remains stern—but he spins around, snatching at the air for her with both hands.
Which only makes her giggle more, the sound pure joy.
She keeps diving at him, and he jumps, reaching for her again and again, his movements surprisingly playful despite his serious expression. It’s clearly a regular game they play.
“She loves her uncle,” Hannah comments from where she’s treading water beside me, fondness in her voice.
“Oh.” I glance away, something uncomfortable twisting in my chest. “She’s so cute.”
I backstroke a little away from Ksenia and her man, needing space to think. Hannah follows me, always intuitive.
I look over at her, squinting in the bright summer sun that sparkles off the water. “Do you think it’s possible? What I’m attempting?”
Hannah’s eyebrow lifts, and she glances back toward Romulus, quiet for a long moment before responding.
When she speaks, her voice is thoughtful.
“Hmm. To tell the truth, I think the twins are more entwined than either of them wants to admit. And I think hating each other was probably the easiest way to deal with the life their father thrust them into.”
I flip onto my back, floating, as I contemplate her words. The sun warms my face. “How so?”
It’s amazing to be able to get insights from their family on the situation. It helps me feel more grounded when I’ve felt so swept away by emotions I barely understand—carried along by a current I can’t quite control.
“Remus is a rebel by nature, making situations worse just to make them worse.
And Romulus always took it upon himself to ‘fix him.’“ She lifts her hands out of the water to make air quotes, droplets running down her arms. “I think Romulus craves stability—order, predictability, control. Something he’ll never have with Remus.”
“Not necessarily,” I say, frustration leaking into my voice. “If they could just work together instead of constantly against each other.”
Hannah nods, though she doesn’t look particularly convinced. Her expression is kind but realistic. But then she looks at me—really looks at me, seeing past my bravado to the hope underneath. “If anyone could give them a reason to work together, it’s you.”
I frown at that, not sure how it makes me feel. Hopeful? Terrified? Both?
“If they could just talk to each other. Actually communicate.”
Hannah snorts—an inelegant sound that makes me like her even more. “Wouldn’t that be something? But they’re never awake at the same time. Something I think is frankly for the best. Sharing a body has got to be hard enough without having to actually face each other.”
“Hmm,” I say, not convinced. “Maybe.”
“Come on.” Hannah’s mood shifts, brightening.
“Wanna swim to the rock?” She points to a large, flat rock jutting out of the water really far out in the center of the lake.
“Everyone else is always flying around, and Ksenia’s been hugely pregnant all summer since the lake melted enough to swim in.
I never have anyone to actually swim with. ”
“Sure.” I smile, genuinely glad to get my mind off Remus and his troublesome twin as we take off through the water with strong strokes.
I’m even more glad for the long afternoon of swimming by nighttime because my muscles are pleasantly exhausted. I should sleep like a rock. I don’t want to toss and turn thinking about my absurd boy problems.
Except as I change into the silk nightgown Remus ordered for me before he disappeared into his brother, I find my mind spinning with thoughts of him anyway.
The fabric whispers against my skin as I pull it on—emerald green silk that pools around my thighs, barely reaching mid-thigh. Thin straps. A neckline that dips low.
What am I really even doing here?
I’ve started wondering if what I thought I shared with Remus was even real.
I felt so invested in it, in him, that I’ve fought tooth and nail to stay.
But after not being able to talk to him all day—each hour feeling like a week, time stretching endlessly—it’s way too easy to question everything. All of it.
And as lovely as his family is...
Maybe I don’t belong here. This has been a fairytale dream, hasn’t it? Maybe I’ve fought to stay because I don’t want to go back to my real life—back to my shitty apartment and dead-end job and the wreckage Michael left behind.
That’s not very lovely if it’s true. I don’t want to be the person who runs from her problems.
I always want to be the person who runs toward life, not away from it. I thought that was what I was doing here.