Chapter 9
NINE
PHOENIX
Layden, Sabra, and I stand at the center of another circle, trying for the I-don’t-know-how-many time to make something happen.
We’ve been trying once every other day or so, always with the same outcome. Vibrations occur as the concentric circles begin to spin in opposite directions, light beams up from Layden’s runes, and occasionally, an earthquake shakes underfoot.
Vlad banished us to a field far beyond the compound after our fifth try put a crack in the center stone of the courtyard.
So today, Sabra’s chalked a circle in the middle of an old asphalt road between fallow fields. It’s a street that leads to nowhere because Vlad bought out the contractor before he could start to build a planned neighborhood there.
“I think I really got it this time,” Sabra says excitedly as the circles start to spin.
“You said that last time.” I roll my eyes.
“I mean it. I found something in Mom’s old notes. She was only using the barest of circle magic once when she made contact with the other side using a rare arcane equation. She’d scratched it out in the grimoire, but I finally figured it out.”
I turn to look at Sabra, which is difficult considering the tiny circle the three of us are standing in. “If she scratched it out, maybe that was because she thought it was dangerous.”
Layden’s eyes ping back and forth between the two of us as Sabra faces off with me.
“Or really powerful,” Sabra says, eyes shining with reflected light as the runes Layden laid on top of Sabra’s work begin to leap and arc all around us.
“Shit,” I say, glancing at Layden. Maybe if we call this off now, we can stop anything bad from happening.
But right then, a white mist suddenly gathers over our heads, and a beam of light shines down from above.
Layden’s whole body goes ramrod straight, and his head tilts back at an unnatural angle as he looks up.
“Layden!” I start to reach for him, but Sabra holds me back, wrapping her arms around me.
“Don’t!” she cries. “Look, it’s happening!”
“What?” I struggle to get out of her grasp, but she just clenches tighter.
“Stop it,” she says. “And don’t step out of the circle.”
Does she mean stepping out of the circle could do something even worse to Layden? I stop wrestling with her as we tip dangerously toward the outer rim of the central circle, near the whipping ring that’s spinning faster than ever around us.
And I really get a good look at Layden. Not only is his whole body stiff, head staring up at the mist, but there’s a white film now covering his eyes.
“Oh my god! What’s happening to him?”
“It’s okay,” Sabra says. “He’s just making contact with the other side.”
I glare at her, our faces only inches apart since she’s still got me in a bear hug. “What the fuck does that mean? Why is it only happening to him?”
“His runes were always directing us toward the realm his curse was from. This just means we finally found it.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” I bark. “You’re just guessing. All of this is just an experiment. I never should have let you—”
“What?” she asks, finally releasing me. “You never should have let me, what?” She shakes her head furiously.
“When are you going to get that this is my life and my gift. Not everything is about you. I know that’s hard to get through your thick head, but I know what I’m doing.
And I’m good at it. It’s not your job to protect me or let me do anything. You’re not my freaking mother.”
Is she really going to stand here arguing with me when Layden is catatonic like this? “It’s not about either of us,” I cry. “Look at him!”
Sabra does, not seeming worried at all, then she looks back at me. “I’m giving him what he asked for. He’s making contact with the realm his curse came from. I’m helping him find a cure.”
“He looks like a zombie. How is that helping him? Have you seen this happen before?”
Sabra stands steadfastly. “I trust the process.”
I look back at Layden, feeling helpless.
His face is lifeless. Is the glaze over his eyes getting thicker, or was it always that white?
Can I really trust Sabra to know what she’s doing?
She’s been obsessed with her mother’s grimoires the past few weeks, but I’ve seen some of them before, especially the later ones.
They look like nothing more than the crazed scribblings of a mad woman trying to hold onto her sanity.
Entire notebooks were full of arcane symbols, sometimes drawn in spirals to the edges of the pages.
Interspersed with drawings of monsters dripping with blood.
“Oh my god, you’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Sabra says.
I whip my head around to look back at her. “What? No.”
“You are,” she says, eyes wide. “You love him.”
“Stop it. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She just shakes her head. “If this works, then he’ll be able to leave here, and you can’t stand that. You’ll be alone again.”
I blink, the cruelty of her words hitting me deep in the chest. “Do you hate me so much? I never meant for you to be… trapped with me. I thought we were friends. It was Vlad that kept you and your mother imprisoned here—”
“We both know that’s bullshit!” she screams with her whole chest. “It was you all along who did this to my family. You created Vlad! It’s always been about what you wanted and what you needed. You’re fed by him, and he preyed on us. You did nothing to stop it.”
“What could I do?” I throw my hands out, only to be knocked back painfully by the spinning ring around us.
“Something. Anything! You’re a powerful spirit from a nether realm, but you pretend to be a weak little girl.”
“I was born as a baby into a human body! I was just a kid when I met you.”
She rolls her eyes in disdain. “You’re a god in a human suit. You were never a child. You just pretended and let yourself forget who you really are. I needed help. My mom needed help, and you stood by and did nothing. You trapped us all!”
Tears sting my eyes. “I tried to get you out.”
“It was too late.” The bitterness in her words is biting. But she’s right. Her mother died, and I did nothing to stop it or to help. I didn’t think I could help.
But was that true?
I didn’t really try. I felt as trapped by my grandfather as she was. That was the story I told myself, anyway.
Is she right? In reality, was I the one trapping myself?
I open my mouth to say something, to defend myself or beg for forgiveness—I’m not sure which—when suddenly, the light beaming down from above cuts off, and Layden’s body shudders. His head lowers, and his whole body blurs in and out of focus as the spinning rings around us slow down.
“What’s happening?” I shout.
“Just wait!”
Layden continues to shimmer, and when the circles around us slow and finally stop orbiting, he’s covered in fine gold dust.
Sabra starts bouncing up and down, a hand across my chest as if holding me back. “Don’t move,” she whispers. “Don’t touch him.”
My emotions are all over the map after the fight with her and my fear about everything happening to Layden, but he’s finally blinking awake, and his body looks solid again.
“Layden! Are you okay? What happened?”
He looks around like he’s not sure where he is and then shakes his head, some of the gold dust sifting off.
“Wait, no!” Sabra says. “Don’t move!”
Layden nods, more gold dust sifting down.
“I said, don’t move,” Sabra barks, hurrying across the lines of the now still circle that has apparently become regular ground again.
Layden just looks at me, still blinking like he’s reorienting himself. All I want to do is throw my arms around him. I’m so glad he’s okay. Which makes my chest clench in all sorts of ways. God, is Sabra right? Am I in love with him?
Our eyes stay locked, neither of us saying anything until Sabra rushes back with a bag. She pulls out several little sample bottles, shoving a couple in her pockets and lifting one to Layden’s face along with a tiny brush.
Like an archeologist, she brushes the gold dust from his forehead and cheeks into the sample bottle.
“Can I talk now?” Layden asks, and I’m so fucking relieved to hear his voice.
“Yes,” Sabra says, forehead scrunched in concentration, “But otherwise don’t move. Stay as still as you can. We don’t want to lose a single particle.”
“What happened?” I ask again. It takes everything in me not to reach for him. “Are you okay?” I’m pissed that Sabra is more concerned with gathering particles than making sure he’s alright.
“Yes, I am okay,” he says, blinking. “I think.”
“Tell us everything,” Sabra demands as she gathers the gold dust from his shoulders.
He takes a breath, eyes widening a little in wonder. “One second, I was here, and then it was like I was lifted out of my body and tumbling over and over and over in space. At first it was dark, and then it was light. So, so bright. And beautiful.”
His eyes land on me again. “I wish you could have seen it.”
I smile, feeling awash in relief. I guess I was worried for nothing. Sabra was right; she did know what she was doing.
“Did it feel like a physical realm?” Sabra asks. “Was there land or beings who moved in a physical space?”
Layden nods. “Yes. Both.”
“Beings?” Sabra squeaks. “You contacted spirits?”
Layden nods. “Just one.”
“Did you ask about your curse?”
Layden’s eyes drift to the side, again full of wonder. “I talked with a being of light. They had a physical body, I think, but they were so bright I could hardly make them out with my eyes. I was sort of drifting at that point. Still in my body but out of it at the same time. We… spoke.”
“What did you say?” Sabra presses. “What did it say?”
“Sabra,” I chide. Layden looks pretty out of it, and all she can do is demand information. “Maybe he needs to sit down and rest a while. He doesn’t need an interrogation right now.”
Sabra looks affronted but continues furiously moving around Layden’s body, moving onto a second little bottle after she fills and caps the first with cork.
“I’m not even sure I could tell you all that was said,” Layden relays. “But I think I’m free of the curse. Or at least, of not being able to control it.”
“What?” Sabra and I ask at the same time.
“How?” she asks.
Layden looks down. “I drank from a stream while I was there.” He lifts his eyes back up, and there’s a strength and confidence there I haven’t seen in him before. “I’m cured.”
“An elixir from the realm the curse came from.” Sabra nods.
“Of course. Things like that have been written about.” A line appears between her eyebrows as she finishes filling another bottle and holds the first up, full of sparkling, otherworldly golden material.
Her eyes gleam. “I wonder what kind of potions we can make with this.”
I frown. Sabra seems satisfied, but I know Layden, and it seems like he’s holding something back. Then again, I was the one saying we shouldn’t interrogate him, so I don’t press.
It’s starting to get dark out, and five full sample bottles later, Sabra’s finally willing to let Layden out of the circle.
“Take off your shirt,” Sabra says. “I’ll soak it and save the water for potions. I don’t want to lose any of it.”
I roll my eyes, but Layden accommodates her willingly, pulling his shirt off over his head. I avert my eyes, but not before getting an eyeful of his wide, muscled chest, abs, and the sharp V that cuts down to—
Yeah, um. That’s when I finally jerk my eyes away from him.
“Whoa. What’s wrong with your back? I thought I felt something weird poking up through your shirt.”
“Jesus, Sabra!”
I look back only to find Layden turning quickly so his back is hidden. But his face is down like he’s ashamed. Not that Sabra notices. She just keeps giving orders. “Jeans, too.”
Layden starts unzipping his jeans, and I have to spin away again as my cheeks go thermal nuclear.
This makes me think about what Sabra said about me being a god in a human suit. A sinking feeling fills my stomach. It’s a very convincing human suit. It reacts and feels and is constantly yanked back and forth by its physical needs and driving emotions.
Most times, I forget there was a world before. Because Sabra’s right.
I try to forget the before.
“Come on, let’s get back. I want to start testing the properties of this,” Sabra says. She starts walking determinedly to the car. I follow, not looking behind me since I know Layden’s just in his boxers and shoes.
“Do you feel hungry?” Layden asks Sabra.
She stops in front of me, then turns back, beaming at him. Obviously, she has no compunction about looking at him in his unclothed state. “No. And we’ve been out here for hours. Usually, my stomach would have started cramping a long time ago.”
I blink at the ramifications. “Congratulations,” I say to Layden. “You did it. I’m so happy for you.”
I say it with feeling because I want to mean it. I hope I mean it. But after the confrontation in the circle with Sabra, all I feel is mixed emotions. Stupid human suit.
“Yeah,” Layden gushes, all smiles and excitement. “We did it. Thank you! Both of you. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
We all clamber into Sabra’s car, Sabra and I in the front and Layden in the back. I lift my passenger’s side visor mirror to look at him, adjusting it so I only see his face. “I’m so proud of you,” I tell him, and he smiles wide.
He reaches a hand up and squeezes my shoulder from the back seat behind me. I feel the touch all the way to my toes.
“So,” Sabra asks as we pull out of the parking lot and onto the road. “What will you do now? The world’s your oyster. You can go anywhere you want. Do anything.”
I frown, and Layden’s gaze connects with mine again in the mirror.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I’m not in any hurry.”
I look down and readjust in my seat, pulling my shoulder away from his touch. He withdraws his hand.
You trapped us all. Sabra’s words echo in my head. Is that what I do?
And always Vlad’s voice. Are you a selfish little girl?
I see myself like a spider in that other dark, frigid realm. Waiting and spinning, patient for so long, selfishly drawing human after human into my web and feeding on their life force.
Oh, I got myself into the human realm eventually, all right, as they fed on others, an unending hunger. But only so I could keep trapping victims in my net and using them for my own gain. By then, it was all I knew.
I look back at Layden, smiling in his new freedom.
Once, Sabra and I were best friends. More than that, we were like sisters. And now she hates me.
Would Layden start to hate me eventually, too, if I asked him to stay?