Chapter Five
Without memory, there is not healing.
Without forgiveness, there is no future.
~Desmond Tutu
The Farm. Two words he’d never expected to hear out of Jasmine’s mouth.
Hell, when they’d first met and she’d looked like a junkie, that’s what he’d assumed and he’d rolled with it.
Even at their last meeting at the courthouse, he still wouldn’t have pegged her to be someone who’d had the training he’d gotten later.
He didn’t push her, gave her the extra time it was obvious she needed. And not just her. Lance swigged some back as well, needing a few additional moments to wrap his head around this.
Even when the silence dragged on, he waited, the pain in her eyes too real for him to ignore.
“I was good.” Her voice low but shaky. “Damn good.”
He could see the truth in her simple words.
This woman held herself to a standard he never would have expected when he first met her.
Still, he hated the pain that lingered even though he had no doubt she worked hard to erase it.
And that knowledge she was still hurting after all this time, whatever the reason made him want to fix it for her.
There existed something deep inside Lance that made him want to pull her into his chest and hold her.
Give her his strength. Protect her. Possess her.
Locking down his limbs, he didn’t move. While the comfort would be offered, this woman was a firecracker in his arms and it would change to something sexual and he needed to hear this from her. Had to know what was going on.
Even so, he didn’t rush her. This revelation wasn’t something he would ever force her to divulge at the speed he wanted. He had to let her pick her own.
“We had an op in,” a shrug, “guess it doesn’t matter where it was. Multi-agency, blah blah, you know how it goes. Typically, the more letters involved, the stickier the situation becomes.” A deep breath. “And the more likely it is for a leak.”
He really didn’t like where this was going.
“There was a leak, and the entire op went sideways. Not just a little oops, we have a bit more paperwork to do and make it go away. More like a zombie apocalypse would have been welcome instead of what we went through. Agents died, covers were exposed, and some of us were left out to dry on our own.”
What the fuck?
“Who left you out to dry?” Anger vibrated through him.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Was it Robert?”
“No.”
He held her gaze, desperate to confirm she spoke the truth.
“Him I met after Caro came into my life. And it turned out he was part of the group who had left me to fend for myself. Who burned me.”
“You said he wasn’t the one.”
She shrugged without a shred of remorse. “He wasn’t the only one. But part of it, yes.” Jasmine fell silent and he didn’t doubt she was figuring out how much to tell him. He wanted to demand she spill all of it, but one simply didn’t force Jasmine to do something she didn’t wish to.
Shit was clicking in his head. “So when I met you that first time, you had no one. You weren’t really a junkie, but a Fed who’d been hung out to dry.”
She shook her head, lips pursed, and held her hands up briefly.
“I was a junkie.” Jasmine held his gaze without flinching, without trying to hide.
“I’ll not make excuses for that time in my life.
I fell into the life I’d been a part of for so long but without that anchor, it consumed me.
I wasn’t strong enough to fight it off until I found Caro.
” She pushed a hand through her hair. “I was an ex-federal agent who had zero ties to anyone. No history, because all of mine had been wiped aside from what I’d created.
I agreed to go into WitSec after testifying so Caro could get back to her life. ”
“Robert.”
She nodded. “I don’t trust him. The man’s a fucking incompetent asshole. I’m not an agent any longer but I hope to hell you have another backup plan in place.”
“What did he do to you?”
Her indecisiveness to tell him wasn’t difficult to spot. It took a short time but she shook her head. “No. I’m not willing to use my experiences with the man you are supposed to trust at your back. People can change so perhaps he has. I will never trust him, but you have to make up your own mind.”
Holy fuck, this woman. After all that man put her through, she still encouraged him to make up his own mind. Personally, he would have burned him to the ground. Lance strode to her, maintaining eye contract.
“So if he’s not good anymore, I’ll be out there with my ass exposed.”
Her fleeting smile pushed heat through his veins.
“Now I wouldn’t complain, you’ve got an awesome ass. But you’re not going to be alone. I’ll have your back.”
Gazes locked, tension high, she waited in silence and the words took longer than usual to slip free.
“Good to know, Jasmine.”
Cupping her chin, he held her still as he lowered his mouth to hers. Needing just one taste. Even as he did so, Lance knew he lied to himself. One taste of this woman wasn’t ever going to be enough for him. More, he always wanted more. Craved her taste to be with him once they were apart.
Somehow he found the chops to break off the kiss that had ratcheted up in intensity immediately. Her eyes, a bit hazy, watched him, and he gave her a small smile, loving the way she reacted to him.
“Tell me the rest.”
“You know how it is when an agent is burned. Life isn’t easy and I had made a good number of enemies while I was under. So I had battles on my hands. Daily.”
Unease made him want to puke. He again forced himself to stay still. All he had to do was listen. Jasmine had lived it.
“I paid off debts, did things I’m not proud of, but I had to survive.”
“Why didn’t you stay in WitSec?”
She watched him without responding, merely cocked an eyebrow.
He got it. “Carolyn.”
“I was horrible to her, stole and set her up to take the fall with Declan. Even got her shot.”
He nodded. He’d been there when Caro’d taken a bullet.
He dug his short nails into his palm to keep from reaching for her. “But you were there when it counted.”
“I’ve never had family before. To find out one day after being alone that you have a twin you’ve never met, it changes everything.
At least for me it did.” She put some distance between them and pushed her hands in her pockets.
“I refused to lose that. WitSec, you know how it is. I wouldn’t be able to have any ties to her.
I’d never get to see my nephew grow up. I couldn’t do that. ”
“So you live in the shadows? How is that being in her life?”
The punch hurt, he saw it when she flinched.
“I don’t trust the government. That’s what WitSec is.
I refuse to give people that much control over me again.
Especially a group that can change their mind in an instant and leave me exposed, alone and helpless.
They help as long as you have something to barter with but if you are an inconvenience, or they don’t like you, you’re cut loose. ”
He understood that but still, it chaffed to think of her having to have been out on her own for this long.
“You’re good.”
A sexy smirk. “I’m fucking incredible.”
“I tailed you.”
“And I found out.” A shrug. “Here we are.”
He closed the distance she’d created and continued backing her up until the wall behind her stopped farther retreat.
“It’s not going to be pretty.”
“Never expected it to be.”
“What happens when this is over?” He pulled her shirt from her pants and inched it up her body.
“I go somewhere else. I suspect you have something waiting for you back where you belong.”
He didn’t know about that anymore. He’d busted his ass to make detective, sure. But this undercover op had changed a lot of his perspectives. All the dirty cops there were, how justice wasn’t blind, and more.
Removing her shirt, he stared at her breasts in the plain white bra she had on. How could one thing be so sexy?
“Maybe.” That was the only allowance he would give. “Right now, I think you should ride my cock and tell me what the plan is.”
She leaned forward and nipped his lower lip. “I like that idea. Strip.”
An order he had no problem following.
* * * *
At the end of their days without Dusan back in their life, they lay together on Lance’s bed, Jasmine slumbering against him.
Her mouth was by his nipple and each exhale put him in another level of hell.
His body ached for her but he also knew she didn’t get the best sleep so he left her alone, slowly extracting himself from her body.
He carefully drew a pair of workout pants on over his morning wood and walked to his kitchen.
He had started the coffee when the door swung open and he found Dusan along with his two bodyguards standing there.
“You do know there is such a thing as knocking, right?” He walked out of the kitchen and watched as the bodyguards looked down at his cock then back to his face. “We still have this day.”
Dusan shrugged. “Plans have changed. Where’s your woman?”
“Right here, wondering why the fuck you’ve busted in here when I’ve not gotten my cock this morning?” Jasmine’s voice pulled their focus.
He glanced to his left and saw her there, sheet tucked under her arms and a gun in one hand. Her hair was a tangled mess that spoke of being loved hard and often, and it made him want to bend her over and let that hot pussy suck him in once more.
Dusan’s lips curved up. “You like sex? Maybe my men want a turn.”
Anger spit through Lance.
Jasmine snorted. “I’d hate for your son to lose the only smart person in his life.” She gestured with the gun. “You tell them to come after me like I’m slut on the auction block and I will put a bullet between your eyes. Then fight them. Either way, you die first.”
“I have mentioned to you, Lance, how bloodthirsty your woman is, right?”
Lance moved toward her. “I’m aware. Where are we going?”
“A place you need more clothing than this.”
“But casual?”
“Yes, jeans will be fine for you both.”