6. Played Like A Fool
6
PLAYED LIKE A FOOL
ANSEL
“H onestly, you’re an asshole and an idiot,” Charlie informed me when we met for drinks at The Dead Rabbit, since Sterling employees didn’t usually frequent it.
The bar was a far cry from the sleek rooftop bars where most finance guys liked to throw their weight around, which was why I liked it.
The ground floor, the Taproom, was casual and packed with people unwinding after work over pints of Guinness, so we went to the Parlor upstairs, where the cocktails were legendary, and the noise was just low enough for a conversation that, judging by my friend’s expression, was going to be unpleasant for me.
“Tell me something I don’t know.” I swirled my old fashioned, the scent of orange and whiskey rising as Charlie gave me a look that said he was about to enjoy tearing into me.
“How could you fall for Vanessa’s bullshit?”
“We’re friends…were friends,” I mumbled.
“She’s not your friend. You know she wanted your promotion.”
“Well, we’re peers so, yeah.”
“No, Ansel, she thought she was getting it and then she found out she wasn’t. Patrick didn’t think she was ready.”
I took a sip of my drink and set the glass down. “She isn’t ready.”
“Look, Ansel, you’re good. No doubt about it. But we all need people around us who make us better. Neha made you better. How come you didn’t see that?”
I groaned at that. “I did see it…but…having her also made me feel insecure. I didn’t want a crutch.”
Charlie gaped at me like I’d said the most stupid thing he’d ever heard.
“I was insecure, okay?” I choked out.
“No shit, Sherlock,” he muttered. “Come on, man, you’re smart, you know that having good people around you only makes you better and more successful.”
“You’re right, I’m an asshole.”
“Vanessa got rid of Neha so you’d fail.”
I flinched at that. “How did she think that would happen?”
“Losing an assistant who did all the things Neha did, she hoped would lead you to make mistakes. Then they’ll get rid of your stupid ass, and she’ll get your job.”
“That’s some devious shit.”
“Vanessa plays the long game.” Charlie raised his glass in a toast. “Not the first time and not the last, she does someone dirty.”
“So, everyone knew that Neha made me look good?” I asked, feeling just a tad defensive.
“Sure! But you know who makes Patrick look good?”
“David?” I muttered.
David was my boss’s assistant. He helped Patrick like Neha helped me. Since I started working for Patrick, I’d seen their dynamic closely.
“I’m a fucking moron.”
“Yep.”
I sighed. “But it was more than my insecurities.”
Charlie cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, you mean the way you were smitten with her?”
How the fuck did he know?
“I never crossed a line,” I exclaimed. “ Never .”
He let out a slow breath. “Not saying you did, Ansel. But you both had chemistry and I for one thought you would end up together, eventually. But then I know you better than most.”
“Not as well as Vanessa does,” I retorted laconically, “since she played me like a harp.”
Charlie laughed at that. “You know you’ll be fine without Neha.”
“I know. But it’s an adjustment, and I feel like a dickhead for treating her the way I did. There’s no excuse.”
“Immaturity is an excuse,” he mused.
“I’m thirty-two, Charlie, I’ve got no business behaving like a teenager.” I pressed back into my chair and closed my eyes for a moment. “How is it that Vanessa knew Neha was my biggest asset while I was trying to pretend my dick was bigger than it is?”
He drank some more of his IPA. “According to my wife, men are dumb as doorknobs.”
I scoffed. “ Knob being the operative word?”
Charlie nodded somberly. “Look, Vanessa baited you, fed you just enough bullshit about how it wouldn’t look right if you kept Neha on, how she was too involved in your work, and how she was half in love with you.”
“And I bought her bullshit hook, line, and sinker.” I finished my drink. “You know, since Neha left, I feel lonely…I’ve never felt lonely in my whole life. I feel like I’m scrambling, drowning in a mess I created.”
“Sucks doesn’t it to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it?”
“Mightily,” I admitted.
I’d let myself be manipulated. I’d let my fucking ego keep me from questioning myself, so, instead of protecting the person who had been in my corner from day one, I’d thrown her away like she was nothing.
But Neha wasn’t nothing . She was everything . And now she was gone.
“I don’t even know how to fix this,” I told Charlie, feeling desperate. “I don’t know where to start.”
“I think a good place would be for you to ask yourself, what you want?”
I pondered that for a long moment. “I want Neha back.”
“As an assistant?” he inquired.
I was going to answer automatically, “ Yes,” but then stopped myself. My brain may have been saying I needed Neha in the assistant’s chair so I could continue to be good at my job, but my heart was saying something entirely different.
“No, not as an assistant.”
Charlie grinned. “Then maybe all this worked out for the best as HR at Sterling takes the non-fraternization clause in the employee handbook damn seriously.”
“I spoke harshly about her to Vanessa. I was cruel. I doubt Neha will give me the time of day.”
“You’ll never know until you try.”
“Try what?” I asked exasperated.
“You may want to invest in knee pads,” he suggested.
“Huh?”
“You’re going to have to grovel a lot if you want your girl back,” he explained.