Chapter Nine #2
I took the main hall all the way to the main kitchen, smelling fresh coffee, drawing me like a beacon.
I needed a hit of both. For a minute, all I could think about was the last time I’d held Tessa, the way her body molded to mine, her pulse skipping fast under my hand.
The smell of her, the grit and fire and the way she didn’t compromise with what she wanted.
The door opened and Tessa entered the kitchen, bare feet slapping the hardwood floor as she padded into the kitchen. She glanced at me, then averted her gaze. I wanted to grab her and pull her against my chest but didn’t know how she’d take the move.
She poured a mug and faced me across the kitchen island. “That was a lot of angry men in one room.”
I snorted. “You could feel it from upstairs?”
“Kinda hard to miss.” She glanced at the window, then back at me, eyes hard but clear. “You hit a wall?”
I wanted to lie. Wanted to with every fiber of my being, but I knew that, if she found out, I’d lose her trust forever. “The inside. There’s no accurate architectural designs, and we can’t see inside.”
She sipped coffee, absorbing. Then she set the mug down, carefully, nodding like she’d known this was coming.
“I can do it. They held me inside. For three days. I was moved twice, but I remember every room, every corridor, every fucking sound.” She stared at the wall behind me, not blinking.
“If you give me paper, I’ll draw it. You’ll have your map.
I’m sure you’ll need more, but something’s better than nothing.
Yes?” She met my gaze boldly and with determination.
The hit landed hard. Not enough to stagger me physically, but the taste of it cut deep and metallic on my tongue. I didn’t want her anywhere near that place. Not again. Not even in her memory. And when she kept talking, I stopped her. Just not for the reasons I imagined.
“Wait. Stop.” When she gave me an exasperated huff, I shook my head.
“I mean, just hang on. You’re going to need to tell all this to Knight so you only have to do it once.
” I sighed and stared at her for a long time.
“You’ve got some pretty detailed descriptions there, Tessa.
Zig-zagging corridors, heavy steel doors.
How do you know about the one-way glass? ”
“Because I knew my life could hinge on being able to find my way out of that place and being able to stay hidden along the way.” She tapped at her temple. “I already had a really good eye for detail. I taught myself to get better. That way, even when they drugged me, I could remember details.”
“How do you know you’re not misremembering? You were drugged and beaten pretty badly.”
“There were times I wasn’t drugged. And even beaten, I still had my wits. The only memories I don’t trust are when I was drugged. I learned quickly to comply as much as I could, so I didn’t get drugged. For that very reason. I needed to know where I was and what the dangers were.”
I put my hand flat on the kitchen counter. “You can brief the team, but you don’t go inside. You will stay here where I know you’re safe.”
She cocked her head. “Why?”
“I know what it takes to survive a place like that.” My hand curled, white-knuckled. “You don’t need to bleed for us twice.”
She let out a slow breath. “That’s not your decision, Tonio.”
Before I could answer, another voice cut in -- softly but carrying. Carrie entered from the side door, hair pulled back, sleeves shoved to her elbows. She didn’t look at me. She spoke to Tessa, but the words were for me.
“They always say it’s for our own good,” Carrie said.
“That we’re too valuable to risk. Too fragile.
Too broken. But what it really means is, they can’t handle watching you get hurt and not being able to stop it.
” She smiled. “They know how strong we are. They don’t really believe all the bullshit they tell themselves.
It’s just their justification for pissing us off.
” Carrie set her hands on the table, leaning in.
“You want her out because you care, Antonio.” Her voice dropped, growing colder as she went on.
“She survived éclipse. You can’t take this away from her if she wants to help.
Doesn’t matter if it wrecks you to watch her do it again. It’s not your call.”
I wanted to argue. The words died on my tongue.
It wasn’t shame or any kind of guilt, though I still felt murderous thinking how she’d been hurt under my fucking nose.
This wound was deeper and older than any woman in this room.
Her memory cut deep and had been left to rot. Now it burned like a fresh wound.
Fuck.
I stood there, wrestling the fury back down where it belonged.
Then I straightened, rolling my shoulders, squaring off the decision.
“I’ll have Kass call Knight back. Tell him what you know, and he’ll pin down as many specifics as he can.
” I stepped closer to Tessa, looking down at her with every ounce of mafia boss I had in me.
“But when this is ready to go, we will do whatever we have to do. And you, Tessa, will stay here. You absolutely will not go back to that place. I don’t care what information you give Knight or if he says you’re the only person on the whole Goddamned planet who can get us in and out safely.
You will stay here.” I raised an eyebrow. “Understand?”
“Tonio. You said that we go in together, we come out together. That’s what you said.”
I didn’t hesitate a second in the rebuttal. “I changed my fucking mind.”
“Tonio --”
“No, Tessa!” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I can’t… No.”
“Christ, Tonio. Use your words, for fuck’s sake.”
“Look. I can’t risk your life. Not for those women. Not for anyone. I thought I could, but I can’t. If it makes me a bastard for breaking my word to you, well. I’ve been called worse. And for a lot worse reasons.”
She met my gaze for a long moment, steady as stone. “Fine.”
When this all started, I’d wanted my whole family with me until we were done.
It wouldn’t take long for Iron -- or anyone else -- to realize the Miles family was involved.
If they did, uncovering Darby would be easy.
No one knew about Tessa yet and Carrie was basically a ghost, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
I’d brought both women and Veda, along with their men, to the compound here.
There was more than enough room and I wanted my whole Goddamned family safe.
So did Seth. I’d only wanted them safe, but I hadn’t realized the women might need to keep Tessa safe from me.
I hoped they knew I’d never physically hurt Tessa and would do my best to never cause her emotional harm.
But both my daughter and my niece recognized the protectiveness in me that could very well smother Tessa if I wasn’t careful.
I reached across the table and closed my hand over hers.
I wasn’t backing down. Not ever. When she looked away, I knew that, maybe, I could bend for her.
Not much, but I could let her help as much as I could and keep her physically safe.
“You matter, Tessa,” I said softly. “To everyone at Haven. To the men and women of Kiss of Death.” I waited until she met my gaze once more.
“To me.” I took a breath and squeezed her hand. “You matter to me.”
A heartbeat passed. Then I pulled my hand back and turned to Kass. “Get this going. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it now.”
Kass moved, Finch on his heels. Griffin and Hawk reappeared in the doorway, and Sully followed, tapping at his phone. Seth, who I hadn’t been aware of until that moment, took it all in, cool and silent, but there was a satisfaction in the tilt of his head.
I looked back at Tessa, then to Seth. He lifted one corner of his lips.
Yeah. My old man knew. Somehow, he always knew when major things happened in my life.
Right now, looking at the expression on Seth’s face, I knew I was finally doing the right thing.
Jen’s ghost might haunt me forever, but what I’d started with Tessa was inevitable.
And probably the best thing to happen to me in a very, very long while. Tessa was mine. But I was hers, too.
The world could burn around us, but I wouldn’t let her down. Not even for myself.