Chapter Fourteen
“But you have to admit, travel around the world is becoming far easier and far more dependable,” Jessica was saying, her eyes alight. “And—why are you looking at me like that?”
Oh, bother. Reginald had been attempting to keep his bald-faced admiration to himself, but apparently, he had not managed it. “Like what?”
“Like…” Evidently, she could not think of the words. That, or she did not wish to share it. Her cheeks flushed, that delicate pink that Reginald now knew so well, and her eyes dropped to her hands. “It does not matter.”
Everything you think matters, Reginald wanted to say—but then, they were not alone.
Dinner had been delicious, as it always was. He had been forced to decline second helpings of everything and had then spent an enjoyable half an hour drinking port and exchanging stories with Jessica’s uncles and male cousins. When the ladies had joined them in the drawing room an hour ago—
Reginald blinked. His focus had just caught sight of the longcase clock in the corner.
It had not been an hour ago. It had been three hours ago. Hell’s bells, where had the time gone?
“Anyway,” came Jessica’s sweet voice, which immediately drew his attention, “I think it perfectly possible that in the future, travel across Europe will be so commonplace that it will not require nearly so much planning and will be available for almost all. Do you not think?”
I think, Reginald wanted to say, that you are the most fascinating creature I have ever encountered.
Every time that he believed he had plumbed the depths of Jessica Chance’s character, she surprised him. It should not be possible to do so, and yet…here she was.
“Where is everyone?” Jessica asked, glancing around them.
The pair of them were seated on a sofa near the unlit grate, and until recently, they had been surrounded by a great deal of cousins.
Lady Francesca and Lady Lilianna had been playing cards, both of them growing more and more irritated with each hand, a trio had been exchanging tales of the best—and worst—balls they had ever attended, and the dowager duke and the Earl of Lindow had been chattering away happily about a potential scandal that was about to erupt in Parliament.
But now…
Reginald blinked. “You know, I don’t know.”
Somehow, at some point, most of the family had disappeared. He had not noticed them go; he had been far too entranced by Jessica’s conversation. But now the drawing room was almost empty. Just himself, Jessica, and her aunt Lady Lindow remained.
The Countess of Lindow was seated in an armchair, hunched over a notebook with a pencil rapidly scribbling. She looked up. “Frank, I’ve solved it! Frank, I’ve—Frank?”
“She’s gone,” Reginald said helpfully, as though the woman could not look around the room and discern that particular piece of information for herself.
The countess blinked. “She has?”
“She has, and so has almost everyone else,” added Jessica helpfully.
Reginald tried not to notice just how close his knee was to hers.
It was foolish, in a way. After their entanglement in the billiards room—on the billiards table—it felt mindless to be so entranced by the closeness of her knee against his own.
And yet… And yet it was entrancing. She was, Jessica.
She was intoxicating. Each and every moment that he spent with her was a moment he wanted to savor.
Part of him seemed to know that he would not be able to keep this pretense up forever.
At some point, Jessica would discover the truth about him, about his family, and this closeness, this intimacy that he was so relishing—it would all be over.
Then he would have naught but the memories.
“Well, I suppose my calculations will wait until tomorrow.” The countess yawned, closing her notebook on her pencil. “Goodness, look at the time.”
Reginald made a show of looking, though he had already realized just how late the hour was. “My word!”
“It’s bed for me, and I’d advise the same to you two,” said the older woman as she rose. Then her breath hitched. “That is—different beds. Obviously.”
He did not need to look around at the woman seated on the sofa beside him to know that Jessica’s cheeks were burning. He could almost feel the heat from here. “Obviously.”
“Yes. Well. Good,” said Jessica’s aunt with an awkward grin. “Goodnight, then.”
“Goodnight, my lady,” Reginald said solemnly. Well, for all that the rest of the house party called her ‘Aunt Dodo’—a familiarity he had not permitted himself—she was not his family, after all.
“Goodnight,” came the breathless voice of Jessica beside him. Evidently, she had not managed to move past the embarrassment of the ‘separate beds’ recommendation from her aunt.
Reginald could not help but grin as the door shut behind the older woman and they were left alone. Well, it wasn’t the worst suggestion, was it?
Silence settled onto the room like a warm blanket. It felt comfortable, staying here with Jessica as the clock ticked closer to midnight. Being with her anywhere felt remarkably comfortable.
Comfortable, that is, other than the fact that you are constantly fighting your instincts to bed her and pleasure her until she screams your name, Reginald reminded himself.
Other than that.
“I suppose we should take my aunt’s advice,” Jessica said quietly.
When Reginald turned to her with a raised eyebrow and a delighted expression, she burst into giggles and nudged him with her knee.
“Not like that! I just—”
“I know what you meant,” Reginald said genially, heartened by her expression.
There was something so… No, the word was not innocent. He may have used that descriptor for her before, but he had seen too much of Jessica’s raw desire to now use it.
There was something intensely honest about Jessica. What you saw was precisely what you got. There was no artifice in her, none at all. Not like himself.
The thought was painful and Reginald attempted to ignore it, but it was almost impossible to do so. How could he permit himself to continue on with this lie, this charade that his family was nothing but respectful?
Her father would surely have not permitted him to make his suit—well, his almost immediate proposal—if he’d known.
Would not have let the banns be read without objection.
The whole family would not have invited him to stay here, at Stanphrey Lacey, would not have welcomed him in with open arms, if they had known just how much he had kept the truth from them.
And here she was, Jessica Chance, seated beside him and looking up with such…such adoration. There was no other word for it.
Reginald swallowed. He knew that she deserved to know the truth.
The trouble was, there were two truths now. It was true that his brother’s traitorous actions had betrayed the Crown and would ruin his family name.
It was also true that he was irrevocably in love with Jessica Chance.
So. What was it to be? Both truths? Or only one—and if so, which one?
Or would it be best to simply hold his tongue?
“You look awfully serious, Reginald,” said Jessica quietly.
Reginald tried to smile naturally, but unfortunately, he had forgotten what that was supposed to look like. Did one’s eyes have to be quite so wide? “I do not feel serious.”
“And yet you look it, and you have never been able to hide what you are feeling in the time I have known you,” she returned, only a very slight pink in her cheeks belying how bold she was being, going against her wallflower nature. “Would you like to tell me about it?”
Yes, he wanted to say. Good God, I wish I had told you about it from the very beginning. I wish I could always be as open with you as you are with me.
It was admirable, that quality, in here, but it also rubbed against the falsehoods in him, reminding him just how much a liar he was.
“No,” Reginald said heavily, knowing the response he would receive. She would pout, she would argue, she would rail, she would state that as his betrothed, it was his duty to tell her everything—
“I understand,” Jessica said softly.
If he had not been so securely seated on the sofa, he might have fallen off it. As it was, Reginald turned, shifting his whole body so he could face her. “You… You do?”
Her shrug was light, drawing his attention momentarily—fine, more than momentarily—to the thrust of her bosom as her chest moved.
“You are not obliged to tell me every passing thought that strikes you. As I’ve told you before, even between a…
a husband and wife, there must be some privacy.
” A delightful little line appeared in Jessica’s brow as she considered this.
“Would you want to tell me everything? Every thought that flashed by, every meander of your mind?”
It was startling and most disconcerting, this sensation.
Reginald had never realized it before, but…
yes. Yes, he wanted to unburden himself fully to this woman.
To be seen, utterly seen. To know that there were no secrets between them, that she could ask anything and he would immediately tell her the secret.
If his damned brother had not existed, then he would have said…yes.
He did not want anything to be between them.
Jessica was smiling. “Besides, you will hardly want to know everything I think.”
“Yes. Yes, I would,” Reginald could not help but say, but the very thought that she would think so of him cut him to the quick. “Jessica, your mind is truly incredible. Your ideas about European, about international travel—you do realize that I have never heard anyone speak in such a way?”
Her flush was one of delight now—he was starting to be able to tell them apart. “You flatter me.”
“Flattering it may be, but I promise you it is the truth,” he said firmly. “You think I admire you for your looks, and I do—”
“Reginald!”
“—but it is your mind that makes you truly unique,” Reginald continued, speaking over Jessica’s mortified interjection. “You must know that is why I… why I…”