Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
R onan’s Pub wasn’t busy at eleven, so I parked in front of the door.
I sent him a quick text to let him know I was there, and he came out a half-minute later, which told me he’d been watching for me. He avoided eye contact, his mouth set in a firm line, and kept looking up and down the street as if expecting something to jump out at him.
Clothing-wise, we were in sync today, except I was wearing black cat’s eye sunglasses instead of classic Ray-Ban shades, and a black boatneck top instead of a long-sleeved cotton shirt. My blue jeans were skinny, his were classic fit; my boots had heels and zippers and his were matte black lace-ups.
I rolled down the passenger window and called out to him. “Day off?”
“Huh?” He cocked his head as if to better hear me. A weird thing to see a shifter do, considering their enhanced hearing. He was obviously distracted.
“That was my way of saying I’m not used to seeing you in regular clothes. You usually wear a pub T-shirt everywhere.”
“Oh that.” He looked down at himself. “I’m off for the afternoon. I called in some part-timers to fill in for me.”
“Long hours are the price of being your own boss,” I said, regretting the inane comment the second it was out of my mouth.
Why am I being so awkward?
“Yeah. I needed a break.” He held up his keys and pointed at his truck. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all.”
Ronan drove a 2001 Ford F150 truck that had seen better days. The tan cloth interior was worn, but clean, and the white body was in relatively good shape after surviving a brutal alpha shifter battle a couple of years ago.
From what I’d heard, one of the shifters had flung another into the passenger side of the truck, totaling it. Instead of junking the thing like a sensible person, Ronan had had it repaired. It had taken months, but it was operational again and had a shiny new paint job.
We drove in silence. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts to get him talking, I switched on his radio, which happened to be tuned to my favorite station. “Witch Wolf” by Styx played through the old speakers.
Psychic DJ was at it again.
The song wound down, and Ronan finally spoke. “I thought about what you said, about me coddling you. It wasn’t my intention, but it’s exactly what I did. Not because you’re a non-shifter or a woman, but because it’s what I do.” He clenched the steering wheel. “I try to protect people, but I inevitably screw it up and put them in even more danger.”
“You don’t have to protect me, Ronan. That should be a relief.”
“You’re right. It should be. It’s not.” He switched off the radio during the chorus of “Listen to the Music” by the Doobie Brothers. I decided to forgive him for it this once.
“Is it because you think I’m weak?” I asked.
“Not even a little bit.” He gave me a quick, sincere look then returned his attention to the road. “There are things you need to know about me. You’ve asked what’s going on, and I’ve bullshitted you out of one side of my mouth and asked you to trust me out of the other. It’s no better than what my father does, and it stops today.”
Four blocks from Calvin’s place, he hung a right into La Paloma Municipal park and pulled into a dirt lot. This side of the park was largely used by walkers and joggers and was away from the loud playground and picnic areas.
“Let’s walk,” he said and got out of the car.
“You apologized on the phone, Ronan,” I said, exiting on the passenger side. “If that’s what this is about, I already forgave you.”
“This isn’t an apology. It’s an explanation.”
A spring breeze blew my hair into my eyes. I dug through my pockets until I came up with a hair tie. A few deft flicks later, my hair lay in a dark brown braid against my neck. Ronan stuck his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and waited for me to finish.
“You once told me that you never betray your friends,” he said, as we walked side by side along the cement walkway that ribboned through the rolling hills of the park.
“That’s true.”
“You also said I could trust you.”
What exactly was he getting at? “That’s true, too. You can. I’d never breathe a word of what you tell me in confidence as long as it doesn’t cause harm to anyone.”
“Was that a disclaimer?”
I suppressed a smile. “Well, if you told me you’d just stabbed someone, I’d call an ambulance. I’m not a monster.”
“No. You aren’t.” He said this in a way that made me think he saw himself as one, and I wondered why that hurt my heart so much.
Across the park was a huge, freestanding ramada with several picnic tables under it. It was decorated for a child’s birthday party. A pinata in the shape of a blue dog was being pummeled by a blindfolded young girl, candy spilling onto the grass beneath it.
I didn’t want to make Ronan feel like that pinata, so I didn’t prod him to speak. I let him decide when he was ready.
It didn’t take long.
“The only way I can think to start is at the beginning. Bear with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
He cleared his throat, opened his mouth, and closed it. He did the whole thing again. On the third try, he succeeded. “I had no real contact with Floyd until I was an adult. He sent Mom money now and then, which was something, and really, more than she expected, but that’s it. He never pressed for a relationship with me and by the time I was old enough to choose, I didn’t want anything to do with him.” The words spilled out. I didn’t understand why he was telling me this, but no way was I going to interrupt him.
“The story was, one day he came home and told Mom he’d found his true mate, and she sent him off with her blessing, even though she was eight months pregnant with me.” He stared down at his feet. “It was all a lie, of course. He was young and had plans that didn’t involve a wife and kid. Mom never complained about it, though she saw through his lies right away.” His laugh was quick and humorless. “The truth was, she never viewed Floyd as anything more than a way to shield herself against the other male alphas in their pack, so she didn’t blame him for seeing her as nothing more than a way to pass the time.”
“Did you blame him?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” he said.
We walked slowly down the path, shoulders brushing once in a while.
“Once Floyd was out of the picture, Mom was considered fair game. She was a powerfully strong alpha and, therefore, good breeding stock .”
“Eww. I threw up in my mouth a little,” I said.
“That’s the only reasonable response.” He sighed. “Mom didn’t appreciate being viewed as little more than a broodmare, but she had a baby to protect and thought staying with the pack was the smart choice.”
“Was it?” I asked.
“No. The alpha leader, a guy named Krane, pressured her into a relationship with him immediately after I was born. ‘You need me to protect you and your son,’ he said. ‘I’ll make sure he grows up to be a real man, a real alpha wolf.’” Ronan’s jaw tightened. “The bastard ground her beneath his heel so thoroughly he convinced her she couldn’t make it on her own. He was an abusive, misogynistic piece of shit, and he wasn’t even the worst problem we had with that pack. Not even close.”
He glanced at me as if checking to see if I was still listening. He needn’t have bothered. I was hanging on every word.
“A year later, another alpha came along and challenged Krane for the pack, killing him. That set Mom free, and she and I managed to slip away in her camper van before anyone noticed. We drove far and fast, giving any pack we came upon a wide berth. She picked up waitressing work here and there and homeschooled me after work and on breaks. That’s how we lived. Yep, we were literally living in a van, down by the river .” He said it with Chris Farley’s comedic flair, but there was no joy in it, no humor.
“What was your mom’s name?” I asked.
“Niamh. Rhymes with Eve, ends with h.” He said it in an Irish-accented, female tone of voice, likely imitating his mom. “When I was ten years old, Mom met Abel Williams.”
He smiled when he said the man’s name.
“The van was on its last legs by then. We coasted into this small Arizona town on fumes. Not much of a town, really, just a truck stop a couple hours east of Phoenix. Abel owned a diner that catered to overnight semi-truck drivers. He needed a waitress to work graveyard, and he didn’t mind Mom parking her van in the lot so she could keep an eye on me. When she realized he was a wolf shifter, she nearly left, but there was something about the guy. She told me later that Abel ‘made all the fear in her dissolve into grains of sand that the winds of his love carried away.’”
“How romantic,” I whispered.
“They eventually married, and we all moved into the apartment above the diner.” A soft smile tilted his mouth. “Abel treated me like a son. Taught me all there was to know about running a business. By the time I was fifteen, I could run the place without his help. I’d done stints as the cook, server, busboy, and dishwasher. I’d even taken over the books—I was good at math and Abel hated it. He constantly told me how proud he was of me. Told me how smart I was and backed it all up by giving me opportunities to prove myself.”
“ Abel was the one who taught me how to be a real man, not my father and not the other alpha. He was a beta, and he taught me what it meant to be an alpha wolf.”
“Sounds like a good guy,” I said.
“The best. So when a new alpha leader rolled into town and decided Mom and Abel needed to give him a cut of the diner profits in exchange for protection, Abel didn’t fight him on it. He believed he was doing what was best for his family. I was pissed, but Mom said to let it go, that Abel knew what he was doing.”
From my experience with alpha leaders, I was pretty sure I knew what had come next. More assholery.
“The alpha leader demanded bigger and bigger cuts of the business. The whole thing had been a power play from the start. Once Abel popped up on the new guy’s radar, he was done. We should’ve sold the business then and left. Hell, we should’ve abandoned the place. But Abel had this deranged idea that people were inherently good and held on.”
“That’s not deranged, Ronan,” I said softly, “most people are good.”
“Not in my world,” he muttered.
We’d dropped out of sight of the party tables and playground. Only a lone jogger wearing a wireless headset was on the pathway in front of us. No one was behind us. I gestured toward a green metal bench seat beneath a flourishing eucalyptus tree, and we sat.
“One night, the alpha shows up with two members of his pack. One of the guys challenges Abel. My stepdad was a beta, but he was higher in the pack than this guy. Only thing was, he wasn’t a fighter and the other guy was.”
“Oh no.”
“The other beta didn’t kill Abel, but it was close. In retaliation—and against my stepfather’s wishes—my mom challenged the only wolf in town more alpha than she was. The leader who’d started it all.”
“She challenged the alpha leader ?” Whoa. The woman was becoming more and more impressive in my eyes. “She won, didn’t she?”
“Yes. She killed the alpha and took his place.”
“The pack didn’t approve.” If I knew anything about packs, it was this. They were rarely in agreement on anything.
“Some did, some didn’t. Three months after the alpha challenge, Mom was called on to break up a domestic fight between some wolves in her pack. I had a bad feeling about it, so I went with her.” He stared into the distance, his voice losing power. “Four wolves showed up at the diner while we were gone. They disemboweled Abel and poured silver into the wound so it couldn’t be healed. He died painfully.” Ronan swallowed. “I found him bleeding out on the kitchen floor. I held him in my arms as he begged me not to let Mom avenge him. He thought it would destroy her to have their deaths on her soul.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “He told me he loved me and to take care of my mom, and then he died.”
“I’m sorry.”
He acknowledged my condolence with a nod. “Mom loved Abel, but she didn’t honor his final request.” Ronan’s eyes flashed gold and his jaw hardened. A shiver went through me. “Neither did I.”
“And did it destroy her?”
“No.”
“What happened?” I was a little nervous about his answer.
“We killed them.” His hands flexed and relaxed. “The ones who’d attacked Abel, the ones who’d called Mom away, and everyone they were connected to. We didn’t give them a chance to explain. If they were involved, they were dead. On top of that, Mom and I made a pact that day. We’d never again be at the mercy of another alpha leader. If we joined a pack, it would be to take it over.”
“At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I feel like I need to point out that you’re in your father’s pack.”
“My father —” He gazed at me over the tops of his sunglasses, and I cringed at the anger boiling in his golden, glowing eyes. “— is exactly like the men who came for Abel. There’s no honor in him, and I’ve known that since I was a kid. I told people I came here because Mom’s last wish was for us to reunite, but that’s a lie. She probably would’ve liked to see me reconcile with him, but he wasn’t on her mind when she was dying. We hadn’t talked about him in years.”
That was the reason he’d given me when I asked. It had been delivered with a hint of self-deprecation, and I’d bought it without question. It occurred to me that Ronan Pallás was a very good liar. On the heels of that realization came another.
I didn’t care.
“When I came to town, the only thing on my mind was retribution. I intended to challenge my father and dismantle his pack before I took him down. I think I saw myself as an avenging angel defending my mom’s honor, but deep down I knew it was that boy forced to flee his pack with only the clothes on his back who wanted retribution, not Mom.”
“Can’t help noticing there’s been no avenging,” I said, only half-kidding.
“Once I got here, I changed my mind. Sort of.”
“Because of Aurora.” Maybe I didn’t know him as well as I’d thought, but I was certain about one thing. Ronan adored his little sister.
“Yes. Because of Rory,” he said. “If I’d just rolled into town and murdered her father, she might not view me in a positive light.”
“And it means a lot to you that she does?”
“Yeah. It does. She’s a great kid. Deserves a better dad, but there’s nothing I can do about that except try to be a good influence in her life.”
As his stepfather had been in his. “So you postponed your takedown of Floyd?”
“I’m not sure postponed is the word. I had intended to give up the idea all together. At first, it seemed the pack was solid enough with him leading. I wasn’t as angry at him anymore. Mom sure didn’t give a damn, and I had Rory and the pub to keep me busy.”
“And now?”
“The way he treats betas makes my wolf very, very angry.” A growl underlaid his words. “I know he showed that side of himself to you early on, but it took time for the wolves here to feel secure enough to let me see. They were so afraid to speak up.” He shivered, and it reminded me of a wolf shaking water off its fur. “It’s only been in the last year that I was aware of the extent of his abusive history.”
“Does Aurora know?”
“Yes. She blames herself for not seeing it sooner and doing something to help, but what could she do against Floyd? He has more power over her than anyone else. If she defied him in front of the pack, no telling what he’d do.”
We sat there for a long quiet moment, the outsides of our thighs touching, and stared up at the clear desert sky.
“Why did you suddenly decide to tell me this? Why today?”
“Things in the pack are … escalating. As much as I wanted to see Aurora through college before I took down Floyd, it’s looking more and more like things aren’t going to work out that way.”
“You’re making a move?”
“Soon.” Ronan tipped back his head. Sniffed the air. “Very soon.”
He vaulted to his feet and landed on the dirt in front of me in one controlled, effortless movement. Although shifters were notoriously heavy due to muscle mass, he barely kicked up any dust. He slowly removed his shades and tossed them on the bench. Eyes aglow with moon magic, he stared down at me.
He seemed bigger, yet he hadn’t changed shape. Every muscle appeared tightened to the point of strain, and his fists clenched in a rhythm that kept time with the hammering of my heart.
Irrational, electric fear crackled through my body.
This wolf could so easily kill me .
I reached up and removed my own sunglasses, willing my hands to remain steady as I folded them and laid them on the bench beside his. My brown eyes didn’t look as threatening as his wolf ones, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t trying to match his power, only face it.
He cocked his head to the side in a distinctly canine move.
Casually, as if this odd and unexpected show of dominance hadn’t rocked me to the marrow of my bones, I bent over and wiped dust off my boots before sitting back down and smiling up at him.
“Be still,” his voice rumbled.
I pushed magic into every grain of dust on my hand, and it responded by heating up slightly. The soil here was healthy and filled with organic life. Good for magic.
“What are you doing? Why are you so agitated?”
“We’re being watched.” His shoulders bunched and body curved, as if he were preparing to launch himself. A growl trickled from his lips.
“By whom?”
“Pack.” His nostrils flared slightly.
Can he smell my fear?
Dumb question. Of course, he could. He was an alpha wolf shifter.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because Alpha knows I want you, and I won’t allow him or anyone in the pack to take you away.”
The way he said it, as if it was an established fact instead of the most mind-blowing, monumental thing he’d ever said to me, was staggering.
“Take me away?”
“Kill you. My father wants you dead. You know that.”
“Well, yeah. He’s a homicidal narcissist, and I cost him the mayoral race and am actively blackmailing him into behaving himself.”
“And Hartman’s his lapdog. He’ll do whatever my father tells him to.” He sniffed the air, this time drawing in deep.
Mason again. Ronan really didn’t like that wolf. Not that I blamed him. He wasn’t on my Christmas list, either.
“Uh, could we swing back to the other thing you said.” I drew a circle in the air with my finger. “Exactly what do you mean when you say you want me? Are we talking sex?”
“Yes. More than that, but definitely sex.” He flicked a glance behind me. “You want me, too. Admit it.”
“I don’t know, Pallás. You’ve been skating on thin ice since you fired me.”
He gave me a half grin. “Doesn’t matter. You still want me.”
Ass.
Sure. I was attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be? The man was kind, caring, and his ass was an absolute treat for the eyes.
“Ronan, I?—”
He held his finger to his lips.
Power shimmered over him, beginning at the top of his head and rolling down. His facial features changed, muscles swelled, and a light layer of fur sprouted on his skin.
This was the in-between mode for shifters—part human, part animal. Hybrid form. Most shifters could pull it off, weak betas excluded, but not many had the ability to finely scale the form like this. Ronan’s hybrid was a razor’s slice between human and wolf.
The soil on my hand turned red hot. I struggled not to react, not to draw Ronan’s attention to it, but my knees went weak and watery, my breathing shallowed, and my heart rate skyrocketed. Something about the way he was behaving was triggering a fear response in me, and in turn, triggering my magic.
Intellectually, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but my evolutionary side, the part that had kept my earth witch ancestors from being beaten, hung, and burned by puritanical rich bastards hundreds of years ago, apparently felt otherwise.
The dirt on my hand heated to scalding. Dust particles rose in the air and vaporized, except, instead of being drawn up into the atmosphere, the steaming vapor was absorbed into my skin until it was completely gone and my hand was clean.
Was this what had been happening with the soil from the Siete Saguaros and I’d only now seen it in action? Had I been doing this accidentally the whole time?
I certainly hadn’t done it on purpose. I hadn’t known this was something that could be done. Mom and Abuela hadn’t shown me anything like it. When things were working the right way, earth elementals powered the soil with magic, which in turn powered us, but we didn’t absorb it into our flesh like that.
My body came alive as the magic bonded with my blood and flowed through my veins. Stinging-hot power bulleted through my bloodstream, and I clocked the instant it reached my heart because it burst like a firework, spreading over me like a full-body blush.
“Ronan?” My breath came in short, sharp pants. “R-Ronan?”
Another growl trickled from his mouth.
My magic responded by firing up beneath my skin. I set my jaw against the pain, did my best not to cry out. It felt like I had a second-degree sunburn on the inside of my body.
With my magic being so distracting, I hadn’t noticed Ronan wasn’t paying attention to me. I also hadn’t registered that his hips had inched farther back, knees bent, arms behind him.
By the time I did tune in to what was going on, I was staring at the soles of his boots as he leapt over my head.