Chapter 13
Saturday morning, Sam drove through the Tennessee spring morning, back to Hearts Bend.
He’d had a short night after dropping off Chloe and returning to Nashville.
He’d awakened early, thinking about his career choices.
If he had any. Could he afford to sit out a season?
Did he have to leave Nashville? The thought of a move when he finally felt connected to Hearts Bend again didn’t sit right.
Move when he had a business here. Move when he and Chloe were starting…
something. Did he really have any choice, though?
If the Titans traded him to the Raiders, he’d have to go.
His Titans contract gave them the right to send him wherever they wanted.
He was lucky—blessed?—that Bruno was on top of it.
He parked in front of Haven’s. Coffee before his therapy at Dr. Morgan’s—he’d pleaded for an extra Saturday session—was all he had time for.
And maybe a stolen kiss from Chloe. She was right about one thing.
He and Frank needed to talk. Maybe about the past, definitely about his career.
And he would, soon. He got out of his SUV and made his way to the sidewalk.
“Sam? Is that you?”
He turned and was enveloped in a bear hug.
“Gabe?” He could only mumble into a crush of navy blue velour.
Sam hadn’t given Gabe much thought since the Rock Mill High linebacker had decided against attending UT in favor of a smaller school where he’d see more playing time.
Sam had heard that after college graduation, Gabe returned home to marry his high school sweetheart.
“Good to see you.” Gabe slapped Sam on the back. “It’s been too long.”
“Yeah, you too. How are you?”
“Great!” Gabe pointed across the street to a minivan where a dark-haired young woman wrangled a toddler and had a baby strapped to her chest with an elaborate-looking scarf-thing.
“Coaching at Rock Mill High. Who’d’ve thought?
You remember Elena? And those are our two-year-old and baby.
Hey, hon,” he called. “I’ll catch up with you at the fountain.
” She nodded and waved and directed the kid toward the pathway into the park.
“I heard you were back in town,” Gabe said.
“Not really. Just helping out with Haven’s. My partner and I bought it.”
“You should come to my men’s prayer group sometime.”
Prayer group? Where did that come from? Sam didn’t remember Gabe being especially religious. “I’m not a prayer group kind of guy.”
Gabe searched Sam’s face. “Well, you’re a man. That’s pretty much the only requirement. And a willingness to talk to God.”
“Yeah, that’s where I’m stalled, Gabe,” Sam said. “I’m not much of an example of a stand-up guy. There’s no legacy of honor or faithfulness in my family.”
Gabe put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “So, start fresh. That’s the whole point of the Gospel. Old things go. New things come. Why don’t you try my group?”
Was it that simple? Talk to God and old things went away and new things came in? Good things?
“Maybe,” Sam said. “But, Gabe, can I ask you a question?”
Gabe pushed his sunglasses to his forehead. “Sure. What’s up?”
“When you graduated from Middle Tennessee and decided to come back to Hearts Bend, not go for the draft. Have you ever…” He trailed off, not sure how to ask his question.
“Have I ever regretted giving up the chance at a pro career and potentially millions of dollars for a job teaching and coaching in my hometown? Marrying my high school girlfriend?”
“Something like that.”
Gabe folded his arms over his barrel chest. “I wasn’t going to be drafted, Sam, at least not high and not for big bucks.
San Francisco was interested, but I would’ve been on the practice squad.
Nice money but not for the abuse my body was taking.
” He pointed to Sam’s healing knee. “Football from the time I was a ten-year-old Junior Pee Wee to four years in college. After twelve years of that, the body just wants a break.”
“I’m healing. My body is ready to get back in the game. But, Gabe, no regrets? Not one?”
He looked toward the park, where his wife and children had disappeared behind the rose bushes, and his expression softened. “Not one.”
“Huh.”
“How about you?” Gabe pointed at Sam and raised his brows.
“Me?” Sam stifled a laugh. He regretted almost everything. Except his performance on the field. But that was changing, wasn’t it? And it wouldn’t last forever anyway.
“You never think about if you’d moved back and gone into business with your dad? You’d be taking over for him soon and be one of the most respected businessmen in town. You might have a couple of rug rats to chase around. Someone to spoon with on a cold night.”
Someone to spoon with sounded appealing—if she had a pixie haircut and smelled of flour and sugar. “So you have no regrets right now, but how can you be sure your marriage will go the distance?”
“You mean not divorce?”
Sam lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “Given my folks’ example, I wonder if I can make a marriage work long term.”
“I don’t know what happened with your parents. I just know that when things are tough, Elena and I remind ourselves that we chose each other. We made promises to each other and to God. It also helps to remember that the tough times don’t last.”
Sam raised his brows. “It’s that easy?”
Gabe scoffed. “It’s not easy at all. Sometimes it’s harder than a week of running drills in ninety percent humidity. But you keep God at the center and never give up.”
“Daddy! We’re waiting for you!” A plaintive cry sounded from across the street.
“I better go. Think about the prayer group? Saturday mornings at the church. Seven a.m.”
“Saturday mornings at the church,” Sam echoed as he watched his former teammate rush across the street to hoist the kid over his shoulder.
Gabe made it sound like being married, staying married, was something you did, not something that happened to you.
And what was that about keeping God at the center?
Sam’s family had attended church every Sunday.
Frank had been an elder passing the offering plate and Mom had been at church pretty much all the time.
If that wasn’t keeping God at the center, what was? It hadn’t done their family much good.
Chloe talked about feeling God’s hand. He could use some direction about his career, that was for sure. But about relationships? He wasn’t sure God cared much who Sam dated.
He shrugged and climbed the four steps. Better get his coffee and head to therapy.
Chloe had gotten a couple hours of sleep and then worked all day at Haven’s before she had a chance to tell Mom about the banquet. Evening shadows crept across the backyard and into the kitchen window where she finished up the dinner dishes.
“Did you dance? Like at Frank’s party?” Mom folded the dish towel then draped it on the hook by the fridge.
“Everything was special. We danced, feasted, and hobnobbed. Did everything except go up in a hot air balloon.”
Mom sat at the table and opened her copy of the Tennessean, then smoothed out the paper. “This says Buck was there. Did he sing? That’s not special.”
“Because you can call and ask him to sing you a praise song whenever you’re feeling down. To the rest of the world, he’s a big deal.”
Mom adjusted her glasses on her nose and kept reading.
She had almost lost all of her hair, but it was slowly coming back now that she’d started taking a biotin supplement.
The oncologist said the tumor was shrinking and Chloe found she could breathe easier on treatment days.
Only one more dose of chemo, then a round of radiation and, God willing, Mom would be fine.
“Popcorn’s in the pantry. How was the mayor? ”
“She’s—I don’t know. She’s nice? She’s the mayor. I said hello and goodbye. She was cordial enough, but I don’t live in Nashville, so since I can’t vote for her, I got the feeling she was looking past me all night.”
Robin had been ecstatic at all the new followers the bakery’s social media accounts gained during the day.
Laura Kate scrolled through her feeds, showing Chloe the posts about last night’s event and the likes and comments.
Chloe noted the conspicuous absence of any tweets by one @CurvyCarla and grinned to herself.
Chloe rummaged in the pantry for the popcorn and started a bag in the microwave.
“Do you love him?” Mom leaned back in her chair, looking at Chloe over the top of her reading glasses.
“Way to cut to the chase, Mom.” Chloe got a bowl out of the cupboard, uncertain she could put her feelings into words. “I might…possibly yes, but I still love Jean-Marc too.”
After Chloe got the popcorn set up in the microwave, she sat in her chair again, rested her elbows on the table, and placed her chin in her hands. Then she took a deep breath before asking, “Mama, why didn’t you ever remarry?”
Mom closed the newspaper, refolded it. “The easy answer is that once you’ve had steak, you never want to go back to hamburger.”
“Daddy was prime filet, that’s for sure.”
Mom’s smile was a shooting star, there and gone in a nanosecond.
“Are you saying there’s no other steak in the world?” Jean-Marc was steak. But so was Sam.
Mom folded her hands in her lap, stared at them for a long moment before looking up and locking on Chloe. “Fear.”
Chloe grimaced. That was possibly the last response she expected. “Of what?”
“Oh honey, of so, so much.”
Upon hearing her name, the cat raised her head from where she was curled up on one of the kitchen chairs and gave a soft mew. Furious popping sounded from the microwave.
“What if I loved again and he died again?” Mom said. “What if I married again, and you loved him, and he left us? I couldn’t risk your heart.”
“That’s what I said. What if Sam dies?”
Mom reached for Chloe’s hand. “I was wrong. Watching you these last couple of months has taught me that.” The microwave beeped its ending as Chloe’s phone vibrated with an incoming call.
She ignored both. “You loved Jean-Marc,” Mom went on.
“But you’re open to the possibility of loving again.
You have such a big heart. That’s also what makes you a wonderful baker.
You put your passion and soul into everything. ”
The tears that had threatened earlier erupted. “But what if by loving Sam, I—I…” Chloe drew a steadying breath. “It feels like I’m saying Jean-Marc and our life didn’t mean anything.” She swiped at her cheeks.
Mom’s expression filled with compassion. “Chloe, no one who knows you, or Jean-Marc, would ever think that. His love is a part of you. It was a big part of what molded you into who you are now.”
Chloe gave a little nod and a big sniff.
“You were with Jean-Marc nearly eight years, right? And you’ve known Sam over fifteen years. But let’s be real. You might have had a crush on Sam back then, but the fifteen-year-old Chloe and Sam, do you really think you would have been happy together?”
Chloe’s mind went to that night at the fair when he’d ditched her to make out with Missy and she gave a soft scoff.
“What about the twenty-year-old Chloe and Sam—or the twenty-five-year-old Chloe and Sam? Would they be happy together today?”
Chloe shrugged. “Probably not. Sam was doing great in the league, and I was chasing a career in Paris. He also has issues with his dad that affect his behavior.”
Mom leaned forward. “Just like your marriage to Jean-Marc is part of who you are today, Sam’s past is part of who he is today. You’ve both grown and changed. Perhaps what you’ve been through is what brought you both to this point.”
“What brought me to this point is death and loss. What if I marry Sam and he dies too? I’ll be the Black Widow of Hearts Bend.”
“Sweetheart, here’s the thing. The promise you want isn’t possible. The happily ever after you crave is only found in books and movies and in heaven.”
Chloe’s tears spilled again. She wanted Mom to tell her that everything would be okay, that God had taken her father and her husband and in return, she got a free pass for the rest of her life.
That God wouldn’t let go of her hand. But then Mom got cancer and was at risk of dying, as well.
People liked to say God wouldn’t send more than a person could bear.
If that was true, once He took Daddy, God should’ve given Chloe acne-free teenage years and a decent singing voice.
She knew that was just a platitude people spouted that was supposed to be comforting, but, to her, it really felt pointless, untrue, and discouraging.
“So, then what? I marry Sam and he dies. I’m alone again for the rest of my life? What’s the point if after everything, I end up alone? What if you die?”
“Chloe, don’t go down that rabbit hole. We have to believe and trust or our faith is useless.”
“I’m not sure I even have enough faith to be useless.”
“Just know that God loves you, He’s always there for you, and He will help you.
He never leaves us. Remember I said I didn’t date or remarry in case that man died or left us?
I forgot the other half of the equation, which God reminded me of recently.
When I found the lump in my breast, I couldn’t help but feel that God had left me. But, Chloe, He’s still with me.”
“Mom, I want your faith.”
“Faith takes time. It’s a muscle you have to work. You can start by coming to church with me on Sunday. We’ve both lost our earthly fathers, but our God is a good, good Father.”
“I see what you’re doing, Maman.” Chloe opened the microwave, removed the bag of popcorn.
“Will you come? Grab hold of that hand you felt the other day and hold on tight?”
“I’ll be there. And you’re going to get well and start going on dates.”
“You know what,” Mom said. “I like that plan. A lot. Church. Remission. Maybe a boyfriend. How about extra butter on the popcorn?”
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” Chloe pulled a stick of butter from the fridge. “Mom, thanks. For all the talks. For being so calm even through your chemo. For sticking with me even when life turned your world upside down.”
“Don’t you know, Chloe? You are my world.” Mom walked over and lifted Chloe’s chin. “Let your heart be open to God, to faith, to love. That’s the one thing I regret. I clung too long to the past—to the memory of a dead man.”