Chapter 13 #2
‘They all sound really cool,’ she says, putting her phone away again.
As she looks up and smiles at me, I sense we’re through the small-talk part of this conversation now.
The waiter brings tea for me and caramel latte for Eleanor and sets them down.
I wrap my fingers around the dark blue china cup.
‘Honestly, I don’t know the best way to say this,’ she says, suddenly sounding nervous.
My stomach grumbles as Eleanor glances down.
‘So, I’d better just get started and spit it out.
Well, we’re supposed to be getting to know each other and I want to be completely honest with you, to avoid any silly misunderstandings. ’ She looks at me again.
My blood runs cold.
She knows. She knows I’m pretending to have a crush on her. Doesn’t she? Stuff like that gets around a school like ours and Eleanor has plenty of friends.
Should I deny it? Not that she’d think I really . . .
Eleanor takes a deep breath. ‘Me and my girlfriend are OK with kissing scenes in rehearsals and the performance. We’ve talked about how far I’ll go.’
She speaks so fast that I just nod. It’s only then that I take in the meaning of her words.
Hold the bus.
Girlfriend?
Does that mean . . .?
I only realize I’m staring at Eleanor when she lowers her head again.
‘OK, yeah,’ I say hurriedly. ‘Cool. Uh . . . not cool, good.’ Shit. Stop talking. ‘But it is cool too. Fuck . . . Sorry, I’d better just shut up now.’
Eleanor looks at me and I tail off. She bites her bottom lip, and a second later, the tension between us breaks as she laughs loudly. It’s so infectious that I join in, too, and feel myself relaxing.
‘Oh, wow. I was worried it would be weird to tell you, but I didn’t know it would be that weird!’
‘Sorry, sorry,’ I repeat. ‘That’s a hundred per cent just me.’
‘I wanted you to know,’ she says, sounding more serious again now.
Her eyes flit around the café, and although there’s only us and a group of older women here, she lowers her voice.
‘And it would mean the world to me if you didn’t tell anyone.
’ She gulps. ‘It’s . . . all still mega-confusing and nobody at school knows except my best friends.
I . . . I don’t know, maybe it’s silly, but I don’t feel ready yet. ’
‘It’s not silly,’ I say. ‘Not at all. It’s your decision, and if that’s what you feel happiest with, I totally respect it.’
A slight smile creeps over Eleanor’s face. ‘Thank you, Sinclair.’
‘Thank you for trusting me,’ I say, and I really mean it. ‘Do I know her?’ I ask.
‘We got together online,’ Eleanor says, burying her face in her hands. ‘On TikTok.’
I can’t help laughing. ‘No way?’
‘Yeah, it’s a bit cringy, but what can I say? Sophia’s a student in London, so we’ve only met in person a couple of times.’ A fine red blush spreads over Eleanor’s cheeks. She looks like Juliet. At that moment I understand who she’s thinking of when she slips into her role.
‘That’s so lovely,’ I say. ‘Seriously, Eleanor. And I promise not to tell anyone.’
Not even Tori . . . Even though it would probably make things instantly way less complicated if I let her know that Eleanor’s got a girlfriend. But she told me in confidence, and if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s keeping stuff to myself.
‘How about you?’ Eleanor asks. I lift my head. ‘Are you OK with kissing me on stage?’
‘Sure,’ I say at once. Should I have hesitated a bit longer? I don’t want her to think I want more from her.
‘I just wondered. Because of Tori.’
I freeze. ‘Why because of Tori?’
‘Uh, well, I thought you two—’
‘We’re just friends,’ I interrupt.
Eleanor’s left eyebrow climbs in slow motion.
‘And she’s with Valentine,’ I add, more bitterly.
‘True.’ Eleanor sounds just as sombre. ‘But I guess that doesn’t change how much you like her.’
My ears go hot. ‘She’s my best friend,’ I say.
‘The chemistry between you two is out of this world,’ Eleanor says, as if she hadn’t even been listening to me.
‘And I’m sure Val can see that too. He can be very difficult if he doesn’t get what he wants.
’ Eleanor glances at me, then continues without waiting for me to reply.
‘I regret having been with him. God knows what that was all about. He’s got charisma, and he can really turn on the charm when he wants to.
But if you wind him up, things get nasty.
Which they did when I realized I didn’t feel the same way about him as about Sophia.
Sometimes I feel like I should warn Tori about him, but I know it’s none of my business. ’
‘Me too,’ I say, not quite knowing which I mean – the warning-her part or the none-of-my-business part. A bit of both, probably. ‘But, sadly, I can’t talk to her about it without it turning into a fight.’
‘So, you do like her?’
I shut my eyes, and then, for the first time, I nod. Slowly, but it feels good. To finally admit to the truth.
Eleanor’s silent. Then: ‘Does she know how you feel about her?’
‘Of course not.’ I laugh. ‘She thinks . . .’ I hesitate ‘. . . she thinks I’m into you.’
‘That shows,’ Eleanor says, to my surprise.
‘Great.’ I sigh.
‘And are you planning to tell her how things really are?’ Eleanor sips her coffee.
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
‘What’s stopping you?’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Valentine Ward?’
‘Oh, please.’ Eleanor laughs. ‘I get the impression it’s more about your feelings.’
‘We’ve known each other so long,’ I say slowly. ‘If it was meant to be, it would have happened a long time ago.’
‘How can it if you’re both waiting for the other one to take the first step?’
OK, face the facts. Eleanor can see through the whole business between Tori and me from a mile off.
‘But, anyway, it’s none of my business,’ she adds. ‘I just wanted to be open with you about it. We can discuss stage-kissing technique instead if you’d rather.’
‘You mean . . . fake kisses?’
‘No, wait.’ Eleanor glances around, then leans forward and puts both hands on my cheeks.
Her fingers are warm from her glass and all I can think about is Tori’s lips on mine.
Eleanor puts her thumbs on my lips. I hold my breath.
She comes closer to my face until there’s only a hand’s breadth between our mouths.
‘And if we turn away from the audience slightly, nobody can tell the difference.’
She lets go of me. ‘Would that be better?’
I nod. I’m boiling.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump on you like that.’
‘No, it’s OK.’ I clear my throat. ‘But . . . Yeah, maybe it would be better if we did it like that.’
‘All right.’ Eleanor smiles. ‘Then we will.’